Self Destruct (24 page)

Rebecca

It was really cold in the closet, but it might as well have been a Holiday Inn.  I wasn’t in the trunk of a car, and I was alive.  It was darker in the closet than in the trunk.  In the trunk there was the yellow and red glow from the taillights. 
It wasn’t just dark in the closet.  It was a void, a nothingness. 

My head ached, and I tried not to fall asleep, but I was surrounded by nothing.  I was trying to continue to exist
, to hold on for Aiden and our baby, but my thoughts grew fuzzy. 

I wasn’t sure why I was still fighting so hard to hold on to something when I couldn’t see anything.  Nothing.  I was slipping into it.  I was tired and cold. 
Nothing
was appealing, it didn’t hurt, and I could rest in the nothing.  I really needed to rest, because I was so tired.  If I closed my eyes my head would stop hurting.

I started to hear voices
outside calling my name.  I clutched the crowbar to my chest.  I wasn’t sure if I could get away with surprising them a second time, but I wasn’t going down without a fight. There was a little bit of light creeping under the door.  It brought me back from the nothing, made me want to fight again.

I listened closely, and one of the voices sounded familiar.  “Becca, it’s
Reed Martin.  If you are here, Becca, let us know.”  I opened my mouth to answer, but no sounds came out.  I was afraid this was a trick. 

I tried again and managed to squeak.  “Was that you Rebecca,” came the same voice.  “
Reed?” I asked frightened.  He opened the closet door and saw me holding the crowbar to my chest.

He smiled slightly
when he saw me.  “It is good to see you.  Aiden is going to be so relieved.”  I nodded dumbly.  It was over.  I was safe, and I could let go.  I dropped the crowbar, and flinched at the clank sound it made when it hit the ground. 

“I’m proud of you sweetheart.  You fought hard.  I’ve got you now.
Let’s get you to the hospital and get you checked out,” Reed said, and scooped me into his arms.

My eyes started to close, but I heard the enthusiastic cheering of several people before I was seated in a police car and wrapped in a blanket.  “Aiden,” I croaked.  “I’m calling him right now.  I’ll tell him to meet us at the hospital,”
Reed promised. 

I think I nodded, but I’m not sure. I tried to continue fighting, but it was so hard, and I was safe now. 
Reed was there to carry me. I felt my eyes slip closed.  I held on as long as I could, hopefully it was long enough.

Aiden

“Where is Rebecca Ryan?” I demanded at the registration desk in the E.R.  “Just a moment sir,” the intake nurse replied.  I was seconds away from pounding on the table and demanding her attention when a large hand clapped down on my shoulder. 

“This way, Aiden,” came a low, familiar voice.  I turned around and saw Reed tip his head toward the hallway.  I followed him, as he turned a corner and ducked into a room at the end of the hallway.  There were two police officers standing guard at the doorway.

“Anyone other than this guy right here or myself tries to get into this room, you stop them.  Understand?”
Reed instructed the two police officers.  “Yes sir,” they both responded. 

“Is she ok?  Wait, why are there guards outside her door?  Is she still in danger?” I hurled questions at
Reed.  “I’ll let the doctor answer questions about her health, as far as being in danger…the two guys we found were hired by someone, and I believe there is every reason to be extremely cautious.”

“Who were the guys who abducted her?” I asked.  “The Jacksons.  You know the lawyers Vincent James hired.  One was dead at the scene, the other is in surgery now, but it doesn’t look good.  We did a bit more digging into their history last night and it appears they won most of their cases with heavy use of intimidation.  Often witnesses against their clients refuse to testify,”
Reed explained.

I exhaled sharply.  A doctor
I hadn't met pushed open the door, and Dr. Williams followed behind him.  Neither looked very happy.  Shit.  I fell into a chair by Becca’s bed.  The doctor I didn't know turned to me.  “Mr. Ryan?”  I nodded.

“Your wife has sustained trauma to her brain.  Scans show some swelling.  It was
very cold last night, which may have kept her alive by preventing more swelling.  She could recover on her own, but she has been unconscious since she was admitted.  If the swelling doesn’t start to decrease we will need to relieve the pressure on her brain by performing a surgery.”

I jumped up.  “Why are we waiting?  Does she need to have surgery or not?  Will she have brain damage if we wait?” I ranted.  Dr. Williams sighed, and
scrubbed at his jaw with his hand. “Aiden, the trauma of surgery and anesthesia would probably end her pregnancy.”

I swallowed hard.  Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to release them.  Once those gates open
ed I was going to drown in these tears.  “And if we wait?” I asked in a strangled voice.  “She is stable now.  Let’s give them both a few hours,” the doctor said softly.  Dr. Williams squeezed my shoulder, and they left me alone. 

I deflated when the latch clicked closed.  I slumped down next to Becca, holding her hand like she could disappear again.  And I prayed, like I’d never prayed before.  I couldn’t make this choice.  I love her with every breath I take, but could I agree to the surgery knowing my child would die?  Would she ever forgive me if I did? 

I know I would choose her.  I can’t live without her.  I would be alive, but whatever existence I would have without her wouldn’t be living.  I would be a shell.  I would choose her, I might live with guilt forever, but I would have her.  “Please God, don’t make me make this choice,” I begged. 

Hours dragged by, each lingering second tore bits of my heart away.  Each second was another one
Becca remained unconscious.  At one point Dr. Williams came in with a nurse and they hooked her up to fetal monitors.  The room filled with the fast beat of a tiny heart. 

They were trying to kill me slowly.  How could I choose to end the most perfect sound in the world?  Becca was so still.  Her skin was pale with dark purple smudges under her eyes.  Her chest rose and fell with the assistance of a respirator.  Tubes seemed to be coming out of every part of her body.

The metallic snick of the latch moving brought my head up.  Reed walked in followed by Jeremy and Toni.  “I found these two pacing the waiting room.  Why don’t we let them sit with her for thirty minutes so you can eat something,” Reed suggested. 

I started to refuse, but Toni leveled me with her dark eyes.  “Listen to me Aiden Ryan.  I know she is your wife, but she has been my best friend for almost three years.  She would kick my ass if I left you in here to starve.  Jeremy and I will keep watch.  We won’t let anything happen to her.”

I relented and followed Reed out of the room.  He handed me a bag from the best burger shack in town.  “The food in the cafeteria is absolute shit.  Eat, and let’s talk.” 

The bag was turning slightly transparent with the grease it was soaking up, a sign of a really good burger.  I knew I should be hungry, but how could I eat with her lying in there?  I felt like there was a brick sitting in my stomach, and my throat was doing that choking thing again trying to fight off tears.

“There is news isn’t there?” I asked.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it, but I had to.  Someone out there tried to take my family from me, and they might still succeed.  Reed nodded to some chairs down the hall, where we could still see the door to Becca’s room.

“
It is really early in the investigation.  I’m not supposed to share some of this information, but I know what it is like to have no idea what is going on.  Answers won’t fix her, but they can bring some peace,” Reed began.

“So spill already,” I demanded.  “I spoke to the assistant prosecutor in Pueblo County, Colorado.  They pulled Vincent James into interview.  Forensic accountants have been pouring over his financials all day, and they haven’t found anything.  There is no evidence he withdrew any suspicious amounts.  They have also examined the Jackson’s records.  So far they haven’t found any odd payments.  They did find a letter from James
indicating he was going to remove them as his defense team.”

“
In other words we don’t know anything?”   He had an odd look on his face, and I was about to press when he started talking again.  “I don’t want to pile more on you, but fuck, I don’t want you to trust the wrong person either.  Your mom withdrew a large sum of money from the joint account she shares with your father.  Her accounts have been frozen, and a fraud alert has been placed on all of her cards.  It might be nothing, but we are looking for her right now.”

“What do you mean by looking for her?” I said slowly.  “I mean she slipped out of town sometime late last night, and no one seems to know where she is.  She hasn’t used any of her cards, or her cell phone.  She seems to have vanished.”

That lump was back.  My mother?  No, it had to be that perverted piece of shit.  I mean my mom and I don’t see eye to eye, and I pretty much hate her, but no she wouldn’t do this to me.  She couldn’t possibly hate me that much.

“Investigating James hasn’t been without some success,”
Reed said with a malicious smirk.  “It was implied there was strong evidence suggesting he put a hit out on Becca.  The coward crumbled almost immediately.  He started giving any information the prosecutor wanted to prove he wasn’t guilty of attempted murder.  He pled guilty to sexual abuse of a minor.  Neither Becca nor the fourteen-year-old girl will have to testify.  He is going to jail for the next ten to fifteen years, and will have to register as a sex offender.”

“I would find that great if it didn’t seem possible my
own mother hired someone to abduct and kill my wife,” I said defeated.  “How the hell did my mom even know those two?”  Reed dropped his gaze to the floor. 

“We have record of them e
ntering Seattle via a toll road. The cheap bastards skipped out on the toll, and it automatically took their picture. They were later caught running a red light, and had their picture taken again.  That was near your parent’s neighborhood in Queen Anne Hill.”

“Let me see if I’m understanding you.  My mother disappeared with a ton of cash, and the guys that took Becca were recently
in her neighborhood?  When were they there?”  “It was about two weeks ago,” Reed said soberly. 

Suddenly I wasn’t able to sit there a minute longer.  She took off late last night.  Like after Becca escaped from her captors.  Maybe she was running since she knew the plans fell apart.  Would she try again?  What was her angle?  Surely she didn’t think Becca was the only thing standing between me marrying Vanessa.  Shit, maybe she did.  Maybe she thought with Becca out of the way all of her social climbing plans could resume. 

Was she that cracked?  I really couldn’t answer that question.  I hadn’t paid much attention to her in the last few years, not since I realized she only cared about me as far as I could be of use to her.  My animosity towards her had driven a wedge between my dad and I as well.  Becca helped to heal that rift, but the estrangement with my mother was irreparable. 

I returned to Becca’s room, and sat back in the chair by her bed.  Jeremy and Toni watched me with concern, but I didn’t have the strength to talk to them.  I sat silently and forced myself to eat half my burger.  It tasted like saw dust.  I continued to ignore my friends until they eventually left me alone with Becca.

Time slipped by again.  The light faded from the window, and still nothing changed.  Doctors came and went.  Becca remained stable, and I didn’t have to make the choice that would kill my child.  My eyelids scratched over my eyes, which burned viciously.  Eventually my body refused to remain awake, and I slumped forward to rest my head next to Becca.

Dreams are cruel.  I wish
ed this one was real, but one thing this day taught me was life was shit.  Everything was in the process of being taken from me, including the small remaining respect I had for my mother.  My unconscious mind was calling forth comfort, but knowing Becca wasn't really trying to wake me made it more like torture.

I
swore I felt slim fingers comb through my hair, and the light scratch of nails across my scalp.  My eyes opened slowly to see the most wonderful sight, alert green eyes.  I blinked trying to see through the dryness and burning.  I frantically pushed the nurse call button, while silently begging God, not to let this be a dream.

Rebecca

Aiden slowly opened his eyes.  His beautiful blue eyes were marred by angry red blood vessels.  There were dark shadows underneath, and his face showed a few days worth of stubble.  I ran my hand through his soft hair until he realized I was really awake.

He frantically pushed the call button, as if I was going to disappear in the next few minutes.  Nurses and doctors flooded the room.  The breathing tube was pulled from my throat.  Some of the tubes in my arms and hands were removed, and they took me, with an armed escort, to get scans of my head.  A lifetime later I was back in my room, holding Aiden’s hand just staring at him.

Dr. Williams walked into my room pushing an ultrasound machine.  “Rebecca, it is so good to see you awake.  Let’s take a look at the baby.”  He spread the cold jelly across my tiny bump and in a few minutes we were looking at a tiny little alien. 

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  “Well, the heart beat is strong.  I think that this baby got very lucky.  Would you like to know the sex?  It’s a little early but it looks like baby is going to cooperate.  It is close enough to five months we may get an image.”

I looked at Aiden, but he was staring at the screen.  I squeezed his hand.  “Do you want to know?” I asked him quietly.  My throat still hurt, and I sounded like a jazz singer in a smoky lounge. 

Aiden smiled crookedly. “Only if he tells me it’s a boy.”  I slapped his hand.  “Kidding Red.  I already have what I want.  You came back to me, and our baby is still doing fine.  But, yeah I really want to know.”

Dr. Williams slid the wand around trying to get into position.  He pressed in a bit, and then pressed a button on the machine to freeze the image.  I looked closely, and I was sure I knew.  I mean my baby had to be a he, or a three-legged mutant.  “Start buying things in blue, you are having a boy,” Dr. Williams announced. 

Aiden’s smirk spread across his face to a wide happy smile.  I loved seeing him happy.  “You like that huh?” I asked.  “Hell yeah.  I’m a guy, of course I like that.  I’m gonna have a son.  And when we have a girl I’ll have help beating off the boys, especially if she looks like her momma,” he said and kissed my head. 

“Aiden,” I began hesitantly, “the guys who took me.  Who were they?”  “Brad and Stanley Jackson, the lawyers for Vincent James,” he answered without looking at me.
  I didn’t have much time to ponder why Aiden wouldn’t look at me when he answered my question.  It was like he was hiding something from me.  Before I could ask him what it was, Reed walked into the room.

“Don’t you ever sleep?” Aiden asked, his body going rigid. 
Reed ignored his rude comment.  “Hey Becca can you answer some questions?”  “Not now Reed.  She just woke up about an hour ago.  I don’t think she needs to deal with all of this bullshit right now,” Aiden growled.  “Aiden, time is important.  We don’t want to let too much of it pass us by if we hope to make some arrests here,” Reed said patiently.

I placed my hand on top of Aiden’s.  “I can handle this,” I promised him.  “No.  Not without a lawyer,” he responded, glaring at
Reed.  “There aren’t any charges against Becca, and there aren’t going to be,” Reed answered.

“Charges?  Why would there be charges against me?  Oh…I…yeah, I see.”  I pushed my hand against my mouth trying to stop my rising gorge.  It didn’t work.  I leaned to the side and threw up all over the floor. 
Reed didn’t react, except to push the call button.  Aiden’s hands were shaking.  “I killed them didn’t I?” I whispered.  Aiden nodded. 

He was disgusted.  It was obvious.  I had killed a human being, two human beings.  I wanted to puke again.  I could see the confusion on Aiden’s face as his blue eyes searched mine.  He tucked a tangled curl behind my ear. 

“I didn’t want you to know because you are the most loving and forgiving person I know.  I hate that you are going to tear yourself apart over the death of that piece of shit.  I would give anything to have been the one to take them out for you.  I wouldn’t give them an extra second of my time either.”

“You aren’t disgusted that I killed them?” I whispered. 
Reed cleared his throat.  “You only killed one of them.  Brad Jackson, a real piece of work.  He had arrests for domestic violence, and a DUI.  The domestic violence case was pending, and he pled no contest to the DUI.  The Colorado Bar was investigating his conduct, and he was probably about to lose privileges. 

The other man, Stanley Jackson, is in recovery.  We are waiting for him to wake up to question him.  Until he does, we need to know if you heard anything.  Did they talk to anyone on the phone, refer to another person.  Anything,”
Reed insisted.

I shook my head.  The entire ordeal passed through my mind, and I started to shake.  Aiden carefully slipped into the bed next to me and I leaned against his chest.  “No.  I barely heard them come up on the porch behind me before they
grabbed me.  I tried to fight them off, but one of them hit me on the head. 

I didn’t come to until after I was in the trunk.  I couldn’t hear anything inside there except for the whir of the tires on the road.  Once they opened the trunk I didn’t really give them the chance to have a conversation.  I swung the tire iron and fought off the other one and ran.  I ran like a drunk, because I was dizzy, but I ran.”

“I’m so proud of you.  You did what you had to do to come back to me.  Of course I’m not disgusted by what you did,” Aiden muttered into the side of my head.  “Sorry I couldn’t be of any help,” I said disappointed.  “Rebecca,” Reed said sternly, “you fought back and survived.  You saved me from having to tell Aiden you were never coming back to him.  You couldn’t have been more helpful.”

Aiden and I fought about him going home.  He looked so tired.  His skin had a grayish tinge to it, and under his eyes
looked like a dark bruise.  His eyes were pinkish from strain, tears, and lack of sleep.  “Not without you Red.  I can’t, so just drop it ok?”

I considered pressing the argument, but there was a flash of fear in his eyes that had me reconsidering how best to take care of him.  “I’m requesting a cot for you.  Use it or go home.  I can’t let you take care of me, and hurt yourself doing it.”