Seeing Julia (35 page)

“I just can’t believe it. It’s just so sad,” Christian finally says.

“I know, you’re so amazing and we didn’t realize Evan had hurt you so,” Stephanie says.

“All right you two, don’t worry about me; okay? We tried to make it work. We were just two broken people who loved the ones who had died the most and we were just trying to cope. I’m not excusing his behavior.” I look over at them. “But he’s not the only who’s in love with Savannah Bennett.”

“What about that? What about Jake?” Stephanie asks.

“It’s complicated.” I wince in using Jake’s favorite phrase. “Jake told me there were complications and I know now they all have to do with Savannah. I don’t know. We have a connection, but I’m not…” I sigh and start again. “My sphere of trust is pretty clear to me right now. It includes: both of you and Kimberley and Brad. With Jake’s ties to Savannah…” I shake my head and look directly at Christian. “I can’t include him in the circle right now. I can’t. He’s a wonderful guy, but his fiancée came into my home and did her best to destroy me, so forgive me, if I don’t want anything to do with her.”

“I’ll talk to him, just outline the general plan, that’s all,” Christian says with reassurance. “Someday, everything is going to be all right for you again. You’re an amazing person, Julia. Steph and I believe there’s love for you in this world and it’s just going to take some time to find it. This, we know.”

“Reid’s my priority right now. I just want a normal life. Something happened in L.A., out of all the bad I went through…something good, and I’m just trying to figure out what it all means for me. For me and Reid.”

Later, I spend a few minutes out at the beach and just listen. The roar of ocean waves is my new favorite thing. The restorative power consoles me, even here on the East coast, so different from L.A. and Malibu. The salt air and light breeze swirl around me serving as a protective cloak. I feel alive, more alive, than I have in months. And, here’s what I know: I’m not drowning anymore. I can’t see my island; he’s gone forever from me now, but I’m standing on life’s shore again.

I am here.

≈ ≈

“How do I look?” I stand in front of the mirror in a chic white suit with a light pink silk blouse and my honey-colored skin looking every bit the best part of L.A. The skirt slit is a little high, but Kimberley insists it looks good and now it’s too late to change, even if I wanted to. She’s dressed in her signature black with a white blouse. There is purpose to this madness. We are playing good cop, bad cop roles. It’s company meeting day with all the employees of Hamilton Equities and there are a few surprises. We’ve gone over everything a million times now, but I’m still nervous. I smooth down my skirt, fidget with my blouse and hair for the tenth time in an hour.

“You look great, perfect. Quit worrying.”

“Who’s all going to be there, again?”

“Everybody. We’ve briefed Christian. This is really a non-event. I’ve had the packages prepped for those getting them. Everything’s done.”

“Do you think she’ll be there?”

“Oh yes.”

“And Jake?”

“Not sure. Christian was working on it. Jake’s been busy packing his apartment, still intent on moving to Austin.”

“We should have told him.” I shoot her an anxious look.

“Julia, we’ve been over this. People see what they want to see. If he hasn’t figured out Savannah Bennett by now on his own, then he never will.”

≈ ≈

Fifteen minutes later, I’m standing at the end of the long conference room as the employees of Hamilton Equities file in. I seek out the familiar face of Maggie Talbon, Evan’s assistant; she gives me a reassuring smile. Maggie’s been briefed on the gist of what is taking place today. She’s been helpful with all of the confidential stuff and she’s expressed interest in following Kimberley and me into our new endeavor of a PR firm of our own with select clients. I look over at Kimberley and she points to the papers in my hand with the detailed agenda. Christian gives me a reassuring pat on my shoulder as he takes the seat to my left. Then, I glance up and see Jake as he slides into the seat next to Christian. We haven’t seen each other since my return from L.A. a week ago. My breath quickens at just the sight of him.
Stick to the plan, Julia.

I look around the room again and remind myself there is really only one enemy in this camp, and she takes the third chair down the row next to Jake and gives him one of her more seductive smiles. I look away and Kimberley catches my eye and nods and gives me the get-on-with-it-look.

Fine.

“I want to thank all of you for these past six months of support, since Evan’s death. He loved you all so much, loved working with you. It’s a privilege to stand up here and see all of you here and acknowledge what you’ve accomplished. Your perseverance and dedication are so touching. I know it hasn’t been easy and I just want to thank you one more time.”

I pause.
Breathe, Julia.
Don’t stare at Jake in his fantastic navy blue power suit. Turn to the right and look at Maggie.
Smile.

“I’ve just returned from L.A. and I was watching this little boy and his dad at the beach and they’re trying to fly this kite. It’s not working. Dad flips it up in the air and the boy takes off running and it just keeps crashing to the ground. I can see what’s wrong with it, so I go over and help them by making the tail longer. And we watch it fly.”

Jake’s looking at me with a new concentration I haven’t seen before and I smile a little and nod and he does, too. I look around the room. “With a kite, it’s the tail that keeps it going, allows it to swirl and dive, and fly the way it should. Sure, you need the string to keep it from flying away, but it’s the tail that makes it soar. Without the tail, it doesn’t fly. You have to have the perfect tail to keep a kite flying. You need someone dedicated to the markets that can sense the winds of change, make the proper adjustments, and keep the kite in the air. That was Evan. And, now, no matter what we do, our kite won’t fly.”

I look around the room and pick up my notes with a shaking hand and take another deep breath.

“So, we’re closing Hamilton Equities. We’re going to inform our clients of this decision and assure them of our goal in making this as smooth a transition as possible. We’ll transfer their assets to another firm, such as Christian’s, or one of their choosing, or cash them out. As you all know, Christian and Jake have been tireless in their efforts to keep Evan’s company going, but they both have their own pursuits and we can’t ask them to delay their own priorities any longer.”

I seek out Christian for reassurance.
Breathe.

“I have my priority and his name is Reid Hamilton. A one-year-old doesn’t need very much, just a mother who can give him all the love in the world.” I smile over at Maggie Talbon as she clasps her hands together in the middle of her chest and beams at me. “The reality is I have a background in public relations, not finance. My focus is on Reid and his future. There’s no doubt we could continue to fly this kite with your amazing efforts and dedication, but it will never be the same without Evan.”

I pause while Kimberley and her team hand out the compensation packages to everyone. From a human resources perspective, we’ve left Savannah out of this whole process, but she doesn’t even seem to notice. She’s busy flipping through the handouts when I glance in her direction.
Breathe, Julia.

“I’ve tried to ensure you are well taken care of for the next two years until you find other employment. We can provide letters of recommendation should you need them. Change can be difficult, I know. The past six months … have been hard for all of us. Please let us know what you need.” I look right at Jake. “Sometimes, as I’ve recently learned, some things change and you really just need to find a tail that can make your kite fly to see where it takes you.”

He’s looking at me in complete surprise with his mouth half-open.
Look away.

I pace the floor a bit to regain my momentum because I’ve completely lost it in the look I’ve just exchanged with Jake. Everyone is smiling at me. And, maybe, they’re thinking that poor crazy girl she’s off her rocker and it’s absolutely true because she’s giving away most of her money.

“Okay, moving on because I’m still jet-lagged from L.A., apparently.” I laugh and glance at Kimberley, who has this wide smile and she’s pointing to the papers in my hand. “Oh yes, I have several charities I’m interested in supporting and we’re dividing Evan’s assets among them. We’ll continue to support the Elizabeth Hamilton Cancer Research Foundation and are in the process of establishing foundations for the families of soldiers killed or wounded in Afghanistan and children who experience family tragedy. Dr. Bradley Stevenson is helping us with that one. We’ve also established an annual literary scholarship at Yale University in the names of Robert and Diana Hawthorne for aspiring writers. I’m open to other causes any of you would like us to consider for support, so please let me know, if you have any.” I take a breath. “That’s it. Are there any questions before I hand it over to Kimberley?”

“You’re giving away all his money to charity?” Savannah asks. “Why would you do that?” She looks incredulous.

“I’m giving away quite a bit of it. We’re starting a PR firm and we’ll need some seed money for it, but yes. These are the things I care about and as long as Reid’s future is taken care of. This is what I’ve chosen to do.”

“This just doesn’t make any sense. It’s ludicrous. He worked hard for all that money and he spent it and enjoyed spending it. And you. You’re just giving it away to cancer patients and soldiers and their families and screwed-up kids and writers?”

“Savannah, what are you saying? Jake asks. “These are Julia’s wishes. She doesn’t even have to tell any of us about this. It’s her decision what to do with her money.” Jake looks at me and I smile back at him, savoring this brief moment as he defends my actions.

“I’ve been incredibly lucky from a financial perspective and I think it’s important to give back if you’re able to,” I say. “My son is my priority and a comfortable life, not an extravagant one, is fine.”

“I just don’t think Evan would have wanted you to do this,” Savannah says. “And, I just think it’s … you’re just …”She gives me a withering look and shrugs. “Fine.”

Intuitively, I know she’s not going to say anything more. She’s said enough to try to rattle me, but no one else. I seek out Jake again for support, but now he’s talking to Christian.

“Kimberley, can you and your team go through the strategy for informing our clients?”

I breathe a subtle sigh of relief that my part is finished and slide into the chair Kimberley’s just vacated chair across from Christian, Jake and Savannah. Jake is studying the papers Kimmy’s team has handed around and not even looking at me. I feel this stab of jealousy in watching Savannah place her hand on his left shoulder and talk to him in a low tone and he’s nodding, but not really saying anything to her.

Why can’t he see who she really is? Even now?

“Thank you, Julia. We’ve compiled a list of the clients that need to be informed of our decision to dissolve the company,” Kimberley says. “This is the complete list with all the contact information for those we have. Please review it and tomorrow we’ll divide up into teams and make the calls. Among the papers, you’ll find the acceptable script for calling our clients and, of course, this is all confidential and needs to follow protocol. It’s our hope with Julia’s generosity with your severance we can count on you to uphold the terms of your employment with us. Let’s quickly review the client list and identify the teams so we can get this going tomorrow morning.”

While everyone is reviewing the handouts, I’m just trying to breathe and keep it together, Jackie O style, and thirsting for a margarita. Right now. I wish I was on a beach somewhere helping a father and his son fly a kite. I can’t even look at Jake anymore, done in by seeing him with Savannah. Now, I’m feeling guilty about some of the things we haven’t told him, leaving him out of the inner circle discussions and plans because of his ties to her. It’s not his fault. Now, I’m losing my poise and I just want to go to the beach and not be here anymore.

Maggie Talbon comes over with a cup of tea.
For me?
“I’ll just leave you to it. I’m right outside the door,” she says. I give her a grateful smile.

Tea. Not a margarita. Tea. Okay. All right. Breathe. Smile. Poised. In control.

Dr. Hallmark Card would be so proud and I so wish Brad was here. I look over at Jake. He’s reviewing the client list and glances up and smiles at me, that reassuring one. I like that one. His eyes are this glacier-blue today, this amazing glint, they just sparkle my way and he looks like he should model Calvin Klein underwear and women would buy it right off of him because he is beyond description and on a scale of …
Oh God. Look away. Drink the tea.

I catch Kimberley’s eye.
Can I go now?
She subtly shakes her head.
Tea.

“That’s it. We’ll meet tomorrow to discuss strategy.”

Employees are beginning to file out intent on reading their compensation packages to determine if they have any questions before we meet again.