In the capital and at court the citizens and courtiers are formed in the same school with those of Christianity; but there does not exist a more honourable, friendly, and high-spirited character than the true Turkish provincial Aga, or Moslem country gentleman. It is not meant here to designate the governors of towns, but those Agas who, by a kind of feudal tenure, possess lands and houses, of more or less extent, in Greece and Asia Minor.
The lower orders are in as tolerable discipline as the rabble in countries with greater pretensions to civilisation. A Moslem, in walking the streets of our country-towns, would be more incommoded in England than a Frank in a similar situation in Turkey. Regimentals are the best travelling dress.
The best accounts of the religion and different sects of Islamism, may be found in D’Ohsson’s French; of their manners, &c. perhaps in Thornton’s English. The Ottomans, with all their defects, are not a people to be despised. Equal, at least, to the Spaniards, they are superior to the Portuguese. If it be difficult to pronounce what they are, we can at least say what they are
not
: they are
not
treacherous, they are
not
cowardly, they do
not
burn heretics, they are
not
assassins, nor has an enemy advanced to
their
capital. They are faithful to their sultan till he becomes unfit to govern, and devout to their God without an inquisition. Were they driven from St Sophia to-morrow, and the French or Russians enthroned in their stead, it would become a question whether Europe would gain by the exchange? England would certainly be the loser.
With regard to that ignorance of which they are so generally, and sometimes justly accused, it may be doubted, always excepting France and England, in what useful points of knowledge they are excelled by other nations. Is it in the common arts of life? In their manufactures? Is a Turkish sabre inferior to a Toledo? or is a Turk worse clothed or lodged, or fed and taught, than a Spaniard? Are their Pachas worse educated than a Grandee? or an Effendi than a Knight of St Jago? I think not.
I remember Mahmout, the grandson of Ali Pacha, asking whether my fellow-traveller and myself were in the upper or lower House of Parliament. Now, this question from a boy of ten years old proved that his education had not been neglected. It may be doubted if an English boy at that age knows the difference of the Divan from a College of Dervises; but I am very sure a Spaniard does not. How
little Mahmout, surrounded, as he had been, entirely by his Turkish tutors, had learned that there was such a thing as a Parliament, it were useless to conjecture, unless we suppose that his instructors did not confine his studies to the Koran.
In all the mosques there are schools established, which are very regularly attended; and the poor are taught without the church of Turkey being put into peril. I believe the system is not yet printed (though there is such a thing as a Turkish press, and books printed on the late military institution of the Nizam Gedidd); nor have I heard whether the Mufti and the Mollas have subscribed, or the Caimacam and the Tefterdar taken the alarm, for fear the ingenuous youth of the turban should be taught not to ‘pray to God their way.’ The Greeks also – a kind of Eastern Irish papists – have a college of their own at Maynooth – no, at Haivali; where the heterodox receive much the same kind of countenance from the Ottoman as the Catholic college from the English legislature. Who shall then affirm, that the Turks are ignorant bigots, when they thus evince the exact proportion of Christian charity which is tolerated in the most prosperous and orthodox of all possible kingdoms? But though they allow all this, they will not suffer the Greeks to participate in their privileges: no, let them fight their battles, and pay their haratch (taxes), be drubbed in this world, and damned in the next. And shall we then emancipate our Irish Helots? Mahomet forbid! We should then be bad Mussulmans, and worse Christians: at present we unite the best of both – jesuitical faith, and something not much inferior to Turkish toleration.
An Ode to the Framers of the Frame Bill | |
Oh well done Lord E[ldo]n! and better Lord R[yde]r! | |
Britannia must prosper with councils like yours; | |
H | |
Whose remedy only must | |
5 | Those villains, the Weavers, are all grown refractory, |
Asking some succour for Charity’s sake – | |
So hang them in clusters round each Manufactory, | |
That will at once put an end to | |
The rascals, perhaps, may betake them to robbing, | |
10 | The dogs to be sure have got nothing to eat – |
So if we can hang them for breaking a bobbin, | |
‘Twill save all the Government’s money and meat: | |
Men are more easily made than machinery – | |
Stockings fetch better prices than lives – | |
15 | Gibbets on Sherwood will |
Showing how Commerce, | |
Justice is now in pursuit of the wretches, | |
Grenadiers, Volunteers, Bow-street Police, | |
Twenty-two Regiments, a score of Jack Ketches, | |
20 | Three of the Quorum and two of the Peace; |
Some Lords, to be sure, would have summoned the Judges, | |
To take their opinion, but that they ne’er shall, | |
For L | |
So now they’re condemned by | |
25 | Some folks for certain have thought it was shocking, |
When Famine appeals, and when Poverty groans, | |
That life should be valued at less than a stocking, | |
And breaking of frames lead to breaking of bones. | |
If it should prove so, I trust, by this token, | |
30 | (And who will refuse to partake in the hope?) |
That the frames of the fools may be first to be | |
Who, when asked for a |
Lines to a Lady Weeping | |
Weep, daughter of a royal line, | |
A Sire’s disgrace, a realm’s decay; | |
Ah! happy if each tear of thine | |
Could wash a father’s fault away! | |
5 | Weep – for thy tears are Virtue’s tears – |
Auspicious to these suffering isles; | |
And be each drop in future years | |
Repaid thee by thy people’s smiles! | |
March, 1812. |
THE WALTZ
An Apostrophic Hymn
‘Qualis in Eurotæ ripis, aut per juga Cynthi, Exercet Diana choros.’
VIRGIL.
‘Such on Eurota’s banks, or Cynthia’s height, Diana seems: and so she charms the sight, When in the dance the graceful goddess leads The quire of nymphs, and overtops their heads.’
DRYDEN’S VIRGIL.
TO THE PUBLISHER
SIR
,
I am a country gentleman of a midland county. I might have been a parliament-man for a certain borough; having had the offer of as many votes as General T. at the general election in 1812. But I was all for domestic happiness; as, fifteen years ago, on a visit to London, I married a middle-aged maid of honour. We lived happily at Hornem Hall till last season, when my wife and I were invited by the Countess of Waltzaway (a distant relation of my spouse) to pass the winter in town. Thinking no harm, and our girls being come to a marriageable (or, as they call it,
marketable
) age, and having besides a Chancery suit inveterately entailed upon the family estate, we came up in our old chariot, – of which, by the bye, my wife grew so much ashamed in less than a week, that I was obliged to buy a second-hand barouche, of which I might mount the box, Mrs H. says, if I could drive, but never see the inside – that place being reserved for the Honourable Augustus Tiptoe, her partner-general and opera-knight. Hearing great praises of Mrs H.’s dancing (she was famous for birthnight minuets in the latter end of the last century), I unbooted, and went to a ball at the Countess’s,
expecting to see a country dance, or, at most, cotillions, reels, and all the old paces to the newest tunes. But, judge of my surprise, on arriving, to see poor dear Mrs Hornem with her arms half round the loins of a huge hussar-looking gentleman I never set eyes on before; and his, to say truth, rather more than half round her waist, turning round, and round, and round, to a d—d see-saw up-and-down sort of tune, that reminded me of the ‘Black joke,’ only more ‘
affettuoso
,’ till it made me quite giddy with wondering they were not so. By-and-by they stopped a bit, and I thought they would sit or fall down: – but no; with Mrs H.’s hand on his shoulder, ‘
quam familiariter
’
1
(as Terence said, when I was at school), they walked about a minute, and then at it again, like two cockchafers spitted on the same bodkin. I asked what all this meant, when, with a loud laugh, a child no older than our Wilhelmina (a name I never heard but in the Vicar of Wakefield, though her mother would call her after the Princess of Swappenbach,) said, ‘Lord! Mr Hornem, can’t you see they are valtzing?’ or waltzing (I forget which); and then up she got, and her mother and sister, and away they went, and round-abouted it till supper-time. Now, that I know what it is, I like it of all things, and so does Mrs H. (though I have broken my shins, and four times overturned Mrs Hornem’s maid, in practising the preliminary steps in a morning). Indeed, so much do I like it, that having a turn for rhyme, tastily displayed in some election ballads, and songs in honour of all the victories (but till lately I have had little practice in that way), I sat down, and with the aid of William Fitzgerald, Esq., and a few hints from Dr Busby, (whose recitations I attend, and am monstrous fond of Master Busby’s manner of delivering his father’s late successful ‘Drury Lane Address’) I composed the following hymn,
wherewithal to make my sentiments known to the public; whom, nevertheless, I heartily despise, as well as the critics.
I am, Sir, yours, &c. &c.,
HORACE HORNEM.
Muse of the many-twinkling feet! | |
Are now extended up from legs to arms; | |
Terpsichore! – too long misdeem’d a maid – | |
Reproachful term – bestow’d but to upbraid – | |
5 | Henceforth in all the bronze of brightness shine, |
The least a vestal of the virgin Nine. | |
Far be from thee and thine the name of prude; | |
Mock’d, yet triumphant; sneer’d at, unsubdued; | |
Thy legs must move to conquer as they fly, | |
10 | If but thy coats are reasonably high; |
Thy breast – if bare enough – requires no shield; | |
Dance forth – | |
And own – impregnable to | |
Thy not too lawfully begotten ‘Waltz.’ | |
15 | Hail, nimble nymph! to whom the young hussar, |
The whisker’d votary of waltz and war, | |
His night devotes, despite of spur and boots; | |
A sight unmatch’d since Orpheus and his brutes: | |
Hail, spirit-stirring Waltz! – beneath whose banners | |
20 | A modern hero fought for modish manners; |
On Hounslow’s heath to rival Wellesley’s | |
Cock’d – fired – and miss’d his man – but gain’d his aim; | |
Hail, moving Muse! to whom the fair one’s breast | |
Gives all it can, and bids us take the rest. | |
25 | Oh! for the flow of Busby, or of Fitz, |
The latter’s loyalty, the former’s wits, | |
To ‘energise the object I pursue,’ | |
And give both Belial and his dance their due! | |
Imperial Waltz! imported from the Rhine | |
30 | (Famed for the growth of pedigrees and wine), |
Long be thine import from all duty free, | |
And hock itself be less esteem’d than thee; | |
In some few qualities alike – for hock | |
Improves our cellar – | |
35 | The head to hock belongs – thy subtler art |
Intoxicates alone the heedless heart: | |
Through the full veins thy gentler poison swims, | |
And wakes to wantonness the willing limbs. | |
Oh, Germany! how much to thee we owe, | |
40 | As heaven-born Pitt can testify below, |
Ere cursed confederation made thee France’s, | |
And only left us thy d—d debts and dances! | |
Of subsidies and Hanover bereft, | |
We bless thee still – for George the Third is left! | |
45 | Of kings the best – and last, not least in worth, |
For graciously begetting George the Fourth. | |
To Germany and highnesses serene, | |
Who owe us millions – don’t we owe the queen? | |
To Germany, what owe we not besides? | |
50 | So oft bestowing Brunswickers and brides; |
Who paid for vulgar, with her royal blood, | |
Drawn from the stem of each Teutonic stud: | |
Who sent us – so be pardon’d all her faults – | |
A dozen dukes, some kings, a queen – and Waltz. | |
55 | But peace to her – her emperor and diet, |
Though now transferr’d to Buonaparte’s ‘fiat!’ | |
Back to my theme – O Muse of motion! say, | |
How first to Albion found thy Waltz her way? | |
Borne on the breath of hyperborean gales, | |
60 | From Hamburg’s port (while Hamburg yet had mails), |
Ere yet unlucky Fame – compell’d to creep | |
To snowy Gottenburg – was chill’d to sleep; | |
Or, starting from her slumbers, deign’d arise, | |
Heligoland! to stock thy mart with lies; | |
65 | While unburnt Moscow |
Nor owed her fiery exit to a friend, | |
She came – Waltz came – and with her certain sets | |
Of true despatches, and as true gazettes; | |
Then flamed of Austerlitz the blest despatch, | |
70 | Which Moniteur nor Morning Post can match; |
And – almost crush’d beneath the glorious news – | |
Ten plays, and forty tales of Kotzebue’s; | |
One envoy’s letters, six composers’ airs, | |
And loads from Frankfort and from Leipsic fairs; | |
75 | Meiner’s four volumes upon womankind, |
Like Lapland witches to ensure a wind; | |
Brunck’s heaviest tome for ballast, and, to back it, | |
Of Heyné, such as should not sink the packet. | |
Fraught with this cargo – and her fairest freight, | |
80 | Delightful Waltz, on tiptoe for a mate, |
The welcome vessel reach’d the genial strand, | |
And round her flock’d the daughters of the land. | |
Not decent David, when, before the ark, | |
His grand pas-seul excited some remark; | |
85 | Not love-lorn Quixote, when his Sancho thought |
The knight’s fandango friskier than it ought; | |
Not soft Herodias, when, with winning tread, | |
Her nimble feet danced off another’s head; | |
Not Cleopatra on her galley’s deck, | |
90 | Display’d so much of |
Than thou, ambrosial Waltz, when first the moon | |
Beheld thee twirling to a Saxon tune! | |
To you, ye husbands often years! whose brows | |
Ache with the annual tributes of a spouse; | |
95 | To you of nine years less, who only bear |
The budding sprouts of those that you | |
With added ornaments around them roll’d | |
Of native brass, or law-awarded gold; | |
To you, ye matrons, ever on the watch | |
100 | To mar a son’s, or make a daughter’s, match; |
To you, ye children of – whom chance accords – | |
Always | |
To you, ye single gentlemen, who seek | |
Torments for life, or pleasures for a week; | |
105 | As Love or Hymen your endeavours guide, |
To gain your own, or snatch another’s bride; – | |
To one and all the lovely stranger came, | |
And every ball-room echoes with her name. | |
Endearing Waltz! – to thy more melting tune | |
110 | Bow Irish jig, and ancient rigadoon. |
Scotch reels, avaunt! and country-dance, forego | |
Your future claims to each fantastic toe! | |
Waltz – Waltz alone – both legs and arms demands, | |
Liberal of feet, and lavish of her hands; | |
115 | Hands which may freely range in public sight |
Where ne’er before – but – pray ‘put out the light.’ | |
Methinks the glare of yonder chandelier | |
Shines much too far – or I am much too near; | |
And true, though strange – Waltz whispers this remark, | |
120 | ‘My slippery steps are safest in the dark!’ |
But here the Muse with due decorum halts, | |
And lends her longest petticoat to Waltz. | |
Observant travellers of every time! | |
Ye quartos publish’d upon every clime! | |
125 | O say, shall dull Romaika’s heavy round, |
Fandango’s wriggle, or Bolero’s bound; | |
Can Egypt’s Almas | |
Columbia’s caperers to the warlike whoop – | |
Can aught from cold Kamschatka to Cape Horn | |
130 | With Waltz compare, or after Waltz be borne? |
Ah, no! from Morier’s pages down to Galt’s, | |
Each tourist pens a paragraph for ‘Waltz.’ | |
Shades of those belles whose reign began of yore, | |
With George the Third’s – and ended long before! – | |
135 | Though in your daughters’ daughters yet you thrive, |
Burst from your lead, and be yourselves alive! | |
Back to the ball-room speed your spectred host: | |
Fool’s Paradise is dull to that you lost. | |
No treacherous powder bids conjecture quake; | |
140 | No stiff-starch’d stays make meddling fingers ache; |
(Transferr’d to those ambiguous things that ape | |
Goats in their visage, | |
No damsel faints when rather closely press’d, | |
But more caressing seems when most caress’d; | |
145 | Superfluous hartshorn, and reviving salts, |
Both banish’d by the sovereign cordial ‘Waltz.’ | |
Seductive Waltz! – though on thy native shore | |
Even Werter’s self proclaim’d thee half a whore; | |
Werter – to decent vice though much inclined, | |
150 | Yet warm, not wanton; dazzled, but not blind – |
Thouh entle Genlis in her strife with Stael | |
Would even proscribe thee from a Paris ball; | |
The fashion hails – from countesses to queens, |