Secrets of My Hollywood Life: Family Affairs (8 page)

“We’re going to do these photos and go right to the school hallway set,” Tom explains wearily. “We’re already running behind and some of you have time constraints.” Matt clears his throat. “After this, you’ll have fifteen minutes to change and touch up again and then we’re shooting the next scene before lunch.” Everyone starts whispering again. At this rate, we won’t have lunch until three! All thanks to Alexis.

Alexis slips her arm through mine. “Hey, girlie, you look stunning in that dress,” Alexis says admiringly. “Your boyfriend would melt if he saw you.”

Huh?

“Um, thanks,” I say. I have to remind myself that Alexis doesn’t know I overheard her Oscar-worthy meltdown moment. Maybe she’s bipolar.

“It’s going to be ages before we eat today, but do you want to grab a salad later when we do?” Alexis asks. “I feel like we haven’t caught up in ages.”

She just bashed me to Renee and now she wants to be my lunch buddy? “Shoot! I have a phone interview to do,” I lie. “Maybe tomorrow?” “I’m going to hold you to that,” Alexis says with a wink. I smell a rat, but until I know what Alexis is up to, I better play along.

MONDAY, 9/23

NOTE TO SELF:

Tues. call time: 7 AM

Wed., Thurs., Fri.: On location in Malibu. Call time: 5 AM

*Check driver’s ed. Web sites!

*FIND A B-DAY GIFT!

Date w/ A – Fri. night, Slice of Heaven

FA2008 “Hospital Merry-Go-Round and Around”(CONTINUED)

INT. PAIGE’S HOSPITAL ROOM— DAY 7

PAIGE

(sounding weak) Girls, I want to talk to the two of you— I mean the three of you— for a moment.

SAM

What is it, Mom?

PAIGE

I love you girls so much. I’m starting to feel so much stronger thanks to Colby.

COLBY

Please don’t thank me again. You’ve done enough already.

SARA

Yeah, Mom. We’ve done enough. We gave her a nice hotel room, some clean clothes, a warm meal, and it’s not even Christmas. You have enough to worry about. You just woke up from a coma!

PAIGE

I can never repay you, Colby. You saved my life. You gave me back my husband and my girls. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

SAM

Mom, you said there was something you had to tell us. Did the doctors say something about your condition?

Paige looks at Colby and reaches for her hand. The two clasp hands and smile.

PAIGE

Girls, I’m going to be fine. I wanted to talk to you about Colby, actually. I know you’ve been hearing rumors and I wanted the truth to come from me.

SARA

(to Sam) Why is she holding her hand?

PAIGE

Sara, concentrate. This is important. You need to listen to what I’m about to say. It wasn’t just a coincidence that Colby’s blood saved my life that day she walked into the hospital waiting room.

SAM

It was a miracle. We know that, Mom.

PAIGE

It was more than a miracle. It was fate. What you don’t know is what Colby told Dr. Braden. She is my long lost daughter. We’re having a DNA test done to confirm it, but I know in my heart it’s true.

SAM

WHAT? NO! You would never cheat on Dad! You love him.

PAIGE

Girls, this was before your father and I even met. Granddaddy was so ashamed, so I. . . . (tearfully) gave my firstborn daughter up thinking I would never see her again. Colby and I have been talking and putting together facts and I’m sure she has her information correct. She’s my daughter. (sobbing) Colby, I’m so sorry I abandoned you.

COLBY

I understand all that now. Don’t get upset. You have to rest, Mom.

SARA

“MOM?” This is insane! A good story and a blood type don’t prove anything!

PAIGE

Colby and the baby share the same birthdate and Colby says she was born at the hospital where I gave birth. She may not look like a Buchanan, but she is one.

SAM

(in shock) Mom, are you sure?

PAIGE

Certain.

COLBY

Can I say something? I know this comes as a shock. But I’m hoping we can start slow. We’re already friends. Maybe we can work toward feeling like sisters.

PAIGE

Well, you’ll have plenty of time. I want you to move into our home immediately.

SARA

WHAT? She hasn’t even taken a blood test yet!

COLBY

The offer is so generous, but I couldn’t . . . I don’t want to cause problems.

SARA

Mom, are you sure you’re thinking clearly?

PAIGE

That is enough. Colby saved my life and that makes her family no matter what the blood test results are. I expect all of you to make her feel welcome. Alice is already home readying a room and I expect you two to make her feel comfortable.

SARA

But . . .

SAM

You heard her, Sara. We want Mom to get better. We need to do whatever we can to help. Colby, we hope you’ll feel comfortable in our home.

COLBY

Oh, I’m sure I will.

Sam and Sara hug their mother as Colby watches with an inscrutable smile.

Five:
I Heart Alexis

“AND WE’RE ROLLING!” Tom yells into his megaphone.

FA’
s crew of almost one hundred people becomes quiet as the bright, scorching, overhead lights focus on Sky, Alexis, and me as we huddle around Melli, who is lying in a hospital bed. Tom oversees the scene from a monitor stationed in front of his director’s chair while the guest director sits near us on the camera dolly. As usual, standing behind Tom are our writers, ready with pen and pad to fine-tune any clunky lines.

“Mom, are you sure you’re thinking clearly?” Sky recites as Sara.

Melli, aka Paige, nods weakly. She’s supposed to look like she just woke up from a coma, which is why she’s wearing white pancake foundation and no eye makeup.

“That is enough,” Melli says hoarsely, and on command I give her a drink of water from the plastic pitcher on her tray table. A huge basket of flowers from our “dad,” Dennis (aka Spencer) and balloons of every color and shape fill the room. “Colby saved my life and that makes her family no matter what the blood test results are,” she adds. “I expect all of you to make her feel welcome. Alice is already home readying a room and I expect you two to make her feel comfortable.”

“But . . .” Sky protests.

I grab Melli’s hand and with my other hand I grab Sky’s. “You heard her, Sara,” I say, shaking slightly. “We want Mom to get better. We need to do whatever we can to help.” I turn to Alexis. “Colby, we hope you’ll feel comfortable in our home.”

“Oh, I’m sure I will,” she says smoothly.

I wait for the camera to pan wide before breaking character, but Alexis doesn’t. She scrunches up her face in disgust. “UGH! I sound so stupid!” she says to all of us. “I’m sorry to mess up the scene, but I don’t get why Colby would sound so sinister.”

“CUT!” The director yells. He and Tom walk onto the set. “I thought we went over this in rehearsal,” says the director, sounding slightly annoyed.

Alexis trains her big eyes on him. “I know, and you explained it beautifully, but I’m still not sure the line is working. The viewers love Colby, you know? I don’t want them to think she’s pure evil just yet,” Alexis pouts. “I mean, do you think the network would want that? I don’t know. We might want the writers to tweak the line.”

“Tweak,” the guest director repeats. “Okay, let’s take five and discuss it.”

“Writers,” Tom calls. “You’re on.”

Melli massages her neck. Sky rolls her eyes. I bite my lower lip. We’re running behind again today and this is the second line Alexis has questioned this morning. It’s been two weeks since the Priceless party and a week since our infamous cast photo shoot and Alexis has only gotten more brazen with her demands. Yes, the press and most of this cast still hold her high on a pedestal, but every diva-in-training needs to know when to keep quiet. Now is one of those times. NO ONE disrupts a scene with Melli. Melli has been on this show since day one, which gives her a certain unspoken respect that the rest of us don’t command. Melli’s like the Godfather. You don’t upset the Godfather. I guess Alexis doesn’t care about sleeping with the fishes.

“Tom, do I need to be here for this?” Melli asks. She pulls back the hospital sheet to reveal slim-fitting faded jeans under her puke green gown. Melli starts to get up. “I promised my kids I’d call them on their lunch break and I’m going to miss it if we take any longer.”

“Mel, please,” Tom begs. “Give us two minutes.”

Melli sighs. “I’ll use my cell. When you’re ready, I’ll be at crafty getting coffee.”

I hesitate, wondering if I should follow her. I’ve been dying to talk to Melli about these confusing feelings I’m having about my future, Sky, and Alexis. Melli’s like a second mom to me, and I can tell her anything. She doesn’t look like she’s in the mood to talk today though, so I stay put as a bunch of the writers run over carrying their scripts and PDAs.

We have about twenty writers, so you’d think they would crowd our already packed stage, but they don’t. Our
FA
set is huge. There are several sets in the Buchanan house-hold — the kitchen, which has real running water, the living room with its Restoration Hardware furniture, Paige and Dennis’s bedroom (which doubled as Sam and Sara’s up until a few years ago when we finally got our own set), and the long dining room, with an Ethan Allen table that seats twenty. It’s perfect for large family arguments, which are
FA
staples. Our soundstage also has interiors of my aunt Krystal’s bedroom and kitchen, Penelope’s living room and bedroom, the Summerville Diner, the Summerville Hospital waiting area and patient room (where we’re shooting now), and just this year, we added our own mock school hallway and a classroom so that we don’t have to film all of Sam and Sara’s Sum-merville High scenes on location. For exterior shots of the front of the Buchanan estate, we film on a fake idyllic street on our studio’s backlot. That’s an area behind the film studio headquarters with room to build, or use, exterior sets.

HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER FIVE: Like many TV shows, when
FA
shows the exterior of a character’s fabulous home, chances are the interior scenes are filmed somewhere else, like a soundstage. Real rooms with four walls are too cramped for a large camera crew, writers, and assorted higher-ups, so most sets only have three walls, or are larger than your average room so that a crew can fit inside. When you see a house on TV, chances are the studio has either paid to use someone’s exterior for the shot or they’ve con– structed a house shell on the back lot to serve as home sweet home. On our back lot,
FA
has a street full of homes that have been used on other TV shows or movies and now serve as the town of Summerville. When Paige and Penelope were in the Buchanan Manor house fire two seasons ago, they burned the falling exterior of an aged home on the block. The space made way for a park, which we use for outdoor school shots. Buchanan Manor is the grandest of all the fake homes. But don’t bother putting on a bathing suit — our swimming pool is not on set. Those scenes are shot twenty-three miles away at a mansion in Arcadia.

“Hey, ladies.”
FA
’s newest writer, Max Welsh, walks over and flashes us a gorgeous smile that makes me nearly faint. I can’t lie: Max is beyond cute. He’s “SoCal” tan, has short, spiky brown hair, brown eyes, and a tall, fit body he shows off with a metrosexual wardrobe. Practically everyone on set has a secret crush on the twenty-something. (I wouldn’t call my feelings a
crush
. I just appreciate his cuteness. That’s not betraying Austin, is it?) “How can we help you this afternoon?” he asks.

“I’m so sorry to be a pain,” Alexis says in a whiny voice. She looks and sounds like a ten-year-old in a super tight Snoopy tee that grazes her belly button and low-slung dark jeans. Colby is supposed to be sort of trashy, which explains the wardrobe. “I’m tripping over this one line. Colby comes off as suspicious, which is great, but I really think she could be so much more than that. What if we gave her a great backstory that explains why it seems like she’s trying to betray the Buchanans?” Alexis stops talking and waves frantically to some of the writers standing in the back. “Becky, that color looks amazing on you! Hey, Roger! Ready to shoot some hoops later?”

Peter, one of our veteran writers, frowns. “But Alexis, Colby
is
trying to betray the Buchanans,” he says gingerly. “This line is giving the viewers a tease of what’s to come.”

“I get what you’re saying, I really do, but maybe we’re missing the chance to have a bigger storyline here,” Alexis says hurriedly. “Does Colby have to be lying about being Paige’s daughter? Look how the public has embraced this character. Do you really think they want to see her gone in a few months? What if we let her stick around and cause problems for everyone in town instead of just the Buchanans?” Alexis asks hopefully. “Every show needs a good bad girl.”

“This show has already got one,” Sky hisses. “Me.”

Alexis ignores her. “I’d just hate to ruin a popular story-line when there is so much more we could do with it — and Colby. I think we’re creating something really great here this season and I, for one, don’t want to see it die out too soon.” Alexis squeezes my hand. I resist the urge to pull away and smile sweetly.

“Alexis, we’ve talked about this,” Tom warns.

“But . . .” Alexis’s eyes begin to water.

It’s not unusual for the writers to be called in to help tweak a joke that just doesn’t fly or a line so snippy it makes everyone on set wince. But changing someone’s whole character outlook? That’s a decision that happens upstairs, not here on set. I can’t believe Alexis would have the nerve to even make such a suggestion. I resist the urge to glare at Alexis. Even if I ignore the fact that I overheard her talking trash about me and caught her flirting with my boyfriend, I can’t forget her recent interview in
Hollywood Nation.
I can’t believe she had the nerve to talk about Sky and me not getting along.

After the story ran, Alexis sent me flowers with a note that said they took her quote out of context. I am so not buying it.

“You’re right about the public, Alexis,” says Tom thoughtfully. “But this storyline has a beginning and an end that was mapped out before you were even hired. Colby eventually reveals her true colors. She tries to blackmail the Buchanans for abandoning her as a baby, but Sam and Sara uncover proof that Colby isn’t Paige’s daughter. It turns out that Colby’s dead mother was Paige’s college roommate, so she knew all about the baby given away at birth. Colby knows so much about the Buchanans that she thinks she can pass herself off as kin. After her cover is blown, she leaves town in episode thirteen.”

“I can’t wait till episode thirteen,” Sky quips.

Alexis shoots Sky a nasty look. “I know,” says Alexis, composing herself. “But things are going so well that I thought maybe you’d consider changing your minds about that.” The last words come out in a sob and one of the grips puts his hand on Alexis’s shoulder. I look around. Everyone from the camera guys to Shelly, my makeup artist, looks sad.

Did Alexis taint the water supply? How is everyone falling for this act? Alexis knew her story arc when she signed her contract!

“I have an idea,” says Max.

He always has good ones too, so everyone pays attention. Max has only been with us for a few weeks, but he’s already famous for single-handedly writing Melli’s heart-wrenching wakeup scene. Everyone says the dialogue will win Melli another Emmy.

“Tom, maybe we can drop this line and put something simple in its place so that things are left up to the viewer’s imagination,” says Max. “We don’t start unfolding Colby’s motive for a few more episodes anyway.”

He’s kidding right?

“That’s true,” says Sarah, an
FA
writer who has been around for years. “It’s probably better to give the story a chance to breathe before we change gears. Besides, it’s just one line.”

No! Nooooo! It’s not just one line! She’s angling to get a permanent role. Why can’t they see it? Tom, don’t listen to them!

“It is just one line,” Tom seems to agree. “I guess it’s okay.”

SOB!

“BUT,” he warns, “Alexis, next time you want to make a suggestion about your character’s fate, you take it up with me before filming, not during the middle of a scene.” Alexis puts her head down and nods. “I have the final say when it comes to storyline, not the writers, not the cast. While I can’t say your idea hasn’t crossed my mind in recent weeks,” Tom adds, causing me to feel a little dizzy, “it’s not something I’m ready to change my mind about just yet. It’s my decision and I don’t want to be questioned again in front of my entire cast and crew. Understand?”

“Yes,” Alexis says simply, a smile beginning to curl at the corners of her full lips. “Completely.”

I’m a little rattled. Yes, Tom put Alexis in her place, but he also seemed open to possibly changing the course of Alexis’s storyline. That means she could be sticking around longer! I think I need to go lie down.

“Good,” Tom is saying. “Now I’ll go get Melli. Let’s try to get through the scene without another delay this time.” He glances meaningfully at Alexis.

Max scribbles some notes on his script. “Let’s try a few other sentence ideas.”

Everyone flips to the page in question and starts throwing out suggestions. “Can’t wait?” “You rock?” “Thanks, Sam?” They settle on “Thank you. Thank all of you,” making Colby sound like a saint. I bite my lip to keep from screaming.

“Thank you!” Alexis coos, hugging Max. “You’re the best writing staff in town.”

Sky turns away in disgust. “How would she know?” Sky says so quietly that only I can hear her. “What did she do before this? A Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial?”

We both snicker. We look at each other, realize that we’re sharing a moment, and quickly turn away.

Twenty minutes later, we wrap the scene and I walk off set. Nadine stops me before I reach the soundstage door leading to the dressing rooms.

“That scene took FOREVER. What was the delay?” Nadine asks. She’s been holed up in my dressing room this morning finalizing next week’s schedule and setting up some phone interviews. Today Nadine’s wearing a fitted navy tee, worn jeans, and running shoes. I’m too tired to explain what happened. My stomach does it for me, growling in protest. “That upset, huh?” Nadine asks. “I’ll get right to it then. Good or bad news first?”

I stop in my tracks, afraid to hear what’s happened now. I fix the cuff on my capri-length Dr. Denim jeans. I’m wearing a fitted floral silk tank by Prada with a sash around my waist and ballet flats. “Did Mom find out about my permit test?” I ask, sounding worried.

Liz and Austin got me so pumped up about getting my license that I went right home that night and asked my parents if I could take my permit test. Mom looked at me like I had just asked to be a guest on
Jerry Springer
and said, “Why would you want to do that when you have a driver to take you everywhere?” I tried to protest, but I could quickly see I was getting nowhere fast. Mom didn’t get the bigger picture. I thought Dad would, being a car junkie and all, but he was Mr. Serious about it. “Driving a car is like lifting the hood of your Cadillac and trying to fine-tune the engine,” he said. “If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re going to make a mess. I don’t think you’re ready, Katie-Kins.” I tried appealing to their career sense and asked them what would happen if a potentially Oscar-winning movie role came around and I couldn’t take it because my character needed to know how to drive. How would I do that if I didn’t have my permit? They both laughed and said stars don’t usually drive cars in the movies anyway. It’s easier to shoot a car scene if the car is pulled along by a flat-bed truck. I stormed out of the room after that.