Seeing Red (The Dark Love Series) (13 page)

             
“I will tell them, Abel. I promise,” I manage to choke out.

             
Abel smiles at me and continues to hold my hand. He closes his eyes, and I know what's next to come.

             
The arrow punctured his heart, and it's time for him to leave this earth.

             
Abel takes a deep breath, and his body starts to turn gray. Every vein in his body
appears boldly against his skin. Cracks begin to form all over him.
“No,” I cry out. “Abel, no!”

             
Abel opens his eyes and looks at me one last time. Then, suddenly, his body turns to ash and floats through the wind all around me.

             
My jaw drops and tears fall from my eyes. “Abel,” I whisper as I shake my head. “No, Abel. Please, no.”

             
Alex pulls me to her and embraces me tightly. She starts to cry as well.

             
As the tears stream down my face, it finally hits me. Abel saved my life. He guarded me like a shield. Those arrows were meant for me, not him. He took seven arrows for me and put his life on the line. He's gone from this world because of me. “It's all my fault,” I whisper.

             
“It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself for this,” Alex tries to comfort me.

             
Andrew, Julian, Lilah, and Ella come to my side. I look up at them and see their shocked faces.
I look down, and there's blood and ash all over me.
They know what happened. They know he's gone.

             
“It was Flavior. He killed him,” Andrew chokes out.

             
I look up at them and see tears falling from each and every one of their faces. “It's all my fault,” I cry. “I'm so sorry.”

             
Andrew gets on his knees and looks me in the eyes. “Love, this is not your fault!” Tears fall from his face. “Let me get you cleaned up.”

             
Andrew gently picks me up and brings me into the house.

             
He's gone. Abel's gone, and it's all my fault.

Chapter 16

Grieving

Dear Diary,

              I thought watching Gavin leave this world was torture, but I was wrong. That was nothing compared to watching Abel, a person that I grew to love and respect, turn to ash and get carried away in the wind.

             
He's gone forever. I will never see that shining pale face of his ever again. I will never get greeted by him with a door smashing into my nose. I will never see his smile again, or the way he tries to please everyone with his warm heart. He was such a caring and loving person. You couldn't help but to love Abel.

             
He's gone. Abel is gone. He thought he was going to live for eternity, but it ended. His eternity ended because he was shielding me. He protected me, knowing that death would come shortly. He saved my life. He gave me another day to live, to breathe, to see the smiling faces of my family and friends. He gave me another chance at life. Why would he do that for me? Why would he die for me to live? Why?

Love, Nina

* * * *

I pull my curtain open, and see that it's raining outside. The sun is hidden in the grey clouds. The road is glistening with puddles of rain.
I hear the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the house, it's peaceful.
I feel myself zoning out on the shining, wet grass.

             
A thought crosses my mind; I can't go to school today.
I don't want to go to school. I need to be alone. I need to walk and feel the rain on my bare skin. I want to feel it running down my face. I want to smell the rain as it blows in the wind.

             
I put on my rain boots, and leave my sweatshirt laying on the edge of my bed. I don't need it, I need to only feel the rain.

             
I walk downstairs. My mom went to work early. Good. That way she can't ask questions.

             
I open the front door, and walk out into the open rain with no sweatshirt to cover up my skin. I continue to walk. I have no idea where I'm going, I just know I have to walk. I have to walk in the rain.

             
I keep walking for ten more minutes. I spot a path that leads down to the ocean. Perfect. That's exactly where I want to be right now.

             
As my rubber boots hit the sand, it just doesn't feel right.
I slide my boots and socks off, and throw them in a pile on the sand.

             
My heart starts to race, and my breathing becomes heavy. I lift my arms out and let the rain hit my bare skin. It's cold. My body begins to shiver. I like it. I like the feeling of the cold water hitting my skin.

             
The rain gets
heavier, and starts pouring down my face.
I stand with my eyes closed.

             
I start walking toward the water. I need to feel something other than this pain taking over my body. It's hurting me, and I just can't take it anymore. I need to feel something else before my head explodes.

             
I concentrate on the sound of the rain, and the coldness running through my body, as I keep walking until my toes feel the cold water. I stare into the clear ocean. No boats, no people. Nothing. Just open water.

             
I watch the waves crash into each other. It's beautiful. Nature is a beautiful sight to behold, but I want to feel it.

             
I walk into the water and my body shivers at the coldness surrounding my legs.
I ignore it, and keep walking deeper into the water. When I stop, my toes are touching the sand at the bottom, and the water is a little below my neck.
I lift my head up and let the rain fall on my face.

             
I take a deep breath and pull my head under the cold water. I open my eyes and see darkness everywhere. The water feels like a thick blanket that is suffocating me slowly. It doesn't bother me. I don't move, keeping my head under the water. My eyes start to blur. My breath is running low. My body is losing oxygen underneath the thick blanket of water. I still don't move.

             
I shut my eyes.
I want to scream and cry right now, but I don't
. I just stay here, underwater, with my eyes closed.

             
Is this what Abel felt while he laid in my arms gasping for air? Is this the last feeling that took over Abel's body?
I want to know what he felt in those last moments of his life.

             
My heart starts beating faster and faster.
I need air. My lungs are burning for oxygen, but I can't move. I don't want to.
I stay in the cold, dark water. I feel like I'm slipping, like I'm losing myself.

             
I just don't care.

             
My eyes start to flutter shut. This must be it. This is how Abel felt before he died. Suffocation. Fear. Agony.

             
I feel two hands grab me and pull me up to the surface.
I start gasping and coughing up water, trying to fill my lungs with oxygen.

             
The hands roll me over on my side as more water rips violently through my lungs. "Nina," I hear a familiar voice say. "Breathe, baby. That's right, just breathe." I feel Andrew's hand making slow circles on my back. I try to focus on him, but my vision is still blurry.

             
I try to say his name, but I can't. All I can do is gasp for the air my lungs are burning for.

              Getting the air I need, my vision starts to clear. Focusing on Andrew, I can see the pain and intensity in his eyes. "What the hell were you doing, Nina?" His eyes pierce mine. I still can't speak. I just stare at him.

              Andrew's face softens. "Baby," he says softly, "I didn't think I made it in time.." His voice breaks and I see a slight tremble of his chin. "Why would you do that? What were you thinking?" His voice, almost a whisper, is barely audible over the waves crashing into each other, and the unrelenting rain hitting the surface of the water.

              Tears fall from my eyes, and I start crying harder than I ever have before. "It's all my fault..." My words trail off in unintelligible sobs. Andrew draws me into his strong arms and he makes gentle, soothing sounds as I cry my heart out on his shoulder. My heart feels like it's ripping apart in a million different directions. Andrew doesn't say a word, and I don't want him to. I start sinking deeper in misery, almost as if I was still in the dark, suffocating waters. But this isn't water holding me under, it's grief and guilt.

              "Nina," Andrew begins, "tell me what's going on." I can't look him in the eyes. Tears are still pouring down my face, mixing in with the rain.

              I swallow and try to find my voice. "It's all my fault." My voice is scratchy. "Abel's dead because of me! It's all my fault." Saying it out loud brings another piercing pain through my heart.

              Andrew leans his face close to my ear so I can hear his words. "My beautiful forever. This is not your fault." Of course, Andrew wants to save me from the pain of this, just as he saved me from the water. He always comes to my rescue, but this time, I don't want to be saved.

              “He's dead because of me!” I yell.

             
The rain continues to pour down on us both. Andrew takes his jacket off and drapes in around my shoulders. I look up at him, and he wipes the rain off my face. It's pointless because the rain falls and covers my face again.

             
“I love you, Nina. I love you more than you could ever know. I love you more than anyone could ever love another person. That will never go away,”
Andrew's eyes blaze with emotion, affirming everything he's telling me. I feel the fist of grief around my heart loosen a little.
He grabs my face and slams his lips into mine. The rain continues to fall, and runs down both of our faces as they're connected as one.

             
I always wanted to be kissed in the rain. I've always seen the dramatic moment in movies where two lovers kiss in the rain, and I always wanted to be that girl. I envied her. I always told myself, the guy I kiss in the pouring rain will be the guy I'm destined to be with for the rest of my life.

             
I smile as the thought crosses my mind and I continue to press my lips against Andrew's, as the cold rain surrounds us.

* * * *

Andrew brings me up hot tea as I lay in my bed listening to the sound of the rain. That sound will never get old to me. It will always give me the same peaceful sensation.

             
“Thank you,” I say, as I take the tea from Andrew's hand.

             
“You're welcome, love.”

             
I sip the hot tea, and it instantly warms my whole body. I take another sip and rest the cup on my lap. My nails tap on the glass. If it wasn't for that sound, Andrew and I would be sitting here in awkward silence.

             
“Why did you do it, Nina?” Andrew asks, his eyes never leave the floor.

             
I can't look at him anymore. I feel like a complete idiot that he had to be the one that saved me. It's always him.

             
“I wanted to feel something different than the pain I felt,” I take a deep breath. “I wanted to feel what Abel felt when he was gasping for air as he left this world. When he turned to ash.” Tears start falling from my eyes, and stream down my face.

             
“It wasn't your fault, Nina.”

             
“Yes, it was!” I tell him in a determined voice. “Flavior was after me. He wanted me
dead, and Abel shielded me. He threw himself in front of me and took
seven wooden arrows for me.” I start crying hysterically. “He died so I could live another day. He's gone, Andrew. Abel is gone and he isn't coming back,” I stutter out.

             
Andrew pulls me to him, and embraces me. Tears flood from my eyes and cover his shirt. He starts rubbing my back as I cry on his shoulder.