Second Chances (13 page)

I found my mother in the store, counting the money in the till as she got ready to lock up for the night. I raced up to the bathroom then back into the store, where I waited for her to finish rolling coins into brown wrappers. She shook her head when I offered to help. I wandered around the aisles straightening boxes of cereal and bags of chips and figuring out what I would say to her about Johnny. Finally, she called me over.

“You look like you got caught in the rain by the state of your hair. Where've you been?” Mom asked. “I could have used you today.”

“Sorry, Mom. I was helping Gideon with a story.”

She frowned at me. “Darlene, you have to stop this roaming around like you haven't any responsibilities. Your father believes we have to make you buckle down, and I'm beginning to think he might be right.”

I stood without answering, my eyes lowered.

“I want you to look after the store tomorrow. I'm going into Toronto for the day.”

My heart quickened. I raised my head. “By yourself?”

“No, with a friend. We're getting an early start, so you'll have to open up for me. Plan to spend your day working. No wandering off.”

“I wish I could come with you.”

Mom's eyes softened. “It's not possible, but maybe another time. I'll make sure we have a girls' day out before summer is over.”

“Who are you going to Toronto with tomorrow?”
I asked.

Mom started walking toward the front door. “A friend. I just … I just need a day away. Get a good night's sleep,” she called. “I'm counting on you to look after things tomorrow. Please throw the deadbolt behind me. I have an errand to run. I'll come in the back door.”

“Okay,” I said as the door slammed shut behind her.

Does Dad know you're going to Toronto with
just
a friend? Would this friend already have his suitcase packed to go with you?

I kicked the closed door with my foot. What was left of my family was falling apart. I had no idea what to do.

Elizabeth woke me when she tripped on the rug and banged her knee on the side of my bed. If that noise hadn't woken me, her stream of curse words made sure. When she saw I was awake, she dropped down onto the edge of my bed and rubbed her leg. I'd forgotten to close the curtains and could make out her dark silhouette hovering above me like an evil spirit.

“Where've you been?” I asked.

“Babysitting, and I have to tell you, I'm getting tired of you never being around to take the calls. You owe me.”

“You're awfully late.” I rolled around her to squint at the clock. It was going on two a.m.

“They went to play cards and forgot the time.” She shrugged. “More money for me.”

I propped myself up on an elbow. “I have to look after the store tomorrow. Mom's going to Toronto for the day.”

“
She is?
Maybe I can get a ride with her. I'd so like to get out of here, even if it's just for one day.”

I smiled. Elizabeth would make my mother think twice about going off with Johnny. Elizabeth was the perfect solution. “You'll have to get up early. I think she's leaving before seven.”

Elizabeth groaned and stood up. “I'll set my alarm and catch her before she goes. Maybe I'll talk my old man into letting me stay home for the rest of the summer.”

“What about the car he promised if you lasted here?”

Elizabeth tossed her hair back and looked down at me. “I'm hoping I can talk him into letting me stay home
and
get the car. He's probably fed up with Mom pestering him and will be delighted to have me back.”

“How is your mom?”

Elizabeth didn't say anything for a bit. She was turned away from me now and her voice came out smaller. “I wanted her to come with me for the summer, but she wouldn't leave Toronto. I have no idea what she's hanging on to there. It's not like my father wants her to stay.”

“I'm sorry, Elizabeth.”

I could see her looking down at me. “So am I. I guess you and me aren't all that different, are we, Dar? I mean, when it comes to having parents who don't have their shit together.”

“No, maybe not.”

Elizabeth crossed over to her bed and I watched her pull her shirt over her head before I turned onto my other side and stared at the wall.

I heard Elizabeth's alarm go off but I rolled over and went back to sleep. When I finally opened my eyes, the birds had started singing crazy songs to each other outside the window and the sun was partway up. Disoriented for a moment, I rolled onto my side and stared over at Elizabeth's bed. I expected to see the covers pushed back and Elizabeth gone. It was a shock to see blonde hair draped across her pillow. I sat up in a panic. Elizabeth had slept through her alarm and now my mother was probably halfway to Toronto without her.

I jumped out of bed and scrambled into my clothes, leaping across the room and bolting down the stairs, searching for my mother, trying to reach her in time.

I was too late.

Her note with instructions for the day and a key to the cash register lay on the kitchen table under the salt shaker. I grabbed the paper and studied her words, trying to read something hidden between the lines. It was hopeless. She'd gone off for the day with Johnny and I had no reason to think she'd be coming back.

E
lizabeth
came into the shop just after lunch. Her face reminded me of a hornet that had been poked with a stick.

“I can't believe you didn't wake me up. You knew how bad I wanted out of here.”

“I didn't know you'd slept through your alarm. It wasn't like I wanted you to miss the trip to Toronto.”

“What a bloody stupid day. I have to find a way back to Toronto before I go out of my mind.” Elizabeth wandered over to the front door. She stared at me before turning and leaning into the screen. She pressed her face into the mesh. “I just want some excitement. Is that too damn much to ask?”

I went and stood next to her. “You could always catch the bus to Toronto. Candy did the other day.”

Elizabeth turned sideways and smiled at me. “Candy. What are you doing hanging around with her? Girls like Candy were always hovering around Mick's band, trying to do something to get noticed. Groupies — who try to become important by getting their claws into someone famous. I can see her getting tired of playing wife here in dullsville.”

“She just left for a few days.” I didn't like how Elizabeth had described Candy, like she was a barnacle, sticking onto Johnny because she had nothing going on for herself. “Candy knew lots of famous people.”

“Oh yeah, name one.”

“She was best friends with Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison.”

Elizabeth threw back her head and laughed. It took her a while to catch her breath. “No way. I'd bet money Candy never got within a thousand miles of Joplin or Morrison. Did she really tell you that? Even better, did you believe her?”

I nodded, but the truth was, I'd begun to doubt Candy some time ago. Could she have been making all of it up though? Couldn't she have known Janis Joplin, Mary Hopkin, Jim Morrison, and J.D. Salinger? It did sound way out there.

“Why do you think Johnny and Candy really came to Cedar Lake?” I asked.

“Maybe to escape their lives in Toronto. Who knows? Who cares?” Elizabeth pushed open the screen door. “I'm going for a walk. See you later.”

I watched her cross to the path and bend to pick some daisies. She smelled them before crushing them in her hand and scattering them into the wind. I turned and went back to sit at my post behind the counter. I pulled the stool closer to the window so I could see the road. After a while, I closed my eyes and made a wish. If my mother would come home tonight, I'd stick around and help her more. I'd do anything not to have to break the news to my father that she'd gone off to Toronto without him.

Elizabeth came into the store as I was locking up for the night. She'd spent the day at the beach and was heading upstairs for a shower, a facial, and a couple of coats of pink pearl nail polish — tips she'd learned from the model Cheryl Tiegs in
Seventeen
magazine.

I stepped outside and searched the yard for signs of my mother, but she hadn't yet returned. It was too early to give up hope, but I didn't want to sit around waiting. I grabbed my notebook from under the counter and a bag of chips and headed for the beach. There were a few hours of sunlight left, and I wanted to work on my article for Gideon about life in Cedar Lake. I was almost ready to begin typing on the second-hand Olivetti my mother had given me for Christmas. I planned to bring my notes to Gideon in the morning along with the information I'd written down from my interview with Johnny. I'd tried calling Gideon a few times from the store in the afternoon, but he hadn't answered the phone. A new kid had delivered the mail all week. I figured Gideon must be taking a break from the world. He sometimes did that when he was swamped with writing projects and couldn't be bothered with people. He told me once that he'd had enough of dealing with idiots to last him two lifetimes.

This time, Tyler Livingstone was sitting on my rock waiting for me, and my heart gave a happy leap when I saw him. For a few seconds, I forgot about my mother and the big worry I'd been carrying around inside. Then I brought myself back to earth. I scowled and called myself stupid under my breath for thinking Tyler was interested in me. The only good thing was that he had no idea how I felt.

I climbed until my head was level with his legs. Tyler grinned at me and offered a hand to pull me up the last few feet. His touch was like a shock through my body, but I tried not to let on.
Play it cool,
I said to myself. I sat down and kept my hands busy ripping open the bag of chips I'd saved for when I was watching the sunset. I set the open bag down between us.

“Thought you'd be here tonight,” he said. “I've been sitting on your rock thinking you wouldn't be able to stay away.”

“You're psychic.”

“Except I haven't got a clue what's coming next.”

“Most psychics make up their predictions anyhow.” I looked away. “The lake is calm tonight.”

Tyler took his eyes off me and swivelled his head toward the beach. “It's a great view, that's for sure.”

We both reached for a chip and my hand brushed against his.

“'Scuse me,” he said.

“You took the chip I wanted,” I said.

Tyler grinned at me. “Open wide.”

I obeyed and he stuck the chip on my tongue. I chewed slowly and took a minute to study the waves rolling onto the beach and the golden light sprinkled across the water as the sun got a little lower in the sky. A wind had come up and the waves were higher than normal for this time of day. Tyler shifted backwards and leaned on his elbows.

“That woman — Candy,” he said. “I saw her walking to the bus a couple of mornings ago. I was out jogging.”

“So?”

“She was crying. I asked her if everything was okay. She said it was all screwed up.”

“I think she and Johnny aren't getting along so well.” I looked back at the lake.

“I don't remember much about that beach party the other night because I was so blasted, but I thought I saw her with your brother. I seriously think he shouldn't get tangled up with her. She's bad news.”

I let my breath out slowly. “William knows her from Toronto. I think they're just friends.”

“She seems pretty friendly, that's for sure,” Tyler said. He was quiet for a minute, then he said, “I saw her skinny dipping a few times when I was out jogging. She was down at the point, on that little stretch of beach. She saw me, but she didn't care that I was there.”

“I wonder how many others saw her too.”

Tyler shrugged. “She likes to flaunt it.”

“I guess.” It was a disconcerting idea. Anonymous men watching and waiting. Voyeurs in the shadows, with Candy putting on a show. I shifted uncomfortably, thinking how I'd been secretly watching people too recently.

“I like her,” I said. “She seems … sad and mixed up, maybe. Like she wants to belong but doesn't fit in.”

Tyler gave me his lopsided smile. “You always see the best in people, even when they don't deserve it. Take me for instance.”

“Are you digging for compliments?”

“Compliments are good. I also forgot to mention you're one of the smartest girls I know. What are you working on now?” He grabbed for my notebook and had it open before I could stop him.

“Give that back.”

He lifted an arm to block my hand. “Say, this isn't bad.” His eyes skimmed the page. “Did I really say that?”

I made a final lunge and grabbed the book from him. “Not funny, Livingstone.”

“You really can write.” He studied me like he was seeing me from a new angle. “I hope we can stay friends, you know, when we're old and grey.”

“Stranger things could happen.”

Tyler laughed. “Well, I wanted to see you before I leave. I quit my job yesterday and I'm heading out west to visit my cousins in Calgary. My parents are always nattering at each other like a couple of fishwives and I need to get away.”

“They still haven't decided about Andrew and the group home?”

Tyler shook his head. “No, but Mom will win. If not, Dad can expect his life to be hell for a very, very long time.”

“I'm really sorry, Tyler.”

I was sorry about Andrew but way more sorry that Tyler was leaving. The rest of the summer stretched before me, long and empty. I averted my eyes from his. Tyler reached up and pushed my hair away from my face in a motion so quick his fingers felt like feathers on my forehand. “It's a hell of a thing,” he said. Then, he sat up and then pushed himself to his feet. He looked down at me. “I'll send you a letter from Calgary. I'd like to stay friends with you, Darlene. Someday, I'll say I knew you when.”

“You're full of it tonight,” I said and smiled at him so he knew I wasn't serious.

He took a step back and bent over me. “How about a kiss, for friends' sake, as I head off into the great big world?” He crouched down like a cat getting ready to pounce and leaned his face into mine. His mouth was so close I could taste mint on his breath. His eyes filled mine and he seemed to be trying to tell me something. He moved closer and I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine, soft at first and then harder. It was the first time I'd ever been kissed by a boy, and I felt strange and watery inside, like everything was light and floating. I'd wanted to kiss him for a long time. Tyler moved a hand to my face and his fingers traced down my cheek as he kept on kissing me. I felt something so deep inside, I could hardly stand it. I never wanted it to end.

Tyler pulled away. He stood too fast and struggled to catch his balance. His feet managed to find a flat place to stand and he swayed back upright. He took a few careful steps down the first rock before he turned to face me. We looked at each other like we couldn't believe what had just happened. Tyler started to say something then stopped. He took a step backwards. “See you around sometime, Findley. Keep the faith.”

He spread his fingers in the
v
of a peace sign. His grin was wide, his eyes dark and shiny. He grinned at me until I smiled.

“See you around sometime, Livingstone.”

“I'll write.”

“And I'll write back.”

I watched him walk away from me for the last time that summer evening as the sun cast last shimmers of golden light across the water. I sat on my rock until long after the mosquitoes and blackflies had come and gone and the beach was hidden by darkness, not knowing if I'd be able to stand another winter waiting to see Tyler Livingstone again. It was a lot of months to spend wondering if his kiss meant anything. It was a long time to miss somebody. I grabbed my book and stood up. It was time to find my mother.

I walked across the beach and then down the road without knowing how I got there. I was torn between this great feeling bubbling up inside of me because of Tyler's kiss and fear that my mother would come home changed somehow. With each step, I promised myself that I would help out more around the store if Mom would just come home and things would go back to the way they used to be. I would be a better daughter and make my father happy. I'd spend time with Elizabeth.

As I started up the path to our store, I hoped against hope that my mother would be back. Still, it was a shock to actually see her sitting on the front steps looking down the path, dressed in her good blue pantsuit and silk blouse that she must have put on for her trip. She jumped up when she saw it was me and crossed the short distance between us. She'd had her hair cut in Toronto and she smelled like Chanel Number Five.

“Where have you been, Darlene? Elizabeth said she hadn't seen you all evening and I was worried.”

“I was just watching the sunset at the beach. You didn't need to worry.”

She took my arm and hugged me tight. “It's good to be home,” she said before letting me go.

“How was your trip?”

“Fine. It was fine. Let's sit for a few minutes.”

Relief swung back to fear. This could be the moment that she was going to tell me she was in love with Johnny. I was desperate to hear but scared to know.

“Okay,” I said and slowly lowered myself next to her.

“Gideon tells me you've been helping him with some stories. He says you have talent.”

I raised my head and stared at her. “When were you talking to Gideon?”

“Earlier. He's hoping you'll see him tomorrow.”

“I was going to help you in the store.” I remembered the pact I'd made with myself if she came home. I owed her a day of work, even if she didn't know it.

“I'll be fine tomorrow. Your dad will be coming late in the afternoon and William plans to be here Saturday morning.”

“William is still coming? Did you see him in Toronto?”

“I spoke to him on the phone. He has a few things to take care of in Cedar Lake before he heads back to Toronto on Sunday morning.”

“That's odd,” I said. “What does he need to do in Cedar Lake?”

“Nothing too earth-shattering.” Mom stood up and smoothed out the wrinkles in her pants. She shrugged. “I'd like to stay and talk longer but I'm suddenly exhausted. It's been a long day. Thanks again for watching the store today.”

“Any time, Mom.”

She looked down at me. Her eyes were sad. “I'm sorry I was so critical yesterday. Sometimes I just worry about how you're going to make it through this world with your head always in the clouds. Your father worries too.”

“He wants me to be a secretary and get married. What kind of life is that?”

“He … we just want you to be safe and happy.” Mom lowered herself to sit next to me again. “He wants all of us to be safe.”

I looked straight ahead. “You both just want me to live a life with no risk. I know Annie meant everything to you and I'm sorry she died, but I'm not Annie. You can't keep me in a bubble because you're scared something will happen to me too.”

“I didn't think … we never meant to do that, Darlene.”