"Oh, yeah, they're vermin all right," Poppy said at
random. She was thinking, he's playing with me.
Isn't he playing with me?
She had the sinking feeling that he knew every
thing. Agitation made her need to move. She headed
for James's stereo center.
"So you like any vermin music?" she said.
"Techno? Acid jazz? Trip-hop? Jungle?" She waved
a vinyl record at him. "This is some serious jump-up
jungle." He blinked. "Oh, and this is great industrial
noise. And this is a real good acid house stomper
with a sort of madcore edge to
it...."
She had him on the defensive now. Nobody could
stop Poppy when she got going like this. She widened
her eyes at him and blathered on, looking as fey as
she knew how.
"And I say freestyle's coming
back.
Completely un
derground, so far, but on the
rise.
Now, Euro-dance,
on the other hand
..."
Ash was sitting on the square couch, long legs
stretched out in front of him. His eyes were deep
blue and slightly glazed.
"Sweetheart," he said finally, "I hate to interrupt.
But you and I need to talk."
Poppy was too clever to ask him what about.
"...
these sort of eternal void keys and troll groaning
sounds that make you want to ask, 'Is anybody out
there?'
"
she
finished
and then she had to breathe.
Ash jumped in.
"We
really
have to talk," he said. "Before James
gets back."
There was no way to evade him now. Poppy's
mouth was dry. He leaned forward, his eyes a dear
blue-green like tropical waters. And, yes, they really
do
change color, Poppy thought.
"It's not your fault," he said.
"What?"
It's not your
fault.
That you can't shield your mind. You'll
learn how to do it,
he said, and
Poppy
only realized halfway through that he wasn't saying it out loud.
Oh
. . .
spit.
She should have thought of that.
Should have been concentrating on veiling her thoughts.
She tried to do it now.
"Listen, don't bother. I know that you're not
lamia. You're made, and you're illegal. James has
been a bad boy."
Since there was no point in denying it, Poppy lifted
her chin and narrowed her eyes at him. "So you
know. So what are you going to do about it?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
He smiled. "On you."
CHAPTER 14
YOU
see,
I like James," Ash said. "I think he's
a little soft on vermin, but I don't want to see
him in trouble. I certainly don't want to see him
dead."
Poppy felt the way she had last night when her
body was starving for air. She was frozen, too still
to breathe.
"I mean, do
you
want him dead?" Ash asked, as if
it were the most reasonable question in the world.
Poppy shook her head.
"Well, then," Ash said.
Poppy got a breath at last. "What are you
saying?"
Then, without waiting for him to answer, she said, "You're saying that they're going to kill him if they
find out about me. But they don't
have
to find out about me. Unless you tell them."
Ash glanced at his fingernails thoughtfully.. He
made a face to show that this was as painful for him
as it was for her.
"Let's go over the facts," he said. "You are, in fact,
a former human."
"Oh, yeah, I was a vermin, all right."
He gave her a droll look. "Don't take that so seriously. It's what you are now that counts. But James
did, in fact, change you without clearing it with
any
body.
Right? And he did, in fact, break cover and tell
you about the Night World before you were
changed. Right?"
"How do you know? Maybe he just changed me
without telling me a thing."
He shook a finger. "Ah, but James wouldn't do
that. He's got these radical permissive ideas about
humans having free will."
"If you know all about it, why ask me?" Poppy
said tensely. "And if you've got a point-"
"The point is that he's committed at least two capi
tal offenses. Three, I bet." He flashed the wild, hand
some smile again. "He must have been in love with
you to have done the rest."
Something swelled in Poppy like a bird trapped in
her rib cage and trying to get out. She blurted, "I don't see how you people can make laws about not
falling in love! It's insane."
"But don't you see why? You're the perfect exam
ple. Because of love, James told you and then he
changed you. If he'd had the sense to squash his
feelings for you in the beginning, the whole thing
would have been nipped in the bud."
"But what if you
can't
squash it? You can't
force
people to stop feeling."
"Of course not," Ash said, and Poppy stopped
dead. She stared at him.
His lips curved and he beckoned to her. "I'll tell
you a secret. The Elders know they can't really legis
late how you feel. What they can do is terrorize you
so that you don't dare show your feelings-ideally,
so you can't even admit them to yourself."
Poppy settled back. She'd seldom felt so at a loss.
Talking to Ash made her head whirl, made her feel as if she were too young and stupid to. be sure of
anything.
She made a forlorn and helpless gesture. "But
what do I do now? I can't change the
past...."
"No, but you can act in the present." He jumped
to his feet in a lovely, graceful motion and began
pacing. "Now. We have to think fast. Presumably ev
eryone here thinks you're dead."
"Yes, but-"
"So the answer is simple. You have to get out of j
the area and stay out. Go someplace where you
won't be recognized, where nobody will care if
you're new or illegal. Witches. That's it! I've got some
cross-cousins in Las Vegas that will put you up. The
main thing is to leave
now."
Poppy's head wasn't just whirling, it was
reeling.
She felt dizzy and physically sick, as if she'd just
stepped off Space Mountain at Disneyland. "What? I
don't even understand what you're talking about,"
she said feebly.
"'I'll explain on the way. Come on, hurry! Do you
have some clothes you want to take?"
poppy planted her feet solidly on the floor. She
shook her head to try and dear it. "Look, I don't
know what you're saying, but I can't go
anywhere
right now. I have to wait for James."
"But don't you see?" Ash stopped his whirlwind
pacing and rounded on her. His eyes were green and
hypnotically brilliant. "That's just what you
can't do.
James can't even know where you're going."
,
what?"
"Don't you
see?"
Ash said again. He spread his
hands and spoke almost pityingly.
"You're
the only
thing putting James in danger. As long as you're here, anybody can look at you and put the pieces
together. You're circumstantial evidence that he's
committed a crime."
Poppy understood that. "But I can just wait and James can go away with me. He would
want
that."
"But it wouldn't work," Ash said softly. "It doesn't
matter where you go; whenever you're together,
you're a danger to him. One look at you and any
decent vampire can sense the truth."
Poppy's knees felt weak.
Ash spoke soberly. "I'm not saying that you'll be
much safer yourself if you leave. You bring your own
danger with you, because of what you are. But as
long as you're away from James, nobody can connect you with
him.
It's the only way to keep him safe. Do you see?"
"Yes. Yes, I see that now." The ground seemed to
have disappeared beneath Poppy. She was
falling,
not
into music, but into an icy dark void. There was
nothing to hold on to.
"But, of course, it's a lot to expect, to ask you to
give him up. You may not want to make that kind
of sacrifice-"
Poppy's chin came up. She was blind and empty and giddy, but she spoke to Ash with utter contempt,
spitting out the words. "After everything he sacrificed
for me? What do you think I am?"
Ash bowed his head. "You're a brave one, little
dreamer. I can't believe you were ever human."
Then he looked up and spoke briskly. "So do you
want to pack?"
"I don't have much," Poppy said, slowly, because
moving and speaking hurt her. She walked toward
the bedroom as if the floor was covered with broken
glass. "Hardly anything. But I have to write a note
for James."
"No, no," Ash said. "That's the last thing you want
to do. Well, after all," he added as she swiveled
slowly to look at him, "James being so noble and
lovestruck and everything-if you let him know
where you're going, he'll come right after you. And
then where will you be?"
Poppy shook her head. "I
... okay." Still shaking
her head, she stumbled into the bedroom.
She wasn't going to argue with him anymore, but
she wasn't going to take his advice, either. She shut the bedroom door and tried as hard as she could to
shield her mind. She visualized a stone wall around
her thoughts.
Stuffing her sweat pants and T-shirt and white
dress into the duffel bag took thirty seconds. Then
she found a book under the nightstand and a felt-tip
pen in the drawer. She tore the flyleaf out of the
book and scribbled rapidly.
Dear James,
I'm so sorry, but if I stay to explain this to you, I know you'll try to stop me. Ash has made me under
stand the truth-that as long as I stick around I'm
putting your life in danger. And I just can't do that.
If something happened to you because of me, I would
die. I really would.
I'm going away now. Ash is taking me somewhere
far away where you won't
find
me. Where they won't
care what I am. I'll be safe there. You'll be safe here.
And even if we're not together, we'll never really be
apart.
I love you. I'll love you forever. But I have to do
this.
Please tell Phil goodbye.
Your soulmate, Poppy.
She was dripping tears onto the paper as she
signed it.
She put the flyleaf on the pillow and went out
to Ash.
"Oh, there, there," he said. "Don't cry. You're
doing the right thing." He put an arm around her
shoulders. Poppy was too miserable to shrug it off.
She looked at him. "One thing. Won't I be putting
you
in danger if I go with you? I mean, somebody
might think
you
were the one who made me an ille
gal vampire."