Second Chances (32 page)

There was more than a grain of truth to what the lawyer had said.  She really didn’t have a place to go, but clearly she could no longer stay here.  She wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked back and forth while she thought and fought the emotions coursing through her.

The moment the door closed, Gavin leaned his forehead against it.
  That was extremely close.  What if she had heard?  He turned and headed back towards the stairs.  He knew she would be coming down any time to meet him on the patio.  The mere idea soothed him.  He was certain that he would soon be lying on the lounger, gazing at the stars as he held her close.

Reaching the bottom step, Gavin looked up and froze.
  There was Hannah, a shaking huddled mass on the stairs.  His throat seemed to close and his chest tightened.  She must have heard.  There was no other explanation for her behavior.  Somehow, he had to make this right.  Somehow, he had to explain.

“Hannah,” he murmured, not wanting to startle her.
  He reached towards her, eager to hold her close and take away all the pain she felt. 

Raising her head slowly, a vacant expression on her face, Hannah slowly backed away, scooting up to the second floor landing before finally standing.
  Still, he moved toward her.  All he could think about was enfolding her in his embrace.  If he could just get her in his arms, somehow everything would work out.

“No,” she said quietly, determined not to be touched.
  “Stay back.” 

“Just let me hold you while I explain,” Gavin said, eyes wide with fear.

She shook her head, wrapped her arms around herself, the only hug she would allow, and began talking, almost to herself.  “It’s not like I thought you’d fall in love with me or anything,” she murmured.  And as she spoke those words, she knew her heart was breaking, the only thing that Brett hadn’t been able to touch, the one thing he hadn’t been able to take from her because it was never his.  But without meaning to, without making a conscious decision, she had given Gavin her whole heart, without him ever asking or offering his in return.  And now she was truly going to pay.

“But I did,” he murmured, still trying to close the distance between them.

She ignored him; she was pacing some as though she couldn’t decide where to go or what to do.  Though she hadn’t made eye contact with him the entire conversation, it was obvious she was paying attention.  “How could you possibly love someone as pathetic as me?”  The words sounded strangled as she struggled to speak without sobbing.  She refused to let him see how much he had hurt her.  “I can’t take care of my kids.  I can’t provide for them without help.”  She took a few deep breaths.

“We all need help sometimes, Hannah,” Gavin said quietly.
  “I need you.”  The final words were more of an admission than he felt comfortable with.

Hannah turned and leaned against the wall for support.
  For the first time, her eyes truly met his.  “Right.  I forgot.  You needed me for revenge.”  She choked back tears.  “Was I cheaper than therapy?  Was that it?  Are you the self-help type?”  Her shoulders shook as she tried to hold in the sobs that accompanied her tears.

Without warning, she stood ramrod straight and swiped at the tears that trailed down her face.
  She turned to face him for the first time since the conversation began.  “I’m giving my thirty day notice,” she announced with determination. 

Gavin’s shoulders sagged.
  He couldn’t lose her now, not when he had waited his whole life to find her.  There had to be a way to keep her.

“That was the
agreement, right?  Thirty days notice?”  She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him, awaiting a response.

He racked his brain, desperate for some way to prolong the inevitable, some way to hold on to her for a just a little while longer, until they could sort through this and he could make her understand.
  “It has to be in writing,” he answered in a flat voice, afraid to look at her, afraid to make eye contact that would betray his true emotions. 

Disgusted that he was going to make her hold to those terms after what she had just heard, she thrust her fingers into her pocket.
  Her right hand closed over a lipstick she forgot she had stuck in there earlier in the day.  She turned around, facing the wall that she had recently leaned against.  The small rectangular mirror hung there limply, almost out of place amongst the new paintings she had chosen during the remodel.  She had only placed the mirror there in case she wanted to see down the hall or to check her face before heading down the stairs.  She was ever practical.  Now the mirror was going to be re-purposed. 

Yanking the lipstick from her pocket, she pulled off the cap and quickly twisted until the Crimson Fire stick was visible.
  ‘I quit,’ she wrote on the mirror.  Then she signed and dated it.  Hannah recapped the lipstick and shoved it back into her pocket.  With both hands, she grasped the mirror and lifted it from the nail.  Turning to face him once more, she thrust the mirror towards Gavin.  “Will this do?”  She asked blandly.
 

He didn’t want to touch it, didn’t want to take it from her.
  She wasn’t giving him a choice.  Slowly, he reached out and accepted it, took the mirror and held it in both hands.  He opened his mouth, unsure of what he could say.

Before any words could escape, however, she had turned on her heels and marched decisively back to her room and firmly closed the door.
  Sadly, Gavin lifted the mirror to study her angry scrawl.  That’s when he realized in doing so…he had to face himself.  Swallowing hard, he let the mirror drop to his side then he headed back down the stairs.  He only had thirty days to fix this.  Somehow he had to fix this.

Once the doors were closed behind her, Hannah wept in earnest.
  Afraid that he would hear and know how truly devastated she was, Hannah moved to the bathroom and began to draw a bath.  Numbly, she scooped lavender bath salt from the jar on the edge of the tub.  The room filled with the soothing scent, but it did little to alleviate the sorrow she was experiencing.  Slowly, she undressed and lowered herself into the warm scented water.  The jets were on, but she felt little relief.  How could she have let this happen?  How could she have let her guard down so quickly?

With very little reasoning, she knew why, she knew how he had won her over, gained her trust.
  Every step of the way he had treated her with kindness and consideration unlike anything she had ever experienced before.  It was easy to get caught up in the emotions of it all when she was pampered like a queen.  Sighing, she let it all out.  This would be the last time she allowed herself to cry over him, might as well get it all out there.

Fifty-three minutes later, she stared at her reflection in the mirror.
  She was a red pruned towel clad version of her normal self.  Her eyes and nose were particularly telling of her state.  She couldn’t remember when the last time was that she looked this broken.  Maybe never.  Turning, Hannah stared at the bathrobe Gavin had bought her that was hanging on the hook between the shower and the tub.  She longed to wear it, but refused to let it touch her skin.  It would be too much like Gavin holding her and she couldn’t allow that either.

She grabbed the robe with two fingers and her thumb, holding it away from her as though it was foul, and dropped it on the floor in the closet.
  She sighed.  That would be the start of the pile of things she wasn’t keeping, things Gavin had purchased, things that would be a constant reminder of him.  Opening her pajama drawer, she saw one of her old ratty t-shirts and pulled it on.  There were clothes all through the closet that Gavin had bought her.  And they would still be there in the morning when she felt capable of dealing with them.    There was one more thing Hannah needed to do before she would allow herself to sleep.  Turning on the computer, she waited for the Internet to connect.  Then she opened the site that consumed so much of her time.  Her bank account was slowly growing, but after running the numbers, she realized there was no way her small stash would be enough to get an apartment, especially since she no longer had a job.

On top of that, she had allowed Gavin to convince her to register the girls for school in the area.
  If she wanted to keep them happy, she would be forced to pay significantly more for rent than was typical of other areas of the city.  She held her head in her hands for a few moments, willing the new throbbing pain in her temples to disappear. 

Late
r than Hannah typically started her morning, she woke, eyes red from tears she’d shed, nose plugged, and her head continued to throb.  Hannah wasn’t sure she could get out of bed, as weak and sad as she was.  Yet she knew instinctively, that if she was to save the girls from becoming not only aware of the situation but also concerned for their future, she had to move from the top of the comforter.  At least she didn’t have to worry about making the bed since she had merely curled up on it and never disturbed the bedding.  Even the thought of climbing under the sheets had required too much effort.

Mustering all the strength she could, she
finally lowered her feet to the floor and moved painfully slowly toward the bathroom.  Maybe the hot shower would revive her, but she seriously doubted it.  And then she had to put on her happy face, since the girls would be expecting her…and Gavin.

All night, Gavin had lain awake, staring at the ceiling, once again wishing that he had x-ray vision and could see what Hannah was doing.  Instinctively, he knew that she was in as much pain as he was.  He also knew, with deepest regrets, that he was the source of that pain.  He may have helped Hannah heal once, but now he had created a deeper wound than she had ever before had to contend with.

She had taught him much in the short time that they had lived together.
  Through her patience and understanding, he had discovered that showing his feelings didn’t make him weak.  And in truth, it brought them closer together.  He had to get close to her.  That was all that was needed.  There had to be a way for them to fix this.

One thing was certain.  There was no way Hannah was going to go to Florida with him now.  And he couldn’t bear to be away from her. 
Sighing, knowing that he was going to regret even more than the actions that brought him to this point the phone call that he was now forced to make, he slowly sought out his cell phone on the nightstand.  It rang three times before his mother finally answered it.

“Mother,” he began quietly.

Immediately, she was alarmed.  It wasn’t like Gavin to reach out to her.  He had to be in trouble.  “Gavin, what is it?”  She asked anxiously.  “Is everything okay?”   

 
His throat constricted.  “No, everything is most definitely not okay.”  He sighed, then cleared his throat before speaking.  “Hannah, the girls and me, we were going to come visit this weekend…a surprise for Mother’s Day.  But I…I need you to come here,” he began.

“Tell me what’s happened.”
  She sat heavily in the chair in her bedroom. 

It didn’t take more than a few minutes for him to explain the entire situation.
  His mother hadn’t interrupted at all, hadn’t asked a single question, and hadn’t even stopped him to berate his idiocy.  And that’s when he knew how much trouble he really was in.

“Will you come?”
  The words were spoken quietly.  It was as though he already knew she would refuse his request.

“Gavin,” she said gently, “I can’t fix this for you.”
  She sighed, the ache in her chest growing for him, for the hurt she couldn’t heal.  “You want me to come so that Hannah’s forced to share a bed with you…again.  And the truth is that she isn’t.”  Mrs. Meyers stood to pace now.  “She could just as easily decide to leave town while I’m there, or sneak down and sleep on a sofa, or even camp out on the floor in that monstrous bedroom.”

The truth of her words hit home.
  That Hannah had spent the night with him, shared a bed with him in the past was clearly the result of mutual desire.  She didn’t mind then, but she would certainly mind now.  His mother was right. 

“So what can I do?”
  He asked helplessly.  “I don’t know how to fix this.”  He could feel the all too familiar panic rising.  “I only know that I can’t be without her, mom.  I can’t lose her.”  He swallowed hard.  “I love her.”  He nearly whispered the admission.