Second Time Around (11 page)

Alec gave Halley a triumphant glance only to find her sitting on the couch with her head in her hands. He carried Cassie over to the couch and sat down beside her.

“Are you okay?” he asked when he heard her sniff.

Halley raised her head and Alec could see tears streaming down her cheeks.

“No, I’m not okay,” Halley told him tearfully then took a breath. “Cassie has been like this every night for weeks and I’ve walked around with her until she tires herself out and goes back to sleep. All this time it’s been colic and I could have fixed it if I did what you did. Cassie has suffered because I’m a terrible mother and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You’re a great mother,” Alec contradicted.

“If I’m so great then why has Cassie screamed her head off every night?” Halley argued. “And look, look!” she added gesturing to her stomach. “I’m having another one. Another life to screw up! Here’s someone else who will hate me.”

Alec sensed there was more to Halley’s outburst than a baby with colic.

“Cassie doesn’t hate you. She won’t even remember tonight.” He decided to take her mind off Cassie. “What’s the earliest thing you can remember?”

Halley briefly gave his question some thought.

“Cuddling up to Krystal in the back seat of a car for warmth. It was a wintery night and we were waiting for Chantelle to finish drinking with her mates in the pub,” she told him tearfully.

“How old were you,” Alec asked gently.

“I was four,” Halley answered then wiped at her eyes.

Alec closed his eyes and mentally begged forgiveness from his late parents. As a child he had considered them unreasonably strict but he’d had nothing to complain about. Opening them again he gave Halley a tentative smile.

“In that case you’ve got over a year and a half before you need to worry about Cassie recalling what you’ve been up to,” he told her, forcing a smile. “You may as well make the most of it.”

Despite her mood Halley gave a soft laugh.

“Why don’t you go back to bed?” Alec suggested. “I can sort out Cassie and let myself out when I’m done.”

“But you’ve got to work in the morning,” Halley protested weakly.

“And what you do isn’t work?” Alec asked, raising one eyebrow. He didn’t wait for her to answer. “Go on. Get to bed.”

Halley traipsed out of the room and Alec knew she had still been exhausted because she hadn’t put up any further argument. He tore his eyes from the doorway she had gone through and settled them on Cassie who was now sucking the side of her fist.

“So you’re hungry now huh?” he said softly as he raised her to his shoulder. “It figures.”

Alec opened his personal bank statement and flattened the piece of paper on his desk. Looking at the balance wasn’t going to cheer him up but it provided a distraction from the argument Rufus and Leonora were having just outside his office door. He wished those two would just sleep with each other and be done with it, he thought tiredly. Maybe then they would get along.

He gave a derisive snort at the thought. Office place romances didn’t always end happily and with Rufus’ track record he would probably wind up having to replace the best PA he’d ever worked with.

Dropping his gaze to the piece of paper in front of him he winced when he saw the balance. Their accountant had gone over the books with him and Rufus yesterday and it had been decided that they needed to employ a few more staff in preparation for their planned expansions into Melbourne and Perth later in the year.

There was sufficient money in the business to cover the expansion but their accountant was the cautious type and she had never steered them wrong. There would be no talk of a possible dividend until the end of the next financial year. Just like that any thoughts of a dividend being paid out to pour into his black hole of a mortgage had been put on hold.

He perused the list of debits to his account. What could he do to bring his expenses down? After the mortgage his largest regular outgoing was to Halley for looking after Em.

The door to his office burst open and Rufus strode in, taking his mind off the sad state of his bank account. Much to Alec’s chagrin Rufus had been trying to set up another date with Halley. So far he had managed to prevent Rufus from asking her by making himself unavailable to babysit. The downside of that had been he hadn’t seen much of Em or Halley because he had been working late every night to justify his refusal.

Alec felt he had good reason to be unhelpful. He had observed that Rufus hadn’t been his usual partying self since meeting Halley a month ago and he worried that his pursuit of Halley was genuine.

“What do you want?” he asked grouchily, shoving his bank statement into a drawer.

“Don’t you think that Leonora should go that extra mile if she wants a pay rise at her next performance review?” Rufus asked, taking a chair instead of dropping onto the edge of his desk as he normally did.

“It depends on which direction that extra mile is,” Alec said wearily. He hoped that whatever Rufus was wanting her to do wasn’t going to send her running to one of their job placement staff for a new career.

Leonora stalked into the room and stopped beside Rufus’ chair. Today her hair was neon green and Alec idly wondered whether it glowed in the dark.

“Don’t even try and bring Alec into this,” she snapped at Rufus. “The answer will always be no.” Then she turned to Alec and brought him up to speed anyway. “He’s trying to get me to babysit a group of kids so he can take their mother out on a date.”

“Like hell,” Alec snapped. He suddenly realised he was glowering at Rufus and forced himself to look away and take a deep breath. “I mean,” he said calmly, turning his gaze to Leonora “That isn’t in your job description.”

“That’s what I said,” she agreed, bestowing Rufus with a smug smile which fell away when the phone on her hip started ringing. “Excuse me while I answer this,” she said, unclipping the phone and taking it to her ear as she turned away.

A few moments later she turned back and thrust the phone at Alec.

“It’s one of the office ladies from Em’s school. Something’s happened to Halley.”

It took all of Alec’s self-control not to run down the corridor to Halley’s room after one of the nurses on the ward had told him where to find her. Even so, he strode briskly, urged on by the sound of Cassie’s cries. He found Halley sitting on a bed in tears and Cassie in her baby capsule beside her.

“Are you okay?” he asked Halley with concern as he automatically unsnapped the capsule harness so he could pick Cassie up. Whether it was the scent of him or the sudden warmth and familiarity, Cassie immediately settled down as he hugged her to his chest.

Alec transferred the capsule to the floor then perched on the side of the bed as Halley sniffed back tears.

“I don’t know,” she said, placing her hands protectively across her belly. Her actions made Alec aware of the dressings on her hands. He gave her a quick appraisal and noted more dressings on her knees from where they appeared below the hem of her shorts.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I was at the school seeing the children off and a ball from someone’s game flew in my direction. I dodged it and tripped over the end of the stroller,” Halley explained between sniffs.

The imagery that came with her description made Alec check out her stomach. The part of her t-shirt that was tightest around her belly was discoloured as though it had rubbed against something dirty... like a playground.

“Is the baby okay?” he asked anxiously.

“I don’t know. I’m waiting for an ultrasound,” Halley sniffed.

“How about you? How are you doing?” he asked.

“Apart from a few grazes and a sore back I’m okay,” she said then burst into tears.

Alec adjusted Cassie’s position in his arms and leaned towards Halley to comfort her with a hug. She gripped onto his arms and clung to him as she continued to cry. After what seemed to Alec like hours Cassie started to protest about being held between them and with a mixture of relief and regret he pulled away.

Spying a box of tissues next to an empty bed he got up and retrieved them.

“Here you go,” he said and pulled a couple out for Halley to take.

She delicately accepted them then ruined the effect by loudly blowing her nose.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“For what?” Alec asked, genuinely puzzled.

Halley grabbed another tissue and started dabbing at her eyes.

“For being so upset. For taking you away from work. I know how busy you’ve been,” she told him. “I didn’t want the ladies at the office to call you but I had no one else.”

“I don’t mind. I’m never too busy to help you if you need it,” Alec told her, feeling equal parts guilty for working unnecessarily late nights that had made her think he was swamped with work and savagely pleased that the thought of contacting Rufus for help had never entered her mind.

“Thanks,” she said in a small voice then burst into tears again.

Alec handed her another tissue and she used it to blow her nose.

“Is something else wrong?” Alec asked intuitively.

“I’m worried I’m going to get what I wished for and I’ve discovered that it’s not what I want anymore,” Halley whispered.

“I don’t understand,” Alec whispered back. “What did you wish for?”

A short while later Alec carried Cassie to the nurse’s station in search of formula, staggered by what Halley had told him.

Halley had never wanted to be pregnant. She had been out with friends at a nightclub and by chance had run into Rob. He had been friendly and had bought drinks for them all. Because he was her sister’s brother-in-law she had felt obliged to spend a little time with him after her friends had splintered off to dance. Somehow one drink became several and the following day she woke up naked in his bed.

She had been a virgin before that experience and when she found out three weeks later that she was pregnant she panicked. She didn’t want to be like her mother so had asked Krystal for advice on what to do.

The next thing she knew Rob was on her doorstep proposing. Halley didn’t believe he was sincere but felt that she had to accept because the school she worked for had traditional values and she doubted she would have been able to keep her job if she remained unmarried and had a baby.

They had been married in a registry office the following week. She had been embarrassed that Krystal had needed to supply her with a ring for the ceremony but at the time had accepted Rob’s story of his mother’s engagement ring in a bank deposit box.

During the picnic Krystal and Paul had put together afterwards to celebrate she had felt as though she had made a terrible mistake but it was too late. She was married for better or worse.

Halley had spent her wedding night alone as Rob had told her he was working the night shift and couldn’t get out of it. She realised then that she didn’t even know what her new husband did for a living.

He had arrived home long after she was asleep. When she had picked his clothes off the floor the next morning the smell of perfume on his shirt indicated that not only had Rob lied about working he had also shown he had no intention of honouring their wedding vows.

When he had got up and discovered that she had moved her things from his room they had an argument during which Rob admitted to seducing her and getting her pregnant on purpose. Paul had mentioned the money Krystal was looking after on her behalf and Rob had decided that half of it would be worth having in a divorce settlement.

Upon hearing that Halley had felt betrayed on so many levels. She had barely tolerated Rob’s presence after that and it had taken weeks before she talked to Krystal again. For appearances sake she had stayed in the apartment with Rob all the while planning to leave him after the baby was born.

Knowing that half of what she had saved wouldn’t provide the security of a home let alone support herself and the baby she had worried over every cent she spent. When Rob and Paul had been determined to have them all attend their friend’s wedding in New Zealand she had reluctantly agreed and the excuse of cheaper airfares if they left with Krystal earlier had given her a valid reason to travel separately from them.

When they had been killed in the car accident Halley had been devastated. She would never get to make up with Krystal and her sister would never live to see her sons and daughter grow up. Halley blamed herself and blamed Rob for things ending the way they did.

Most of all she blamed her unborn baby because if she hadn’t been pregnant she would have never married Rob. If single she would have kept the boys with her in Wollongong while Paul and Krystal attended the wedding. That meant they would not have been on that road intending to meet them at the airport when the truck hit the median barrier.

Every day since she had found out she was pregnant Halley had wished for a miscarriage. Her short lived marriage and the stress of dealing with everything after Krystal’s death had only made her desire stronger. Now that the possibility of something happening to the baby was real Halley found that she desperately wanted the baby to be fine.

As Alec was directed to the maternity floor to talk someone there into giving him formula for Cassie he couldn’t help but brood on what Halley had shared with him. His fists tightened at the thought of how Rob had treated her. He wasn’t the violent type but the thought of anyone hurting Halley enraged him.

After what she had been through he now understood why she didn’t have a name for the baby and why the only photo he had seen of her husband was a group one which was kept in the boys’ room. Alec realised he was glad that Halley was not pining for her deceased husband.

He couldn’t completely explain why he felt so protective of her but he knew it was tied up with how she made him feel. Despite Halley having been through so much and coping with more than any one person should have to deal with she had still taken in Em and had been happy to accommodate his crazy work hours. Her flexibility, generosity and kindness were just a few things he admired about her.

Halley stirred up other feelings in him too but he wasn’t quite ready to act on them. Although he instinctively knew that she was nothing like Miranda he had learned his lesson about leaping into a relationship without getting to know what the person was really like first.

Now that he was older and hopefully wiser he knew there was more to consider than just how they felt about each other. If nothing else he needed to know how he felt about being in the lives of four children who weren’t his own. Until he knew the answer to that he didn’t know whether he could be the man she needed.

When he returned to Halley’s room a while later with a fed and freshly changed Cassie in his arms he found her bed empty. Frowning, he wondered whether he had walked into the wrong room but Cassie’s baby capsule on the floor confirmed that he was in the right place.

Deciding that Halley was in the bathroom he clipped a sleepy Cassie back into the capsule. A few minutes later when Halley hadn’t returned he carried Cassie to the nurse’s station to find out when she had got to. No one was around so he hit the buzzer on the counter.

A nurse wearing a plastic apron and holding up gloved hands leaned out of a doorway.

“I’ll be with you in a minute,” she said remarkably cheerfully for a person who looked like as though they were about to start poking their fingers into someone’s orifice. She then disappeared, leaving Alec waiting.

Alec set Cassie’s capsule on the floor and rocked it as he waited, wondering whether he should tap the buzzer again. After all, he reasoned, the person the nurse was dealing with wasn’t going anywhere.

Before he could reach for it again the nurse who had given him directions to the maternity ward came out of another room and recognised him.

“I’m sorry that we had to send you off for formula,” she said apologetically as she approached him. “We’re a bit short staffed today. Now what can I do for you?”

“Could you tell me where Halley is?” he asked.

The nurse scanned the contents of a large white board on the wall behind her then turned back to Alec.

“Mr Clarke, your wife was taken down to radiology about five minutes ago,” she told him.

Alec didn’t bother explaining that he wasn’t Mr Clarke and that Halley wasn’t his wife.

“How do I get there?” he asked.

The nurse pointed to stripes of different coloured paint on the wall beyond the nurse’s station.

“Follow that green line to get to radiology,” she explained just as a chime sounded behind her. “Excuse me, I have to go.”

Alec picked up Cassie’s capsule and followed the green line down the corridor as the nurse raced back into the room she had just come out of.

When he reached the radiology department several minutes later he couldn’t see Halley anywhere so went up to the desk and asked the receptionist behind it where Halley was. The receptionist must have picked up on his underlying concern for Halley’s wellbeing.

“Don’t worry Mr Clarke. She’s in the other waiting area and you won’t have missed anything,” she assured him then gave him detailed instructions on how to get there.

Alec went through a rabbit warren of short corridors and found Halley seated in a wheelchair in the next waiting room. Relieved to have finally found her he set Cassie’s capsule on the floor and dropped onto the adjacent seat. Halley immediately gripped his arm.

“Will you come with me?” she asked. “I don’t want to do this alone.”

“Sure, no problem,” Alec said smoothly, gently prising her fingers off his arm and taking her hand in his. Halley’s hand felt cooler than he expected and he rubbed it with his fingers.

“Look at Cassie,” he said proudly to take her mind off her worries. “I got her to sleep.”

Halley turned her attention to the sleeping baby in the capsule.

“She looks like a little doll,” she murmured at the sight of the baby sucking the side of her hand in her sleep.

“Mrs Clarke?”

They both turned their attention to a man of Indian descent wearing a lab coat as he strolled up to them. His name badge identified him as Harvey Patel, radiologist.

“That’s me,” Halley confirmed.

Dr Patel noticed the baby capsule on the floor and when he reached them he checked the clipboard he had in his hands. Seeming puzzled, he looked up.

“Is there something wrong?” Halley asked.

“You’re here for a maternity ultrasound?” he enquired.

“Yes,” Halley answered and leaned back in the wheel chair so he could better see her stomach.

“Good,” Dr Patel said. He returned his eyes to Cassie asleep in her capsule then shrugged it off. “Come with me.”

He led them to a curtained off room and helped Halley out of the wheelchair and onto an examination bed.

“It’s nice to see Dad here too,” he said, acknowledging Alec’s presence as he set things up for the scan.

Halley started to correct him but Alec squeezed her hand to stop her. He told himself he did it out of idle curiosity because he had been excluded from Miranda’s scans and he didn’t want to be sent out of this one. Then he admitted he also wanted to be there to support Halley if she was told that there was something wrong with the baby.