Second Hope Cowboy (10 page)

“We give
us
another opportunity. After a period of time, if you still want to part ways, I’ll sign over the house. Free and clear.”

Time seemed to tick by at the speed of a sloth. Several expressions flitted across her face. “This would never work, Tucker.”

“Why not? If it doesn’t, what do you have to lose? Only to gain. Right?” He realized how ludicrous his plan seemed.

Her hands dropped to the table, palms flat. “This is crazy. We’re divorced. People divorce for a reason and it’s impossible to get back together.”

“How would you know?”

She shrugged, her shoulders deflated. “I guess I don’t, but it seems like a chemical warfare—we’d drive each other crazy.”

“Possible. But I remember that you and I married for that simple reason. We fought like cats and dogs, but we couldn’t live apart.”

She sighed. “I could never agree to this”

“Because of Blaise?” he asked, tightening his hands into fists.

“Because it took me a long time to recover the last time I left. I don’t want to prolong the unavoidable.”

“But what if you don’t leave? What if you decided to stay?”

“That’d never happen, Tucker. It’s a lost dream.” She threaded her fingers through her hair. It didn’t work.

“We deserve the chance to end things the right way. And if you’re so sure you will walk away, wouldn’t this be a winning situation for you?”

She opened her mouth as if to say something, but then closed it.

“Look, I don’t want to force your hand, but this is the deal. If you want the house then you need to prove to me that we are over.”

“Why, Tucker? What would this really prove?” Her soft voice sent chills racing down his spine.

He shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s worth anything. But I do understand that you’re right, someone does need to live in that house and I know I can’t live there alone. I tried and I was haunted by the ghosts of the past. If after the time is up and you’re still sure that we’re better apart, it won’t be you walking away this time, it’ll be me.”

He saw her throat move as if she had a hard time swallowing. “Let’s just say I consider this foolish scenario, just for theory’s sake, what exactly do you mean by living as a ‘couple’? And how long?”

Damn, he had no clue. Too short and she’d want him to leave sooner than he wanted. Too long and he could be drawing the pain out.

He wasn’t even sure what he expected from this idea, but it had seemed to come out of his mouth on its own accord—tumbling like an armload of bricks at their feet.

“A month,” he blurted. “Thirty days.”

“And during this time we’re supposed to act like husband and wife? That’s impossible.” Her bottom lip quivered.

“Well, I’m sure the rules aren’t set into place.”

“What will people think?” She shook her head.

“Who cares what people think? Aren’t you old enough to not worry about—”

“My father?” Her gaze met his, narrowed and full of doubt.

“Yes, your father particularly. I know he never liked me and I’m sure he even hates me more now, but I don’t give a shit, Hope. He might be down on his knees praying that you get back together with the hoity-toity doctor because he thinks a rancher isn’t good enough for you.” Anger sliced through his gut. Her father, JR, had always been against Hope’s relationship with Tucker. JR had filled Hope’s head with how rough life would be if she married Tucker. When that didn’t pan out and she still decided to get engaged, JR then came to Tucker and offered him a large figure to walk away.

Tucker and Hope married the following month.

When Hope was in recovery after the second miscarriage, JR had approached Tucker when Hope was asleep and dropped guilt on him, stating that if Tucker really loved Hope he’d never ask her to get pregnant again.

Tucker did love Hope, more than anything. So, he told her they shouldn’t try any longer to start a family.

They’d made an agreement.

Hope thrummed her fingers on the table, drawing his attention.

“Okay, I shouldn’t let my father’s thoughts persuade my decision. But you know he was right when he said we would grow apart.”

“Was he the one who persuaded you to leave me?” The air snapped. He could hear the birds chirping through the window.

She shook her head, sending tendrils of hair around her flushed cheeks. “No, Tucker. I wouldn’t have allowed him to make that choice for me. It was mine to make and mine alone. Just as this is between us now.”

“Then what will it be, Hope? It’s in your court, again. Will you drop the ball? Will you give me a second chance—a second hope?”

He knew he couldn’t pressure her. She had to decide what she wanted. In the end, she’d probably still want him to leave—he was pretty sure, but he had to give this a shot. He needed closure and this could be the only way he’d ever get it. And if anything, maybe it’d keep her away from the doc for a while longer and she’d see that he wasn’t the man for her.

She deserved to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.

“I need some time to think. I don’t have to give you my answer right now, do I?”

He shook his head. “I can wait. If you want to go get dressed, I’ll run you to get your car. And then you’ll have to decide.” He swallowed against the ache in his throat. The odds were against him, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

***

Hope stared out of the window of Tucker’s truck. She was in an internal tug of war—again.

Why didn’t she just tell Tucker that it wouldn’t work. She was leaving.

It would have been easier than dealing with the hell racing through her brain now.

Fact was, she couldn’t tell him no while sitting across from him. Her mind had flashed warnings, encouraging her to stand strong while her heart bled with the opportunity to be near Tucker longer.

It was possible he wanted this chance so that he could walk away, like she’d done. Everyone liked having the upper hand.

And what if she didn’t want him to leave at the end of the month?

Laying her head against the cool glass, she closed her eyes. No, staying couldn’t happen. Nothing had changed since their marriage. She’d have another miscarriage. The odds were against her.

She’d hurt him again—hurt herself.

And he had no clue of the last miscarriage. He’d be angry that she’d kept the secret from him.

It was best he never knew about the baby, but being close to him, it’d be hard not to be honest about the past. He’d demand answers, she realized he wanted them.

How could she hurt him again…two years down the road? She’d had her grieving time, but he hadn’t been given that chance.

Opening her eyes, her vision blurred and she blinked back tears. She couldn’t cry. She couldn’t be vulnerable. Just because they’d made love, and it had been so right, didn’t mean that it could pave a bright future.

By the time they drove into the small two-store town, she knew what she had to do. She’d have to tell him she was leaving. If she didn’t leave she’d be giving up so much more of herself.

They pulled into the gravel lot and Tucker slid the gear into park. He started to open the door but she placed a hand on his arm, pausing him. “Wait. I have something to say.”

He took his hand away from the handle and turned in the seat to look at her. His expression was blank. She guessed he already knew her answer. “What is it?”

“I’ve made my decision,” she said.

He nodded. “Then what is it?”

“I can’t stay with you, Tucker.” Her tongue swelled. Her heart reflected the same feeling. “It can’t work. It won’t work. We’d only be torturing each other. What we shared last night was…well…magical, but now reality is at our door and we have to walk out into the real world. We are over, have been for a long time.” With each word that passed her lips, her heart ripped open, deeper and wider gashes.

She expected his question of why but instead he nodded and slipped out from behind the wheel.

Her heart clenched. Sickness rolled around her stomach.

Tears filled her eyes and she pushed them back. She couldn’t allow emotion to get the best of her.

Sliding out of the passenger side, she spotted the little boy, Dalton, sitting in the exact same spot she’d seen him before. He saw her too. His gaze was on her, watching and curious. She smiled and waved. He gave her a quick wave in return. She realized the boy moved her because she and Tucker would have had a son about his age…

Swallowing her raw emotion, she started toward the step. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to him again.

****

Tucker glanced across the parking lot at his empty truck. Where had Hope gone?

He stepped to the open garage door of the shop and he spotted her by the corner, kneeling down doing something. He looked closer and past her arm, and his breath caught. He saw the little boy she’d mentioned the other day.

Life hadn’t been fair to Hope. From the first time he’d met her he’d known she loved children, had talked about having her own, having a house full of laughter and the pitter patter of small feet. Honestly, at the time, he wasn’t even sure he wanted kids, but seeing her enthusiasm at the prospect had swayed his decision. Unfortunately, fate had different plans.

Their relationship was forever over. She’d dropped his hopes into the trash, telling him there wasn’t a sliver of chance that they’d get back together, or even that she wanted to give it another try.

What had he been thinking? His foolish gut had led him the wrong direction.

Hell, he knew he hadn’t been thinking clearly when he blurted out the plan to Hope. He’d never been the smartest around her.

“Car’s all ready, buddy.”

Dragging his gaze away from Hope, he turned and gave Hinshaw a quick nod. “Thanks.” He reached into his pocket and grabbed the wad of cash he’d stuffed in there that morning. “Anything extra that we hadn’t already discussed?”

“Nope.” Hinshaw scratched his oily head. “New radiator is all she needed to get back on the road. The dents and scratches won’t keep her down.”

Yeah, the man’s words meant more than he’d ever understand.

“By the way, Hinshaw, I want to pay off a credit in your mom’s store.”

Hinshaw squinted. “You don’t seem to me like a man that’d have a tab.”

“It’s not mine. But it has to stay confidential.”

Damn, Hope always did spur him to be a better man.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Tucker unlocked the door, pushed it open wide and inhaled the scent of pine and bleach. The floors were freshly cleaned, yet he knew there was a lot more that needed done. At least it wouldn’t smell like mildew and dust when Hope walked in.

He started to cross the threshold when his stomach twisted. He backed up, leaving the key hanging in the door.

There was no reason to go back into the house here at Havens Ranch.

Undeniably, he had a lot of pride, and for damn sure he was too old to change, but he hoped he had a bigger heart and knew the difference between right and wrong.

After Hope had left him at the cabin, driven away without a backward glance, he’d bid her farewell and reality had slapped him in the face. Seeing her leave had crumbled the wall he thought had been airtight. Wrong on so many levels.

But he wouldn’t go back—couldn’t go back.

Yet, when he woke up the following day, he’d decided Hope should have the house. He’d never live there, not alone. Too many memories would haunt him. Just like now, even contemplating going into the two-story farmhouse felt like a dull knife being shoved up his ass. Not a good feeling.

He’d just wait out on the porch until Hope arrived.

Dragging one of the old white wooden rockers across the floor he situated it in the corner and took a seat, propping his booted feet on the top of the paint-chipped rail. This was his favorite spot. From here he could look out for miles and miles over green pastures and the big red barn in the far distance.

He’d sold the two-hundred acres to his brother Cash, who now worked the land with hands. Recently, Cash had bought another forty acres on the west side along with an old house that he’d been fixing up for the last year. There, Cash lived with his daughter, Becca.

Tucker’s phone beeped. He dug into his front pocket, took it out and read the screen. Speak of the devil.

Hitting talk, he brought the cell to his ear. “Cash, you must have read my mind.”

“Yeah, why’s that?” His brother’s Texas twang rippled across the speaker

“I’m sitting here at the farmhouse.” He had vaguely mentioned to his brother that he planned to give the house to Hope.

“That’s why I’m calling, bro. I saw you pass earlier and I wanted to ask if you’re sure about this. You want to give up that old place? I know you’ve gotten comfortable over there at Brooke Creek, but I sure could use a good rancher here at Havens. You know I’ll bring you on as half owner if that’s what it takes.”

Tucker pushed his hat back on his forehead and rubbed between his eyes. He missed his land. Missed calling a place his own, but—