Authors: Tara Sue Me
“Look at me.” He took hold of her shoulders and turned her to face him. “Every submissive has a different need when it comes to sensation play. Some only desire a soft flogging, but others are hard-core masochists and require the bite of the whip. Part of play is to find where your need lies, but
you
get to be the one who ultimately decides how far you’ll go.”
Her body relaxed under his words and touch, which made him feel better.
“That’s right,” she said, though he realized she spoke more to herself than in response to him.
He took her hand and led her from the room. “Come with me.”
For the next few hours, they bundled up and he showed her around his property. She didn’t seem to be suffering any lasting effects from either the spanking or the playroom. In fact, she seemed more at ease around him.
He took her by the pond he’d spoken of earlier, showing her the place he would fish as a young boy. He pointed out his guesthouse and explained that he hosted play parties there. He even spoke of his parents, which was something he rarely did with anyone. How his mother died after giving birth to his sister and how his grief-stricken father had taken off and never come back.
He knew that, having lost her own parents, she understood. She simply took his hand and commented on how now it was even clearer why his grandparents were so dear to him.
Before she left, they made tentative plans to meet for lunch midweek and for her to come back to his house on Saturday. He wanted to ask her if she’d bring an overnight bag, but decided to wait until they met for lunch.
• • •
S
asha, of course, knew as soon as Julie walked in the door on Monday that something had happened.
“Tell me all about it, don’t leave a thing out.” She was hopping around the shop, way too hyper for a Monday morning.
Julie shrugged and tried to act all casual as she put her purse behind the counter. “We had dinner. It was nice. I spent the night.”
“Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Get your kink on?” Sasha said with a waggle of her eyebrows.
“Must we discuss every detail of my sex life?”
“Yes, we must. Every detail. So spill. Now.”
“Not until I’m properly caffeinated. And what’s gotten into you?”
Sasha talked while Julie prepared the coffee. She had rarely seen her friend so animated. Her eyes glowed and her entire body seemed energized. “I think Peter’s going to collar me.”
“Whoa. Really?” At first, Julie felt surprised to hear her friend was ready to take what she’d learned was such an important step. Although thinking about it, she realized Sasha had been with Peter longer than any other man in recent history. Which wasn’t saying a lot, but still. Julie couldn’t remember her ever wearing a collar.
“Yes! He hinted at it this weekend and I ended up staying at his place all day yesterday. And he’s building a playroom, it’s not anything like Daniel’s, but it’s still a room, right? And he’s—”
“Damn, take a breath.”
“Sorry.” Sasha climbed onto the stool next to her. “It’s just . . . I’m ready, you know?”
Julie nodded and took a sip of coffee. She was starting to understand. “How does that work, being collared?”
“Peter likes playing the entire weekend.” Her forehead wrinkled. “I’m not sure about that. It seems like a lot, but we’ll work it out. Besides, you’ve had coffee now.”
“Half a cup.”
“Surely that’s enough. Now spill.”
She wasn’t sure she was ready to spill; she rather wanted to keep it to herself a bit longer. To take the memory of being on her knees before Daniel and examine it, piece by piece, until she unlocked the secret of why it felt so good.
But she knew Sasha wouldn’t let it drop.
“He spanked me. I slept over. Had a mini freak-out in his playroom.”
“You played in his playroom?”
“No, he let me look around.”
“Okay. Whew,” Sasha said. “I didn’t think he’d play with a newbie in his playroom. Not Mr. These-Are-the- Rules-and-You-Will-Follow-or-Else.”
“That’s what you think of Daniel?” She couldn’t reconcile it with the man she’d spent so much time with the last few days.
“I don’t know Daniel. I just know Master Covington.”
Master Covington.
She would put that away to inspect later, too. Why the sound of it made her insides feel all wobbly.
Sasha was watching her closely. “What caused the freak-out?”
“And here this whole time I thought you’d ask about the spanking.”
“We’ll go there next.”
Julie swirled her coffee. “The thing is, I’m not ready to talk about it. It made me feel things I didn’t expect and I need to process that first.”
Her words had the desired effect on Sasha; she straightened up a bit. “Sure, I get that. It’s been a while for me, but I remember being new.” The bell above the door chimed and Sasha went to greet the customers. “Just remember, I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
Julie took longer than normal lingering over her coffee. Daniel had said he had the need to dominate only in the bedroom and the playroom. The playroom made sense to her, but how would it be to always give up control in the bedroom? Could she do that?
She thought back to the hotel, when she’d slept with Daniel before knowing he was a Dominant. No matter which way she looked at it, the night had been beyond anything she’d ever experienced. Well, at least until the night in his bedroom.
Perhaps, she decided, that was her answer.
• • •
H
e met her for lunch Wednesday at her favorite deli. Though they had talked on the phone and texted a few times, there was something about seeing him in person that made Julie feel as giddy as a teenager.
He stood when she approached the table and pulled her chair out. Before she could sit down, he placed a soft kiss on her cheek.
“I’m so glad this worked out,” he said. “That you were able to step away.”
“Sasha owes me. She does lunch with Peter regularly and I’m left at the shop by myself.”
“She’s a lively woman. The group wouldn’t be the same without her.”
Julie placed her napkin in her lap. She didn’t have to look over the menu; she knew exactly what she was going to order. “She’s the people person of the shop. Never met a stranger. And she’ll talk to a stone wall just to have someone to talk with.”
“You’re not exactly an introvert.”
“No, I wouldn’t call me that. I’d just say I’m guarded.”
“There’s a lot of wisdom in being that way.” He stood up. “Do you know what you want? I’ll go order for us.”
She told him her sandwich order and watched as he walked up to the counter. There was such confidence and grace in the way he moved, she swore she could watch him forever. Even though he wore a suit and tie, it was easy to picture him the way he’d been over the weekend. She knew exactly what was under those clothes.
“This looks great,” he said, when he came back with their sandwiches. “I decided to try what you ordered.”
“It’s one of my favorites.” Chicken, Brie, and sun-dried tomatoes on ciabatta. She and Sasha ordered takeout here at least once a week.
They ate in compatible silence for a few minutes, though she was aware he watched her with careful eyes. When they started talking, they spoke about work and how the week was going.
“How are you feeling?” he asked at one point. “Any questions about last weekend or anything you want to discuss?”
“Here?” She looked around the crowded deli. Sure, people were wrapped up in their own conversations, but she didn’t feel comfortable discussing kinky sex in public. He’d spanked her, for crying out loud.
“I could take you back to my place, but I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my hands off you long enough to talk.”
That made her laugh. “It’s just so public.”
“I think we’ll be able to discuss it without anyone knowing what we’re talking about.”
She pushed her chair forward and leaned close to him to ensure no one heard but him. “I feel conflicted. There’s one part of me that says, what should it matter if I enjoy being spanked? I’m a grown woman fully capable of making my own decisions. Then the other part says, why would a grown woman let herself be spanked?”
He didn’t show any surprise at her confession. “And in your mind you think a grown woman shouldn’t want to be spanked or submit sexually?”
“I don’t know if it’s me who thinks that or if it’s what society has told me to think.”
“Then the question becomes, who do you listen to? Yourself or everyone else?”
She sighed and sat back in her seat, looking at the table. “You make it sound so simple.”
“Do you think I never struggled with the nature of my sexual needs?”
Her head shot up. “You? Why?”
This time it was his turn to lean in close to her. “Do you think society at large finds it acceptable for a man to get off tying up his lover and spanking her? Forcing her to her knees so she can suck him?”
“That’s different. You’re the man.”
“So where does that leave submissive men?”
She didn’t have a reply for that.
“You have to treat everyone by the same rules,” he said. “If you say men can be submissive or Dominant simply because they’re men, you have to say women can likewise be submissive or Dominant simply because they’re women. Fair is fair.”
She offered him a small smile. “Everyone’s equal?”
“Everyone’s equal. Inside the playroom or outside the playroom.”
“You make everything seem so easy.” What he said made sense at the moment. She just wasn’t sure if she’d still look at it that way when he wasn’t sitting across from her.
“Not easy,” he said. “Simple. There’s a difference. Something can be simple and still be hard. It was simple for your body to react to me last weekend. It’s hard for your mind to admit your submissive nature.”
She picked at a bit of cheese hanging off her sandwich. “You think I’m submissive?”
“Look at me, Julie.”
Her eyes met his before she could even process that he’d given a command she’d obeyed effortlessly.
“I’m not going to answer that,” he said. “If I say ‘yes’ because I’ve been around enough novice submissives to know, it’ll appear as if I’m trying to fit you into a defined box. If I say ‘no,’ it’ll look like I’m trying to make you something you’re not.”
“But if I’m simply looking for your opinion?”
He shook his head. “I’m too personally involved. Besides, understanding and accepting your sexuality is a journey of self-discovery.”
They spent the next few minutes eating silently. Daniel seemed at ease with the quiet. She appreciated that he allowed her time to think. Of course, she could always think more about their conversation when they weren’t on a date.
“Tell me about your journey,” she asked, breaking the silence. “How did you know?”
He put the remainder of his sandwich down and wiped his hands. “First of all, you should know it wasn’t easy for me, okay?” At her nod, he continued. “While I was in college, I dated a girl who liked to be spanked. I kept telling her no, that I wasn’t like that. Couldn’t do that to her. She kept insisting, so I eventually did it. It had to be the most inept spanking ever, but it made me harder than I’d ever been before.”
She nodded and picked up a potato chip. “And that’s how you knew.”
“No, that’s when I broke up with her the next day and swore I’d never do anything like it again.”
The potato chip fell to the table and he laughed at her expression.
“You’re laughing about it?” she asked.
“Sure,
now
. Then I was scared shitless thinking I was some sort of deviant who should either be locked up or kept far, far away from women.”
“So, what did you do?”
“I quickly learned that the more I told myself I wouldn’t think about it, the more I actually thought about it. I was miserable. For a long time. Then one day I was online and saw a notice for a group gathering and I went. Met some like-minded people. Discovered I wasn’t a freak.” He winked at her. “Learned how to give a proper spanking.”
She laughed.
“The point is, I’ve been where you are,” he said. “From a different point of view, but one just as hard to come to terms with.”
Knowing he’d dealt with his own demons while accepting his sexual needs gave her a sense of relief and hope. Just like Daniel, maybe she’d one day look back on this time in her life and smile at how far she’d come.
She reached across the table and took his hand. “Thank you.”
• • •
D
aniel was smiling brightly when she arrived at his house on Saturday. “Hello, Julie. I see you’ve brought your bag.”
He’d asked her when they met for lunch if she’d stay overnight. At the time, she told him she’d have to check her calendar and make sure she thought the invitation through. At times, she felt everything was moving too fast and that she should take a step back. The funny thing was, though, every time she did think on it, she found herself wanting more of Daniel.
He leaned over to take her bag, and his lips brushed her cheek in the process. “You smell great.”
She’d actually put on the body mist as an afterthought. As she’d gotten dressed, nervous about not knowing how to prepare oneself for a playroom session, her eyes had fallen on the mostly neglected mist and she’d thought if you had to be naked, you should at least smell good.
He placed her bag inside the front door, explaining they could take it upstairs later, and led her into his living room. She sat beside him on the couch, taking the hand he offered her.
“How’s your weekend so far?” he asked.
She nodded. “Okay. Better now. Worked a bit this morning. How’s your grandmother?”
“Tess is still fighting me on putting her in an assisted living facility. The thing is, I’m not home enough to care for her properly, so she can’t move in here, and, well, Tess just found out she’s pregnant with twins.”
“Oh, wow.”
“Exactly, like she wasn’t busy enough with one.” He shook his head. “A facility just seems to be the best thing right now.”
She squeezed his hand. “You’ll decide on the right thing.”
“I sure hope so.” He lifted her hand to his lips. “But we can talk about this later. You came to play, right?”