Secret Worlds (476 page)

She rose and followed him back to his office. Instead of walking around to the other side of his desk, he crossed to one of the two chairs in front and collapsed into it. She took the other.

“I hope you weren’t waiting because you actually expected a lesson on control today?”

“I was waiting….” What had she been waiting for? Other than to avoid everyone else in the school? “I don’t know why I was waiting, but I have zero interest in a lesson on control. So you’re safe.”

Thomas nodded at the ceiling. He didn’t say anything else. He was either meditating or waiting for her to say something.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she ventured, “Whatever it is that’s going on, is it something I could help with?”

“Do you have any experience doing reconnaissance work?”

“Um. Nope. But I excel at making things go boom.”

A smile flitted over his face. “A skill which we will no doubt make use of.” He groaned and pulled himself up, sitting forward to clasp his hands between his knees. “We’ve gotten word that there’s going to be a big transfer—of what or whom we don’t know. Because of where it’s coming from, we assume it’s going to be Sparks.”

“Girls?”

He made a face. “Doubtful. It seemed more dangerous-transfer big, not girls-who-don’t-exist big. If I thought it was that, I’d be playing it a hell of a lot closer to the vest. And doing more than reconnaissance.”

He’d go get them. Good.

“We know of one secret prison slash test facility, but not any others. So…it might be a good time to keep an eye on them. We’ll be sending teams every few days.”

“Can I go?”

“Didn’t we just establish that you have no recon experience?”

“We did. But I have other skills. And you want me to be involved, right? So involve me.”

Thomas shook his head.

“It’s just watching. It would be a learning experience. Please.”

He looked at her, considering. When he spoke, his words were pointed. “I’d have to send you with Jackson.”

She blinked, and her head shifted as if to shake it. She caught herself. “So?”

He tilted his head at her. “You know that I know everything, right? I see all, I hear all, in spite of what everyone else seems to think.”

“Well, that’s a little scary.”

He grinned, baring his teeth.

She could pretend. And then he’d call her out on the lie. Difficult, omniscient man. “If I have to deal with Jackson, fine. I can deal with anything if it means I can be out doing something. Please. I need to help. I need to act. Alex told me I’d be helping.”

“I’ll think about it.” Thomas wasn’t promising anything. But that was enough for now.

The ride to Fort Nevada gave Alex more than enough time to think about the potential folly of the trip and taking Lena north. He changed into his field uniform then sat back, blind to the reflected smear of light from the glassy walls of the tunnel. Since the beginning, when he’d convinced Thomas that fieldwork best employed his talents, Alex had been careful to balance his responsibilities at home with the maintenance of his cover in Azcon. This trip was not an effective balance.

His issue with the trip had nothing to do with securing the position that would make the rest of the operation fall into place. He’d been promoted over Merritt and had spent the last five weeks reveling in the intensity of his dual responsibilities—learning to control his Spark at Fort Nevada in the evenings and the workings of Councilor Three’s Security at Azcon during the day.

It also didn’t matter that Three believed the four days away were a pre-planned solo hunting trip, meant to keep Alex’s skills sharp. A little praise of Three’s intelligence and leadership of the Zone, coated with put-on sexual tension to flatter the omnivorous ass? It made Alex’s skin crawl, but the Councilor rubberstamped whatever Alex wanted. Alex knew how to play the Councilor. It didn’t make leaving Azcon right now any smarter.

It wasn’t even the danger of taking Lena so far from Fort Nevada, and so close to potential peril at the prison. She needed to be a part of it all. It was time. This jaunt to run recon on the prison was both an established route and, since the transfer they’d expected hadn’t happened, would likely be the most uneventful introduction to their activities they could manage. He agreed with Thomas: it made a good first mission for her.

No, his struggle had started the minute he’d written the message to Thom that he’d be going, too. He’d sent it off with their courier anyway.

When he’d challenged himself on the decision, his explanation was logical. There had simply been too many unknown variables to crop up in the past few months, and Alex wasn’t willing to take any chances with Lena.

She needed to take a more active role, yes. It didn’t mean they had to be reckless with her. She was too important to their future.

For every question or doubt he raised, he had a ready answer. But what about that constant itch to go back? His mind bobbed and weaved in an attempt to avoid the answer.

The train slowed, and the tunnel lights separated. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He still didn’t have a solution.

After pulling the train in, he went straight to the ready room. The rest of them were already there. Lena sat at the end of the conference table, legs tucked up and crossed beneath her on the chair. She had on the same grey-green field uniform the rest of them wore, though hers was likely a Ward uniform—the only size that would fit her.

She leaned across the table to peer at the map Thomas and Jackson were reviewing. Her red hair fell around her face. The pressure that had been building inside of Alex began to ease, as it did every night when he showed up to work with her.

Was it the sight of her? Or a proximity response? He’d asked the same questions before.

With a deep breath, he buckled down and focused. Was it Lena? Or the Dust? She was young, damaged, and irritating. But she was also attractive, smart, and strong-willed, and her laugh echoed in his memory when he was far away in Azcon. It didn’t really matter whether it was her or the Dust. He was compromised, period.

The final member of their little group sat at the other end of the table. The young Senior Ward might have been twenty years old. If all went well, he wouldn’t be doing anything more than hauling the team they were replacing back to Fort Nevada and then returning to wait for Alex and his team to rejoin him after they were done on the surface in Zone Four. Alex approached him first.

The kid sat up straighter in his chair before deciding he should stand. He pushed back and tried to salute. “Senior Ward Third Class Xavier Herrons, sir.”

“Third Class?” Alex’s brows went up. He turned to look at Thomas, though his next words were directed at the youngster. “And yet you were assigned this duty? Your Guardians must think highly of you.” He would have expected a Second Class, at a minimum.

“I hope so, sir. I work very hard.”

“See that you do, Ward. I’d hate to see how far down their opinions would slide if you were to lose her.”

The kid darted a startled look at Lena across the table and then back to Alex’s impassive face again. Herrons swallowed convulsively.

“Alex.” Thomas’s voice was calm, but his face held both amusement and irritation. “Why don’t you come review the route again?”

Alex guffawed. “Because I know the route like the back of my hand. Besides, he’s the expert who’s been in and out all month.” He nodded at Jackson. “He’ll be navigating.”

Jackson’s posture spoke of forced neutrality.

Alex snorted and turned instead to the four packs piled against the wall. He moved through them one by one, rechecking for contents, load and access. He finally stood, hands on hips, and turned back to the table.

Thomas and Jackson had turned their attention back to the map, but Lena wasn’t watching them anymore. She watched Alex, arms crossed.

“Oh, hi, Lena.” He gave her a warm smile, hoping for one in return.

“Hello, Alex.” She uncrossed her arms and reached up to tuck her hair behind her ears. “Can we get out of here now?”

He raised his brows. What had happened? She was already unhappy. And though they’d managed to build a friendly camaraderie during evening lessons, he knew there was a tension building in her lately that had nothing to do with him or their kiss. Why?

“Safety first,” he told her lightly.

Were they putting her safety first? Because he’d had personal contact with her, simply knowing she was out there created a distraction, an irritating constant pull on his attention he couldn’t shake. It posed a danger to him and to what they were trying to achieve.

But how much more of a danger was it to Lena?

If he was so affected that he hadn’t been able to resist a taste of her lips, how were the others managing without his legendary self-control? He’d pulled himself out of it, and he made himself deal with it during their lessons, even if he hadn’t been able to sleep a full night in the month since. Would the others be able to do the same?

She stared at the backpacks, tracing the lines of them, waiting. The eagerness to be on her way, to leave the Fort behind, was obvious. Clearly, they weren’t managing well. What was she having to deal with that she hadn’t been complaining about?

Thomas looked up. “All right. If we’re good to go?” He looked askance at Alex, who nodded. “You all know what we’re doing, and how we’re doing it. You go up, relieve the team, observe from a distance, wait for your relief, and get out. Got it?”

As soon as the others nodded agreement, Lena abandoned her chair and hoisted her pack. The men hadn’t cleared the table yet.

Alex worried for a moment the pack might pull her small frame over. He should have known better.

She settled the pack across her shoulders and looked back at the rest of them standing around the table. “What are you all waiting for?” She arched a brow. “Time’s wasting.”

And he wondered why he had an itch to get back?

***

Alex had to reach out and pull Lena back toward himself as she automatically headed for the train she’d arrived on months ago. He smiled and grabbed the back of her pack, steering her away from the front platform toward the back corridor.

“Hey!” she protested, craning her head to look up at him over her shoulder.

“It’s this way,” he told her, voice mild.

Her gaze swerved to Jackson behind him and the soft, suspect noises he made. Her face darkened. “It’s not funny.” The words she gritted were icy. She whipped her head forward again and marched ahead of them down the corridor.

He turned to the younger man and raised a brow in question.

Jackson shrugged. He focused straight ahead. “It’s fine, sir.” He cleared his throat. “No trouble.”

Alex stopped. He grabbed the back of Jackson’s pack as he had Lena’s a moment before and dragged him to a stop. Herrons slowed, but Alex gestured him on with a nod.

Alex returned his attention to Jackson Lee. “There’s personal business, and then there’s business that could affect my operation. And the second is very much something I need to know. Tell me now.” He gave no other option, and no wiggle room.

“There is nothing to know, sir.” Jackson told him in his quiet, sensible voice. “No personal business.” He paused. “I took care of it like you told me to.”

“Did you now?” Alex could hear the skepticism in his own voice.

Jackson grimaced and said, “Yes, sir.” He shook his head. “I told her I didn’t want to be involved with her, sir, in no uncertain terms. I want to….” He looked down at the floor, miserable. “But I made sure she doesn’t believe that anymore.”

Good.

“I know who she is. Who she’ll be. She’s meant for something better. She’s meant for
someone
better. Do you know what her children will be? What Councilor Five believes they’ll be?”

Alex nodded.

Jackson continued, “She’s not meant for me. So I told her…. She’s very direct, sir. I was, too.”

Jackson shook his head, focusing on Herrons and Lena turning off into the track bay ahead of them. Alex started walking slowly, and Jackson moved with him.

“And it didn’t go over so well.”

“It did not. I hurt her, sir.” Shame and disgust colored his voice.

Alex nodded. He wasn’t happy, was he? Lena had been hurt, after all. Why did he feel the need to swallow a grin? “Honestly, kid, I’m impressed as Dust that you were able to walk away.”

Jackson grimaced, deeply unhappy. “I can’t begin to tell you how hard it was, sir.”

“You managed something most of the Guardians couldn’t. You should be proud.” He clapped the younger man on the shoulder. “Mastering yourself is critical, as you know.”

They came to the corner, and Alex turned into the bay. “I appreciate your candor. Keep your focus where it belongs. The operation. Keeping her safe. Not worrying about how she does or does not feel.”

Jackson nodded once, a sharp snap of his head. “Thank you, sir.”

Alex grinned at Jackson’s back. Perhaps he’d underestimated the kid? Where in the Dust had he found the strength to walk away from her?

Alex slung his pack into the far corner of the train. Lena seated herself in a forward left seat and stared out the curved window at the glassy black wall beyond it, ignoring all of them. He moved to the console, ran through the starting protocol, and eased them into motion. For Lena’s benefit, he told them they were in for a slightly longer trip than from Azcon to Fort Nevada.

A moment later, she stood beside his seat. “How long will we be gone? Thomas said two days?” She looked at their reflections in the curved window instead of at him.

“That’s right.” They’d shortened the usual three-day rotation in deference to her training. “We’ll leave Herrons behind and hike to our base camp location. Camp overnight, move into position before dawn, relieving the other team. Once we’re in the hole, we don’t leave it. We’ll observe in shifts and head back the following morning after our relief arrives. We’ll be back here late tomorrow night.”

She took a deep breath. “Look, I know I’m not the best of company, but can we spend another night out? Like, head back to the base camp and wait until the next morning to hike back out?” She tried to make her voice brisk, but deep unhappiness threaded through her words. She refused to meet his eyes.