Self-Made Scoundrel (2 page)

Her words were meant to comfort him but they didn’t. He fidgeted in his seat and he felt his face grow somber as he remembered that morning and the farmer. “Why? Why does this happen?” Dershik shrugged and winced before he could hear the answer, hoping she wouldn’t have an explanation. “Why are things this way? Why can my father…do what he does?” He didn’t want to say what he had seen. But the look on the priestess’ face told him she knew. Dershik looked away.

“Why did you strike your brother?” It wasn’t an accusation. It sounded like one of her lessons but he couldn’t figure out what she was trying to teach him.

“I was angry!” he said. “But…but not with him. I was just…it’s hard, learning from my father all day. And Ceric gets to play all day. It’s not fair.”

“He had to come to lessons after morning meal. And he still had riding lessons after midday.”

“I know, it’s just.…” Dershik looked down. His hasty meal felt heavy in his stomach. “I stopped myself from hitting him. Too much. He just…he looked scared.” He remembered the faces of the peasants and those of the children. “Why the sword? Why does there have to be a division? Such a sharp one? Why does my father want people to fear him?”

For a few breaths the priestess said nothing, her grey eyes focused on him. It made him feel comfortable. Finally she spoke. “Do you fear the Goddess? Do you resent Her for being over you?”

Dershik blinked. “No, of course not.” He shook his head and looked toward the statue of the Goddess set behind the altar, alabaster white. The expression on Her face was serene, but strong. At Her feet were representations of those she subdued to make the Valley fit for Her people. A black-palmed hand painted with a silver spiral held Her staff; the other hand lay on the head of the maned bear, the sign of his household. How could he feel anything bad toward the Goddess, the Lady of the Night, who watched over them when they slept, who protected them from harm?

“Why?” Sister Kiyla asked.

Dershik tried to figure out what she was getting at, wondering if what either of them was saying or was about to say would be blasphemy. He licked his lips and tried to think of what he should say. “She’s full of goodness and grace.” That was from his lessons. “And she made this place for us.”

“The Valley was already here before our people came here.”

“But it was barren and full of Freemen,” Dershik insisted, knowing the stories well. “She prepared the way and set the Crescents in the land, as a sign of Her favor.” He felt his face get hot, wondering why he was arguing in favor of the Goddess to the priestess but couldn’t stop himself. “She keeps us safe.”

Sister Kiyla shrugged, looking at her food. “Some would say your father does that. He fortified the walls just two springs ago and beat back the Freemen in his youth. I doubt your brother would remember an attack, it’s been that long.”

“But my father is just a man,” Dershik said and his words echoed through the temple. He looked to the statue of the Goddess and thought about what he said while the priestess finished the food he brought her. He thought of the stone representation of the Holy Mother and his flesh and blood father. He thought of the blood of the farmer and the strength in his father’s arm, wrapped in leather and metal.

“I do believe that is what makes all the difference,” Sister Kiyla said. “In our hearts we know we are all flesh and blood. The same. The seat is given, passed down from father to son and it is easily sat upon but it must be held somehow. And sometimes it means seeming more than flesh and blood. Accruing some sort of quality to make oneself.…”

“Stand apart.” Dershik looked down at the floor. It wouldn’t be enough to be the Baron’s son. The seat felt hard under him and he drew his knees up to his chest, biting his bottom lip as he thought over her words. When he fixed his eyes on her, she smiled.

“I fear I’ve drawn you even deeper into a somber mood, Dershik,” Sister Kiyla mused. “Forgive me. I do have some good news though, something which might brighten your face.” Dershik sat up and raised his eyebrows waiting for the news. “While your lack of friends these days is troubling to me, hopefully you can find the time to make one out of a young person new to the Home Cartaskin?” The priestess stood up from her seat and Dershik rose as well, not sure why. “I’m to receive a student within the phase, an apprentice priestess if you will. It would be good if you grew to know her since she will most likely be your counselor when you are the Baron proper.”

“What about you?” he asked, following her as she walked into the main aisle, following her toward the head of the church. The priestess smiled and took his hand. Her fingers felt cold in his, and dry. The moonstone ring she wore was even colder than her skin.

“I am your father’s priestess and counselor, you know that.” For a moment he thought she would ruffle his hair but she didn’t, just led him toward the front of the temple. “I’ve been here a long time and when you marry and he steps down, you will need your own counselor. One who knows you best.”

Dershik leaned against the altar as the priestess lifted the altar cloth and pulled out a bowl and incense. “You know my father best of anyone.”

“Probably,” she said. When she said it she sounded tired. “It is difficult to be a Baron and it is difficult to be his priestess. One must know when to give comfort and when to give council. I hope my student can learn from some of my shortcomings and serve you well.” Sister Kiyla smiled at Dershik and he smiled back, thinking she looked sad. She sighed and this time she did ruffle his curls which made him blush and she looked toward the door of the temple. “I must say, I hope to see you more often, Dershik. I miss you at my lessons.”

“I miss them too, but I know most of it by now anyway,” he said, laughing. He had outgrown the little bench where he and Ceric sat with other children for lessons. He knew all of the Goddess’ Triumphs by heart and could read and write, though his penmanship was a bit too sloppy for his father’s tastes. “But I miss it, too. I know all the stories but I still like hearing them.” Even after he had heard them fifty times, they were still more interesting than the bale counts for the last ten harvests, the surveys of the fish in the ponds, the taxes collected from each household.

“Ceric’s attention has improved since your absence, though, and that I cannot complain about.” She laughed and bowed to him in departure, Dershik bowing back. Ceric was probably already asleep, he thought as he headed toward the temple door.

It was a quick trip from the temple to the tower door but he still checked to make sure no one was watching before he ran across the shadow of the keep. The guardsman on duty inside the tower only sighed and smiled at the boy, not bothering to watch him as he ran up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. Silence filled the hall, lamplight spilling across the carpeted floor. The room he shared with his brother was on this floor, as well as a room for servants and several extra rooms seldom used nowadays. His father’s room was upstairs but at this time of night he was probably still in his study, maybe entertaining the metal merchant before fourth watch.

The door to their bedroom creaked, so Dershik put his head against it and listened for voices before he opened it slowly, cringing as the hinges grated against themselves. Movement within told Dershik his brother was still awake. He crept into the room anyway, sitting on the bench to pull off his boots as Ceric sat up in his bed. The lamp was still lit, its light showing Ceric’s face was still red. He would probably have a black eye in the morning. Dershik felt his own lip swelling. He pulled one boot off and then the other, setting them by the bench beside one another. Ceric’s clothes were strewn all about. Dershik pulled his clothes off, folding them before setting them on the bench. The fireplace hadn’t warmed the room up enough and he felt cold air creeping in under the door, shivering in his bare skin. Clutching himself with one arm he yanked down the quilt and then the blankets, leaping into the bed, but when he pulled the sheets up they felt almost as cold as the air. He heard
Ceric laugh as he grunted in discomfort, kicking around under the blankets to try and warm them up.

“My sheets are already warm,” Ceric said brightly. He was smiling. His hair looked redder in the firelight. Dershik wiggled up to a sitting position in the bed, holding the blankets around his neck. Ceric’s smile faded. “Aren’t you going to say sorry?” he asked.

“What for?” the older boy asked. He saw Ceric’s face grow dark and sad. Dershik tried not to roll his eyes. “I just had a bit of fun with you, Ceric. If you hadn’t tried to fight back, I would’ve played kick-the-ball with you.”

“You know I don’t like being scared, Derry.” For a few moments they just sat in the low light, not speaking to one another. Finally Ceric sniffled. “All the other kids think I’m a baby.”

Dershik fought the urge to tell him he was a baby, knowing it would be an easy jab. Instead he thought about a way to make Ceric feel better. He was still his brother. “Well, you know you’re not a baby. Besides, if I had jumped out at anyone else, they would have screamed just as loud.” Dershik lay back down in his bed, trying to find a warm spot and failing. “As a matter of fact, I scared Hilik the blacksmith last waning. He was headed to the latrine and I jumped out of from behind where the old wall used to be and he screamed louder than you did.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I think he might have pissed himself too.” Dershik was pretty sure the man had. The man went to the latrine because he had been drinking too much the night before and was still drunk at the forge. Had he been sober he would have spared his breeches and probably caught Dershik as well. The boy had been lucky to escape with just a curse placed on his head. Dershik moved so he could see his brother. “If you want, I’ll scare someone for you just to show them it’s not so easy to keep calm. How about it?”

Ceric was grinning now. “Maybe the metal merchant’s daughter?”

“Didn’t she help you?” Dershik asked. He was a bit confused by Ceric’s request. The man and his daughter had visited several times this season and she and Ceric seemed to get on well. Ceric sat up in bed and shrugged.

“Well, if you scared her…she might get upset. And then I can help her! Return the favor, you know?”

“That doesn’t make any sense Ceric,” Dershik huffed. “How about someone else? What about Piles, the chicken boy? He was there, he-”

“You said anyone I want, Derry,” Ceric insisted. His eyes reflected the fireplace light. Footsteps in the hallway made them both turn their heads toward the door. Before it creaked open, they both managed to fake their states of slumber. Dershik kept his breath low and even, knowing not to scrunch his eyes shut but to relax, opening his mouth slightly. He had tried to share this knowledge with his brother. He hoped the younger boy was following suit.

The servant cursed in his direction, seeing him already abed and then sighed in Ceric’s. Dershik listened as she scooped up the clothing, placing the pile of garments on Ceric’s bench. She then placed another log or two on the fire, stabbing at it with the poker. Dershik saw the fire glow behind closed eyes, red and black dancing. Eventually the servant retreated, muttering as she left, the door thumping closed behind her. He waited a few breaths and heard the door creak open again and he risked smiling, knowing his face was turned away from the door. Finally it closed for good and the footsteps walked away down the hall.

“When are you going to play with us again, Derry?” Dershik heard the question but didn’t know the answer. He spent his days doing what his father ordered. This included sparring practice, sitting in on meetings, looking over old records of crop yields, almanacs and weather records, histories of the houses and more. He was ‘allowed’ to go for a ride on his horse, Ripple, on the grounds if his duties didn’t take him and his father away from the keep. Every day was eaten up more and more by responsibility. “Everybody asks for you. You were the best at coming up with games.” He heard Ceric move within his sheets, his small voice muffled by his cushion. “They ask me to come up with something, but I can’t. And when I come up with something, they think it’s silly.”

Dershik slid over to one side of his bed, feeling the coolness of the sheets creep over and into his skin and he shivered. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Ceric,” he assured him, hoping it was true. “You’ll find the people who want to play with you. Not everyone likes to play the same way.” He couldn’t come up with a truthful answer to Ceric’s question so he just avoided it, changing the subject altogether. He didn’t want to lie about it, not about this. It was one thing to lie and say his younger brother was stolen from a wet nurse who was now dead and would come one night to claim her blood son as her own. Scaring him with lies was one thing. Scaring him with the truth was another.

Dershik felt old as he lay there in bed. He imagined himself as an adult standing before the banners of the Cartaskin household, his brother playing at his feet. “I bet my bed’s warmer than yours,” he said finally, trying to sound cheerful.

“I don’t think it is,” Ceric said back, sounding suspiciously sleepy. Dershik thrashed around under the covers, feeling cold air creep in.

“I’m certain it is. I’m bigger than you, I heat things up better. There’s more of me to warm the bed.” He heard Ceric squirm. “Also, my bed is closer to the fireplace.”

“It isn’t, I measured it. They’re exactly the same distance.”

“Okay,” Dershik sighed. One last attempt. “Try not to think about the wet nurse.” Dershik rolled over and started to count. This always worked. He liked to see how long it would take for Ceric to break. So far he had never made it past twenty breaths. Dershik counted in his head and was surprised to make it to twenty, but at twenty five he heard Ceric stir in his bed and then his bare feet run across the stone floor, squeaks of fear as he crawled into bed beside his brother. “What’re you doing here?” Dershik demanded, tucking him in as he asked. “Don’t be a baby, Ceric.”

“Please, Dershik, I’m scared.” Ceric had his fists pressed into his chin and he curled up in a ball, trying to warm up after skipping across the room.