Self Confidence Secrets: How To Overcome Anxiety and Low Self Esteem with NLP
Read Self Confidence Secrets: How To Overcome Anxiety and Low Self Esteem with NLP Online
Authors: Dan Johnston
Self Confidence Secrets
How To Overcome Anxiety and Low Self Esteem with NLP
“
Use NLP and Human Needs Psychology to break through your fear and live a happier, more fulfilled life.”
Copyright © 2013, by Dan Johnston. All Rights Reserved.
No
part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of very brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Published by TCK Publishing
I hope this book serves you in finding new ways of thinking about your life. For all kinds of legal reasons I need to say: I have completed a degree in Psychology and have completed training in NLP and Coaching with Anthony Robbins but I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist or
counsellor, or in any way qualified to offer medical advice. The information in this book is intended to improve your life but it does not replace professional advice in any way and is not legal, medical or psychiatric advice. If you're in a bad place or suffering from mental illness please seek professional help!
Contents
How To Get The Most Out Of This Book
Chapter 1. Understanding The First Four Human Needs
Finding Certainty in Uncertain Circumstances
Griff: The Greatest Entrepreneur I Know
A Better Understanding: Profiles
Chapter 3. Transforming Pain To Pleasure and Enjoying Exercise
Another Equally Terrible Approach
Chapter 4. Understanding The Root Cause of Anxiety
Part Two - What are your emotions telling you?
Ambiguous Stress You Just Cannot Place
Chapter 5. How To Get Anything You Want
There are many styles of books. Some read like a novel, others like a reference guide. This book is the former. You won’t find a table of contents because the book will serve you best if read start to finish. Some of the earlier sections may not feel relevant to where you are right now. Resist any temptation to skip ahead. This information you need now is exactly where it has to be for you to succeed with it. The exercises and knowledge build on themselves and provide the foundation you’re looking for and will need for later sections.
I have poured years of study, training and personal experience into this book. If I am able to make a positive changes in your life please tell me about it.
If you’re anything like me you love to take your kindle or
IPad to you’re a local coffee shop or curl up in a comfy chair and just read. You can 100% do that with this book. With that said, if you choose to, there is a free workbook which complements the material here and allows you to study it at an even higher level. You can download this workbook as a pdf for free by visiting
www.thedanjohnston.com/moreconfidence/
and clicking on the “More Confidence” icon.
1. Understanding The First Four Human Needs
Take a moment and think about the people in your life. Think about your family, your friends, the people you work with.
Is there one person who always needs to be the
centre of attention?
Is there one person always worried about what might happen?
What about the person always talking about possibilities and potential?
For most of my life I have been fascinated with human motivation. I believe if you can learn the why behind behaviour you can change behaviour. I do not believe in treating the symptoms when you can discover and cure the causes.
All human
behaviour can be traced back to the desire to meet needs. Logically this makes sense doesn’t it? At a basic level we all know this is true. Our most basic physical need is oxygen. Have you ever seen someone devoid of air? Be it a scuba diver stuck under water or someone suffering from asthma, when a person loses their supply of air they freak out and will do anything to get it back. They’ll do anything to meet this basic need.
What about our other physical needs? There is water of course. We’ve all seen the movies where someone is lost in the desert without water…pretty soon they’re hallucinating
and creating a mirage just to try and meet this need! Of course there is also food. These three needs, air, water and food comprise the do or die needs. If we don’t meet these needs life ends pretty quick!
Then there are the extended physical needs such as sex or sunshine. Now I’ve spent a lot of time in Vancouver, Canada and that is one cloudy city during the winters. I can tell you that when the sun is blocked nobody drops dead on the sidewalk but when the sun is out people are happier, more energetic and more vibrant.
So this covers most of our body’s need, our physical survival needs which are common amongst most mammals. What about our mind’s needs? What about our mental survival needs? It’s true that we all share a set of human needs. Meeting these needs is just as critical to our mental health as air and water are to our physical health.
Ignore your emotional human needs and pretty quick you’ll find yourself unable to meet your physical needs as well.
Abraham Maslow’s was a psychology professor in the mid-20th century. His best known work was the hierarchy of needs he created, known as the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. He proposed that we first strive for physiological needs such as breathing, water, food, sex and sleep. When these basic needs are met we move on to safety needs including security of income, of home, of family, of health and of property. When our safety needs are met we are free to pursue needs around friendship, love and intimacy. When we meet these needs we’re able to advance to our esteem needs which include confidence, achievement, and respect for and from others. Finally, it is after meeting all these needs that we turn to our need for self-actualization which includes morality, creativity, spontaneity and problem solving.
Maslow said that in order to be a fulfilled human being we had to meet all our needs, and meet them in roughly the order he laid out. It is far too difficult to unleash our creativity or develop deep, meaningful relationships if we’re overcome with worry about how we will pay for our next meal or where we are sleeping that night.
Human Needs Psychology is a newer model than Maslow’s and gives us an additional viewpoint to explain and understand human
behaviour from. In many ways it is a more comprehensive model yet does not contradict Maslow’s. The Human Need’s model focuses on our preferences for different needs as well as teaching us how we can utilize this knowledge to improve our lives.
It provides the tools to reduce anxiety, stress and unhappiness and increase fulfillment, alignment and satisfaction
When I discovered Human Needs Psychology four years ago it radically improved my life. I clarified the roots of my behaviour. Life made more sense. My results improved. After applying Human Needs Psychology to my life I had less stress and anxiety. I had more fun, excitement and satisfaction. I’m going to share with you everything I’ve learnt over the past four years. In the process you will gain a new understanding of yourself and the ability to radically transform your life if you choose to apply this knowledge.
Let’s get started.
Human Needs Psychology tells us that all people are motivated by six needs. These six needs are the food, water and air for our mind and soul. Of these six needs, the first four of MUST be met in order for us to mentally survive and the last two are met in order to thrive. The last two needs are the equivalent of self-actualization on Maslow’s needs hierarchy. All human behaviour can be traced to an attempt at meeting these needs. This drive to meet our needs is part of our nervous system and found universally around the world. Whether positive, negative or neutral people will always find a way to meet their needs.
When we really look at someone’s
behaviour we find that usually they will favour two needs strongly over the rest. Their deeper desire to meet their two primary needs has a significant impact on how their life plays out.
We will refer to a person’s
two strongest needs as their “driving needs”. These driving needs have such a large effect on someone’s life you often can accurately guess someone’s two driving needs from a couple paragraph biography. A government or union worker likely has different driving needs than an actor or artist. An entrepreneur will have very different needs than the managers he works so closely with.
As you read about the six needs ask yourself:
Which stand out for me?
Which two are driving forces in my life?
Next Level Confidence Workbook:
If you want to take things to the next level then download the free “Next Level Confidence” Workbook by visiting
www.thedanjohnston.com/moreconfidence/
. Once you download the free
pdf print it out and use it as a journal to record your answers as you go through this book.
So let’s dive right into these six needs. The first need relates quite well to Maslow’s lower needs for safety. Our first need is certainty. In order to operate normally we need a sense of consistency, certainty, or stability in our lives. If you think about this practically it makes total sense. If you do not know where you are sleeping or where your next meal is coming from it is nearly impossible to focus or think at higher levels. You cannot contemplate your life’s purpose if your stomach is rumbling. This is why a fight with a loved one or landlord can send shockwaves through our entire lives and often leave us unable to work until the issue is resolved.
So what are some situations where we fail to meet our need for certainty?
One of the most devastating traumas for a person in today’s economy is a sudden job loss. With huge companies going under, and downsizing becoming a regular item on the nightly news, millions of people have found their futures changed without warning. Being fired or laid off is traumatizing for many reasons. One of these is the sudden loss of certainty. One day you’re certain of your future. You plan to come into work the next day, the next month, the next year. You’ve planned your retirement date and have figured out how you’ll spend your pension. Perhaps you had your sights set on a promotion down the road. Suddenly all this certainty is stripped away and replaced with complete uncertainty. What do I do tomorrow? How will I pay the
bills? Will I be able to retire? For people who choose to work a consistent career job certainty tends to be a driving need. This is one reason why a job loss can be so devastating.
Have you ever witnessed a person go completely bananas after hearing about a disaster or accident in a country where a family member is visiting or living? Perhaps you’ve experienced this yourself. Statistically there is usually very little reason to
worry, there is only a tiny chance our family member was hurt in the disaster.
So why are we overcome with fear and worry in this kind of situation?
We get so emotional in these circumstances because we lose our sense of certainty. We’d come to grips that someone we love is traveling through or living in another country and we’d considered all the potential dangers and then created certainty in our minds that they’d be ok. When we hear about an accident it throws a wrench into all this. Suddenly the calculations change and we lose our certainty. Usually it is the reassurance of someone we trust, perhaps just saying “everything is going to be ok, I’m sure they are safe”, that helps us regain the certainty.
So what are some ways we’re able to meet our need for certainty on a day to day basis?