Sex Snob (23 page)

He lowered his lips gently to mine, the kiss starting out as everything else had: delicate and purposeful.
But as my lips parted to grant his tongue entry, the passion overtook us. I spun around so that my chest was flush against his, my nipples straining against the nude lace bra that harnessed them. Our lips never broke contact as I ripped open his shirt, sending buttons flying through the air. My hands twisted in his hair as he pulled the shirt off and let it drop to the floor. He reached behind me and pulled my ass roughly so that my pelvis pushed against him, thrusting his erection into my core before backing away slightly so that I could undo his belt and push down his pants. He skillfully kicked off his shoes and socks and stepped out of his pants, as I did the same with my dress. We made our way to the bed, where he lowered my body before climbing atop me. He straddled my waist, his knees resting on either side of my ribcage as he reached his arm beneath me and pulled me up higher onto the bed, his bicep flexing deliciously.

Shane pulled back, breaking our kiss so that he could pull his undershirt over his head.
I touched my lips, relishing in how swollen they were from his rough kiss. Shane trailed a hand from my neck, between my breasts, down my stomach, and to the waistband of my thong. I ran my hand over the lines of his tattoo, wishing I could reach and outline it with my tongue as his hand roamed my body.

He reached behind me, prompting me to arch my back, so that he could unclasp my bra, which he then pulled from my body and cast to the floor.
He clasped my hands in his and pinned them above my head as his mouth lowered to my breast and sucked and licked it in ways that sent pleasure coursing through my veins. Then, moving to my other breast, he lavished it with similar attention.

It was all becoming too much.
I needed him to fill me. To take aim at the dull ache that had settled between my thighs and obliterate it.

“Shane,” I moaned.
“Please, Shane.”

Hearing the desperation in my voice, Shane released my hands and pulled his boxers down.
His hands then moved to the lace fabric of my thong and slowly lowered it halfway down my legs before pulling my legs up so he could slide the material over the stilettos that still adorned my feet without his having to move away from me. With my legs resting on his shoulders, he turned his head and kissed my ankle and then trailed his tongue up the inside of my leg until he reached his destination. He spread me wide as he kissed and licked my clit, causing me to thrash and buck my upper body around the bed in brutal ecstasy. But he held my hips firm as he continued the assault with his tongue. Shane released one of my hips and lowered his fingers to my opening, thrusting two fingers deep inside of me as his tongue circled my clit. The sensation was overwhelming as my body built toward climax.

“Shane,” I moaned again.

“What do you need, baby? Tell me what you need.” His voice was hushed as his tongue resumed its trip up my body.

“I need you.
I need you inside me. Oh, please,” I begged.

Shane quickly leaned toward his nightstand and opened the drawer, pulling out a foil wrapper.
I took it from his hands, tore it open with my mouth, and then spread the latex over his steely length. He then positioned his cock at my opening, pushing the head slightly into me.

“Is this what you need?”

He continued this teasing until I responded.
“Yes. God, yes, that’s what I need.”

Shane lowered his hands to the bed and then thrust fully into me, causing rivaling feelings of pain and pleasure to ripple through my body.
I stretched to accommodate him as I felt the slight pulse of his cock, causing me to grow even wetter, enveloping him and allowing him to slide inside of me without resistance.

He pulled almost completely out of me before slamming back inside.
My hips lifted to meet him, opening myself up to him, taking him deeply into myself. We again found our rhythm. He worked in and out of me, giving me so much pleasure that my whole body felt like it had ceased to continue functioning, choosing instead to focus on the pure eroticism of this moment.

He must have been able to feel when I was close to finding my release, because his thumb moved to my clit and began stroking it in time with his thrusts.
The sensation propelled me higher, my body climbing with every brush of Shane’s finger. Our breathing grew ragged as my heart struggled to pump blood to everywhere that needed it, everywhere that Shane was stimulating. We were primal in this moment, our bodies reacting to one another instinctually.

“Are you there, Amanda?
Come with me, baby.”

His words caused me to shatter.
An orgasm ripped through my body more violently than any other of my life. I yelled my pleasure as I felt Shane thrust twice more before a deep groan escaped from him as he found his own release. I milked the cum from his cock as the pulsation from my orgasm clenched around him.

Once our orgasms calmed, Shane placed a chaste kiss on my lips before rolling next to me and pulling me to him.
I rested my head on his arm and let him envelope me in his warmth. And against my better judgment, I allowed myself to drift off to sleep.

Eleven

The
sound of a lawnmower woke me from my deep slumber. I picked up my phone off the nightstand to look at the time.
Who mows their lawn at 7:42 in the morning? On a Sunday? In October?
No one even had a lawn at my apartment complex. It was then that I remembered where I was.
I’m at Shane’s.
It’s not like I had a reason
not
to remember where I was. I hadn’t been drunk. It was just a moment of temporary, sleep-induced amnesia. I mean, the night had been nothing short of memorable. But all I wanted to do was forget the feel of Shane’s warm hands brushing across my flesh, the smell of aftershave mingling with hints of his cologne, and the taste of his sweet minty tongue upon mine.

But I couldn’t.
Last night had meant something. So I had to do what I do best: avoid the situation.

As I rose quietly from the bed, careful not to wake Shane while I got dressed, I couldn’t help but ignore the strange parallels to my night with Zach.
Shane’s gorgeous just-fucked hair hung against his face. The V extending from his solid chest and defined abs could be seen peeking out just above where the crisp white sheet draped sensually across his hipbone. He was beautiful. There he slept peacefully, blissfully unaware of my thoughts about last night.

As I dropped my phone into my clutch and did my best to zip my dress up on my own, part of me had the urge to leave a note.
Shane wouldn’t believe I moved to Bulgaria, would he?

***

Thirty minutes later, I found myself sitting on the swing of an elementary school playground down the street from Shane’s house while I waited for Lily to pick me up. I was busy fielding the multiple texts from Kyle about my quick exit last night when an elderly woman said hello to me, commenting on what a beautiful day it was as she cleaned up after her shih tzu.

It didn’t take me long to realize how ridiculous I must have looked.
Instead of on my head, my hair belonged in one of the nearby trees for birds to lay eggs in. Remnants of last night’s makeup lingered on my face, ruined from all my crying, fucking, and sleeping. There I sat, a nearly thirty-year-old woman in a partially zipped dress texting on playground equipment. I nodded a polite “hello” in return.
You’re not the only one who feels like they have some shit to clean up, lady
.

At last, I spotted Lily’s blue
Elantra pulling into the lot. The wood chips bit into my feet as I made my way to her passenger side door. “You’ve got some serious details to share,” she said. “Where we headed? Church? I bet you’re in need of some absolution after this interesting walk of shame you're doing? You look a little formal though, don’t you think?”

“Don’t start,” I said flatly as I put my bare feet on Lily’s dashboard like a redneck teenager. I turned on the radio to search for some country music.
Might as well complete the image
. “I’ve already taken a ton of shit from Kyle. I had a bunch of texts and a voicemail from him because I left the wedding early last night.”

“I don’t get up before noon on
a Sunday to pick your dumb ass up and then get shot down when I ask for some sort of explanation. Come on, spill it.”

“I spent the night at Shane’s after the wedding.”

“Well, no shit. I’m not a complete moron. I didn’t think you slept on the fucking merry-go-round last night. Though it wouldn’t have been the first time,” she added with a laugh. “Why the hell am I picking you up at a playground and not at Shane’s? Come to think of it, why am I picking you up at
all
?” I could feel her intense gaze on the side of my face, but my eyes remained down as I picked at my nail polish. “Oh, and how was the sex? God . . . please tell me it was hot!”

“What question do you want me to answer first?”

“Um . . .” she thought for a moment, “the one about the sex.”

“Yeah,” I replied in an annoyed monotone, “it was hot.”

“Well, then why did you run away?” she repeated.

I shook my head slightly.
“Good fucking question.”

***

Somehow, over the next few days, I managed to dodge most of Lily’s questions about Shane. My main tactic was asking her about her own sex life. She usually just replied that she didn’t have one, and ended the interrogation suspiciously quickly. Kyle, however, wasn’t as easy to trick, as he would have been more than happy to talk about all the great sex he was having. I just tried to avoid any texts that pertained to all things Shane.

I also
dove head first into work. I continued getting there early each day, and I worked late to avoid CrossFit all week. Though I used that as my excuse, it clearly wasn’t my
reason
. It would only be a matter of time before someone called me out on it.

By Wednesday I had a text from Shane:
Didn’t I recommend you come to the gym every day this week to work off all those desserts you ate???
That was code for:
Why did you do the walk of shame from my house like a sorority girl without saying goodbye? Why haven’t you called? And oh yeah, did that night mean anything to you because it sure as hell meant something to me?

Been working late.
Sorry,
was my only response.
God, I really hate being a bitch.

On
Thursday night, Lily finally called my bluff. Though, something told me she hadn’t
just
realized the whole “working late” thing was a bunch of bullshit. “Okay,” Lily said as soon as I entered the apartment at 9:15, “enough with the overachiever act. What’s going on with you and Shane?”

Well, damn
.
I’ve been called many things, but an “overachiever” had certainly never been one of them.
She’s definitely on to me.
“Nothing’s going on,” I said, grabbing a slice of room temperature pizza from the box on the counter. The pitch of my voice was much too high to be believable.

“Prove it then.”

***

Lily and I pulled up outside of CrossFit Force Friday with ten minutes to spare before the six o’clock class started.
I had my phone in my hand, frantically typing, trying to make it appear as though I was much too busy to actually go inside. Lily turned off the car, shifted in her seat and began to stare me down. I did what I had done to all of my other problems recently: I ignored her.

Finally, she’d had enough.
She reached for the phone and tried to pry it from my hand. I clutched it tightly, refusing to let it go. Our wrestling match caught the attention of the other gym members who were walking into class. After about two minutes of yelling, cursing, and damn near beating the shit out of each other, we heard a tap on the passenger window. We froze like teenagers caught sneaking into our room after a long night of debauchery.

Almost in slow motion, we turned our heads to the source of the noise.
Fuck. My. Life.
Staring back at us, his face impassive, was Shane.

“You ladies want to take this inside?”

I quickly averted my gaze to the floor mats in Lily’s car.

Lily looked at me briefly, before yelling so that she could be heard through the window, “Yeah, we’ll be right in.”

Shane stood there for a moment longer, but I was too much of a coward to look up at him. Then, he finally straightened up and headed back into the gym.

Lily sat back in her seat and sighed, clearly thinking about what she wanted to say.
When her voice came, it was firm, but tinged with sympathy. “Amanda, listen. We both know I’m no relationship expert, but I’m also not blind. Something
is
going on between you and Shane and you can’t run from it. It isn’t fair to him.”

I was startled by her words.
Not fair to
him
? I thought she was supposed to be on my side?

“Who’s running?
I’m here, aren’t I?” My voice was cold but I didn’t care.

Lily looked at me before saying, “Then I’ll see you inside.”
She pulled the keys from the ignition, grabbed her water bottle, and made her way into the gym.

I threw my head back and took advantage of my solitude to loudly groan into my hands.
This was a complete and utter mess.
I
was a mess. And I didn’t know how to fix it. This was why I had my rules. They saved me from ridiculous drama like this. So I fucked Shane. Big fucking deal. And so what that it was amazing, and tender, and different from every other encounter I had ever had?

I quickly wiped a lone tear that trickled down my cheek.

“Yeah,” I said aloud.
“So what?”

***

I walked into the gym just as the warm-up was beginning. I saw Lily standing beside Kyle toward the right side of the gym.
Of course, he’s here too. I guess everyone wants a front row seat to see the disaster my life has become.
I tightened my jaw and stiffened my spine as I walked to the left. My anger at them was ill-placed and irrational. I replayed my new mantra in my head as I felt their eyes follow me:
So what?

We went through the warm-up as usual.
Not so usual was that Shane never approached me. Never even came within five feet of me. It only fueled the anger that was building. He took us through the moves for the workout. We started with twenty minutes of front and back squats with weight. Shane continued to avoid me. For the intense part of our workout, we had to do sumo deadlift high pulls, followed by ring dips and pull-ups.

“We’re going to come around and have each of you do one rep of the SDLHPs so we can check your form,” Shane announced.

Kate took the right side of the gym, forcing Shane to observe the people on my side.
He went down the row, giving corrections or praise. But when he got to me, he was silent. I performed the movement anyway. When he still didn’t say anything, I cast my eyes up toward him. His face was still impassive, but his eyes were blazing. He simply nodded his head before moving on to the next person.

My heart began thundering in my chest.
Who the hell do all of them think they are? Lily . . . Kyle . . . Shane?
I could see the judgment in all of their eyes every time they looked at me. They judged me for doing what I had always done; for being who I had always been. I told Shane where I stood from the beginning. It was he who had stepped over the line in the sand, not me. It was his fault our friendship was broken. But it was me who was taking the blame.
Well, they wanted to see some emotion out of me, and here it is.
However, it wasn’t the emotion they had counted on. It was rage.

When Shane said “Go,” I threw myself into the workout.
We had fifteen minutes to complete three rounds, and I bore all of my feelings into it. I finished with four minutes left, and only a couple muscleheads were done before me. I waited until the fifteen minutes were up, standing with my hands on my hips and glaring at the floor. Then, I took apart my bar and began stomping toward the door.

Just as I was cursing myself for driving with Lily, I felt a strong hand clasp my bicep.

“We need to talk,” Shane grumbled as he pushed me toward the office.

Once inside, my brain caught up to what was happening and I wrenched my arm from Shane’s grasp.
My rage hadn’t died down. I still had every bit of it.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?
Don’t you ever put your hands on me.” I pointed my finger at him, the look in my eyes wild and chaotic. I wasn’t sure that I had ever been like this before.

“Oh, that’s rich.
That wasn’t what you said on Saturday.”

“Well, I’m saying it now.”

“I should’ve known. First you let that asshole Sebastian put his hands all over you and then you’re begging me to take you to my place. I should’ve let him have you. The two of you are exactly the fucking same. You’re just out for a good time and don’t care who you hurt in the process. ‘Use 'em and lose 'em,’ that’s his motto. Seems pretty fitting for you too.”

I opened my mouth to retort, but quickly closed it as I watched him run his hand roughly through his hair.
He looked exasperated. And hurt. My anger cooled at the sight of him. It was then that realization hit me. My anger had been a mask, a way to cover the truth. It had been easier to endure the past six days deep in denial than to confront the reality of the situation. And when forced to confront it, it had been easier to direct my anger at everyone else rather than where it belonged. And as I watched his eyes search mine for the truth, I knew what I had done. I had hurt a man I cared for deeply. I had given him a piece of me only to instantly rescind it. I deserved his judgment. I deserved every negative emotion he felt toward me.

But knowing all of that wouldn’t change anything.
I had used my rules as a fortress against pain and betrayal for years. They were all I knew. So I buried myself behind them again.

“What do you want, Shane?”
My voice was calm, but firm. I was resigned to what I had to do.