Second Chance Dad (7 page)

Done.

And Sophie Alexander would probably thank him for it, too, when she learned on Monday that he was no longer on her schedule.

So why did he suddenly feel so empty?

He looked at the Harley, needing a distraction. Expecting a sense of sadness and loss to slip over him as it always did whenever he thought of his father's lonely death. Remembering his own hurt, when his dad had brushed aside his eager questions and pleas for motorcycle rides around town.

Instead, he felt…nothing.

Maybe it
was
time to move on and let go of other things, too—like these remnants of a chapter of his life that was long over. But was it ever really possible to leave the past behind?

A
fter a few cups of tea and a spirited discussion on
Jane Eyre
in the back meeting room of Beth's Aspen Creek Bookstore, Sophie felt a sense of peace drift over her.

She'd needed this quiet Saturday morning with her book club friends, after that difficult encounter at Josh McLaren's yesterday afternoon, and the even more challenging evening at Gramps's house.

Overstimulated by his exciting find at Josh's place, Eli had chattered a hundred miles an hour for the rest of the day. He'd begged to go back, unable to process the fact that since Josh McLaren wasn't a relative or close family friend, he probably wasn't exactly welcome nonstop.

Gramps, on the other hand, had sat sullen and silent in his easy chair the entire time Sophie was there preparing his supper, because Margie and Dean
had stopped by earlier and the three of them had ended up in yet another one of their arguments.

Now, with Olivia and Keeley already gone on their separate Saturday errands, Sophie nabbed the latest issue of
Living
magazine and started for the front cash register. “Eli, I'm ready to leave,” she called out as she set her purse on the counter and pulled out a ten-dollar bill.

Elana smiled as she counted back the change. “Maybe your boy can come to our house to play sometime. Cody told me he would like that.”

“Really?” Such invitations were so few and far between that any such opportunities were precious. Sophie jotted her phone number and name on a piece of scratch paper and handed it over. “Eli would like that, too.”

Hopefully he would, anyway.

She turned back to go after him. “Come on, honey, we need to leave. My meeting is over.”

The bells at the front door of the store jingled and someone came in on a gust of wind laden with a hint of approaching rain.

Eli's eyes opened wide with excitement as he came out of the children's area with two books cradled in his arms. “Look, Mom! Look who's here—it's the Harley man!”

Given McLaren's cool reception yesterday, she could only imagine how delighted he was to see the two of them so soon. She pasted on a bright smile
and turned to greet him, hoping that he wouldn't ignore Eli or worse, rebuff him, because it took no guesswork to tell what Eli would be saying next.

“Good morning,” she murmured.

“Hey, there.” He shoved a hand through his damp, windswept hair and gave her a hesitant look, then he smiled at Eli. Maybe not with heartfelt enthusiasm, but he actually
smiled
. And for that, she could have hugged him.

Eli beamed. “I couldn't find any books on your Harley, but I looked and looked. If Mom lets me Google on the internet tonight, I bet I can find lots and
lots
on it. If you want, I can print it all off and then—”

Sophie rested a gentle, warning hand on his shoulder. “As you can see, my son was quite impressed yesterday. He hasn't stopped talking about that motorcycle, but I promise that we won't bother you.”

Eli's face fell, and at the aching look of longing and dashed hope in his eyes, an expression of guilt swept across Josh's face.

With good reason. What would it hurt, to let the boy come out to his cabin again? The child had every right to be grieving his own loss, just like Josh probably grieved for his own. Life hadn't always been kind to either of them, that's for sure.

Josh seemed to consider his words carefully. “Eli, what you did was dangerous. You need to listen to your mom about not wandering away. There could
be all sorts of dangerous equipment in a shed like mine, and there could be fragile or valuable things that should not be touched. But, I'm not angry about you going in there.”

“You aren't?”

“Even though you shouldn't have disobeyed your mom, I understand that you were curious. And in a way, I'm glad you found the motorcycle, because I hadn't thought about it in a long, long time.”

“Really?” From the rapt expression on Eli's face, Josh had just been elevated to superhero status. “Are you gonna
ride
it?”

“It's far from being in that condition. But maybe I'll start working on it.”

“I could help.” Eli practically vibrated with growing excitement. “I helped my dad a
lot
. I held his screwdrivers and stuff, and I helped polish the chrome, and everything.”

Sophie leaned down and gave him a hug. “Yes, you did. Once you turned five, he let you do all those things. But Dr. McLaren needs to work on his alone, so we shouldn't bother him.”

When she looked up and met Josh's gaze, she found both regret and resignation warring in his expression—as if he needed to tell her something that he knew she wouldn't like, but didn't know how to tactfully begin.

And then he sighed.

“Eli, it would be okay if you came out with your
mom sometimes,” Josh said slowly. “Maybe you could even help me with the Harley some afternoon, if it's okay with her. I'm sure I could use some expert assistance.”

“
Really?
Mom! Did you hear? He said we can help! Can we go now?”

The joy on Eli's face nearly took Sophie's breath away. “Dr. McLaren is a busy man, honey. We'll just have to see when he invites us. And we won't want to wear out our welcome, either. Right?”

Josh hesitated, and Sophie wondered if he'd just now realized the extent of the Pandora's box he'd opened with that simple invitation.

“I'm free this weekend,” he said. “Just tell me what works for you.”

“Well…I have to help my grandfather this afternoon. Maybe tomorrow after church—say, early afternoon for an hour or so?”

“I could go today,” Eli whispered urgently. “You could leave me there!”

“Not such a good idea, pal. We can't expect Dr. McLaren to be a babysitter. And if he gets tired or you get too rambunctious, it's best that I'm there.”

Eli looked stricken for a split second, then he turned back to Josh with an excited smile. “You could come to church with us! And then you could have dinner with Gramps and us, and then we could go fix your Harley!”

At Josh's abrupt, shuttered expression, Sophie
knew her son had stumbled into very troubled waters. “I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse us for being a bit too impulsive. Is two o'clock Sunday all right?”

He nodded. “There's…also something I need to discuss with you, then.”

Discuss
with her? That didn't sound good. “Then we'll let you browse in peace here, and we'll be on our way.
Now
, Eli.”

For once, Eli didn't argue, and he was subdued as she took him out to the car.

“I made him mad,” Eli said somberly once they were both in her car and on the way home.

She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled. “No, sweetie. You were just excited—just like all little boys are at times. I'm sure he understands.”

“I made Todd mad. And then he went away.”

“It wasn't about you, honey. Not at all. I just dated him for a little while and found that he wasn't the right man for our family.”

But Eli, hungry for a father, had become attached to him from the first time the three of them had gone on a picnic. And for months after Todd dropped from sight, Eli hadn't stopped asking when the man was going to come back.

After that, the thought of dating anyone had seemed like too great a risk. And it still was, not that she would ever consider it until Eli was much, much older.

Even if a small, inner voice had started whispering
to her about a certain tall, dark and distant man who just might have the power to steal her heart.

 

Sophie stared back at Josh and suppressed the urge to shake him. “What do you mean, you're quitting therapy?”

“I left a message for Grace,” he repeated. “I expect she'll get the message on Monday.”

“But
why
?” He looked so implacable that she was starting to envision her future trickling through her fingers. “You
can't
.”

“That's not exactly true.”

“But we're not done yet. We have so much more to do. You won't be sorry if we continue. I promise.”

He looked as if he already were. “I know you need to do well with your clients. I've already told Grace that you've done a wonderful job.”

“Is this really about your therapy, or is it something else?” She glanced over to the edge of the clearing, where Eli was playing with Bear. They'd arrived minutes ago for their Sunday visit as planned, but now she was glad that Eli was occupied out of hearing range. “Have I offended you somehow? Is this about Eli? I know he can be a bit overwhelming at times, but he's a good boy. He really is, if you just give him a chance.”

“It's…about cutting losses.”

“Cutting losses?” she repeated faintly.

He looked away.

“I have no idea what you mean. But if this is about not needing any more therapy, you're wrong. And I'm not saying that just because I want to look good for my boss.”

He still didn't say anything.

“You've never told me about your past. There was nothing but medical diagnoses and progress notes in the chart I have. But I saw the inside of your storage shed, Josh. You had a life. A home. A family. And now, you're alone. Do you want to talk about it?”

When he finally turned back to face her, his expression was so stark, so bleak, that she wanted to enfold him in an embrace and never let him go.

“I saw the hopeful look in Eli's eyes when he was talking to me, and it wasn't just over the Harley. Spending too much time with me will lead him on and I just don't want to do that to him. Understand?”

She flinched. “I didn't hint anything of the sort to him. And I certainly expect nothing of you beyond our professional relationship. I thought we would be coming out to your place just as friends, sort of.”

“Then you and I are on the same page. But a young boy could still so easily become attached…and even as a big brother or mentor, I just have nothing to give.”

“You sell yourself short.”

“Do I?” His short laugh was bitter. “Then accept this. I had a family. I should have been able to save
them, and instead I let them die. Now what kind of role model is that?”

“And that's when you were hurt,” she whispered. “A car accident?”

He nodded.

“And you let them die because…” She suddenly imagined seeing the heartbreaking situation unfold. “You were too badly injured yourself. So what were you
supposed
to do, walk on a shattered knee? Apply bandages with a crushed hand?”

He flicked a startled glance at her.

“I don't supposed shock and hemorrhaging wounds of your own should've held you back, either.”

“I was in emergency medicine. I worked in one of the busiest trauma centers in the Midwest for eight years. I should have been able to avoid the drunk driver on the highway. I should have been able to save my wife.” His voice was tinged with bitterness. “But I didn't, and God didn't step in, either. And with her, I also lost our unborn son.”

“I'm so sorry about your loss. I truly am.” She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, just as she would have comforted a good friend. “But,” she added gently, “you didn't die with them.”

“I sometimes wish I had.” He hesitated, then tentatively returned her embrace, drawing her close. “It would've been easier.”

“But God must have plans for your life.” She
stepped back and gripped his hands in her own. “You have a wonderful education and a bright future ahead. You just need to work at it. Stay in therapy. Get strong again. Then get back to a productive life in their honor. Holing up in this cabin is such a waste.”

“I still don't think—”

“Then don't think about it, just keep going. You have nothing to lose. If this is about you being uncomfortable with having my son visit, that's not a problem. It was a mistake for me to bring him to your home in the first place.”

A pained expression crossed Josh's face. “That isn't it.”

“Then if you could spare just an hour for him to come out sometime, that would be wonderful. He'd love every minute. But don't feel obligated.”

He sighed. “When you put it that way, I can hardly say no.”

“Of course you can. But don't worry, he's not going to start imagining that you're his substitute dad. I'll keep his head on straight so he won't have any expectations of you whatsoever. This is just a chance to see you work on your motorcycle, and nothing more. Deal?”

After a long pause, he nodded, though he probably thought she'd been pushy, and that she didn't understand just how hard it was for him to agree.

But she did. She'd seen the pain and flash of
longing in his eyes when he'd looked at Eli, and knew he was imagining another child in Eli's place.

Maybe bringing her son here had reopened old wounds, but Josh had more to deal with than just his physical damage, and she'd learned long ago that facing problems was a lot more effective than hiding from them.

Somewhere, beneath that protective shell of his, there was a warmer, much happier man. And by the time she was done with his physical therapy, she wanted to set him free.