Secret Value of Zero, The (26 page)

Sterling must have heard the commotion outside, as the door opened. The sight of him, leaning back casually in his chair, made Meke rush to his desk. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she signed, her arms flying.

Sterling looked at her, his forehead furrowed in confused placidity. She glared at Trove who sighed and spoke her angry words. Meke suspected, however, he didn’t say the words in the spirit they were intended.

“What are you referring to, precisely?” Sterling asked.

Meke inhaled, hoping to slow her heart’s too-rapid thump. “You didn’t tell me that Donner wants to see me. We could finish this thing now.”

Sterling studied Meke and Trove, his eyes shifting between the two. Meke realized that her clothes were in disarray, so were Trove’s. Sterling shook his head and murmured something that Meke couldn’t understand to Trove. Trove’s face reddened. Meke wanted to bend over the desk and clasp her hands over Sterling’s mouth and stop the awful words, but before she could move, Sterling stood. The sudden movement made Meke step backwards. The sight of Sterling sitting behind the desk was so familiar that he looked different standing up.

Sterling leaned over and put his hands on the desk. “I have good reasons for not wanting you there. First of all, you’d be in danger. It’d be a great chance to get rid of you. Second, they could use you against us. I know Donner. I know what he’d do.”

Meke shook her head. “I can take care of myself. I would never allow them to turn me against you.”

“And the danger to you?”

Meke pressed her lips together. “I’ve caused too much death already. Maybe one life’s better than many. I can handle myself.”

Sterling stood up straight and crossed his arms. Meke kept her eyes on him, ignoring Trove’s glare. “I won't endorse a suicide mission. Regardless of what you think of me, I’m not going to send a sacrificial lamb.” He looked at Trove. “Neither one of you can go to the Ministry until all of this is over. That’s an order.”

“What about all of your talk of choice?” Meke said, words tumbling out.

Sterling’s eyebrows flattened. “I’ll support
reasonable
choice. This choice is so unreasonable that it’s laughable.”

Meke huffed, but stopped any further arguments when she saw Trove shake his head. One glance at Sterling, standing straight with crossed arms, told Meke that any more words would make things worse.
 

“Fine. I’ll just have to live with myself from now on.” Meke said before stalking out of the room, furious. She could end this thing in a day or two. Instead, Sterling wanted to sacrifice countless lives so she could stay here, nice and safe.
 

Maybe he still wanted her to remain his science experiment, she thought. The thought festered in her. Meke started to think about the bodies in the mountains. The faces of Amelia, Tino and Cecil came unbidden to her mind. These people never had a chance. Meke wanted to do something for them. Something to honor them, to repay them in some way.
 

Once she got into her room, Meke shoved a few of her uniforms into her bag. Meke’s mind listed all of the necessities she would need.
 

Trove burst into the room, “Are you all ri—” His hands fell away as he saw the tufts of clothing sticking out of the bag. “What are you doing?”

Meke, with a pair of socks in her hand, sighed and slumped onto the bed. “I have to go. It’s a chance to end all of this. I threw a match into the tinder, and I should put it out.”

Trove crouched by Meke’s leg, looking into her face. “That’s insanity,” he said.

“I know, but I can’t just stay here.”

“This isn’t your responsibility. We’ll capture Donner and be done with it. You don’t need to be involved.”

“Really? I’ve seen the pictures and the videos. The Ministry is a fortress. We’ve been trying to get in for weeks. Even if we get in at all, people will die. You were the one who told me that.”

“Don’t use these words against me.”

“You’re a Fiver, you don’t understand. I feel responsible.”

“This has nothing to do with rank. You know that.”

“Please understand.”

Trove let his head hang down between his hands. “You won’t change your mind will you?” Meke shook her head. “Damn it, Meke. This is insanity. You could be killed out there and I won’t be able to help.”

Meke leaned on Trove’s shoulder, drawing strength from his warm solidness. “Why don’t you come with me? Just as far as outside the Ministry.”

Trove stood up, making Meke’s hand slide off his shoulder. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Sterling’s orders? He’s wrong and you know it.”

Trove stalked to the other side of the room and faced Meke. “No, I actually think he’s right on this one. It doesn’t even matter. I won't dishonor myself. I won’t give Prosperon what it wants.”

“But you helped me at the exposé. You spoke up when nobody else would.”

“That was different. I didn’t have orders.”

Meke’s insides had been in an uproar since Trove told her about Donner’s demands, now the churn stopped. Trove wouldn’t go with her. She hadn’t realized that she had counted on his stolid presence until it disappeared. That stupid genetic test ruined everything.

“That test doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means everything. If I do this, it means that they were right about me. Maybe they’re right about everything.”

Meke got up and continued to stuff things into her bag. “No, they’re not right. We are whoever we want to be. I wish you would remember that,” she said.

Trove remained still, arms firmly crossed. He wouldn’t change his mind either. Meke ignored the tearing deep inside of her and focused on her packing. Tooth huddled in the corner, watching both of them with bright yellow eyes.
 

Trove swore and grabbed Meke’s handheld. “Hey! Don’t turn me in!” Meke grabbed at it.

He glared at her. “I’m not going to turn you in. You need the right codes to get out. I can’t go with you, but I can do this.”

Trove punched in digits into the handheld and gave it to her. The handheld felt cold and lifeless in her hand. She was ready to leave now. She needed to leave before Sterling thought to send someone.
 

“Don’t do this,” Trove said. “At least for me.”

Meke stared at Trove for a long while, not trusting herself to actually say anything. Knowing that this may be the last time they saw each other, Meke clutched Trove into a hug. His chest rose in a jagged rhythm as they clung to each other.
 

Finally, Meke pulled herself from his hold and ran out of the room.
 

MEKE SHIFTED the poleax and crossbow onto her back. Trove had been farsighted enough to give her the codes to the supply room. It had been tricky, slipping by the guards, but she had managed. Tooth followed her, refusing abandonment. Meke had searched for a room to stash him, but realized that his mewling would attract attention. She let him tag along, may as well.

Meke trudged through the thick woods. She no longer appreciated the trees’ reddish grandness. These big trunks now only hindered her. She weaved through seemingly hundreds upon hundreds of trees, rocks and fallen logs. Meke glowered at these motionless obstacles. The leafless giants stood, watching her slow progress.

Her handheld told her that it would take two days to get to Technologia by foot. The next 48 hours wouldn’t be pleasant, being alone with her thoughts in the frigid winter air. Bad company indeed.

As Meke glanced up to the bare branches, their gnarled fingers scraping the air, she remembered the last time she had gazed upon these branches. Of course, back then, the branches had teemed with green leaves, but now they looked dead, lifeless. Meke shivered, despite the warm insulation of her coat. When she left the Barracks, she only felt urgency to leave. The urgency faded as she walked further and further away. She didn’t feel a single unusual twitch. They hadn’t noticed yet, or they had gone in the wrong direction.

She hadn’t said goodbye to anyone except Trove. She hoped Gladys would forgive her. Tooth butted his head against her foot. Meke picked him up, feeling the furry warmth on her neck.

In the frigid, metallic winter air, Meke’s sadness leached away into anger. As Meke breathed wisps of mist into the freezing air, she thought about what she had lost. Her mind understood why Trove hadn’t come, but she still felt wounded and rejected. In the last few weeks, Meke had been turning the word like into love. Only two letters made all the difference. Now? Love was impossible, even if she came back.
 

A single tear slid down her cheek, just to harden into ice as it reached her jaw. Sighing, she leapt over a fallen log as she made her way through the thick forest. The cold air made her lungs ache, making breathing a chore.

A sudden, sharp tickling sensation in the furthermost edges of her sensation jolted her out of her thoughts. She had left a few hours ago, how had they caught up with her already? Meke’s heartbeat sped up as she started to run, holding onto Tooth. For once in his life, Tooth curled up in her arms and allowed Meke to bandy him about.

Meke clambered over rocks, circled fallen logs and dry bushes. Yet, she never went fast enough. The tickle persisted at the edge of her sense, as if it knew the exact direction she was going. Meke felt her limbs weighting her down; the last few months of idleness had taken its toll, she wasn’t as fast or as strong as before.
 

Panting, Meke stopped by a tree, its trunk twice as large as her arm’s length. She felt—not saw—a hollow in the tree behind a bush. Completely out of sight. Lungs cramping in the cold air, Meke crawled into the hollow space where the roots twisted into each other. The bush scraped her face as she crouched in the hollow, waiting for the interlopers to approach or to leave. Meke clutched her poleax in her hands, feeling the coldness, even though her gloves.
 

The tickle approached slowly, zigzagging through the forest, but in an unerring line toward her. Meke’s one comfort was Tooth’s warm body huddled next to her. As the person approached, Meke thought about running, then she realized that her limbs, already sore, chilled and weak from exertion, wouldn’t carry her far. The shelter would protect her from sight and sound. All she needed to do was to wait for that person to pass her by. Meke slowed her breathing, trying to still her every limb.

The figure moved effortlessly, gliding through the thick forest, jumping from rock to rock, from fallen log to fallen log. Meke envied the interloper’s easy grace. As the figure became larger in her sense, its shape became sharper. It was a woman, a tall woman. Meke frowned. The neck curve and head shape—even the long braid—were familiar. It was Theria.
 

Why would they send her? Meke had half-expected Sterling to order Trove—who would obey, of course—to retrieve her. Theria was fast, one of the best movers around, but she had little connection to Meke.
 

It didn’t really matter. Meke wouldn’t let Theria or anyone else interfere with her plans. She slid her hands down the poleax, holding onto her weapon so tightly that her fingers turned numb. Her feet moved into a better position for a strike. A few minutes later, she felt Theria, who was alone, slowly circle her, weaving through the trees.
 

A thought punctured the adrenaline pumping through her. Theria was alone. Surely Sterling wouldn’t be fool enough to send a soldier out alone like this, not in the middle of a revolution. Rankers still hid in pockets, looking for a fight.

Theria stopped just a few meters from her. Her eyes fixed on some point in the opposite direction. If Meke sprang from the bushes, she would simply sweep her feet from under her and run. Meke rose into a half-crouch, ready to spring.

But Theria was alone.

Meke almost stumbled as she hesitated. As soon as Meke resettled her foot to regain her balance, Theria had whipped around and now faced Meke. Her eyes didn’t focus on her, but her hands moved in slow shapes. “Trove sent me,” using the signs that they had learned for the mission.
 

Meke paused. Was it possible that Trove sent Theria? For what purpose? To help or to stop her?

Theria grimaced and threw her handheld in Meke’s general direction. It skittered to a stop half of a meter away. Keeping an eye on Theria and a firm hold on her poleax, Meke grabbed the handheld.

I’m here to help. Trove told me where you were and where you’re going.
 

Meke stared at the words, black on ghostly white. Meke typed back, her gloves hampering every letter.

I don’t believe you.
 

Meke threw back the handheld. Theria punched the keys in sharp staccato.
 

Why do you think I’m alone? I brought you food.

Theria threw a GE bar and the handheld by the bush. Meke crouched, shivering, in the hollow of the tree, staring at Theria’s shape beyond the dense bush. Gathering the handheld and the food bar, she rose, gripping the poleax in her other hand.
 

Theria tilted her head in the direction toward Technologia and started to walk. Meke and Tooth scrambled to catch up.
 

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Theria’s face, lit by the lamp, had sharp shadows in her eyes and cheeks. The white of Theria’s eyes glittered as she sat across from Meke.
 

The return to the intermittent, stop-and-go communication of handhelds wore on Meke’s nerves. After the easy flow of words and ideas between her and Trove, this only made her heart ache a bit more.

Shoving aside the thoughts of Trove, Meke decided to explore the secret of Theria.

Why are you helping me?

Theria smirked as she read the words.

Trove asked me to. I owe him a favor. Easy way for me to pay my debt.

But you’re disobeying Sterling. You’re jeopardizing your place in the government.

Theria raised her chin, her lips parting into a sneer.

I couldn’t care less about Sterling and his precious government. No big loss.