Secret Worlds (402 page)

My phone beeps and I groan. Alek’s incessant texting to check up on me is pissing me off. I pull the phone from my pocket and see the message is from Finn.

Shakily, I shove the phone back into my pocket and slump back in the chair. I stare at the square-tiled ceiling, head pounding from the loss of blood flow a few minutes ago. Confused and unhappy, I swallow down the lump in my throat, the one that comes when I’m attempting not to spill tears.

***

Next stop, Tom Jones and his chocolate. When I get down to his unpleasant area, I take the chocolate bar from his desk and eat it. He watches me.

“What?” I say through a mouthful, “I do eat, you know.”

“You look ill.”

“I nearly fainted. I’m okay now.” He opens his mouth to reply, but he’s not getting any further explanation. “I wanted to tell you the person died, the one I mentioned yesterday.”

“I know.”

“What?”

He tips his head. “Umm. Look at where I work. I process this stuff.”

I shudder. “Nice.”

“Who did it?”

“Did what?”

“Killed him, David Greenwith.”

I don’t want to know names, so I fight against the urge to cover my ears. “Is there anything suspicious about the death?”

“Heart failure, which is useful for your friend, the Dark, don’t you think?”

“There’s a doctor I saw in his room, too. Dr Granger, the heart doctor you mentioned yesterday.”

“Oh! Both of them in the same room?” I nod. “Two Darks...Wow. I knew they were connected! Something’s going on because the hospital rates of death are getting noticed.”

“You think Finn and this guy are killing people? I still can’t believe it of Finn. He seems so gentle...”

“They don’t have to be scary, do they? Otherwise, how else would they suck people in to trusting them?” Tom pulls out his spiral notepad and begins to scrawl. One day, I’d love to see what he writes. “I’m looking into the patterns of the deaths, but there doesn’t seem to be any. Grace is awesome with statistics. We’re going to figure this one out.”

I smile weakly, doubting he will.

“The party we spoke about; we’re going to have it on the weekend. Can you invite this guy Finn?”

“What? No! I don’t want to go near him. Don’t mess with these people,” I whisper. “What if they find out what you’re doing and one of them kills you?”

“Nah, I don’t think they will.”

“I like your confidence.”

“Well, if you don’t ask him, I will because I want to study him.”

“This isn’t a game, Tom.”

He sits back in his chair and laces his hands behind his head. “I know, Rose.”

Tom’s phone rings and before I can answer him, he turns away to his computer, looking up something in a database for the person on the phone. I rest against his desk considering whether to stay or go.

Something catches the corner of my eye, a flicker of colour. The door to the morgue opens and Lizzie walks out. She halts when she sees me and my heart rate picks up.
What the hell?
She works on the Children’s Ward. Without acknowledging me, she passes and waits for the elevator, back turned.

“Rose? Are you okay? Did you see a ghost or something?” asks Tom.

The chocolate in my stomach urges its way back up and I swallow. “I think I did.”

I manage to leave the hospital before Finn catches up with me again. I discover Alek waiting outside, resting against a concrete pillar on the edge of human activity. Great. So my not responding to the ten texts he sent today wasn’t enough of a hint? He straightens when he notices me, and I know exactly what’s coming. He strides over and immediately draws me to him, melding his mouth and body with mine. I fight against the desire to allow the tingling energy to flood, and against Alek’s attempt to draw some from me.

Placing a hand on his chest, I step back. “What are you doing here?”

He strokes a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Making sure you’re safe. You didn’t answer my texts.”

“I had nothing to say.”

“I worry about you,” he says

“You’re weird,” I tell him as he slips his hand into mine, tugging me toward the car park.

“Yeah.”

“No, I mean sometimes you’re okay; but most of the time, you behave like an asshole.”

“Why do guys normally behave like assholes around girls they like?” he asks.

Evening encroaches and I’m tired after my long shift. Too tired for him. We cross the yellow-lit car park and locate his car. “Girls they like?”

Alek crosses his arms on top of the roof and studies me. “Of course I like you. I’m not used to getting close to people, so excuse me if I push you away sometimes.”

I climb into his car. I can’t have a relationship with someone who pushes me away, but Alek is probably the only person I can have a relationship with now. Besides, the spark still crackles along my arm from where he held my hand, the familiar warmth of my arousal beginning.

Gripping the steering wheel, Alek stares ahead. “Every time I’m near you, I want to fu…have sex with you.”

I choke back my disgust. He was about to say fuck, which is a further slap to my hurt feelings from the other night. “What?”

“Do you get turned on all the time when you’re with me?”

“Ordinarily, a girl would tell you that’s an impossibly-arrogant thing to ask.”

“But it’s true?”

Fighting the heat at the truth of his words, I scramble for a subject change. “I saw Lizzie.”

“She works at the hospital, of course you did. Answer the question.”

“I saw Lizzie in the morgue.”

“What were you doing in the morgue?”

“I wasn’t in, in. I was talking to Tom and she came out of the room.”

A muscle twitches in Alek’s cheek. “Talking to Tom? And did you speak to her?”

“She ignored me, but she definitely saw me.”

Alek turns the key in the ignition, and warm air blows into the car. “I’ll ask her what’s going on.”

“Do you know why she’d be there?”

“No,” he says quietly and his downturned mouth suggests he’s not happy. Oh, great, another puzzle piece.

Thankful the subject has moved on from our sexual relationship, I shift down in my seat. As we follow the busy roads back to the house, a sudden rainstorm hits the car windscreen. Even when Alek turns the wipers up full, the view is obliterated by the rain slamming the glass. Water sprays up as the car travels along the road, the streetlights flying by.

“Slow down!” I say.

“We’re fine, calm down.”

“Alek! Slow down!” The scars on my arm prickle as the noise of the wipers squeaking on the screen reconnects to my past. “Alek!”

He weaves through the traffic, the headlights of other cars dancing across the road. “It’s not like I could kill us,” he says with a laugh.

“Please!”

I choke back a sob and cover my head with my arms. Closing my eyes is a mistake because, instead of Alek, I picture Jamie driving, and my other senses are sharpened by my lack of vision. The splash of tyres, the thrum of the wiper blades and a car horn.

“Jamie!” I scream, surprised at myself.

Alek hits the brakes and the car skids slightly. An image of the tree splintering the window and branches spearing my best friend through the chest, of lying in the road unable to move, and the darkness that followed seize my mind. I lean forward, sucking in breath, but Alek keeps driving.

“Fuck, Rose, it’s just rain. I know how to drive.”

“Stop the car,” I say. He ignores me. “Stop the fucking car, Alek!”

Swearing under his breath, he manoeuvres the car into a side street and kills the engine. For a few moments, I focus on grounding myself, and once I’m sure my shaking legs will hold me, I climb out of the car.

The cold rain falls from the sky, pouring down my face as if someone is tipping buckets of water on me. I squint through the water; I have no idea where I am. Dusk joins the darkness of the rain clouds and I set off along the pavement, hoping to find a bus stop nearby.

Alek catches up to me. “Rose! Don’t be so fucking stupid! Okay, I’ll slow down.”

“I’m not getting back into your car!” I shout at him, wiping rain from my face. “Leave me alone!”

Alek’s curls flatten as his hair sticks to his head and he shrugs off his jacket, holding it over his head. “Come on, Rose. Get in the car. Jesus, talk about making a big deal.”

Anger slams into my mind and I shove him in the chest. “Fuck you!”

Alek stumbles. “Whoa. Okay...”

“How did I die?” I scream at him, rubbing the scars on my arms. “What happened?”

Realisation passes across his face. “Shit.”

“A fucking car accident, Alek!” I heave in air. “Okay, so I’m half-fucking-dead, but I still feel! I still grieve for my friend and you driving like that brought it all back!”

The rain has one benefit, he can’t see my tears.

“Fuck. Rose. I’m sorry...”

“Wow, the arrogant Alek apologising.”

“I mean it,” he growls. “I’m out of touch with people. I find it fucking hard to empathise, okay?”

We face off. I shiver against the rain and the uncomfortable feeling of my soaked work clothes sticking to my legs. This day has drained me. I’m raw from Finn, dead people, dickhead housemates, and nightmare car journeys.

“Why?” I demand. “Are you telling me I’ll lose the ability to love and care for people?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know! I only know what happened to me. But after twenty years on my own, it’s a bit fucking hard to relate to other people’s feelings.” He drops his jacket back across his shoulders. “But I still have my human basic need not to stand in the pouring rain and get soaked. Please get in the car.” His voice is softer now, cajoling me.

I cross my arms tightly over my chest, debating whether to go with him or storm away.

Alek reaches out a hand as if he’s approaching an animal that could attack him. “I didn’t think. I wish I could, I’m trying with you.”

His damp fingers connect with my wet cheek and I jerk at the sensation. “Zapping me and expecting me to fall into your arms won’t work!” I snap.

Alek’s mouth tips up at one corner. “We can sit in the car until the rain stops, if that helps? Then I’ll drive really slowly home?”

The rain has soaked through my clothes and the cold through my skin. “Okay,” I say. “But only because it’s raining.”

***

We arrive home and I’m beyond furious with him. Despite having the heating in the car turned full, I’m soaked. We barely spoke on the journey home, for once Alek not interjecting with what he considers humorous teasing.

I stomp into the house and throw my bag onto the floor. Peeling my soaking coat off, I drop it next to the bag. Alek closes the door behind him and I wait for a cocky comment. Instead, he watches me warily for a few seconds before walking past into the kitchen. When I hear the fridge door and clink of beer bottles, my irritation returns.

“What the hell?” I ask as I walk in on him in his usual position: beer in hand, legs on the opposite chair. His T-shirt is soaked through, and stretched across the taut muscles of his chest.

“What?” he asks.

“That’s it? No discussion?”

“What’s to discuss?”

“Don’t you care about what you just did or how much you frightened me? Don’t you want to know if I’m okay?” I’m incredulous at how easy he switches off.

“Are you okay?” he asks, unconvincingly, and swigs from his bottle.

“What is with you?” I retort. “Why do you behave like this?”

“I told you, because I’m not used to people. Sorry, Casper, I can’t help it.”

I shake my hair from my face. “You’re two different people, and it’s hurting me, Alek. My world’s upside down and you spin it out of control more. I don’t know who I am or what I’m worth, and when you treat me like this after spending the night in your bed, I feel worthless.”

Alek runs his tongue along his teeth and fixes an intense gaze on me, one that adds to the shivering. Standing here in wet clothes is horrible, but last time something worse lurked in the bathroom, and I’m scared to go up there.

“You’re not worthless,” he says in a low voice. “That’s the problem. You’re unbelievably important to me.”

“Why? Because you can get some free energy when you need topping up? Seduce me into sex when you feel like it? Then dump me when you’ve had both?”

“Rose...” He looks genuinely shocked. “You know that’s not true.”

“Do I? You’re only nice at those times.”

“That’s a lie! I look out for you. I came to collect you tonight. Okay, I drove like an idiot tonight, but I try to keep you safe.”

“I don’t want keeping safe! I can look after myself! I especially don’t need keeping safe from an arrogant dickhead who treats me like crap half the time.”

Alek stands, knocking his chair back. “Fuck this! Now I remember why I don’t have anything to do with people.”

When I died, I must’ve gone to Hell because this is Hell. Suffocating, confusing Hell. I follow Alek upstairs but he strides two steps at a time, and by the time I’ve caught up, he’s slammed his bedroom door. Not in my face, but almost.

“Oh, my God!” I yell. “Are you twelve years old?”

From inside the room, the sound of banging appears and the door flies open. Alek stands, shirtless, holding a dry T-shirt in his hand. “I was getting changed! You should, too!” He points at my wet clothes.

“No, you walked away when I was talking.”

“Talking? You were insulting me!”

“So, you think your behaviour is acceptable in a relationship.”

Alek opens his mouth to respond then shakes his head with a small smile. “Relationship? Does this count as a relationship?”

“It’s fucking weird, whatever it is, but we unfortunately have one.”

Alek gasps. “Casper! You’re swearing again.”

“And you’re trying to steer the conversation away from this again.”

As if to block out what I’m saying, he pulls his T-shirt over his head. His damp hair sticks up in several directions when his face reappears. If I wasn’t angry, I’d be taking in the fact he’s downright sexy and does things to my insides that temper my anger.

“Rose, I apologise if I’m upsetting you, but this is me. I was like this when I was alive. I didn’t get close to people before, and years of isolation hasn’t helped. I don’t know how to behave the way you expect me to.”