Seduce Me All Over (Seduce #3) (4 page)

Chelsea and I spent Sunday afternoon shopping. That night we rented a movie and ordered takeout from a Chinese restaurant that we decided was our favorite in New York City. I spent Monday riding my bike through Central Park and curling up on the couch with a good book. There were moments where I thought of Brandon, but I fought the urges.

Despite a reasonably pleasant end to the weekend, I woke drained on Tuesday morning. The intensity of all that happened had caught up with me. Friday night seemed distant and present at the same time. Sex with Jeremy was taken over by my fantasy about Brandon. Then there was the matter of my erotic fantasy about Brandon in my shower.

I was conflicted about my morning meeting with Brandon. The sting of his cheating and our break-up still pained me. At the same time, I couldn't deny that my attraction to him hadn't waned. I sensed that he had a control over me, one that I allowed him to have, and I didn't like it. But it was, nevertheless, real.

“Gotta run, I have an eight o'clock class,” said Chelsea as she grabbed her book bag.

“I'm right behind you,” I said.

We shared an elevator ride down and then parted on the street. Chelsea headed for the subway to Columbia and I grabbed a cab to the office. On the ride over I felt like I was having a mini panic attack. As soon as I arrived at work I headed for the bathroom.

I splashed cold water on my face. I felt sick to my stomach. I sprinted into a stall and offered up my breakfast. I rinsed at the sink and headed to my office. Thank goodness I had a bottle of mouthwash in my desk drawer.

“Good morning, Ashley. How was your weekend?” asked Peter, one of my social media managers.

“Fine. How was yours?” I wasn't going to get into what my weekend had really been like.

“Nice. Spent the weekend on Long Island with my folks,” Peter said.

I checked the time. “Gotta run, Peter. I have an 8:30 meeting.”

I closed my office door and headed down the hall. I had made the walk countless times the past three months. I had never dreaded going to Brandon's office until that morning. If I had anything left in my stomach, I probably would have been sick again. Being firm with him on the phone was one thing. Keeping my composure in person was entirely another matter.

I took a deep breath and pushed through the doors into Brandon's outer office.

Teresa was already at her desk. She looked up and smiled.

“Good morning, Ms. Sullivan.”

“Good morning, Teresa. I have an 8:30 with Mr. Mitchell.”

“I'll let him know you are here.” She did and then told me to go on in.

I paused at Brandon's door and then walked into his office. He stood from behind his desk. His face stoic. His body rigid.

“Ashley, please sit down,” he said motioning to
the
couch. We had sex on that couch three months ago. It was my “welcome to New York” sex.

I froze.
What the hell is he doing? What kind of game is he playing?

“Is there a problem?” he asked.

What the fuck do you think?

That was what I felt like saying. But I was going to show him that it didn't bother me. At least I was going to try to give the impression that it didn't bother me.

I walked over and sat on the couch and crossed my legs. Brandon sat in the chair opposite the couch. He tented his hands as he looked at me in silence. I figured he was gathering his thoughts.

“So, how are we going to do this?” he asked after a few moments.

“Do what, exactly?”

“Make our professional relationship work,” he replied.

My stomach settled a bit. I was still anxious about the meeting, but Brandon was not confrontational. That eased my anxiety, somewhat.

“Well, it is likely to be difficult at first. But, if we focus on our jobs and continue being cordial with one another, then I think it will get easier,” I offered.

“Will it get easier? Can we really stop desiring one another?”

“Brandon, you deeply hurt me. You had sex with another woman while we were dating. That sort of trumps any desire I may have for you.”

“Ashley, may we speak frankly on a personal basis?”

Despite my stipulation that Brandon only have professional contact, I knew that wasn't realistic. It was a way to put things off. I knew that, sooner or later, we needed to address what happened.

“Yes, I suppose that we do need to have that conversation if we are to move forward professionally.”

“I'm hoping that we can still have more,” Brandon said as he relaxed his arms.

“I don't know, right now, if that is possible.”

“Just hear me out. What you walked in on the other night was not all that it appeared to be. Yes, I admit to having slept with . . .” he paused. I could tell that he was trying to decide if it was helpful to use the woman's name or not.

“Go ahead, you can say her name. If we're going to do this we should be completely free to discuss everything,” I encouraged him.

The conversation was going to hurt. It was going to open a wound that hadn't even begun to heal. But better deal with it and move on.

“Jessica. She was, before you and I met, a fuck buddy,” he said. At least now I knew her name.
Jessica
. A pretty name. I wondered if she knew Brandon was in a relationship.

“Did Jessica know you were in a relationship either when you had sex with her or the other night?”

“Not when I slept with her. I told her after. So, yes, she knew when she came over the other night.”

Okay. I could give her a pass on sleeping with Brandon. But then she came back for more knowing he had a girlfriend.
The bitch
. None of it excused Brandon.

Brandon took a breath and checked my expression. I had my best poker face on. I decided to take whatever he had to say and then decide how I was going to react.

“Go on,” I replied.

“Ashley, you knew I had an active sex life with varied partners. I typically slept with two or three different women a week. Enough for regular sex each week, but not tying me down to any one woman. They all knew what it was, and what it wasn't.”

“Great. So being with one woman 'ties you down.' Was that the problem with us?”

“No. A moment of weakness was the problem. One time. I would never let that happen again if we were to get back together.”

“A moment of weakness?” I said in disbelief.

“Ashley, I have no good explanation for what I did – ”

“What you
did
, was Jessica while were dating.”

“We have already established that, Ashley. Please, let me tell you exactly what happened,” he pleaded.

Brandon wasn't used to pleading. I'm not sure if he had ever pleaded before my discovering his indiscretion. I nodded for him to continue.

“Ashley, I had already told you that I never really had a serious relationship before you. I never trusted anyone completely to be with me solely because of who I am versus my money. But I craved beautiful women and regular and exciting sex,” he said as he stood and crossed his office. He looked out the window at the Manhattan skyline.

“I first had sex at seventeen,” he said while still looking out the window. “It was with a friend's older sister while on vacation in the Hamptons. She was two years older than me. She was beautiful. And the sex was amazing.”

He turned and looked at me. “Not as amazing as with you, but pretty great.”

I gave no reaction. Poker face. Brandon was opening up. Would it be enough?

“After that, I was hooked. I needed sex all the time. I was a horny teenage boy and there was no shortage of pretty girls willing to have sex with me. I never knew if they wanted to be with me for me. I always suspected it was because of my money.”

“Some may have just wanted to fuck a gorgeous guy,” I suggested. That elicited a slight smile from him.

“I decided to just go with it. Sex with different pretty women. It seemed easier not to let anyone get close. I never had, until you, even slept in the bed with them. It was just sex. That's what Jessica was.”

“Okay. I understand all of that. I even understand that . . . Jessica, even became one of your 'fuck buddies' as you called her. But that was all before me. While I didn't know the details, I pretty much knew that about you. Hell, the whole world knew that about you. I recognized it as part of your past. The problem is that it became part of your present while we were together.”

“Yes. And I am truly sorry. I know I hurt you and that has pained me. Ashley, you were the first woman that I felt I could trust to be with in a real relationship. But I messed up.” Brandon walked toward me and sat on the couch next to me.

“Ashley, you have to believe me that I never planned on sleeping with Jessica. It doesn't excuse the fact that I did. But I knew it was wrong and I committed to never let it happen again. And it didn't. That needs to count for something.”

“Perhaps. I just don't know for how much,” I said as I looked at him. I could easily get lost in his beautiful blue eyes. Those eyes that so captivated me and held my gaze each time I looked into them.

“It happened two weeks after we started dating. I was at a club and had too much to drink. I ran into Jessica. She had been drinking a lot as well. She came on to me. Ashley, I was weak. I gave in to the temptation. After, I told her that it was a mistake. That I was seeing someone and that I was committed to the relationship. I didn't see her again until Friday night when she showed up at the penthouse.”

“I'm still not sure, Brandon. And, how do you explain Friday night?”

“Apparently she still had an access card, which I took from her Friday night. I had received your text. When I came downstairs and saw the lights dimmed and the fireplace on, I assumed it was you. I was excited that you were surprising me like that. Ashley, she is the same size as you, similar hair, and it was dark enough that I couldn’t make out her face from across the room. It wasn't until she threw herself at me that I noticed that it wasn't you. That was just as the elevator doors opened and you saw us. I know how that sounds. I know that it would take extremely bad, and rather improbable, timing for it to happen that way. But it is the truth.”

We sat in silence while I thought. I could sense Brandon's anxiety. I sensed by looking in his eyes and watching his body language that he was probably telling me the truth. But I still questioned if he could avoid another “moment of weakness” in the future.

“Although it would take incredibly small odds at such bad timing, I'm inclined to believe you,” I said as I stood. “And I also tend to believe that it was just the one time with Jessica. I might, with time, even be able to forgive that. What I'm not at all confident about is that it won't happen again. Maybe not with Jessica, but with one of the many other women. Or someone entirely new who you find irresistible, if even just in the moment. I don't know that I can trust you to be with just me.”

“Ashley – ”

“No. Brandon, let me say what I need to say,” I interjected as I held up my hand. “Maybe I will find that level of trust again. But it is still too soon for that. I'm not ready to trust my heart to you again. Not now, anyway.”

Brandon stood and stepped toward me. He took my hand in his. I let him. But I had gained a new level of clarity and strength. Yes, I still wanted Brandon. I could easily give in to my sexual urges, but I had also fallen for him and I needed more than sex with him.

“Can we go away? Find time just for the two of us?” He asked.

“Not now,” I said as I let go of his hand. “Maybe not ever. I don't know.”

With that I walked across his office and out the door. I headed to my office and went in and closed the door. I let out a deep breath as I sank into my chair. I honestly didn't know what my conversation with Brandon meant. Maybe I needed more time for him to gain my trust again. Maybe I was moving on from him. Only time would tell.

I decided to get some actual work done. I checked my voice mail. Most were routine business messages. Two, however, stopped me in my tracks. One was from Jeremy.

He left a sweet message that reminded me of why I had liked him so much in high school. He didn't want any awkwardness between us and hoped we could be friends. Part of his message told me that if I was ever in Los Angeles that he would arrange a private tour of the movie studio for me. That sounded like fun. I made a note to call him back later.

The second message was from a Lauren Caldwell at
Adele
magazine. They had taken note of what I had been doing at
Jacqueline
and had a similar strategy for
Adele
. Ms. Caldwell, as it turned out, was the Vice President of Human Resources at
Adele
and they wanted to offer me a job in Los Angeles.

I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to think about Brandon, about Jeremy, or about a job offer from
Adele
magazine. But I had clarity about what my next move was going to be. I picked up the phone and called Lauren Caldwell.