Secret Worlds (300 page)

“Anything,” he said.

I licked my lips, which were as dry as sand. “How old are you?”

He stopped cutting into his meat and shifted his gaze to me as his hair fell along his shoulders. He sat with the stillness of a statue sitting in the ballroom. My heart did a nervous lurch.

“I’ve known you for five years, and in that time, you’ve never appeared any older.”

He dropped his gaze, a grin stretching his lips, and resumed cutting. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me,” I said in a rush, almost too fast and letting on to the ball of fear forming in my stomach like an iron weight.

“You should eat.”

“That’s it? Avoiding another question?”

“I intend to answer your question. Just not right at this moment. I would love to pick back up where we left off in the garden.”

“Okay.” It came out sounding like a question.

“You were explaining the reason for my self-inflicted luck.”

“Yes, I know.” I cleared my throat and took a sip of tart, warm wine. “Did my explanation help?”

I shoved a piece of meat into my mouth. The flavor was sweet and tangy, not too spicy.

“It doesn’t explain why the one I would love to give everything to will not take it.” His gaze grew heavier, forcing me to look away.

The fear in the pit of my stomach formed a knot, and for a moment, I thought I was going to vomit. I had given up on anything resembling a romantic relationship a long time ago, and I was thrown right into the midst of someone who wanted it. I was damaged and incomplete. Most of all, I was so unsure of myself. Before, I recognized what I wanted and how to get it. Now, it seemed like that was taken away without my knowledge, leaving me alone, cold, and afraid.

“Well?” Marren asked, sounding patient.

I laughed, playing off my nervousness for nonchalance, and moved my hands to my lap to keep them from shaking where he could see. “Now you’re not referring to me are you?”

“I’m not listing names,” he said with a playful tone.

“Names? As in more than one? Well, okay then.” I paused a few breaths. “Maybe they don’t believe someone like you would be interested in them, or maybe they don’t believe they’re worth your time. Could even be something as simple as being too afraid you’d end up like everyone else in their past.”

He sighed and shifted his gaze, becoming lost in his thoughts. At least it appeared as such. I sipped on the wine, its flavor swam along my tongue and warmed my throat and belly. I stood then walked toward the fireplace to study the wonderful design along the mantel and hearth. The vines stretched and moved along the confines of the fire with the buds of the flowers opening. I gazed in awe as the petals fell to the floor, disappearing only to reappear as buds on the vine again.

Marren’s steps approach from behind. I saw the outline of his silhouette out of the corner of my eye.

“This place…I thought all magic left the mortal realm long before I was born. Then I see this, and Raden and the air in this place. I find it hard to describe.” I touched the wood of the vines. They jumped at my intrusion, ceasing movement at my touch. I let my hand fall to my side.

“It’s the same sort of enchantment you hold,”

“Over what, exactly?”
How preposterous
.

“Me,” he said and grabbed my hand, pulling me toward him.

His eyes held mine, quickening my heartbeats. A pang of panic and the desire to run away overwhelmed me. “Marren, I—”

“I’m not like everyone else you’ve met. Believe me. I could never hurt you like they have.” He lifted his hand to my face, gliding his fingers along my cheek. My breaths and heart almost stilled. I lowered my gaze.

“Don’t look away, please,” he whispered, dropping his hand and stepping closer to me. My legs were about to buckle. He asked, “Can you ever love me?”

I took in a shuddering breath as tears spilled along my cheeks. “I don’t know how to.”

“We can teach each other.” He wiped away the tears.

“What if I can’t? What then?”

“I will never stop trying,” he promised.

“Why?”

“Why not?” he asked with a hint of confusion in his voice, though his face didn’t change. He dropped his hands to his sides.

“Because it doesn’t make sense. I’m not whole or complete in any way.”

“Can you try to just let it happen?”

“Did you not hear my story?” My words came out shaky. “What is it you see in me that makes you so willing to spend forever trying to win me over?”

His hands touched mine, sending my nerves on high alert where our skin connected. “That is something better shown than told.”

I blinked away the blur of tears threatening to fall again. I wanted to see clearly, but he slipped his hand under my hair and grabbed the back of my head and pulled me closer to him. His other hand wrapped around my waist, pressing me to his body. He pulled back slightly to ask, “Do you trust me not to hurt you tonight?”

“Tonight?” It came out airy. I couldn’t think straight while pressed against him.

“One day at a time.”

I lifted my hands, resting them on his solid form and nodded, though I wasn’t sure at all. His lips pressed into mine, forcing a surge of heat to explode within me and burst through my body. Emotions not my own filled me and little stilled visions, like paintings, filled my mind. Memories from his past surrounded me. It surprised me to experience the images flashing through my mind and frightened me a little, too. The longer he kissed me, the more my fear melted and became a figment of what was. All too soon, he pulled away.

“What was that?” I asked, breathing heavy.

“It’s rather hard to explain.”

“Is that going to happen every time you kiss me?”

He chuckled under his breath. “I only need to touch you for that to happen.”

I raised my eyebrows, having made the connection with the strange emotions I experienced before, the touch forcing my body through chaotic sensations. “Oh.”

My cheeks rushed with heat.

He took my hand and pulled me behind him toward the ballroom, with the swords and statues. I glanced toward the wolf head again as we passed, always watching me. We approached one of the bookshelves. Marren released my hand and started to sort through the books. A thought entered my mind that he could be at it for months.

“What I’m about to tell you, and show you, is a lot to take in, but it’s important you understand exactly what you are getting yourself into before you get in too deep.”

“Too late,” I muttered under my breath. The weight of my words was far heavier than I realized.

“Most of the magic in this world, along with creatures now a part of myth, were banished several hundred years ago. As you can see, some of us stuck around anyway. Forced to hide our true identities and live in secluded areas of the world. That is how magic still exists on this realm and how I’ve been able to stick around as long as I have.”

“Where was everyone banished to?” I asked, curious about the enigma of Marren. “What do you mean hide your true identity?”

“A separate realm mirroring much of this world. Ah!” He pulled out a book by the spine, turned, and then held it out for me, ignoring my second question. “This book has a lot of information in it. This should help to answer most of your questions. What it doesn’t answer, I will explain.”

I nodded, taking the book. It was small but heavy and thick. There was no print on the cover, appearing as though it had been worn off for quite some time. The smooth cloth cover was stained heavily, making the original color difficult to discern.

“I must warn you, there are nightmarish and horrific things described in this book. It may frighten you beyond what I’m expecting. If that happens, tell me, so I can do my best to lay those fears to rest.” He cupped my face in his hands and stared deep in my eyes.

I only have one fear now…
I wanted to say, but the words fell silent at my lips. I nodded.

“Come on, I want to show you something else.”

We made our way back through the dining hall and through a door at the back of the kitchen to a set of stairs leading to the servants’ quarters, and I followed him back through the corridor and up the stairs leading to my room. The room at the top and to the left was the bathing room and held a giant tub in the center large and deep enough to be an indoor pond. The ceiling was solid glass, letting in natural light, but the walls also had sconces for darker days and nights. Next, he led me to the closed doors along the balcony and pointed to Enid’s room, in case I needed something when Marren wasn’t around. Then, he showed me his study filled with bookshelves, a large desk with a chair and scrolls strewn about and even a few statues of miniature dragons, fairies, and gnomes.

He faced me, leaning against the edge of his desk. “Now you’ve seen my entire home, what do you think?”

I couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of me. “You wait until now to ask me my opinion of your home?”

“Our home.”

I smiled. “It’s beautiful and enchanting, but there is one place you didn’t show me.”

He made a face as if to ask where.

“Where is your room?”

“I tend to sleep in my study, as of late.” He removed himself from his desk. “It’s getting late. I should escort you to your room.”

I walked directly to the table and sat the book down. I turned, jumping when my gaze fell on Marren standing in front of me. In one infallible movement, his arms wrapped around me and he kissed me again. This time, I experienced fear. A hidden fear I wasn’t meant to know. He kissed me as if for the last time. I clung to him when he pulled away from me.

“Wait, don’t go.” The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them and surprised me with the determination in them.

“As much as I would like to stay, I have things I must attend to. You should read about the world you need to know. You’re about to be thrown into darker waters than you’re accustomed to.”

“I don’t need to read the book. I can deal with whatever comes my way. You should already know I wouldn’t have let you kiss me if I didn’t want you to.” Although, that might not be true. “It can’t be as bad as you say.”

He squeezed me tightly. His words blew against my hair when he said, “You underestimate the severity of the knowledge you’re about to gain.”

“You promised not to hurt me.”

“Exactly.”

“Can’t you just tell me?” I sounded needy, like a child.

He smiled. “I will explain the things you don’t understand. This is difficult for me, too. I’ll come back later.”

He released me, turned on his heels, and left me in the room alone. Despite the fire that filled the room with heat, I was frozen.

I took the book to the balcony to read in the fading light of the sun. I stepped out, finding a hooded figure step out from the garden and walk toward the woods. I thought of Marren again, and this time decided to go after him. I tossed the book on the bed and pulled my hood over my head then stepped to the doors. I pulled on them, meeting resistance. Trying again, they still wouldn’t budge. Angered, I struggled with the door again and then punched it, feeling a pop in my hand. I cried out, holding my hand to my chest before shaking it out. I busted a knuckle that already swelled and bruised.

“Dammit to the darkest realm of the Netherworld!”

Stomping to the balcony, I peered over. Too high to risk jumping. An eerie howl broke through the air, piercing my soul. I moved into the room and stared at the book on the foot of my bed.

“What is so damned scary I have to read it from a book rather than have it told to my face?”

I glanced over my shoulder into the woods. I would leave this room, one way or another. I pulled the blanket and sheets off the bed, carefully tying the ends together so I didn’t injure my hand further, and then attached an end to the top of the railing. Hanging on to the sheet, I swung my legs over then climbed down. Each grip of the sheet, with my injured hand, sent tendrils of agonizing pain through it. When my feet hit the ground, excitement pulsed through me. Before anyone could catch me, I ran off into the woods after the hooded figure.

Darkness covered everything. The moon hadn’t risen yet and wouldn’t be full enough for me to see by once it did. I stumbled my way through the woods, tripping over raised roots and thick vines, risking further injury to my hand. When I found a path, I followed it deeper into the woods. A sound, like a snapping branch, came from behind me. I turned around to discern any movement but was so far into the thick trees I couldn’t pick out my hand in front of my face, much less someone or something else.

“What are you doing out here?” Marren said, his voice thick with irritation.

“I wanted to see what’s out here. Also, I don’t like being made to feel like a prisoner.” I started to turn around but couldn’t tell where his voice came from.

“Remaining in your room is for your own safety. Follow me. I will lead you back.”

“Fine. Explain to me why keeping me in that room is for my safety. What are you trying to protect me from?”

“Relena, you must understand.” He stepped closer to me, his form darker against the shadow of the woods. “It’s too dangerous for you to be out here. Please…”

Something in his voice, or perhaps how close he stood to me, compelled me to agree with going back. Once we were on the edges of the woods I realized he had recognized me in complete and utter darkness.

“How did you know who I was back there?”

“I didn’t, and I could’ve killed you. Now go.”

His voice was empty. He lied.

“I don’t believe you,” I said, growling out a few of my words, then left him in the woods. Not once did I look back, even after I climbed back up to the balcony, my hand protesting each grasp.

I remade the bed before climbing on top and getting comfortable with the book. Using the light from the fireplace, I flipped to the first page. An elaborate script transcribed a strange language I hadn’t encountered before. It was a mixture of straight lines and curls. The next page had a family tree with names on branches and the trunk, scrawled in the same hand.

The page following held a map of our world, shrunk to fit the width of two pages. Small x’s marked different points. Curious of what the marks meant, I continued through the pages, flipping through the words I couldn’t understand.