#Selfie (Hashtag Series Book 4) (25 page)

Ivy

People stared.

They whispered.

They laughed.

I thought this stuff only happened in high school. In the movies or in books. I was too old for this kind of thing, wasn’t I?

Weren’t we all?

Yet here I was in the center of a terrible hate campaign, an Alpha U scandal no one could get enough of.

I was ashamed.

I was embarrassed.

I wanted to hide in my room.

But mostly… mostly I was pissed off.

How dare anyone judge me? How dare someone take a nude picture of me and put it up for the world to see. It was easy to judge others when their own skeletons remained safely locked away.

I had no idea how the picture got to the BuzzBoss, but I guess it didn’t matter. The damage was done. I was the campus pariah. I was a slut.

Oh, and I probably had some raging STD.

And did you hear (Gasp!)? I got pregnant, then had a horrific miscarriage when Zach found out and pushed me down a flight of stairs.

No matter how badly I wanted to hide in my dorm or at Romeo’s place—away from campus entirely—I didn’t.

I still went to every class. I grabbed food at the food court but took it back to my room. I still went to the gym, and I held my head high.

Most of the time, I felt like the only thing that held me together was sheer will and a little dollop of not wanting to let the haters win. Most nights, I cried myself to sleep. When I did manage sleep, I’d dream about Zach, that horrible picture, and what we’d done.

Rimmel was behind me one hundred percent. People wondered how she could be. I mean, technically, I was the reason she was almost kicked out of school. And while Rimmel might be labeled a hashtag nerd, she was a popular one. She was number twenty-four’s choice. She suffered incredibly at the hand of Zach. Her and Romeo both.

You think people would see she was still friends with me, that she was on my side, and it would make them stop and think,
Hey, maybe there was more to the story than we know. Maybe if Rimmel and Romeo could forgive her, it’s not that big of a deal.

But Rimmel was way too nice, and Romeo hadn’t really come out and said he supported me. It would go a long way if he did, but I wasn’t going to ask. I didn’t deserve it. I made a choice, and now I was living with it.

Raging STD and all.

(Note: I really don’t have an STD. I got tested after it happened. I’m clean and healthy.)

I actually hadn’t seen Romeo at all since the picture went viral. I knew he was back. He actually came back a little early. Prada was still at his place with Rimmel. We thought since I was being scrutinized and watched so much on campus, it would be better if Prada wasn’t here. The dorm room could be surprise inspected at any time.

I missed her.

I told myself it was better this way because I wasn’t going to be able to keep her anyway. Maybe it was better if I just let her go now instead of getting more and more attached.

In fact, I was starting to think maybe it was time to move on from Alpha U entirely. Finals were almost here, the semester almost over. Summer break would be here, and I could go home, enroll in a college in North Carolina, and start over.

No Alpha Buzzfeed, no party girl reputation, no Zach.

No Braeden.

I had no idea how he was. I didn’t see him. He didn’t call. I didn’t ask Rimmel about him.

The way he’d looked at me like I was so, so disappointing… That hurt worse than him calling me a slut.

Thank goodness it was the weekend. Since I didn’t have class, I could hide for a couple days. Maybe by Monday, this whole thing would blow over.

I snorted (I learned it from Rimmel). Yeah right. This would blow over when money grew on trees.

I threw myself onto my bed and stared at the wall.

A knock sounded at the door.

At first I thought it was just for the girls next door, but then the person knocked again. So far, everyone had been leaving me alone when I was in my room. I hoped that wasn’t about to change now.

I opened the door cautiously, like on the other side was some brain-eating zombie.

When I saw who it was, my mouth dropped open.

“Hey,” Romeo said, shifting his bag on his shoulder.

“Hey.”

The corner of his mouth kicked up. “You gonna let me in?”

“Rimmel isn’t here.”

“I know. I’m here to see you.”

I opened the door and motioned for him to come in. Before I closed the door, I noticed several girls watching curiously. Out of spite, I waved and then shut the door.

Romeo had his bag on Rimmel’s bed, and when he turned around, he was holding Prada. I rushed forward and scooped her up. She wiggled and wagged her tail happily, peppering my face with kisses.

I talked to her in a baby voice for a while, until I realized Romeo was watching me in amusement.

I set Prada on the floor and she rushed to my slipper, the one she loved to attack, and started pouncing on it.

“Thanks for bringing her to see me,” I said, awkward.

“You know you can come to my place and see her.”

“I wasn’t sure…” My voice fell away.

“That you were still welcome?” he asked, lifting a brow.

“Well, yeah.”

“You are.”

I nodded and sat on the edge of my bed. “Thanks.”

“I’m just gonna cut to the chase here, Ivy. Talking in circles isn’t my style, and from the looks of you, you ain’t up for it either.”

“Gee, thanks,” I muttered.

“You’ve looked better.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.

Prada came over and sat at my feet, looking up at me expectantly. I lifted her onto my lap.

“I know things with us kind of started out awkward,” he began.

“You were suspicious of me. You thought I was using Rimmel.”

He looked me in the eye. “Yeah. I did. But I was wrong.”

I gasped. “A man who actually admits when he’s wrong? Is today the apocalypse?”

He chuckled and flashed his perfectly white teeth. “You’ve been a good friend to Rimmel, and I appreciate that. But beyond that, I’ve noticed you’ve changed. Like you decided you didn’t want to be who you were anymore.”

“No, this is who I am,” I said, then grimaced. “Well, not this right here.” I motioned to myself. “I can look better.”

He laughed.

“On the inside, I’ve always been this girl. But I was posing as someone different. Someone I wasn’t proud of and don’t want to be.”

“I get it,” Romeo said. “I can understand how people are defined by labels. How they get caught up in their image and it gets out of hand. I’ve been there. Rimmel is the one who sort of pulled me back from that. She showed me there are more important things in life than being who everyone wants you to be. Who everyone thinks you are.”

I nodded.

“I respect you, Ivy, and I like you. Not just because of Rimmel, but because I’ve gotten to know you.”

Tears pricked the backs of my eyes and I blinked them back, focusing on Prada and stroking her fur. “Thanks for telling me that.”

“You’ve got my support. Anyone gives you problems, you call me. I’ll take care of it.”

I smiled wistfully. “You gonna beat up everyone who calls me a slut?”

His bright-blue eyes narrowed. “If I have to.”

“Even your best friend?”

“Braeden runs hot, Ivy. He says shit sometimes he don’t mean.”

“Oh, I think he meant it.”

“You’re wrong.”

His voice was so sure that it gave me hope.

“The fact you got him so out of control says a lot about the way he feels about you. I’m not saying its right, because it isn’t. But that’s just B.”

I couldn’t not ask. I had to know. The image of his bloody hand still bothered me. I wanted to clean it up, bandage it, but when he said that word, when he basically agreed with the BuzzBoss, I couldn’t. “How is he?” I whispered.

“Just like you, he’s looked better.”

I nodded and stood, cradling Prada. “Thanks for coming over.”

“Why don’t you come to my place, hang with us tonight?”

“Oh, no—”

“Get your stuff,” he said, talking over me so I didn’t have a choice. “You can get up at three a.m. and put this dog out to pee.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “My life is overrun by animals and women,” he muttered.

I laughed. He was a good guy. A lot better than most people realized.

I never realized it, but he and I had more in common than I ever would have guessed. “I think he needs you more than I do right now,” I whispered.

He knew I meant Braeden.

“You should talk to him.”

“No.”

“His head is messed up. I can’t fix it this time. Only you can.”

I hesitated.

“Come to the scrimmage tomorrow night. Talk to him. Show him and everyone else the BuzzBoss is an asshole.”

Going around all those people was the last thing I wanted to do. It was asking for rumors and nasty looks.

“He needs you, Blondie.”

It wasn’t lost on me he used the name only Braeden ever called me.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Works for me.” He motioned for me to get moving, so I did. After he tucked Prada back in his bag, we went out into the hall.

Girls were standing around, looking like they hung out in the hall all the time. Uh-huh. Sure they did. A whisper rippled through the group, and I lifted my chin.

“Ladies,” Romeo said, sounding charming as ever, and pushed his hand through his blond, messy hair. “Y’all are looking fine.”

They giggled.

I mentally rolled my eyes. They gave a bad name to women everywhere.

“Better not get too close,” one of the bolder girls warned him. “Word is she’s got some nasty cooties from Zach.”

I stiffened.

Romeo draped an arm across my shoulders and pulled me to his side. “What is this, kindergarten? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen half of you doing the walk of shame all over this campus. I’m sure if I tried hard enough, I could find some pictures as proof.”

Suddenly, the room grew uncomfortable.

“Ivy’s family. You know what that means?”

They shifted around nervously.

“It means she might not bite back, but I will, and my bite is a hell of a lot deeper.” Romeo had this way about him. This quiet intimidation he emitted without even having to try. It’s one of the reasons he earned the title of campus alpha.

A couple girls went in their rooms and shut their doors.

Romeo kept his arm around me all the way until my car came into view. Now I knew how Rimmel must have felt, because everyone stopped and stared. Of course, maybe it was at me and not him.

“I can drive you,” he offered, but I shook my head.

“Thanks, but I’ll drive myself.” In case I needed to leave.

I walked around the side so I could put my stuff in the passenger seat.

I noticed right away and stood their rooted in place.

The damage to my car was completely fixed. No more cracked light cover, no more dent in the side. I glanced at Romeo. “You fixed my car?”

“Not me,” he said, a knowing tone in his voice.

Braeden fixed my car. Even after everything, he fixed it.

I glanced at Romeo again. He clapped me on the shoulder. “Talk to him, Ivy.”

I wanted to. I wanted to hear his voice desperately, even more so now.

But what if Romeo was wrong? What if he didn’t want to see me?

What if he did?

Braeden

I called her a slut.

And then I fixed her car.

Was it my way of apologizing? I wasn’t sure.

I was so twisted up inside I could barely think. After I left her dorm that night, I drove around for hours. I knew Rimmel was probably worried, but I was scared to be around her in the mood I was in.

I went back to my dorm and picked the glass out of my hand. It was pretty fucked up, but I barely paid attention to it. I passed out on my bed while my roommate tiptoed around like he was scared I would go off again.

I might.

I felt it simmering just beneath my skin.

It was like a sickness my body was trying to fight off, but it didn’t matter how high my fever got, the threat remained the same.

This was what I was always afraid of. Losing control like I did. Taking my anger out on people who didn’t deserve it and hurting someone.

I hurt Ivy. I saw it on her face and heard it in her voice. There she was, destroyed and crying, but she thought of me. She picked up a first aid kit, fully intent on cleaning out my hand.

I opened my big fat mouth and ruined it.

I slung the most hurtful thing I could at her. How did I know that word would scratch like no other? I just did, just as I knew if I saw Zach, I’d kill him.

It was good the little pecker was locked up.

I woke up early the next morning to someone beating on my door. I covered my head with a pillow and rolled over, but my roommate answered.

The pillow was flung off my head and hit the floor. I blinked and saw Rome standing over me with an angry expression on his face.

“Why haven’t you been answering your cell?”

“Busted it.”

“Do you have any idea how worried sick Rimmel is?”

I turned my back.

His hands were rough when he yanked me off the mattress. I came up swinging and caught him in the side.

“That’s the only free hit you’ll get from me,” Romeo growled.

“You knew,” I snarled and swung at him again.

I hit him in the jaw, and his head snapped back on his shoulders.

“Why didn’t you tell me!” I demanded.

He nailed me back, hitting me in almost the same spot. We both stared at each other with chests heaving and rubbed at the spots on our jaws.

“Because it doesn’t matter,” he spat.

“You know better than that,” I ground out between clenched teeth.

I prepared to deliver another punch, not worried about the cost. Romeo snatched my wrist in the air and looked at the mess I’d made of my hand.

“Goddammit, B.”

After that, he forced me into the Cat and drove to his place. Rimmel alternated between lectures and hugs the entire time she cleaned it up and bandaged the worst of the cuts.

Rome and I didn’t talk. We went to the gym and worked out. I ran as the image of Ivy and Zach spurred me on. I ran until I was too tired to run anymore.

After I showered and promised Rome I wouldn’t do anything stupid, I went and bought a new phone. I’d lost all my contacts, all my pics.

I didn’t care.

But I did think about that selfie. The one of Ivy and me. How was I any better than Zach? I’d slept with her too and took a pic to prove it.

It was gone now. I should have deleted it in the first place. Sometimes I looked at it. Late at night when I was lying in bed and my thoughts wouldn’t let her go.

I heard the rumors flying around campus, knew the BuzzBoss was dragging Ivy through the mud. I wanted to go to her, but I didn’t know what to say or how to say it.

Instead, I drove to my mom’s. I didn’t know how to make things right with Ivy, but I could make things right with her. I hadn’t been back since the night we all had dinner, the night my father called and I stormed out.

I’d been doing a lot of that lately.

Mom tried to call a couple times. I either let it go to voicemail or picked up and shut the conversation down.

No more. I parked in the driveway, the entire time staring at the strange car parked at the street in front of the house. It was a black BMW, one that wasn’t familiar. I keyed in the code on the garage door and walked in.

The second I stepped into the kitchen, I felt my upper lip curl.

There was a man sitting at the table. Someone I’d never seen before. Mom was at the stove, cooking something that smelled pretty damn good. When she heard me, she turned with surprise on her face.

“Braeden. I wasn’t expecting you.”

Well. Obviously not.

“Who the hell are you?” I barked.

“Manners!” Mom cracked. I felt like a little boy all over again. “You do not speak like that in this house, young man.”

“Sorry,” I muttered.

The man at the table smiled jovially, like we were entertaining. When I glared at him, he wiped the smile off his face and stood. “Braeden, I’m John Turner. I’m a friend of Caroline— uh, your mom’s.”

He held out his hand, and I stared at it.

Mom cleared her throat.

I shook it. When I pulled my hand away, she noticed my bandages. “What happened to your hand?” she gasped.

“Nothing. Just an accident.” My eyes never left John. I measured him as we stood there. I was bigger. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me a little giddy.

“John, would you mind if I talked to Braeden alone for a few moments?” Mom asked.

“Sure. I’ll just go in the other room and watch TV.” He glanced at me. “Nice to finally meet you.”

Finally?

When he was gone, I looked at Mom with a raised brow. “Are you sleeping with him?”

“Braeden James Walker, I will wash your mouth out with soap!” She waved the spatula around in the air between us.

I amended my previous statement. “Are you dating?”

She deflated and moved the pan off the heat before sitting down at the table. “I could never find a right time to tell you.”

“How long?” I asked. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this.

“For several months now. I was going to tell you when you came home from spring break, but then your father started calling and it seemed like a bad time…”

“So that’s why you had so much food when I came over. It was for him.”

“For you, too,” she said gently. “I do know how you love your sprinkles.”

I grunted. “I do.”

She smiled and busied herself by putting some huge scoops of vanilla ice cream in a bowl. When she was done, she dumped half a bottle of chocolate sprinkles on top. In the other room, the TV was loud. He was watching
SportsCenter
.

At least he had that going for him.

“You look like you could use this.” She set the bowl in front of me.

It definitely wouldn’t hurt. I picked up the spoon and shoved a huge bite in my mouth. The sprinkles were a little crunchy, a little soft, and added some flavor to the vanilla. “Oh yeah,” I murmured and ate another huge bite.

“Why don’t you tell me why your hand looks like you’ve been punching stuff?”

“Because I have.”

“Is this about your father?”

I dropped my spoon. “He call again?”

She glanced away. I braced myself and ate another bite of sprinkles. “I won’t lose it.”

“He’s called several times. He’s very anxious to speak with you.”

“I don’t want to talk to him.”

“I know, and I don’t blame you. And normally, I would tell you not to, but I think you should.”

I gaped at her.

She laughed lightly. “Not for his benefit, but for yours. This is clearly holding you back, Braeden. You need to look this in the face so you can move on, or it will haunt you for the rest of your life.”

“How can you sit there and be so calm about him?”

“I made my peace with your father a long time ago. He took so much from me in the past, from both of us. I refused to let him have my future.” She looked at me intently. “He’s taking your future, son.”

She was right. He was destroying my future, and I was allowing it. I rubbed a hand over the back of my neck. “How the hell do you know all this?”

She smirked. “I’m your mother. I know everything.”

“After everything he did…”

“I know.” She sat forward and placed her hand over mine. “I know better than anyone. And you were so small. I’m very afraid it scarred you for life.” Tears filled her eyes. “That’s the one thing I will never forgive myself for.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Mom.”

“It was my job to protect you.”

“And you did. Way more times than I wish you would have.”

Mom wiped at her eyes and then touched my cheek. “You are truly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m so proud of you. I hope you know how much I love you.”

“I don’t think you’d be too proud of me lately.” I pulled away and sat back.

“I’ll always be proud of you. But I really hope you didn’t punch something that can’t be fixed.”

I laughed. “It was a window. I’m paying to have it repaired.” I was gonna have to work extra hours this summer at whatever job I managed to get to put the money back into my savings.

“Is this about a girl?”

“Why would you think that?” I asked.

She smiled. “Because men only get that riled up about two things. Women and money.”

“I screwed up,” I admitted.

“Can it be fixed?”

“I got involved with friends. Best friends.”

“And you like one better?”

“I don’t like her,” I muttered.

Mom smiled. “I see. Well, she sounds very special.”

I laughed.

“Sounds to me like you ruined a good thing before it could get started.”

I listened and wanted to disagree, but maybe she was right.

“You are not your father, Braeden. I know it as well as you love chocolate sprinkles. Get out of your own way and bring that girl here to meet me.”

The thought of Ivy and my mom ganging up on me made me groan.

“That guy in there…” I cocked my head to the side. “He makes you happy? He’s good to you?”

“He makes me very happy. I hope you won’t try to run him off.”

“I thought about it.”

She smacked me. “John is a good man and he’s been wanting to get to know you, but I wasn’t sure if you were ready.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I am, but I won’t ever be totally happy until you are.”

I shoved the rest of the ice cream and sprinkles in my mouth as she watched. A few minutes later, John appeared around the corner. “Is it safe?”

“Yeah, come on in.” I pushed away from the table and stood. “I gotta go, Mom, but thanks for everything.”

“You want to stay for dinner?” she asked.

“Can’t. Scrimmage tonight.”

“Maybe we can come watch?” she asked.

I glanced at John; he was nodding.

“You like football?” I asked.

“Does a cow have tits?”

“John!” Mom gasped.

I grinned. “It’s at the outdoor field later on. I won’t be able to come by after because we have the bonfire.”

“We’ll cheer you on from the stands.”

I kissed her cheek and then held my hand out to John. I gripped it firm. “I have a shovel,” I said. “There’s lots of places a body won’t be found around here.”

“Braeden James!” Mom yelled.

John just nodded. “Understood.”

The minute I got in the truck, my phone went off. I tensed, wondering what it would say this time. When I got my new phone, I was sorely tempted to not download the Alpha App, but I did. I hated the stuff being spread around, but I needed to know so I could be prepared.

This Buzz was about Rome. Apparently, he was now protecting Ivy.

Oh, hells no.

No one protected my girl but me.