Seduced by Fire (18 page)

Julie had respected Cole as a writer, but watching him with Sasha, she realized she respected him as a Dom, too.

“Feel better?” he asked Sasha after she’d settled.

“Yes, sir.”

“Don’t lock your knees.” He looked to Julie. “Good to see you again, Julie.”

“Likewise.”

His lips tightened into a thin line and his accent was clipped. “Address me properly, sub.”

She stared at him in shock. At the moment he didn’t look at all like the easygoing journalist who’d entertained her at dinner weeks ago. Instead he looked hard and unyielding.

“My bracelet’s white,” she said.

His eyes were cold. “Let me assure you of two things. One, my eyesight is perfect; therefore, I know exactly what color your bracelet is. And two, you don’t want me to ask you to do something twice.”

She believed him, adding “scary” to the list of adjectives to describe him. “Good to see you again, too, sir.”

He nodded and went to stand beside Dena.

A hush descended on the room as Peter and Jeff entered. Peter’s shirt was off and Jeff kept a hand on his upper arm as though he feared the other man would flee. Julie’s stomach dropped to her knees when the pair reached Daniel and he buckled Peter to the post with his back facing the crowd.

Daniel placed a hand on Peter’s shoulder and spoke quietly to the bound man. Peter nodded at whatever it was Daniel said and even from where she stood, Julie saw Peter’s body flinch. Jeff took a gag, buckled it around Peter’s head. Then Jeff moved to stand in front of him, facing the crowd, but his attention was on Peter.

It was as if the entire room held its breath when Daniel stepped forward, coiled whip in hand.

Sweat dripped down Julie’s shoulder blades and she tried to reconcile the whip-wielding man in front of her with the one who’d pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead less than thirty minutes earlier. She wanted to close her eyes, but found herself mesmerized as Daniel swung the whip over his head and brought it down across Peter’s back.

One.

Beside her, Sasha jumped and Julie didn’t have to look down to know she was giving her silent safe word.

The whistle of the whip once more broke the stillness, followed by the unmistakable slash of its tail meeting flesh.

Two.

By five, Sasha was mumbling under her breath. By ten, Daniel was breathing heavily. By fifteen, Julie would have given damn near anything to leave the room and she knew they were only half-done.

Daniel became another person in front of her. She didn’t doubt his claim at being an expert with the whip. In his hand, the implement became an extension of himself. He was more than an expert; he was an artist. But her stomach felt sour as she saw the welts appear on Peter’s back, because she realized Daniel’s canvas was flesh.

When the count became twenty, she started counting down. Ten more and she could leave. Nine. Eight.

She moved her gaze from Daniel to Peter and though she knew nothing about whips, she could tell the difference between Sasha’s back and Peter’s. Where Sasha’s had been a mess of crisscrossing lines, the marks on Peter were evenly placed and completely symmetrical.

Three.

Two.

One.

Had she been paying attention to Sasha the way she should have been, she would have anticipated her fall. As it was, Cole caught her seconds before she hit the floor.

“Easy, now,” he said, scooping her up as if she weighed nothing. “Dena, blanket please.”

“Is she okay?” Julie asked Cole, feeling rather weak herself.

“Master Greene,” Cole said, still holding Sasha. “Bring me two chairs.”

Seconds later, Julie was being helped into a chair by the Dom she recognized as Peter’s new mentor.

“Are you okay?” he asked, one hand on her shoulder.

“Yes, sir,” she said, the simple act of sitting down making her feel better.

Beside her, Cole sat holding Sasha in his lap, a blanket tucked around her legs. He looked slightly uncomfortable, but he held her all the same, and when she started to fidget, he murmured softly to her.

Julie risked a look at Daniel.

Peter had been released and the gag removed. He stood near the post, shoulders shaking, while Daniel dressed his back. In her mind, though, she still pictured him with the whip, his face hard as stone, and his arm moving back only to strike again.

Her stomach rolled once more.

“Master Greene,” Daniel said as he finished taking care of Peter’s wounds, and his voice was rough and deep. “Bring your mentee his shirt.”

Once Daniel had helped Peter into his shirt and talked to him face-to-face, he turned and walked across the room with long, quick strides. He breezed past Julie’s seat, and she wasn’t sure if she was hurt or relieved he didn’t look her way, but his face was focused only on the exit.

“Should I go to him, sir?” Dena asked Cole.

“No,” Cole said. “He has to handle it his own way. Let him be.”

“Red,” Sasha said, eyes blinking. “Red.”

“Shh, little one,” Cole said, rubbing her arms. “You’re safe. It’s okay.”

Sasha’s eyes flew open and she struggled to break free. “I’m fine. Let me go. Please, sir. Please.”

Cole gently unwrapped the blanket and helped her to her feet. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, thank you, sir.”

Julie felt cold taking in the scene around her. From Peter, hunched and hurting at the front of the room. Sasha, troubled and trembling while trying to be strong. Even Daniel, who’d left the room as though the demons of hell were following behind him. Nothing spoke of wholeness or completeness. All of it spoke of danger and darkness. And in that moment she decided once and for all that BDSM was not for her.

D
aniel wasn’t surprised when Cole found him in his office hours later. The house was empty and quiet, all the group members having left, showing themselves out. Or maybe Cole had done it. Daniel wasn’t sure. He swirled the scotch in his glass. He wasn’t sure he cared.

“Knock. Knock,” Cole said, stepping inside the office.

“Go away.”

“No. It’s been three hours and that’s your limit. One hour to sulk, one to jog, one to think.”

“It wasn’t a normal scene.” Daniel took a sip of scotch.

“Which is why I allowed you to sit in here and drink. Now it’s time to talk.”

“Fuck you, Cole.”

“You know he deserved every lash you gave him and then some.”

Daniel snorted.

“Just what I thought,” Cole said. “This isn’t about Peter.”

“Of course it is. It’s his damn fault. If it weren’t for him, I’d still have her.”

Cole poured himself a glass of scotch and sat down in the chair facing Daniel’s desk. “I don’t think so. If it wasn’t Peter, it would have been something else. She’s second-guessing, but she’ll eventually find her way back.”

Daniel shook his head. “You didn’t see the look she gave me. Like I was a monster.”

“That look wasn’t for you. It was for Peter.”

“Bullwhip is a hard limit for her.”

“Did you give her the option to leave?”

Daniel nodded.

“Then it was her choice to stay.”

The room was silent for several long minutes. Daniel swirled his drink, watching as the faint light bounced off the glass.

“Do you ever wish you weren’t a Dom?” Daniel asked.

“No, but sometimes I wish I wanted kids.”

“Not the same.”

“Exactly the same. You can’t help being a Dom any more than I can help not wanting kids. It’s woven into our being.” Cole downed his scotch and took Daniel’s glass, set it on the far end of the desk. “Know who else has this problem?”

“Every damn person here tonight.”

“Every damn person,” Cole repeated. “Including one confused submissive.”

“She was confused when she arrived tonight. Now she’s scared. Confused I can deal with. Scared is something else entirely.”

“You can deal with scared, too. Trust me, it’s best she works through all this now, because when she does, she’ll be yours one hundred percent.”

It was too much to hope for, too outlandish to imagine. Daniel pushed his chair back and opened the bottom drawer. He put the plain white box he took out on top of his desk. “Open it.”

Cole didn’t look like he wanted to open it, but he pulled the box to his side of the desk and opened it with a resolved sigh. He stared at the contents for several long minutes.

“It’s been two years?” Cole finally asked.

“Julie and I had a conversation before all this happened with Sasha. She wanted to wear a red bracelet to the group meeting. I explained that would label her as my submissive. She didn’t care.” Daniel nodded to the box. “I had that commissioned the next day. It arrived this afternoon.”

The “that” in question was a platinum choker made of two delicately woven bands, one of which had diamonds running its entire length. On the clasp was a tag engraved with “Master Daniel’s kitten” on one side and “Beloved” on the other. The collar fastened with a lock, worked by the key also in the box. “Kitten’s Master,” the key had on one side. The other side was blank in the hopes Julie would have her own words added.

“That’s quite a collar,” Cole said.

“She’s quite a woman.”

“She didn’t know you were going to offer it to her?”

“I was going to surprise her.”

Without saying a word, Cole got up and poured Daniel another glass of scotch.

•   •   •

F
or the next five days, Daniel put off doing what he knew he had to do. Perhaps, he thought, part of him hoped Cole had been right and Julie would come around. As the days went by, though, and she didn’t take his calls or return his messages, he knew he had to take the next step.

He had to set her free.

She looked surprised when she saw him at her door, but she opened it and let him inside. Dena had told him Sasha had moved back to her own place over the past weekend.

“How’s Sasha?” he asked anyway.

“Good. She came back to work on Monday.” She nodded toward the couch, but he shook his head.

“I’m glad she’s recovering well.”

“Dena’s been by a few times. It helps Sasha to talk to her. Are you sure you don’t want to sit?”

“I’m fine standing. How are you doing?”

She glanced at him and then looked to the floor. “You told me once to be honest, so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m scared. I know I’m a submissive, but I don’t know what to do with it.”

Just as he expected. “I can understand you’re scared, but what I don’t understand is why you’re avoiding me.”

She looked up, blinking back tears. “Because I look at you and I get all confused. I make up my mind to do one thing, but I look at you and second-guess myself.”

It took all his strength not to touch her, to gently stroke her cheek and tell her it’d be okay. But that would be a lie and he never lied.

“I need you to remember two things,” he said. “If you forget everything else I say today, I need you to remember this: my feelings for you run deep and strong and true. Second, having you give me your submission means more to me than I can express with mere words and I am honored you trusted me with it for a time.”

“For a time?” Her forehead wrinkled. “I don’t understand.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to decide what you wanted, but you can’t seem to figure it out. That tells me you’re not ready.”

“What?”

“I’m deciding for you,” he said, crossing his arms. “It’s over, Julie.”

She sank into the couch. “You’re breaking up with me?”

“I’m doing the best thing I can for you. I’m setting you free.”

“It feels like the same thing.”

It felt like metal bars encircled his heart. Sitting on the couch, she looked so small and fragile. He wanted nothing more than to sit beside her and take her into his arms. He was supposed to be her protector, not the one to cause her more pain.

“I know it does,” he said. “Believe me when I say I’d rather cut my own arm off than hurt you in any way, but this is the only option that makes sense. The only option that allows you the type of safety you feel you need.”

“Safety I
feel
I need?”

He sat beside her so they could talk on the same level. “You’re a submissive. You will never feel safer than when you’re under a Dominant’s control.”

She wiped her eyes. “How can you say that with what happened to Sasha? She wasn’t safe with Peter.”

“We’re not talking about Sasha. We’re talking about you.”

“That’s semantics.”

“It’s not semantics, Julie, and you’re forgetting one very important difference.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m not Peter.”

Her breath caught and he gave her a sad smile. He should feel insulted she thought for one second he could ever treat her the way Peter had treated Sasha. Instead, he just felt sad. Sad she let her fear rule her. Sad she didn’t fight him. And sad for the fact that everything they could have been together was slipping through his fingers.

“I know you’re not Peter.”

He wondered if her words sounded as empty to her as they did to him.

“We both know that’s not the truth or else we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” He stood up, suddenly tired. “Good-bye, Julie.”

•   •   •

J
ulie went to work the next day, but she was only going through the motions. Inside she felt like a robot. A windup robot, threatening to run down at any second. Her feet were like lead and it took too much energy to function. Sasha was still too wrapped up mentally in her own thoughts to notice, but when Dena stopped by to bring lunch, Julie moaned. There was no way she could hide what had happened from the sharp-eyed woman.

“I brought sushi,” Dena called, gliding through the store, carrying bags into the break room in the back.

“Not really hungry,” Sasha said.

“Me either,” Julie echoed.

“You, too, Julie?” Dena stuck her head out of the break room door. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I’m just not hungry, is that a crime?” She tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible, but it broke at the end.

“You okay?” Dena asked, stepping into the main room, her teasing gone.

Even Sasha looked her way.

Julie gripped the back of the chair in front of her. They were going to find out anyway. The normal group meeting was being held Thursday night. When she didn’t show up, Dena would know something had happened. Wouldn’t it be best if she heard it from her? If she heard it from Julie, maybe there wouldn’t be any gossip. Daniel deserved more than to be relegated to gossip fodder.

Julie took a deep breath. “Daniel broke up with me yesterday.”

They both spoke at once.

“He did?”

“Oh, Jules.”

“It’s okay,” Julie said, blinking back new tears. “It’s like he said, it’s for the best. It’s the best option for me.”

Dena rolled her eyes. “Ugh. I hate it when they get all Dom and decide what’s best for us. Hello? I have a mind.”

“But part of me thinks he’s spot-on. I was being all wishy-washy. And he was right to step in. That’s just being a good Dom.” She looked to where the two other women stood. “Right?”

The corner of Sasha’s mouth lifted. “Count me out on judging someone as a good Dom.”

Dena put an arm around the petite woman. “We all mess up. Don’t let it get to you.” She looked up at Julie. “You either.”

“It’s not so much letting it get to me.” She nodded. “It’s accepting Daniel was right. He is who he is and he accepts it. I am what I am and I choose not to act on it. That makes us incompatible.”

She glanced over at Sasha, who was still embraced by the tall, willowy blonde. Her friend had told her the day Daniel walked into the shop that they weren’t compatible. Even looking back, though, she wasn’t sure if she was happy or sad she went against Sasha’s advice.

In dating Daniel, she’d learned things about herself she’d never imagined. She’d met an incredible man. And, if she was totally honest, she’d admit that she had fallen in love with that incredible man. No, she decided, in looking back, she knew she couldn’t allow herself to be sad with her choice to have a relationship with him. She could only allow sadness at how it ended. That it ended at all.

“I’m free now,” Julie said. “That’s important.”

Dena removed her arm from Sasha’s shoulder and walked back into the break room, without saying anything. Julie had the strangest suspicion she’d said the wrong thing and followed her.

“Did I say something to upset you?” she asked, watching while Dena went around the table setting up for lunch.

“I’m sorry.” Dena placed the chopsticks down and took a deep breath. “I just don’t know if you’re ready to hear what I think.”

Julie’s heart started pounding like it did when she realized she’d done something very, very wrong. “Tell me,” she whispered.

She hadn’t known Dena long. Probably less than two months. But in all that time, she’d never seen her more vulnerable than she seemed at that moment. Dena was the epitome of self-confidence, but right now she looked uneasy.

“I’ve been collared twice,” Dena said. “The first was to the asshole. That was a mistake, but it lasted less than a year. The second . . . the second was wonderful.”

Something a lot like grief lurked behind Dena’s blue eyes and Julie couldn’t help but ask, “What happened?”

Dena shook her head, blond hair tumbling across her forehead. “I don’t want to talk about it. I only brought it up because I wanted you to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“I’m unattached right now—I told you that when we first met—but I’m not
free
.” Her fingers brushed her neck as if stroking an invisible collar. “I make do. I play with Doms and I help train the new ones, but
free
isn’t how I would describe my life. The day he took his collar back was the day he sent me to the darkest, deepest prison imaginable.”

Her words struck Julie in the center of her chest. She held a hand out, as if to touch her, but Dena shrank back.

“Dena, I’m sorry.”

Dena closed her eyes. “It’s okay. Most days I can deal with it. I just . . . always thought we’d get back together. But each time I see him, we drift farther and farther apart. I’m starting to think it’ll never happen. Pretty soon we’ll be strangers.”

“You see him? He’s in the group?” Julie’s mind spun, picturing the different Doms, trying to figure out which one still held Dena’s heart.

“I said more than I planned to,” Dena said. “Who he is doesn’t matter. The important thing is you and Daniel. Regardless of what he said, you’ve got to come to terms with who you are yourself. But do me a favor and take some advice from someone who’s been there. When the right Dom collars you, when you become his? That’s when you find your wings. That’s when you’ll be so free, you’ll fly.”

•   •   •

J
ulie gaped at Sasha. “You’re going where?”

It was the next Thursday night and she’d just invited Sasha over for pizza and a movie. Julie still felt unsettled after Dena’s advice a week earlier and had been looking forward to getting wrapped up in a movie. She’d guessed Sasha would feel the same. Sasha, though, had other plans.

“I’m going to the group meeting,” Sasha said after they finished eating.

“That’s what I thought you said. I just wanted to make sure.” She wanted to take Sasha by the shoulders and shake her. How could she even think about going back after what happened with Peter?

“Don’t look at me like that,” Sasha said, and Julie noticed her lower lip trembled.

“Just give it a little bit. No one expects you to jump right back into it.”

“I’m just going to a meeting. Dena’s talking about legal issues within the community. It’ll be safe. I’m not going to the party tomorrow.”

“It’ll be safe,” Julie repeated, hands on her hips. “Always the measure by which I pick my weekend plans.”

“Don’t judge me.”