Season of Passion (40 page)

Willie. Tygue's eyes looked enormous. And Mr. Erhard's eyes sought Kate's.

We have a Willie too. Would you like to see him? Tygue nodded, trying to look past him into the cottage, and then Mr. Erhard stepped aside, and Kate walked slowly inside. Tom was staying in the cottage today, despite the good weather, and when she saw him she realized how much time he must have been spending inside lately. He looked ghostly and pale, and seemed to have lost twenty pounds in the past two weeks. But there was a warm light in his eyes today, and he smiled a smile she hadn't seen in years as he caught sight of Tygue. Kate had to clench her teeth so as not to cry. It was Tom who spoke first.

You have a Willie tool! So do I! He instantly held up his bear and Tygue smiled. Let me see yours. He very gently held out a big hand and Tygue let him have Willie, and for a few minutes they compared bears, while Tygue stole glances at his father. They decided that Tygue's was in better shape. Want some cookies? He had saved some from the night before, and produced a plate for Tygue, as Kate and Mr. Erhard hovered. The two boys ate cookies, and Tygue crept quietly into the rocking chair as they talked. What's your name?

Tygue.

Mine is Tom. And that's Katie. He glanced over at Kate with a broad smile, and she found herself smiling back. She comes to see me a lot. She's a nice lady. I love her. Do you love her too? Tygue nodded silently and it almost seemed to Kate as though Tom was forcing himself to speak like a child, to put Tygue at ease. As though he could have behaved as a grownup if he wanted to. Want to see my boat? Tygue looked up in surprise and smiled.

Yeah. I've got a boat too. They talked about their boats for a minute, and then Mr. Erhard stepped in.

Do you two want to take a walk to the pond? We could try out Tom's boat. Father and son looked enthusiastic, and Kate smiled as he wheeled Tom outside and Tygue walked along beside him. He looked almost proud as he walked next to his father. And the half hour at the boat pond brought laughter to everyone. Even Tom looked better than he had at first. And then Kate could see him starting to tire, and Mr. Erhard suggested they go back inside.

For once Tom didn't argue, and he reached out for Tygue's hand as they started back. He was being rolled along by Mr. Erhard, and Tygue was once again at his side. The little boy held tightly to the shrunken man's hand, as Kate watched them. She was glad she had brought him. And when they reached the cottage door, Tom leaned over and picked two bright orange flowers. One for Kate, and one for his son. He looked hard and long at the boy as he handed him the flower and held his hand.

Why did you come to see me?

Kate felt her heart stop, but Tygue looked at him and didn't waver.

I needed to see you.

I needed to see you too. Take good care of Katie.

Tygue nodded somberly and she could see his eyes fill with tears as quickly as her own. Tom had never said anything like that before.

I will.

And Willie? Always take good care of Willie. But this time Tygue only nodded, and then unexpectedly he leaned over and kissed Tom on the cheek as he sat in his chair. Tom smiled at him and hugged him for a moment.

I love you. The words were Tygue's.

I love you too. And then he laughed, the clear, open laugh of a boy, and Tygue laughed too. It was as though they understood each other, as though they had a secret between them. As though they felt the moment in a lighthearted way that no one else understood. They were both little boys. Tom was still laughing as Mr. Erhard wheeled him inside. Is it time for my nap? Mr. Erhard nodded, looking at Kate. It was enough. Better to stop now.

Yes, it is.

I hate naps. He made a face and looked at Tygue.

So do I. Tygue laughed back and picked up his bear again. Tom watched him with a funny look in his eyes, but he was smiling.

Ill trade you.

What?

Willies. I'll give you my Willie, and you give me yours. Want to? My Willie is so tired of being here. Tygues face lit up then, as though his father had offered, him the most precious gift in the world.

Sure. He held out his bear with a look of awe, and Tom wheeled over to his own and handed it to Tygue.

Take good care of Willie.

I will. Tygue stooped to kiss him again, and Tom only smiled.

Bye. Tygue watched him for a long moment, as though wondering what to say, how to end it, but he only smiled and walked to the door.

Bye.

Kate walked toward Tom, and stood next to him, holding his shoulder with her hand. Together, they looked at their son, smiling in the doorway with his bear. He had seen his father. He had won.

Tom looked up at her with a tired smile. The visit had cost him something, but he looked as though he had won too.

Bye, Katie. Something about the way he said it tore at her heart, and she couldn't say good-bye. Tygue was still watching them from the doorway.

I'll see you soon.

He only nodded, though, with a quiet, happy smile. He was still watching the boy. And Kate could still feel his eyes on them after they'd left, and were out in the warm autumn sun. She looked down at Tygue, and wiped her eyes. I'm glad you came.

Me too. And then, with a smile, he walked over to the bench where they had left Nick. Kate had totally forgotten him. And she followed slowly behind Tygue, trying to recover from the hour they'd spent with Tom. Hi. Tygue stood in front of him with a broad grin. I've got a new Willie.

Looks like the old Willie to me. Nick smiled, trying to search the boy's eyes, but he didn't see anything there but peace and love, and a warm glow. The visit had done him no harm.

It's his Willie. He gave it to me.

You mean he has one too? Nick looked at Tygue warmly as he nodded. That's neat. And then he looked up at Kate, as she stood near them. She was still holding the two flowers Tom had given them after their walk. How are you?

Okay. I kind of forgot you were here. She smiled, looking wistful and tired, but relieved.

I know. But I'm glad I am.

So am I Nick ' She looked down for a moment and then back into his eyes. Could we go down to my place for a few days? I mean all three of us. I kind of want to ' She didn't know how to say it, but it was as though she had to see that too. As though she needed to get away from the city, and the book, and everything that had been happening. Can you get away?

We're going to have to stop and buy some tee-shirts and jeans, but I can get away. I think it would do us all good.

So do I.

Are you lonely for the country, darling? He looked at her curiously as they walked back to the car. He hadn't thought she was.

No. I don't know. I just need to be there. Just for a few days.

Okay. He put an arm around her shoulders, and another around Tygue's, and the three of them walked back to the car. Kate was glad when they drove away from Mead. She didn't want to leave Tom, but it was time that she did.

Going back to Kate's house in the hills for a few days had been a good idea. It gave them all the time they needed to absorb the past week. Nick and Kate needed the time together, and with Tygue. He was whole again, and at peace. He was quiet for the first day, sitting outside with the teddy bear he'd gotten from Tom. But he wasn't unhappy, only pensive.

Kate looked down at her son as they sat in the sunshine the second day. Nick was doing something in the house.

Maybe I should have told him about my horse, Tygue said.

He never really liked horses very much. Kate was looking off at the hills, thinking back. For a moment she almost forgot the child. He was looking up at her incredulously.

He didn't like horses? Tygue looked shocked, and she smiled and looked down into the sunny little face. He looked better again. Rested and happy, like the boy she knew, not the waif they had picked up under the trees on the road to Carmel. How could he not like horses?

He loved football. That was his whole life.

That's cause he was such a big star. Kate smiled at the pride in the boy's voice.

Yes, he was.

Are you a big star, Mom?

She looked down at him with a grin. No. I wrote a book that a lot of people are buying, but that doesn't make me a star. Nobody knows who I am. She lay back and stretched out the long legs that had modeled so long ago. But everyone knew who your dad was. Everywhere we went people wanted autographs, they wanted to touch him, ladies wanted to kiss him. She grinned and Tygue started to laugh.

Did he let them?

Not when he was with me.

It must be neat though, having everyone love you like that.

Sometimes. Sometimes it's very hard. People expect too much of you. People won't leave you alone. They won't let you be yourself.

I wouldn't like that. He picked up a leaf and studied it.

He didn't either. That's what made him sick. All the people pushing him. And all he wanted to do was play football. For the rest of his life.

Couldn't he?

She shook her head. No, love. You can only play professional football for a few years. And then they make you retire.

What's that?

Stop playing.

Forever?

Forever.

That's terrible! He threw the leaf away and stared at her.

That's what your dad thought too. He didn't want to do anything else. And they made him quit. And then a lot of people buggea him about it. Like newspapers and stuff. It was the best explanation she could give him, and it was true.

And he went crazy. Right?

That's about right.

Does he remember that he played football?

No. I don't think he remembers anything except where he is now, and Mr. Erhard and me. And now he'll remember you. She smiled at him with a mist glistening in her eyes, and she heard Nick come out of the house. He was carrying a blanket and two apples. He handed one to each of them, and looked down at them with warmth in his eyes. Thanks, love. Kate smiled him a kiss.

Don't you guys want to sit on this?

Nah. Tygue looked up at the blanket disparagingly and then he remembered something ' those words his father had said ' You want to, Mom?

Okay. She remembered the words too' . Take care of Katie' .

The three of them spread out the bright plaid blanket and sat down and munched apples. Kate and Nick shared theirs, and Tygue attacked his with glee. They were fresh country apples. They had gotten them? from the market the day before.

You want to go down to the Adams place later and see what kind of new horses they've got? Nick looked over at him, as-he crunched his way to the core, but the boy shook his head.

No. They've got better horses in the park.

In San Francisco? Nick looked surprised, and Tygue nodded insistently. Kate smiled as she listened to him. They had outgrown this place, both of them had. It made her smile to think that four months before he had never left town. She was remembering his first trip to San Francisco in June ' and hers the month before that' .

And what are you thinking about, Cinderella?

Nick handed her their apple and she took a bite and handed it back.

I was thinking about last spring. Neither of us had been anywhere then. And suddenly it all started to happen.

That's what it does.

What were you doing last spring, Mr. Waterman? She looked at him with a curious grin.

None of your business. He grinned back and finished the apple.

As bad as all that?

Up yours. He said it softly as he nibbled her neck. They worried less about Tygue observing them now. He was used to them. And then Nick had another thought Want to go see Joey? But Tygue shook his head again. He had already said good-bye. He had new friends. A new life.

They spent a peaceful afternoon together, as they had the day before. They bought steaks in town and Nick barbecued them in the late-afternoon sun. That evening they watched television together, and made popcorn in the fireplace, as they had the first few times Nick had come up from L.A. And like the old days, they waited until Tygue went to bed, and then rushed into the bedroom, laughing, hungry for each other, aching to make love.

My, my, aren't we the anxious one tonight, he teased as she kissed the inside of his thighs and tugged playfully at his shorts.

You didn't exactly drag your feet getting in here either, Mr. Waterman. She sat down on the floor next to him in her bra and pants, laughing up at him as he smiled down at her. She had seemed younger and freer since they had seen Tom.

Kate? You're glad we went to see him, aren't you?

She nodded quietly for a moment I feel relieved.

There's no more secret to hide, not from you, not from Tygue. It's all out now. I feel free again.

But what about him? They hadn't talked about that yet, but there were still questions that Nick felt he had to ask.

What do you mean, Nick? She looked very peaceful as she looked up at him, and he slowly knelt down next to her.

I mean, what happens to Tom now? You can't very well stop seeing him after all these years, I understand that, but ' well, it takes a lot out of you, Kate.

I don't think it will anymore. I'm not carrying the weight alone anymore. I can share it with you and Tygue. I can tell you what I feel, what it's like, what's happening to him, whenever I go. There was a moment's pause and then she lowered her face and looked silently at the wedding band on her hand. And then, carefully, she slipped the ring from her finger and held it tightly in her palm. It's all over, Nick. I won't be going as often anymore. I'm not even sure he'll notice very much. He may at first, but he has so little sense of time. I think if I go once every couple of weeks, it'll be fair to everyone. What do you think? She turned her eyes back to his, and they were bright and full, but she didn't look unhappy.

I think you're a remarkable woman, and I've never loved you more. Whatever you want to do, Kate, however you want to handle it, I can accept it.

That's all I need to know. It means, though, that we can never get married as long as he's alive. I ' I couldn't do that to him. I know he wouldn't even know I'd divorced him, but I just wouldn't feel right.