Seeking Carolina (11 page)

“This was a mistake,” she said. “I didn’t think it would be this way. I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“You thought wrong.”

“I said enough, Charlotte Rose. Gina, come back inside. This is not the place to—”

Gina’s shoulders went back. “I want my kids. The divorce decree says I get them every other Christmas. It’s my Christmas. I can’t force Charlotte but Tony, Millie, Caleb, Will, get some things. We’re going to your cousin Tracy’s.”

Millie wailed and clung to Caleb, who held her closer to him.

“Gina,” Charlie moved closer to his ex-wife. “Do you really want to do this?”

“I miss my kids,” Gina wailed like her daughter and threw herself into Charlie’s arms. “You have no idea what it’s like to be without them. Over a year, Charlie. Millie and Tony don’t even look the same.”

Charlie’s stricken, confused gaze met Johanna’s again. She smiled wanly, and nodded, backing towards the car. An arm around his ex-wife’s heaving shoulders, he led her back into the house. The kids in the doorway parted to let her in.

Charlotte remained in the driveway, her breath coming in foggy bursts, her face rage-red. “Can I come home with you?”

Johanna struggled for words, and found only, “I came to deliver these.”

“Will,” Charlotte called to her brother still standing in the doorway. “Can you take this?”

Will trundled down the steps. He took the box from Johanna’s arms. “Merry Fucking Christmas, huh?”

Johanna tried to find some quippy answer but the tears too-near brimming stopped her cold. “You want to come too?” she asked.

“Nah,” he answered. “But thanks.”

“He has no choice,” Charlotte said. “But I do, and I don’t want to be here. Do you mind, Jo?”

“I—”

“Tell dad I went to the Coco’s,” Charlotte called to her brother and hauled Johanna in her wake. Though younger, she was bigger by several inches and a few pounds. Johanna was no match for her strength or her barely contained fury. Charlotte climbed into the passenger seat of the Explorer, pulled out her cell and started texting.

“You sure you want to leave?” Johanna turned over the ignition, flicked on the heat. She felt a little sorry for Gina, but she was a grown woman and had made her choices. Millie and Tony, Caleb and Will—Johanna’s heart broke for them. She could only imagine their confusion. They had to miss their mother, no matter how loyal they were to Charlie. Charlotte’s fury only made it worse. What would she have done if Nina hadn’t been there for her when they were taken from their parents? What would have happened to Emmaline and Julietta had their two older sisters not comforted them after the crash? Johanna found herself tearing up, but quelled it before Charlotte looked up from her text.

“Dad says it’s fine, see?” She turned the screen to Johanna.

There was more to the text, but Charlotte hadn’t lied. Johanna gave her credit for making sure he was all right with her leaving. Pulling away from the curb, she spotted Gina at the window in the house that had been hers, the house she raised her children in. A hollow opened in Johanna’s belly, but she drove away.

The further they got from her house, the more Charlotte relaxed. “Crapola.”

“What’s wrong?”

Charlotte held up her foot, and the hideous pink-piggy slipper she wore. Laughter erupted, easing Charlotte’s fury a little more, enough to have her sigh.

“I can’t believe she just showed up,” Charlotte said. “Like, surprise! Mommy’s here! What was she thinking?”

“That it’s Christmas and she misses all of you,” Johanna said before thinking better. Thankfully, Charlotte’s explosive temper seemed reserved for her mother.

“I guess. It was still wrong, ruining Christmas for the kids.”

“How did Millie and Tony react?”

Charlotte shrugged. “They were happy, at first. Then she said she was taking us to her cousin Tracy’s for the rest of the school break and Millie freaked out. That’s when I lost it. How dare she, Johanna? How fucking dare she?”

“I don’t know what to say, Charlotte.”

“There’s really nothing to say. Don’t worry about it. So—” She put her cell phone in the pocket of her flannel shirt. “It was nice of you, bringing over the goodies we didn’t get to take home yesterday.”

“There was no way we were going to eat it all.” Johanna grinned. “And I wanted to see your dad.”

“Score another one for Mom.” But Charlotte laughed this time.

Talk turned to summer, and Cape May, and how great it was going to be. Johanna was mostly happy to let the conversation turn, though she was slightly uncomfortable with the assumptions Charlotte made. She and Charlie only just rekindled a romance twenty-years cooled. It was new. Fragile, and not the done-deal Charlotte seemed to believe it was. The morning’s troubles slapped Johanna in the face with the fact that being with Charlie meant an instant family of kids who would look to her as a stepmother, not just someone fun to bake cookies with. It meant dealing with Gina and the scars she’d created with her leaving. And because he had five children who needed the stability of the home they knew, it meant living far apart from him.

Or moving back to Bitterly.

Johanna listened to Charlotte chatter on, her already hollow belly emptying further. To make a sour morning completely unpalatable, as she pulled into the driveway on County Line Road, Johanna remembered the locket and her sisters and the scolding she was in for. She tucked it under her sweater in the hopes they’d forgotten. Emma hadn’t arrived yet, but they called her, she was certain. Thankfully, Efan’s Audi was in the driveway. His presence, and Charlotte’s, would probably buy her some time.

“Are your sisters going to be pissed?” Charlotte slid along the icy spots in her pig slippers. “I don’t want to spoil Christmas Day for anyone.”

“What’s one more?” Johanna assured her, though that’s not what Charlotte had actually been worried about. They tromped together into the house already redolent with yummy things cooking. Charlotte took off her pig slippers and left them near the heating vent to dry. Before Johanna had her boots off, Nina and Julietta were standing in the mudroom doorway, arms crossed…until they saw Charlotte.

“Charlotte’s going to spend the day with us,” Johanna told them quickly. “Gina showed up at the house and there was a…thing. Charlie knows she’s here.”

“I hope it’s okay,” Charlotte murmured.

Nina held out her arm, a mama-bird taking her under a wing. “Of course it’s okay. There’s plenty.”

She passed Johanna, eyes meeting hers over Charlotte’s head. If there was any doubt of the meaning there, Julietta dispelled it.

“You are not off the hook with the locket,” she whispered, glancing towards the kitchen. “Nina thinks it’s rightfully hers, but Gram promised it to me, Jo.”

Johanna felt the blood rush to her head.

When I am gone, I give this to you. The wish will be yours to make.

“That…that can’t be.” Grasping Julietta’s arm a little more tightly than she meant to, she pulled her farther into the mudroom. “Did Nina say why she thinks it’s hers?”

Julietta shook her head slowly back and forth. “She said Gram told her. But I know what Gram told me.”

“And so do I. Jules. Gram promised it to me, too. And if she promised it to me, you and Nina, then you can bet she told Emma it was going to her.”

Her sister paled. “Why would she do that?”

“I have no idea.”

“Hey, ladies.” Efan poked his head through the door, smiling his toothy smile. “I think there might be something burning in here.”

“My sweet potatoes,” Julietta groaned. She grasped Johanna’s wrist. “We’ll talk about this later.” And ran into the kitchen where the first acrid tinge of burning brown sugar filmed the air.

Emma arrived and, after putting food in to warm and settling her kids, wanted to see the locket.

“I know,” Johanna whispered, “Gram promised it to you too, right?”

“Why?” Emma traced their mother’s face. “Why would she do this?”

“I don’t know, but now’s not the time. Let’s just enjoy the day. I promise I’m not going to vanish with it.” Before they were out of her mouth, Johanna regretted her choice of words.

Emma met her flustered gaze, clicked the locket closed and let it fall against her sister’s chest.

She kissed Johanna’s cheek. “Of course you won’t.”

* * * *

Bellies full, kitchen cleaned, locket temporarily forgotten, the adults sat around the dining-room table playing Naughty Scrabble while the kids took advantage of the pristine snowdrifts out back, and the last of the day’s sunshine.

“Lovebite,” Gunner called out. “I get a bingo. And on a triple-word score.”

“No way,” Emma said. “Love bite is two words.”

“Who says?”

“Let’s vote,” Charlotte said. “Two words?”

Everyone but Gunner raised their hands.

“No fair.”

“Of course it is,” Nina took his tiles off the board. “It’s basic grammar, darling.”

“Oh, and boink is grammatically correct.”

“It’s on the approved list, so it’s a word.”

“Look up lovebite.”

“I just did.” Emma showed him the screen of her tablet. “Two words. Don’t be a baby, Gunner.”

“It’s useless arguing.” Mike leaned closer to Gunner. “Once a Coco woman has her mind made up, there’s no changing it. Take a lesson from us, Efan, and save yourself some headaches.”

“Michael,” Emma scolded. “That’s not very nice.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it?”

“Oh.” Glancing at his crotch, Emma pursed her lips. “Is it?”

Mike’s face turned an instant, painful shade of red. He glared at his wife, pushed away from the table, knocking several tiles from their places in the process.

“Guess that’s the end of the game.” Efan rubbed his hands together. “And it looks like I’ve won.”

“No one wins when the game gets ruined,” Julietta murmured.

Efan got to his feet, and pulled Julietta to hers. “Then let’s go play out in the snow before it gets dark.”

“Efan!” She laughed, but Julietta did not protest. She let him tug her into the mudroom. They were soon outside, calling to the boys still out there having snow battles.

Emma broke the silence with a long sigh. “Whatever,” she murmured, and went after Mike, their arguing hushed but obvious.

While Nina and Gunner put the game away, Charlotte cleared coffee cups and pie plates. A buzzing in Johanna’s pocket stopped her short of gaining her feet. She pulled out her phone. Charlie’s number flashed on her screen. “Hey, she said softly. “How’d it go?”

“Bad, then worse, but then okay. How’s Charlotte?”

“She’s fine. You know how kids are.”

“I know how my kid is.” He laughed. “That’s why I asked.”

“How are you?”

“Me? Fine. A little drained. Gina’s gone. The kids are all here, but I think Millie, Tony, and probably Caleb will go with her to her cousin’s for a few days.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Should it?”

“I have no idea.”

Charlie let go a deep breath. “I let it go on too long. They should have gone to her last summer. It wasn’t fair, what I did.”

“You didn’t—”

“Yeah, Jo. I did. I let them be angry for me.”

Johanna doubted he saw himself clearly. Charlotte was always accusing him of defending her mother. He’d also thought himself to blame for the misunderstanding between them all those years ago. Some people were good at laying blame. Others were good at taking it.

“So what now?” she asked.

“I guess we wait for tomorrow and see. If the kids go, do you want—”

“Is that my dad?”

Johanna spun, heart hammering as if she’d been caught gossiping. “Yup. Want to talk to him?”

Charlotte held out her hand. She curled herself around Johanna’s phone and spoke softly to her father, then, “Do you mind bringing me home, Jo? Will and Caleb went to the movies, and dad doesn’t want to drag the little ones out. They’re pretty beat.”

“No problem.”

Charlotte put the phone back to her ear. She smiled. “He says do you want to watch a movie?”

Johanna opened her mouth, a ready smile and ‘yes’ on her lips. Her mind zipped through the evening. Watching a movie cozied up on the couch. Kissing. Moving to the bedroom…and Gina showing up in the morning to pick up her children. She held out her hand for the phone.

“How about a raincheck on the movie?” she asked him. “Just until things are settled with Gina and the kids.”

Charlie laughed softly, a sound reverberating through her body. “Tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

As long as you hold me tight.
Johanna shuddered, the feeling like flight. “Charlie?”

“Yes, Johanna?”

“Don’t come outside when I drop Charlotte off.”

“Why not?”

“Because if you come outside, I’m going to kiss you. And if I kiss you, I am not going to be able to stop.”

“Promises, promises.”

“I mean it.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll wave from the door.”

Johanna hung up, turned to face a grinning Charlotte.

“Not a word, you.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Get your hideous slippers. I’ll warm up the car.”

Pulling on her coat, her boots, dipping into the pocket for the Explorer keys, Johanna tried to soothe the heat rising from her body. After running away from Charlie that summer day, Johanna had waited a long time to take a lover. Since her first, a sweet college student who spoke little English, she had never lacked for intimate company. Neither had she felt this overwhelming desire for any one of them. Just the notion of kissing Charlie was enough to make her burn from cheeks to groin. Face pressed to the cold windowpane, she fogged it up waiting for Charlotte.

“Where are you going?” Emma asked from the doorway.

“Taking Charlotte home. Why? You’re not going yet, are you?”

“No. I’ll wait. We have to have a talk. The four of us.”

“Oh.” The locket hung like a weight around Johanna’s neck. “Right.”

“I’d love to know what Gram was thinking, promising it to all of us like we’d never find out.”

“Me too.”

Emma leaned on the jamb, fiddled with the ends of her hair. “Did she…? Did she ever mention…? Oh, this just sounds silly, but did Gram ever mention a wish?”