Second Chance Love (Heaven Hill Book 6) (20 page)

“Do you ever wonder why things happened the way they did?” Liam asked. “Every once in a while, I catch myself wondering where we might be now had that not happened. Would you and Roni be married? Would you have a child together? Would I have met a high school sweetheart and not ever had Denise and the kids in my life.” He stopped and blew out a breath. “It reminds me constantly that one moment in time can change everything, and as I get older, I realize that more and more. I wonder what the fuck I’m doing here sometimes.”

“You’re leading your family,” Rooster answered without hesitation. “Every man, woman, and child in this clubhouse loves you and supports you in the decisions you make. You’re doing what you were meant to do, and I’m proud to follow you.”

“Dude, we’re stumblin’ right now. We’ve been stumbling for a while.” Liam shook his head.

“Then we need to right ourselves and keep on walkin’. All of this,” he put his hands out in a broad reach, “has been a wake-up call.”

Liam nodded and took another drink from the bottle. “This won’t change nothin’, but I can’t in good conscience sit here and not get shit-faced drunk while my son is detoxing. It’s not happening. So pull up a shot glass and join me.”

“Where’s Tatum?” he asked, not wanting to do something in front of the little girl.

“Mer’s got her tonight. You know she loves her, and with Tyler hanging with Drew, she was going to be alone.”

“Then I’m gonna call Roni, tell her to pick up some booze, and meet us over here. We’ve all had a rough few days, and sometimes, you’ve gotta go back to what you know.”

The side of Liam’s mouth tilted. The hell they raised as teenagers was legendary, if only in their own minds. If he was being honest, he could use a little of it. “Call her, let’s see if anyone else wants to raise some with us. Tonight, I gotta get my mind off this shit, and I have a feeling you do too.”

Rooster couldn’t agree fast enough. Sometimes to get okay, you had to go back to where it all started.

Chapter Twenty-Four

T
wo hours later, the little room was hosting its own throw-down. Liam glanced around and saw that not only Roni had joined them, but so had Jagger, B, Steele, and Christine. It was melancholy for the most part, but at the same time, it seemed to be something they all needed. Layne and Jessica were watching Steele’s cave as the others relaxed for the night. Rooster had explained as best he could to everybody what he thought was going down at the school. Bianca had been shocked.

“I can’t believe Coach Thistle has a hand in this,” Bianca mumbled as she poured another shot. “Out of anybody at that school, I wouldn’t have ever thought him. Even though he’s the football coach, he’s quiet, almost a loner. He doesn’t have many friends, and when I do see or hear him talk to people besides the kids, he stumbles over his words and seems to have a hard time making sense. For him to be some sort of bad-ass steroid dealer? I just don’t see where he would have the guts to pull it off.”

“It’s because he can be an authority figure over the kids,” Rooster told her. “He knows he’s in a position of power with them, it allows him to put down his insecurities and be the type of man that he always wanted to be. With adults, he’s not the authority figure. Chances are that scares him and he has to lay the act down. Truthfully, adults probably intimidate him.”

She turned to Liam. “So what are you gonna do? We can’t let him continue dealing drugs out of the football locker room. We’re setting those kids up for failure right now, as is.”

Liam rubbed his hand over his head. “I have an idea but Jagger’s not gonna like it.”

Jagger put his arm around B. “Don’t bring her in the middle of this shit.”

“I’m a big girl,” Bianca reminded the table. “Why don’t you all let me decide if I can handle it?”

“Do you know where he lives?” Rooster asked.

“No.” She shook her head. “But it should be in any database that Steele can hack into.”

“It’s not,” Steele piped up. “When I ran my background check on him, the address that’s on everything is just a mailbox. Like literally. No house, nothing. We need to know where he lives. He’s hiding his real address because he’s got something stashed there, mark my words. This dude is not on the up and up.”

“How do you think I’m gonna get that out of him?” she asked, throwing another shot back.

“You’ve got to get close enough to him to plant a tracking device either on him or in his bag—something,” Liam told her, his eyes never leaving Jagger.

“I don’t like this,” Jagger told them, using his arm to bring her close. He didn’t want her any closer to this guy than she had to be.

“You don’t have to.” Liam glared. “I’m not
asking you
to do it.”

It had been a long time since Liam had spoken to someone like that, and at first Jagger was surprised, shocked even. That didn’t mean that he didn’t understand it and realize what that tone of voice meant. It meant that he didn’t want anyone to question his authority, and if Jagger did that, he was going to pay for it. “Understood, but I’d like to have someone close to her when she does it.”

“I’ll be there,” Rooster told him. “He won’t even know that she did anything, you have my word on that.”

Jagger glanced over at the former cop and saw that he was serious. He wouldn’t let anything happen to the woman he loved; he had to trust that the two of them knew what they were doing. “I’m counting on you.”

Rooster threw back another shot. “You won’t be sorry.”

A few hours later, the crowd was dwindling. Roni had stopped drinking a while ago, but Rooster and Liam were still going strong. She was sure they were going to hate each other in the morning for thinking this was a good idea.

“I owe you two an apology,” she told them.

Immediately, they both sobered up and glanced at her in surprise. “What do you mean?” Liam asked.

“I was selfish back then. I let the two of you take the fall for something I did.”

They both tried to interrupt her.

“No, please let me get this out. I’ve seen Doc Jones once by myself, after you and I saw her.” She looked at Rooster. “I explained to her how my guilt is holding me back from so many things that I should be able to enjoy in life. She suggested that I apologize to the both of you in my own way. This may not be something
you
need, but I do.”

She took a deep breath and a few minutes to compose herself, trying to think of how she wanted to say this. Trying to figure out what would be the best way to phrase everything without it coming off like she was a whining bitch.

“That night changed my life. It set forth a series of events that none of us will be able to get back, but I have this guilt that I hold onto. I’m a lot like everyone else has been in this clubhouse—at one time or another—a victim. I hold onto that victim status because it’s easier. It’s easier to be a victim than it is to claw out of the victim status and be a productive member of society. For too many years,” she glanced over at Rooster and pushed her hair behind her head, “I’ve gone through the motions. I’ve not lived. I was scared to. A lot of that had to do with William. I’ll admit, I was more afraid of him than I ever told anyone. He knew all my secrets, and he was like Coach Thistle is with these kids. He was the authority figure that held all the power over me. I was scared to go against him.”

“I would have killed him,” Liam told her. “Had I known what he made you do, truly what an evil man he was, I would have killed him before I let him go to jail.” He was dead serious—the words a vow.

“I know.” She reached across the table and grabbed his hand with hers. “I know, and that’s one of the reasons I never told you everything. I couldn’t have too much on my conscience. I already had what happened to the two of you there. I couldn’t handle any more. After the abortion, I almost had a nervous breakdown; I was scared to put myself under too much pressure. I know that’s also selfish.”

“Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish,” Rooster told her, putting an arm around her neck and pulling her close to him.

She smiled sadly. “The two of you have always been good to me. You’ve always made excuses for me and made life easier on me. You’ve got to stop doing that, because now, I have to stand on my own two feet. That means I have to apologize to you and let you know that this guilt I’ve carried around has, at times, almost pulled me down into a dark hole that I couldn’t get out of. I appreciate what you did for me, and I will always be sorry for the way things played out, but I need to know that you both forgive me and aren’t mad at me. I need to forgive myself.”

Rooster was the first person to speak up. “You feel the need to tell us you’re sorry, but I feel the need to tell you that we both made a decision. We wouldn’t have done it if we didn’t love and respect you, Roni. I’ve never blamed you for a damn thing and I’m telling you here and now—let it go. I already did a long time ago. You’re going to be so much happier, and I promise that I will do everything in my power to make you happy. This is a new beginning, and that beginning can’t start until you let it. Stop holding us back.”

“He’s right,” Liam told her. “You’re the one holding it back. I’ve never blamed you either and I would still go back and do the same thing again. Sure, I think about it and I wonder how different things would be, but everything happens for a reason. If things hadn’t happened the way they do, who knows what this club would be like. Who knows where William would have had us, and who the fuck knows where I would be. I have a family—one I never in my life thought I would have. I have a woman who loves me, I have kids, I have you. It’s not perfect, but things hardly ever are. I forgive you,” he grinned. “Forgive yourself and start being happy. I want my sister happy. You’re one of the most important people in my life, and you’ve always made me a priority. Make yourself one. Nobody is going to think less of you if you do.”

Silent tears were streaking down her face, and she didn’t realize it until Rooster reached over and wiped one away.

“Let these be the last tears you cry over this bullshit. It’s done, it’s over, and I want to think of the future we have together. Who knows what that will bring, but I’m excited to be spending it with you.”

She nodded, sniffling as she turned into his body and buried her head in his neck. For the first time in years, she took a breath and it felt like a full one. It wasn’t stilted by the weight of a brick on her chest or the weight of memories buried deep. It was real, full, and tangible. She was getting her second chance.

Chapter Twenty-Five