When I finished reading, I looked up at the sky, and exclaimed, “Oh, Heaven, why are you so cruel to me? ! First my embroidery patterns were destroyed and my teacher has left me. Now my husband is gone, too, and I can’t even keep his letters!”
But Heaven had no answer for me.
So I hurriedly scraped off our writings and stared at the newly blank space, wishing my mind were just as blank. I started to wonder if my “marriage” to Shen Feng was any more real than my marriage to a ghost. He was almost as invisible.
I collapsed on the ground and sobbed. I still loved him and now was more afraid for him than ever. If those people succeeded in finding Shen Feng, what would they do to him? And would they come after me too? I kept asking Heaven to protect my husband as tears coursed down my cheeks as I ran down the mountain.
It was only eight in the morning, so once I was back home I quickly packed, taking my money, my embroidery tools, my best work, Aunty’s amulet, and Shen Feng’s bamboo flute, and squeezed everything into my cloth bag. After that, I hurriedly sewed the emperor’s undergarment underneath my loose top so it’d travel securely with me. Then I went to Little Doll’s room to wake her up.
Rubbing her eyes, she split a big smile. “Sister Spring Swallow, I’m glad you’re home! I’m hungry; can we have something to eat?”
“Little Doll, how about I take you to Soochow for lunch?”
She sat up and clapped. “Good idea, Sister Spring Swallow!”
Good. Of course I didn’t tell her that our departure was forever.
Walking on Soochow’s cobblestone streets, amidst people hurrying about, the nearby river glittering under the sun, I felt almost happy. For Little Doll this was an exciting outing, but there were practical matters to be addressed. First was finding a place to stay for that night. Since I’d been here a few times, I was able to quickly find an inexpensive inn in a decent area. Little Doll didn’t question me about it, so we left our things there, washed, then got ready to go out again. At the hotel desk I borrowed a worn guidebook and read that among all the streets in the city, the one called Shantang Street was most popular because of its many stores. The guide gave the following description:
Shantang Street, located in Jin Chang District, Soochow, is a walking street constructed during the Tang dynasty in 825. Popular with natives and tourists alike, it runs along the Shan Tang River crossed by many ancient bridges.
I decided to try our luck there.
Half an hour later we arrived at Shantang Street. It was quite narrow with ancient arched bridges joining the two sides at frequent intervals. Trees spread their wide branches across the sparkling turquoise water, shading the pedestrians and spilling pink petals everywhere. Boats adorned with red and green roofs ferried passengers and goods. Along both banks were shops adorned with colorful lanterns, embroidered banners, and signboards covered with elegant calligraphy.
I bought some roasted nuts from a vendor for Little Doll so she would stop her chatter for a few moments and leave me in peace. We continued on, walking and eating, passing a knife-sharpening stall where the vendor yelled at the top of his scratchy voice: “Scrape scissors and polish knives!”
Another vendor was busy repairing pots and plates. A signboard erected next to him said: ANY POT OR PAN YOU BREAK, I CAN REMAKE.
We continued to walk, past a barber shop, a pawn shop, its entrance covered by a thick curtain, and stores selling herbs, condiments, and toys like kites, dolls, and clay animals.
Little Doll tried to pull me inside a store selling little animal toys, but I shook my head.
Seeing that she was about to cry, I said soothingly, “Little Doll, why don’t we play a game?”
She immediately stopped chewing and asked with excitement, “What game?”
“See who’ll spot an embroidery shop first.”
My trick worked, because in less than fifteen minutes, I heard my little sister exclaim, “Sister Spring Swallow, look, there’s the Golden Thread Embroidery shop right over there!”
“Good, Little Doll; let’s go.”
Inside the store, its cleanliness and tasteful décor implied expensive products and brisk business. The walls were covered with skillfully executed embroideries with auspicious motifs: peony for wealth and nobility; a peacock spreading its tail for good luck; a ferocious tiger oozing virility. . . . My pleasure in these beautiful works was soon interrupted by a high-pitched voice.
“Miss, they are beautiful, aren’t they? Would you like a closer look at any of them?”
I turned and saw a young, round-faced woman studying me and Little Doll with suspicion.
“I’m not here to buy anything. . . .”
“Then is there some way I can help you?”
“I’m looking for . . . can I see your manager?”
“Let me see if he’s free. Please wait here.”
Soon she returned with a fiftyish, skinny man with a long face. I told Little Doll to go look at the different embroideries and, fortunately, she happily obliged.
The young woman said, “This is my father, Mr. Li. He’s the owner and knows everything about anything here.”
After that, she sat down behind the counter and picked up a magazine.
Mr. Li looked us over suspiciously. Fortunately, we’d put on our best tops and pants with nicely embroidered edges.
“Young Miss, can I help you?”
I gathered up courage to take out my best embroidery and laid them on the counter in front of him.
“Mr. Li, I’m an embroiderer. I want to know if your store would be interested in hiring me. . . .”
The old man studied my works with interest. “Hmm . . . pretty good. So you’re looking for work?”
I nodded.
He cast another glance at my work. “You’re very talented, miss. But unfortunately we have our own embroiderers and don’t need extra help.”
I blurted out, “Please, Mr. Li, have mercy, I need to work to feed my little sister and myself!”
The daughter looked up from her magazine, and piped up, “Father, they look neat, so maybe they can work here as maids, maybe even help with sales? Then I can have more time free to study as you’re always nagging me.”
Her father’s tone held a scolding edge. “Study? That’ll be the day.”
But she ignored him and looked back at her magazine.
Mr. Li turned to look at me for long moments. “Hmmm . . . maybe that’s not such a bad idea after all. We can’t pay you much, but you can live here in the store and we’ll give you food.”
That was exactly what I wanted! So maybe Heaven finally decided to grant us some good luck! I nodded enthusiastically.
“Good. But I need to talk to your parents first.”
“Mr. Li,” I lied, “our parents don’t live in the city, but a village far away from here.”
“Then what are you two doing here?”
“To find jobs in the city so we could send money home.”
“How old are you and your sister?”
“I’m twenty and she’s fourteen,” I lied again.
“Fourteen? She looks quite small for that.”
“But she works hard.” This time I told the truth.
“Good. Maybe you and your little sister can do the cleaning, keep an eye on the store so no one can steal, maybe even help with sales when it’s very busy. Can you do these things?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Of course, Mr. Li.”
“Can you read and write—add and subtract?”
“Yes, Mr. Li.”
Now he smiled. “Good. What are your names?”
“I am Spring Swallow and my sister is Little Doll.”
“When can you start work?”
“What about tomorrow?”
“All right, come at six in the morning with your belongings. Don’t be late.”
20
A Proposal
T
he next morning during breakfast at a street stall, I broke the news to Little Doll that we were going to settle in Soochow and work for Mr. Li at Golden Thread.
To my surprise, instead of feeling sad or making a fuss, she clapped. “Good, I love Soochow! And I’d like to work at that store; it’s so clean and beautiful!”
So Little Doll and I began to live and work at Old Li’s store. To my surprise, it was our luck that he actually treated us better than Aunty Peony. Every morning, we woke up at six to clean the store—sweeping the floor, then rubbing it with rags, dusting the glass cases, making sure all the products were neatly arranged—and then we would boil water to pour into the big thermos. With the hot water ready for tea, we’d eat a simple breakfast, then pull up the big shutter that covered the shop window and door.
Before long Old Li and his daughter, Ping, would arrive and check to make sure everything was ready. Li would go into his office, a tiny room in the back, and shut the door. We would hear the drawer open where he kept his account book locked up; then his abacus would click for a few minutes. When he had done his sums and the account book was safely back in its locked drawer, Old Li would come out and eat the breakfast we had bought for him and his daughter. Then all was ready for the new day’s business. Since there were few customers at the beginning of the day, we would often be sent off on errands such as mailing letters or buying supplies.
During the work day, Ping was supposed to help the customers, but she almost never knew how to answer the questions, so she was always summoning her father from the back. Pretty quickly I learned the stock and so ended up being the one serving the customers. In the afternoon, Ping or Mr. Li would often slip off to nap, but of course Little Doll and I had to remain in the shop waiting on customers.
When evening came and the shutter came back down, Ping would usually dash off somewhere, while Mr. Li would sit quietly, puffing on the water pipe I would prepare for him. Sometimes Little Doll would massage him after dinner.
The way we worked and lived was called
qianpu houju,
“front store work, back store sleep.” Most out-of-town workers, unable to afford housing in the city, worked and lived this way. Shop owners were equally happy about the arrangement, for they’d hire one person to do the work of two—daytime salesman and nighttime guard. In addition to lodging, shop owners would also provide their workers three meals a day. Some days, if business had been particularly good, the happy owner would reward his workers with a special dish at dinnertime, like roast duck or crispy fried fish.
For the moment, this live-in arrangement was best for me and Little Doll. Not only did we make a little money, we did not have much expense. However, we didn’t have much freedom either. Little Doll and I were allowed only one day off each month. We could do whatever we wanted, but of course had no time to go very far.
I could tell that Little Doll was not very happy. But she also knew that Aunty and her two other sisters had gone and probably would never come back, and I was her only sister left. She would be very nervous if I ever went anywhere without her. When I could, I bought her candies and toys, and did all the hard tasks like scrubbing the floor and the bucket we used for a toilet. To be ready for our unknown future, I spent only what we were paid by Golden Thread, which was not much, so that the money that Aunty and Shen Feng had given us remained untouched.
Though life was not altogether unpleasant, I hadn’t forgotten that this was not the life I wanted. I didn’t mind the hard work, like putting up and taking down the heavy shutter or crawling on my hands and knees to polish the floor. I put up with it because I was determined I would not live like this for the rest of my life.
I was an embroiderer, an excellent one, whose work had won first prize in an international art fair. Even though Aunty had stolen the credit, it was still my skill that had produced the work. But if we left Golden Thread, where would we go? It was unlikely my husband would find me here and anyway, I could not go with him to fight his revolution.
Often I would think of Aunty Peony and how she was able to look after us four girls, teach us embroidery, and run the house and our business smoothly. From time to time I thought of trying to find her, Purple, and Shen Feng, so we could all have a happy reunion. But where to find them? Underneath it all, I knew this was an impossible dream.
I had no choice but to stay here for a few more months, maybe even years, to save a little more money and hope for a better opportunity. However, as the Chinese say, “Life has a thousand twists and a hundred turnings.” And so fate was about to steer us onto a different path.
I found out I was pregnant—from the forbidden pleasure with Shen Feng in the mountain cave.
I couldn’t decide if this was good news or bad. But I did know that if I stayed here, my belly would keep growing bigger and bigger. Not only would I be kicked out of Golden Thread, I would be shamed, avoided, and jobless. For the moment I decided not to tell Little Doll. If I did, she’d ask who the father was. But no matter what would happen in the future, I couldn’t suppress my happiness that I was carrying Shen Feng’s baby.
But then fate was about to twist again. One day during breakfast, as I glanced through a newspaper dreaming of the handsome son who would soon be born, my eyes landed on this headline:
T
HE
F
ATE OF A
R
EVOLUTIONARY
A group of revolutionaries were executed in Peking for trying to bomb the legislative building. The six men, believed to be members of the communist party, were caught and hanged.
The rebels were Chen Anguo, Huang Ruoshui, Liu Dewei, Fan Xinru, Ma Donghe, Shen Feng. . . .
Seeing the name Shen Feng, I dropped both the paper and my bowl of soy bean soup to the ground, and with them shattered my dreams and hopes.... I felt so devoid of hope that I could not do anything but sit and feel miserable. I told Old Li that I was sick and had to take off from work. To my surprise, he wasn’t angry and even asked Ping—with Little Doll’s help—to cook me nutritious herb soup to speed my recovery. So for the next few days I just slept myself to oblivion.
I said nothing to Little Doll about the real reason for my “sickness.” Every night I would wait until she fell asleep, then burn incense and say a prayer for Shen Feng. I hoped my prayer would send him off smoothly on his next journey, so that he’d finally live a happy life in the Western Paradise or be reincarnated into a rich household.
I knew that I had to seem to recover so that Old Li and Ping would not suspect that I was just avoiding work, so as soon as I could, I buried my unbearable grief inside my heart and tried my best to act and work normally. In the middle of the night, I’d take out Shen Feng’s flute to caress, then try to play it, but I could only produce a few broken notes.
When I was at my wits’ end about my expanding belly, life twisted yet again—Old Li asked me to see him in his office.
After we sat down, without much ado, he asked, “Spring Swallow, do you like working here so far?”
I nodded. “Yes, Mr. Li, very much. Thank you so much for taking in Little Doll and me.”
He waved a dismissive hand. “I’ve been observing you for a whole month and long enough for me to trust you. You have an alert mind, quick hands, and kind heart, especially judging from how you help your sister by taking on all the hard work. Even my daughter, Ping, who is very hard to please, speaks well of you.”
Of course Ping liked me—because of me she could goof off and take all the breaks she wanted. However, I did not want to live my life as a maid, but to become a famous embroiderer. I dreamed of my work being so admired I’d be invited all over the world to have it displayed. Of course, I knew reality always paints a very different picture. So now it seemed I’d stay a maid—until I was kicked out because of my big belly.
Old Li spoke again, interrupting my thoughts. “So I’d like you two to continue working here, permanently.”
“But—”
Li cut me off. “All right, Spring Swallow, let me be direct. My only son, Li Wenyi, will come back from Peking soon and I want him to learn my business so he can run it after I am too old. You learn fast and already know how this place runs. I want to offer you the chance to marry my son so someday you two can run the business together.”
I was stunned by this unexpected offer. I’d already married a ghost, then Shen Feng. . . . Now was I to be married for the third time? At nineteen? It was ridiculous—probably not even legal!
I blurted out, “Mr. Li . . . marry your son?”
He smiled, patting my shoulder. “Calm down, Spring Swallow, I know this is an unexpected, even shocking, request. But think about it. First, sooner or later you have to get married. It’s much better if you marry my son and continue to work and live here than marry into a family you don’t know anything about. Because the in-laws of those wealthy families out there would surely ill-treat you and your sister.”
“But why would they do that?”
“Because your family is too far away to protect you—if you really have one. Also”—he watched me intently with his small, flickering eyes—“if you become my daughter-in-law, sooner or later you’ll be the boss’s wife and this store will be partly yours when I retire. And then as my daughter-in-law, you and your sister will no longer have to sleep on bunk beds, but will live with us in our nice house with maids and a cook. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”
I remained silent, weighing his offer in light of my present situation.
He went on enthusiastically. “Besides, my son is a very nice-looking young man who’s just about to graduate from Peking University. You can’t possibly find someone better than him.”
This was much more complicated than he realized.
“All right, I know this is a surprise. Take some time to think it over. Right now Wenyi is busy with his studies. Although I’m old, I’m also a modern, open-minded man. So if you agree, we won’t need to waste money on a matchmaker, or a fortune-teller to compare your birthday to my son’s, or even receive a dowry from your family.”
Wah.
He made it sound like this marriage was a bargain for me, just like when he told his customers they were getting a big discount on his overpriced goods. But if his son was such a great catch, why would he choose me to be his future daughter-in-law?
I asked him why he would choose me, a simple village girl.
He replied, “All the young girls in the city are so spoiled that they care only about enjoying themselves and living a pampered life. I haven’t met any as hardworking, smart, and honest as you. So”—he split a cunning smile—“I am sure I’ve made a good choice for my son!”
He took a photo out from his pocket and handed it to me. “Here’s Wenyi. Think about my offer and I hope you’ll say yes.”
After that, he abruptly stood up and went back to the store.
I looked at the picture and saw a stranger staring back at me. A young man, not bad looking. So, I should feel lucky to get this “bargain.” But instead of feeling happy, I was sad. It was Shen Feng whom I loved, even dead.
That evening, after much thought, I accepted that Old Li’s offer was my only option. Otherwise, once Aunty Peony’s and Shen Feng’s money was spent, I’d be shunned and destitute. Married to Li Wenyi, I’d be a respectable matron, helping to run a family business and, most important, my baby would have a father. So I decided to marry Li’s son—for my baby’s sake, so he’d be born with a father and a family. Maybe for once my fate was twisting in the right direction. But now that my mind was made up, I burst out sobbing.
The next day when I told Old Li about my decision, he looked delighted.
“Hahaha, this is my happiest day! All right, Ping and I will prepare for the wedding. We’ll have it as soon as possible. No point to waste time. To celebrate I will give you and Little Doll the next two days off.”
It bothered me a little that he acted so happy. And this was pretty quick. What about Wenyi—had he been consulted? What if he hated me at first sight?
Soon Old Li announced the engagement at the family’s ancestral hall, making it official. I wasn’t included in this ceremony, which was just as well because I had had enough of ghosts at weddings.
As the wedding day approached I felt more and more anxious because my future third husband was still nowhere to be seen. Mr. Li said that something unexpected had turned up, and Li Wenyi was forced to postpone his return from Peking. But he was vague about what that business was, only assuring me that the son would definitely arrive in time for the wedding. This seemed to be my fate with men, either being dead or not showing up, or both. But Wenyi was not a revolutionary, so I wondered what was more important than his wedding.
That night, my ghost first husband came to me in a dream to scold me. I couldn’t see his expression, because his face was blurred by smoke and dust.
But he pointed a long-nailed finger at me. “You unfaithful wife! Just one man after another. Shameless woman of depravity!”
After that, he disappeared into smoke and dust, leaving a trail of ghostly curses.
I woke up, sweating heavily. I was getting a bad feeling about Li Wenyi. Could I pull out now? I didn’t think so, unless I ran away—
again.
Old Li and Ping had already booked the wedding banquet, sent out invitations, and gotten everything ready—clothes, wine, dried seafood, red wedding cakes, lucky money, firecrackers, celebratory banners....
Two weeks later, a red curtained
huaqiao,
a “flower palanquin,” carried by several muscular men arrived at the store to take me to the wedding hall. Servants marching on both sides of the palanquin held up red signboards with the character “Happiness.” The clashing of gongs and cymbals deafened ears and animated the already busy street.