Seasons (39 page)

“Dang! I was hoping you would decide to turn it down, honey. You know I want you working with me. In fact, I need you. Have
you even given that any thought?”

Jaci pulled away from him and drew a deep breath. “Yes, I have. And to be honest, beyond practical considerations, there are
some other issues involved in this for me. The primary one being my need for independence. I . . .” Before she could continue,
Jason jumped up and walked across the room to look out of the window, agitatedly running his hand through his hair.

“Here we go again with this blasted independence thing! Don’t you realize you’re going to be my wife and as such, under my
care and protection? I take my responsibility toward you seriously. If you want to work, then like I said, work for me and
I’ll pay you. And you can do whatever you want to with your money, because I’ll take care of your needs and wants. Now any
other woman would be standing on her doggone head to have something like this. Why the heck can’t you accept it?” His voice
escalated several decibels as he spoke.

Jaci’s head was lowered and she was almost in tears. “Don’t yell at me!” she said quietly. “Surely, we can discuss this calmly
and reasonably. We already know we have differing opinions on this issue. If we can’t talk without yelling at each other,
then I don’t know how we’re ever going to resolve anything.”

“Okay. Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry, but when I get emotional, my voice tends to go up. I’m just having difficulty understanding.
Sweetheart, don’t you trust me to take care of you? To treat you right? I’m not trying to make you so dependent on me that
you won’t have any freedom. Don’t you know that?”

“No, Jason, I don’t. Maybe it’s because of all my years of struggle with no one to depend on but myself. But what I see is
your desire to control. And I can’t give you that right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. It has nothing to do with
my love for you. I guess it’s all about my own insecurities. We went over this in our counseling sessions and you said you
could handle that. Now what’s it going to be? Either you can or you can’t.”

He grabbed her hand again and began rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “Do I have to? Baby, you’re messing with my pride
here. As your husband I need to be everything to you.”

“You can’t be everything to me. If I were younger and not used to taking care of myself, then maybe I would be standing on
my head and clicking my heels together. But that’s not the case. I promise you, as my husband, you’ll be honored as the head
of our household and I’ll do everything in my power to make you feel like a king. You’re the love of my life, and if this
wasn’t such an important issue for me, I wouldn’t fight you on it. But . . . as it stands, I would like to accept that position
and work in it at least until I reach twenty-five years of service. That’s not a long time. But I don’t want to do so if you
don’t agree. We need to settle this one way or another.”

He gave her an intense look. “I love you, you know that?” At her nod, he continued. “I’ve made my position clear. You know
what I’d prefer, but I’m not unreasonable or selfish. If it’s that important to you, I can’t ask you not to accept that position.
But let me say this, you do so with it clearly understood by you and everybody else that it’ll just be for the time it takes
you to make twenty-five years, and that the job will not ever come before your husband, and under no circumstances do I want
you going into those dangerous buildings anymore. Do you know how many nightmares I’ve had about that? If you agree with those
stipulations, I’ll go along with it, unhappily.”

“Okay, understood. Now. Is this matter closed? I mean you’re not going to be bringing it up every time we get into a fight
are you?”

He shook his head slowly. “Naw. I won’t do that.”

She jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly. “Thanks, baby, you won’t be sorry. Now are we straight? I have so much to
do. I need to go.”

“I don’t promise not to be sorry, but yeah, sweetheart, we’re straight.” He hugged her close and kissed her tenderly. “I’ll
be so glad when you don’t have to leave me.”

T
he next two weeks passed in a frenzy of activity, leaving Jaci exhausted to the point of collapsing. She worked almost around
the clock tying up loose ends for the wedding, packing and securing storage for the belongings and furniture she wouldn’t
be taking, and moving things she was taking to Jason’s house and getting settled in. She had talked to Ed Shannon and set
things up to start her new position after her wedding and honeymoon. But she was trying to get as much as possible squared
away so she wouldn’t be too swamped when she returned.

On the week of the wedding relatives began to arrive, and she had to deal with those who refused to stay in the hotel rooms
she had reserved, preferring instead to stay at her house. She tried to discourage this since she didn’t have time to play
hostess. But some, like her parents and a few others, insisted, because they wanted to be near her and in the mix of things,
believing they would be able to help her. Her cousins Nita and Gina were the exceptions. She welcomed their presence and their
help since they understood what needed to be done and went about doing it. Although the plan had been for them to stay with
Jaci, with the convening of so many other houseguests, they decided to spend their nights with C.J.

She’d had little quality time with Jason, who was also extremely busy. By the time the rehearsal dinner rolled around, Jaci
was almost asleep on her feet. She just wanted everything to be over.

Her wedding day began with overcast skies and the threat of rain. Jaci’s heart sank when she saw the clouds. Houston had a
reputation for sudden storms, accompanied by torrential rains and widespread flooding. If that happened, she knew people would
be unable to attend. She prayed for sunshine as she went through the rituals—getting her hair and nails done, taking care
of final details, dealing with the constantly ringing telephone.

By noon, the Lord answered her prayer. The clouds moved on, leaving a blue cloudless sky and moderate temperatures. It was
a perfect day for a wedding. But Jaci was petrified!

The air in the small room set aside as the bride’s dressing room was nonexistent, and the tormenting doubts and fears had
affected her so badly that Jaci’s shaky legs refused to support her any longer. The one conclusion she had come to was that
she loved Jason. She made it to a chair and was about to sit down when she heard Sister Sadie yelling from across the room.
“Don’t even think about sitting down. You’ll ruin your dress.” Jaci sighed heavily and grabbed the back of the chair. “I’m
so nervous, I’m about to fall. Is everything ready? Oh Lord, I’m really stressing, Sister Sadie.”

“Jaci! Everybody’s here and ready. Everyth—” A knock on the door interrupted her, and Sadie hurried across the room to answer
it. One of the hostesses stood there smiling. “Jason sent this to Jaci,” she said, handing Sadie a long-stem rose and a small
envelope. Sadie walked back and handed Jaci the items.

“Here. This is from Jason. Maybe it will help settle you down.”

Jaci looked at the rose and the envelope. Fear gripped her again. “What if he’s telling me he’s changed his mind?” She took
a deep strengthening breath. “Oh well, better to find out now than when I’m walking down the aisle.” She tore open the envelope
and pulled out the folded note. Tears quickly flooded her eyes as she read:

Sweetheart.

We’re almost there and I can’t wait to meet you at the altar. In just a little while we will become husband and wife. P.S.
Don’t be nervous. It will all be over in a few hours. I love you.

‘J.’

Seeing the tears in Jaci’s eyes caused alarm for Sadie. She grabbed one of Jaci’s hands. “What’s wrong, baby? Is everything
all right?” Jaci handed her the note.

“Now ya’ll about to get me to crying,” Sadie said as she read it and handed it back to Jaci. She turned and walked into the
adjoining room, clapping her hands to get attention. “Okay, bridesmaids. Let’s get you lined up and ready.” She ushered them
from the room.

Sadie reentered the room a few minutes later. “Things are going beautifully,” she joyfully announced.

“Randi! We need to get you into place.” Randi ran to give her mother a quick hug and followed one of the other coordinators
out of the room.

“Baby, your moment is almost here.” Sadie stood back, looking at her from head to toe. “You look absolutely beautiful, honey.
I am so proud of you. Now let me say something to you. I know you’re nervous, but remember this is your hour. You can’t do
anything wrong today. So walk proud, girl. Walk in the strength and power of the Lord!”

“I just pray I’m doing the right thing. I guess I’m just having some last-minute jitters.”

“You are, and that’s normal. But you know yourself well enough to know you said yes because you can’t stand to see Jason in
misery.” They both laughed and Sadie Brooks drew a relieved breath.

“It’s been a long journey to this moment, Sister Sadie,” Jaci said softly, thinking reflectively back over her life.

“I know what a long journey it’s been, honey.” Sadie took Jaci’s hands into hers and squeezed them tightly. “But here you
are! Jaci, I’m going to talk to you like a mother, ’cause that’s what I consider myself. God has sent you a good, handsome,
wonderful man. Focus on God’s grace and goodness that brought you to this point. And honey, you have to accept this great
gift God has given you. Don’t question it or try to figure out why He’s doing it or why it’s taken so long. In order to move
beyond the years of trouble and struggle and into this new life, you have to accept His good and perfect gift, and His perfect
timing for bringing it to you. Now come on, let’s get you into place.” She hesitated. “Baby, I just wish you had agreed to
let your father or someone escort you. So many wanted to, you know that. They considered it an honor.”

“Yes, I know that, Sister Sadie. But right or wrong, I just couldn’t. I have to take this walk with the Lord, and you know
why.”

Sadie did know why and understood it. Jaci had taken so many walks alone and struggled alone for so long, when a little love
and support would have made a big difference. Now, wanting to be a part of her victory, several, including her own father,
had wanted to escort her down the aisle.

“Baby, just remember, you can’t move into the future and hold on to the past at the same time. Leave the past behind you.
It’s history.”

Sadie’s words of wisdom hit their mark and somehow strengthened Jaci. “Thank you, Sister Sadie. I needed to hear everything
you’ve said,” she said quietly.

Jaci moved slowly down the long corridor to stand at the back of the sanctuary. The church was packed, with people even standing
along the walls. “Smile,” the photographer whispered from his squatting position in front of her. Her off-the-shoulder ice-blue
dress fit her curvaceous figure like a glove. The low-cut dress fell at her knees in the front, showcasing her beautiful legs,
while pleats of graduating lengths on the sides and back fell all the way to the floor. The pearls and sequins embroidered
into the dress caused small starbursts around her each time she moved. The matching headpiece peaked in the middle of her
forehead and crowned cascading curls that fell below her shoulders. Jason’s birthday gift, an exquisite set of pearl and diamond
earrings and matching rope necklace, glittered against her skin.

Jaci watched as Randi, in her role as Matron of Honor, slowly took the long trek down the aisle, and tears filled her eyes,
threatening to run over. On no! I’m not going
there
! she told her emotions. Her eyes fastened on Jason, who looked simply gorgeous in his black-and-gray pin-striped tux. His
eyes were glued to her and a big smile lit up his whole face.

As the soloist began singing “Great Is Thy Faithfulness, O God Our Father,” she saw that her cousins—C.J., Nita, and Gina—and
her best friend, Lena, all bridesmaids, were looking toward the back of the church at her, trembling smiles on their faces.
“Ya’ll better be praying for me when I’m coming down that aisle,” she had admonished them earlier that day, “Otherwise I’ll
probably trip over my own feet and fall.”

“All rise!” the pastor said with arms raised. As the guests stood and strained to get a look at her, some pointing cameras
to capture her on film, she began to take small slow steps toward the altar, leaving one season and beginning a new one. This
. . . was a journey symbolic of God’s faithfulness and love.

It was important to Jaci that each step represent a segment of the journey that had brought her to this point. If not, she
feared she might, in her victory, forget the struggle. That would be the ultimate in ungratefulness to God.

Remember!
She reminded herself with each step.
Remember all the struggles that brought me to this victory. And never, never forget, lest I become ungrateful. Remember!

She unlocked the memories that had been relegated to the back of her mind, bidding them to flow freely. Years of agony and
aloneness as a single parent; years of rejection by her own family, on the job and even in the church; years of seeing hope
after hope crash in disappointment as men insulted and tried to dishonor her; years of wondering if her season would ever
change.

She worried that the aisle wasn’t long enough to complete her physical and mental journeys, so she slowed her steps even more.
She noticed Jason’s brother, Ron, handing him a white handkerchief and grasping his arm in a tight grip.
Oh God. If he cries, I’m a goner and I don’t look good when I cry.

She smiled at Jason, trying to send him a message of love. That did it! He pulled away from Ron and walked toward her, his
eyes holding hers.

She shook her head, NO! But he kept coming, meeting her when she was only three-quarters of the way down the aisle. He bent
to place a tender kiss on her lips before grabbing her hand to walk the remaining steps with her to the altar. She heard someone
in the pews sniff loudly and go “Ooooh!”