“Haylee, what's wrong?” she asks, her fragile voice quivering already. She doesn't need my drama.
“Just a really bad day at practice,” I tell her as I walk past her and into my bedroom. She follows me and stands just outside the doorway. She never comes in here anymore. I probably should be happy about that the way most teenagers would be, but instead it just reminds me how distant we've becomes.
“I'm sure Madame Eileen understands that everybody has an off day sometimes,” she tries to reassure me. She can't bear to have me upset with dance or with Madame Eileen.
“I'll be fine, Mom. I'll make it up to Madame Eileen tomorrow morning,” I reply as I stand in the middle of my room with my hands on my hips. I want to change into my bathing suit, but I can't do that with Mom watching.
She gives me a weak smile and turns to leave. I close the door and pull off my dance clothes as quickly as I can. I drag out my royal blue bikini, the last clean one I have left. I'll have to do laundry later. I flop down on my bed and text Griff.
U home?
If Mom is off today, then I can't stay here. I have to get out NOW. My phone buzzes right away.
Yup. Why aren't u dancing?
Damn. He knows it's too early for me to be out. Well, I'll explain when I get over there, but he really shouldn't be too surprised. He saw how shaken up I was. I slide on a tank top and a pair of fringed denim shorts. I need to have the bathing suit covered up in case Mom is lurking about.
“I'm going out, Mom!” I call as I slide into flip flops and rush through the front door. She doesn't even ask where I'm going anymore. She probably assumes to Griff's, but still. I'm an eighteen-year-old girl. I could have been going to get drunk or high, or to my boyfriends' to have sex. I chuckle at that last thought especially. I don't have a boyfriend. Guess Mom doesn't have to worry about me too much.
By the time I cross the street, Griff is walking up his driveway to meet me. That's strange. He's never done that before. His behavior makes me instantly suspicious, so I glance down the driveway behind him. Off to the side by the barn is the same green Ford Focus that had been in my driveway that morning.
“What is
he
doing here?!” I hiss, my insides tightening up all over again.
“Relax, Haylee,” Griff insists, taking hold of both of my arms to get me to focus on just him. He knew what my reaction would be and that's why he cut me off. My eyes dart around looking for him. “He's inside. Please relax and hear me out.”
I take a deep breath and try to get the shaking of my body under control.
“It's been rough for him too these last four years, and he came to see us, to see this place again. We've been talking since I found him sitting in his car in your driveway. He got in late last night and crashed at the motel in town. Don't freak out on me but I asked him to stay at my place. He's my friend and I'm not gonna let him stay in some roach motel. He really wants to talk to you,” Griff explains and I just stare at him. Griff had been hurt when Chase left too. Maybe not like I had, and maybe guys just have an easier time forgiving.
“Why
now
?” After four years . . . what's different now?
Griff sighs and lets go off of my arms, glancing down at the ground. “He got into some trouble and lost control of what was really important and it finally woke his ass up.”
What the hell does that mean? How do you loose control on the cover of a magazine and winning wake boarding competitions in sunny California. Yeah, I'm a little bitter.
“Look, Haylee, I don't want to see you hurt again. I was there too, remember? But you never really got over him leaving, and here he is asking for a second chance. Just let him explain, okay?”
Is that what Chase is doing? Asking for a second chance? I don't know if I have it in me. But Griff is right: he's the one who's been there all along. He's been right beside me to help pick up the pieces of my life after Chase, and then again after my dad. I trust Griff. If nothing else, I have to do this for him.
I've just parked the Focus and I'm walking up the driveway when the front door bangs closed and there she is. I freeze right there where I stand as I watch her. Haylee Weston, my Haylee. She does still live here, and, my God, is she gorgeous. She'd always been beautiful and I don't know if it's just a case of 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' or the fact that she's a woman now, but seeing her now is like getting sucker punched in the gut. She hasn't noticed me here as she bounds down the front steps and reaches down to scoop a three-legged orange tabby cat up into her arms. I can't help but smile. Same old Haylee. The very first time I ever met Haylee was on the playground at my new school.
We had just moved across town into the lake house and I was the new kid. It had been a chilly fall afternoon and the kindergarten and second grade classes were out on the playground at the same time. I'd been sitting along the edge of the playground with another boy from my class who had been nice enough to talk to the new kid, when I looked up and saw this little blond girl go flying through the air as she leapt off the swing at its highest point. I was frozen as I waited for her to crash back to earth. I'd never seen anyone, even the big kids, take a leap like that one. She hit the ground hard and rolled to the side from the impact. I quickly glanced around but no one seemed to have noticed what had just happened. I jumped up and raced over to her. She was just pulling herself up onto her hands when I got there.
“Are you okay?” I gasped. She looked up at me then, and narrowed her bright, sky blue eyes at me for a moment. In that second, I felt like I could see everything about this girl through those expressive eyes, even though that was impossible. Her long blond hair was hanging haphazardly all around her face and shoulders, and her cheeks were pink from the cool air. She was absolutely adorable, and I didn't even like girls at the time.
She just nodded and began to pull herself the rest of the way up. There was chaos on the playground all around us, but I only saw her at that moment. She stood up briskly, but I could see that she was sore and slightly shaky from her fall.
“What did you do that for?” I couldn't help but ask her. She was so small that I knew she had to be a kindergartener. The top of her head barely even made it to my shoulders.
“I do it all the time,” she replied, brushing the front of her clothes off as though it was no big deal at all.
“Are you crazy? That's way too high.” I was beyond shocked. I thought girls, especially young ones, were timid and cautious and boring.
She smiled up at me, her eyes practically glowing with joy. “I like to,” she said nonchalantly. “I like the way my tummy feels when I'm that high in the air.” I had burst out laughing at her. She was either completely fearless or really stupid, and I had a feeling she wasn't stupid. Later on that same afternoon, I was outside my house exploring when I ran into Griff, Brynn, and Haylee. I was surprised to see the same little blond girl from the playground kneeling down beneath a tree looking at something. When I got closer, the kids all called me over to come see the baby raccoon. Sure enough, in Haylee's tiny hands was a small masked raccoon. She'd looked at me with a smile and that same radiant glow of joy in her eyes that I'd seen earlier. We were all fast friends from that point on.
Well, until a few years ago anyway, . . .
I watch as Haylee kisses the top of the cat's head. Lucky animal, I think. As she puts the cat down again and takes a step toward me, I watch as she notices the Focus first and then her eyes land on me.
She slaps a hand over her mouth and I can see the shock register on her face. She knows who I am. I let my eyes drink her in standing there in a tiny beam of sunlight that filters down through the trees. Her hair is longer than I remember but still blond and streaked by the sun. It hangs loose around her shoulders and I finally notice what she's wearing. A pink bra top of some kind and these ridiculously short, black cotton shorts. That outfit is enough to instantly wake up a certain part of my body. She's still a petite little thing, but she has filled out a bit and has the most mouthwatering, slender curves. She is rocking some killer muscle tone too. I wonder if it's from boarding, if she still loves it as much as she used to. She was unstoppable on the water when we were kids: fearlessness mixed with fierce determination and a constant desire to keep up with the boys.
“Hayles,” I finally get my mouth to work, but my voice comes out low and soft like I'm telling her a secret. I can't help but smile at her. I have missed her
so
much.
She lets her hand fall away from her mouth and it looks like she has tears pooling in her eyes. “Chase?” Her voice is a whisper. Man, I've missed hearing that voice. My name is a question like she doubts her sanity at seeing me standing here. My fault, of course.
“My God, you look amazing. How are you, Hayles?” I ask as I start to move closer to her. I want to pull her into my arms and never let her go again, but I can see the doubt clouding over her face. Her expression goes from shocked to pained, and there are tears rolling down her creamy, smooth cheeks.
I can feel my hand about to reach out and touch her arm, just to assure me that she is real, when she opens those perfectly bowed lips of hers.
“I can't do this,” she whispers and before it registers in my brain, she dashes around me and climbs into her car. I watch as she backs out of her driveway, trying not to look at me and let me know that she is sobbing. Of the millions of different scenerios that I've envisioned of seeing her again, I can honestly say that this had not been one of them. I feel like my heart has been crushed beneath the tires of her car. It's only fair though, I guess.
I end up sitting back down in the rental and trying to figure out how my life has gotten to be such a fucked up mess. What had I really expected coming here? I hadn't seen or heard from Haylee in four years. I can't exactly expect her to just run into my arms and forgive me for up and leaving the way I did. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain things and apologize to her though, if she can't even stand to look at me. My mind is trying to convince me that coming here has been a mistake. It would be easier to just drive back to LA and forget about this, but running isn't the answer. I know in my heart that this is where I need to be right now. They'll all need time, but I plan to be here until each of them comes around again.
The sound of an engine pulls me from my pity party as a beat up old pickup truck pulls into the drive behind me. I glance up at the rearview mirror and recognize Griff climbing out of the cab and sauntering up to my open window.
“Well, I'll be damned,” he gives a half-smile as he leans over and sets both hands down on the window ledge. “Chase Atwood really is in Haylee's driveway.” I guessed Haylee ran to Griff. I'm surprised though to realize that burned a little. I'd always been the first one she'd run to. Now I had her running
from
me. I shake that thought off. At least Griff is here for her.
“Hey, Griff,” I smile cautiously as I pull myself out of the car. I don't know what to expect from him and after Haylee took off crying, I'm even more unsure.
“Good to see you, man!” he grins and pulls me into a half shoulder, man hug. I have to admit I am surprised. Griff has always been easygoing, but after the way Haylee reacted and knowing that she'd tipped Griff off, I don't know, I half expected a right hook instead.
He asks me when I'd gotten back into town and insists that I stay with him instead of the motel I'd stayed in last night. I hadn't slept a wink anyway. I was so amped up after peeping around last night, memories of our childhood flooded my mind and kept me from sleeping. After grabbing my stuff from the motel, we park back over at his house and talk while he feeds the animals in the barn. There is a third horse that hadn't been there four years ago, and a bunch of chickens and some ducks lingering around. Nothing new here…there are new families of ducks here at the lake every year and they always seem to end up at Griff's barn. Griff has a Shepherd attached to his heels the whole time, and watching them makes me miss my own dog. There are a couple of cats lying up on the bales of hay, and I notice the three-legged orange tabby that I'd seen with Haylee earlier that morning. I smile as I remember seeing her hold it.
While Griff works, and I help out whenever I can, we talk about what it had been like to move to California and leave everything I knew behind. He wants all the details of the wakeboarding competitions and how I'd gotten a manager and sponsors. I spill my guts to him, all the good right along with all the bad. I've missed talking to Griff like this.
He finally asks the million dollar question: why I've never called or come back to visit. I answer him as honestly as I can, that time and circumstances had just gotten away from me, and after a while I figured they were each so pissed since I hadn't heard from
any
of them either that they wouldn't want to hear from me anymore. I had felt as though after so much time, maybe it was best to leave the wound healed instead of tearing it open again. It had been my stupid way of dealing with it, but I realize now that it didn't work for everyone. Only recently I've had the balls to admit to myself that it hasn't worked for me either. Those wounds are still there. I want Griff and Haylee and Brynn to know that I'm here to fix that now. Things had really come to light in my life recently and it was far too short to leave things the way they were when we'd all been so close once.
We finally head inside his house. It's weird how much things in here have stayed the same. If all I saw were the 'things' inside and not the people, I could easily believe that I'd never left. He takes me up to his older brother's room, which is empty since he moved out for college and is now living and working over in Chapel Hill. He tells me I can stay there as long as I need or want to. I don't have a clue how long that's going to be at this point. I'm living one day at a time right now.
I find out that Griff isn't going to college yet. He's working at a garage in town because he claims he hasn't figured out what he wants to do. I can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with Haylee.
“How 'bout Brynn? Does she still live in town?” I finally ask. I haven't heard anything about her yet.
“Yeah, she still lives in town,” Griff says and I can tell by the way that he shifts around that he is trying to sugarcoat something. “She changed, man. After you left, she quit hanging out with Haylee and me. She hangs out with the dance team now and she acts just like them. Her and Haylee pretty much can't stand each other.”
“Wow,” I murmur. I don't know what else to say. Haylee hated the girls she danced with. They were a bunch of whiny, gossiping backstabbers, so I'm pretty surprised that Brynn is one of them now. That had to hurt Haylee too.
Griff's phone buzzes and he glances down at it and then back up at me. I am really hoping the town rumormill hasn't started up yet. I want to talk privately with my friends first. I watch as he sends a quick reply followed by another quick buzz and then he raises his eyebrows at me. What the hell is going on?
“Haylee's heading over and she doesn't know you're crashing here yet. Just let me run out and talk to her first before she tries to drown you in the lake,” Griff tells me with a smile.
“Thanks for keeping it real, Griff,” I chuckle.
“Wouldn't have it any other way,” he grins as he stands to leave and pats me on the shoulder. “She'll be okay,” he says to me over his shoulder as he heads downstairs. I listen for the back screen door to slam closed and wonder how Haylee is going to take seeing me this time. It's incredibly depressing to realize that one of my friends has to go outside and smooth things over with another friend of mine for me. I feel like an alien from some other planet.
I guess I should at least be grateful that Griff has forgiven me for walking out of their lives. He seems to understand where I'm coming from and can see both sides. Maybe there's hope for Haylee and Brynn yet.
There is no denying the fact that I am nervous as hell to see Haylee again. She and I are a lot more complicated than me and Griff. There is so much I need to tell her, so much I need her to understand. There are a million questions that I want to ask her, but I have to take this slow. If she'd even give me a chance to talk to her, which is doubtful after this morning, I know I'll have to be careful how I say things so as to not scare her off.
I am pacing back and forth in Griff's room as I wait. I guess I've always known how difficult this would be and why I've let the time just keep slipping past. How do you tell someone that you're in love with them, have been for years now, and ask them to forgive you for going missing for the last four years? What would I do if the situation was reversed and Haylee had come back all of a sudden? How would I react to seeing her again? Since I really can't answer that question, I figure I know a tiny bit of how Haylee must be feeling.
I don't know exactly what I'm up here waiting for. Is Griff going to send me some kind of signal that Haylee is calm enough and I can come down and talk to her? I've been waiting for four years and I just don't think I can stand waiting another second. She is so close I swear I can feel it.
I hurry down the stairs, through the kitchen and living room that I'd spent so much time in as a kid, and reach the back door that leads out onto the patio just as Griff and Haylee are walking up the steps.
Here goes nothing . . . no, scratch that, here goes everything . . .