Sexy as Hell Box Set (67 page)

She didn’t turn to look at me, or roll over, inviting me with her eyes to get on the bed. That worried me. She usually used sex as a way to combat her feelings, wanting to be taken to that place she’d taught me existed, where nothing but the fuck was on your mind. What the hell had that man said to her to make her like this? Oh, I knew what he’d
done
, but she’d always given me the impression she could deal with that kind of thing, no problem. A woman who worked in her profession wasn’t exactly a wilting violet. I thought, too, that she might have got the hump with him because he’d done what
he’d
wanted and not what she’d asked for. Ignore her wishes at your peril. Yes, I’d learnt that lesson early on.

“You’re worrying me,” I said, moving around the bed so I could see her face.

I looked down at her. She had her eyes closed. They were dry, as I thought they might be—I couldn’t imagine her letting go and crying over a man like him—but her eyeballs flickered beneath the lids. Was she seeing that alley and what had happened in it all over again? I supposed she would be—it was lingering in
my
mind.

“Look,” I said. “We can only stay here for an hour or so. I brought us here so you could get calmed down, but I have to go back to the villa soon. Catherine’s…well, she’s not feeling too good, is she, and I don’t know the extent of her allergic reactions. I shouldn’t have left her, I realise that, but you going off on your own so soon after Ollie had stormed out… Something happened with him, didn’t it?”

If she answered that it’d be a miracle. Letting me know her business because I’d asked for a snippet just wasn’t her way. She’d only tell me if
she
felt like it, never before.

I was met with silence.

“Won’t you at least open your eyes?” I asked.

She rolled over onto her other side. I stared at her back, at how she tucked her chin into her chest. What, did she feel the need to be alone, was that it?

“Do you need some down time, Zara? I’d go, leave you to it, but you’ve been through quite an ordeal, and it wouldn’t be right for me to just abandon you, even if that’s what you wanted.” I sighed at yet again getting no response. “I can’t
always
do what you want, do you understand? Sometimes, I have to take the upper hand, and I feel in this situation I really ought to do that.”

“Why the hell do you bother giving a shit about me?” she said quietly—almost too quietly for me to hear.

Her words had sounded as if she were weary, tired of…of what? Me?

“I don’t know, to be honest,” I said, although I knew deep down exactly why. Was I ready to face that, though? Ready to open up and tell her that I’d been a jumbled mess since we’d parted ways and that she filled most of my thoughts even when she shouldn’t? We’d established that we shouldn’t be together, that we weren’t compatible, so wouldn’t we be flogging a dead horse?

“You’re too caring, that’s your problem,” she said. “And I don’t know how to deal with that, because I’ve never…”

I waited for her to continue. Held my breath. Willed her to tell me what was on her mind. When she didn’t, I asked, “Because you’ve never what?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“But it does. If there’s something you need to get off your chest, isn’t it better that you tell me? I mean, it’s not like I’m going to blab to anyone else, is it. You know I wouldn’t do that.”

“I didn’t think you would, but Ollie…”

“Ollie what?”

“He said you share everything.” She sighed and moved onto her back, although she kept her eyes closed. “He said he knows more about us than I’d think.”

“Did he now.” I gritted my teeth, battling with the sudden urge to throttle my cousin. “Did he also tell you he’s a liar, that he fabricates things to suit his needs? If he thinks he can get what he wants by omitting the truth, or bending it a bit, he’ll do it. What has he said? What has he told you?” It shouldn’t matter to me, but it did. Jesus Christ, it did.

“It was more what he
didn’t
say.”

“Ah.”

I sat on the bed. My weight made her shift towards me a bit so that her side was touching the top of my arse. I held myself stiff, took a couple of deep breaths to stop my urge to turn around and grab hold of her, bury my face in her beautiful hair and breathe in her scent. Kiss her cheeks, her eyelids, the soft skin at her temples. Instead, I opened my legs, put my elbows on my thighs, and held my head in my hands. I loved Ollie, but bloody hell, he had a bad habit of trying to fuck things up for me. All right, I wasn’t with Zara and he was, and I could understand him wanting to keep her, but telling outright lies? Fucker.

“What didn’t he say?” I asked.

“He implied you’ve told him everything about us.”

“I see. That doesn’t surprise me. And, by the way, that’s bullshit.”

“I thought it might be, but I…I needed to check.”

Needed
to?

Again I wanted to turn around to look at her, but I was suddenly as weary and lost as she’d sounded. I could just do with resting beside her, holding her in my arms until she felt better, then having one of those fucks she so loved. To forget everything except me and her. It couldn’t happen, though. I had Catherine to deal with—and I’d better get a move on before she texted me again asking what I was doing or how long I was going to be—and Zara had Ollie. There was no way we could hide in here for much longer.

“I’m going to ring him,” I said, standing, purpose abruptly filling me. Yes, I was going to sodding well ring him.

“Do what you like,” she said. “I don’t care anymore.”

Did she mean that?

“Listen, you need to talk about what that man did. You can’t bottle it up. Getting taken to a dirty alley like that, a man thinking he can do whatever the fuck he wants to you. That’s just sick, traumatic, not bloody acceptable…” I paused. “And I don’t think it’s wise to take your frustration about it out on Ollie later. I get the feeling he isn’t really into the kinky stuff. Not the kind of thing you’d administer to him after going through what you have.”

“No, he isn’t. He’s a wannabe. Not like you—you were…” She clamped her lips tight.

“I was what?”

“Nothing. Go and ring him. Just give me a moment to…to…just give me a fucking moment.”

I could tell by the set of her face I wasn’t going to get anywhere with her if I pushed. She’d stuffed everything into a compartment inside her head and had locked it up tight.

Shit.

“All right. I’ll be in the hallway outside the room. Shout if you need me.”

I left her without looking back. If I studied her for much longer I’d climb on the bed and kiss her worries away. Make love to her for the second time—none of that fucking hard business, no, that wasn’t right no matter how much I’d enjoy it. I had a wave of tenderness swamping me that I needed to outrun in case it caught up with me and made me drown.

In the hallway, I dialled Ollie’s mobile number. He answered on the first ring.

“What the fucking hell is up with Zara?” I asked, deciding not to tell him about the alleyway. I’d get more out of him if he thought I was referring to him huffing off out earlier.

“Ask her—and good luck with getting an honest answer. I can’t be arsed going into it. But I will say this—she’s a mess, a total fuck-up, and if you think you can sort her out, get her to tell you why she’s such a jumble of contradictions, good luck to you.”

“What are you saying?” I frowned and stared at a scuff mark on the wall opposite from where someone had possibly scraped their suitcase along it.

“What, she didn’t tell you?” He laughed, overly hard and long.

He’d sounded…odd.

“Tell me what?” I asked.

“We’ve come to an end, me and her, and I for one am relieved. Look, don’t get me wrong, she’s thrilling and amazing and all those things, but I really don’t think she’s stable in the head, know what I mean?”

“I should have known.” I thought of her picking up the man in the coffee shop. As soon as things were coming to a close with her she visited one to find a new toy. “How did that come about?”

“Oh, you know, you have these chats and end up agreeing to go your separate ways. What are you asking me for? You and her did the same thing. I expect my parting with her went to a similar pattern as yours, although, and I feel I have to tell you this, I’ve never fucked her.”

“What?” Now
that
had shocked me. The impression I’d been given…

“Nope, never fucked her. She offered it, just before I went out earlier, but I turned her down.”

Ollie was a stronger man than me, then. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to resist her.

“Right.
Er, right… Listen,” I said. “There’s something I have to ask you.” I closed my eyes for a second or two then opened them again. “Did you tell her we shared secrets? Did you let her think I told you everything, because I haven’t, you know. There are things that happened with her that I’d never tell
anyone
.”

“Yep, I told her we shared things. If she took that to mean you told me everything, then that’s typical of her. Look, what’s going on? Why are you ringing me about her when you have Catherine in your life? Why the fuck are you letting Zara get in the way of things? Think about what I just said.
Why
is she still swimming around in your head?
Why
are you letting her in there?”

“I don’t know, I just…”

He sighed. “I’ll help you out there. I wasn’t going to say anything, but you know what, I will. She’s in love with you, okay? Besotted with you. I won’t go into details of how I know, but you really need to sort yourself out. There’s something that happened to her—I’d bet my life on it—that stops her from being able to have a proper relationship. If anyone can get her to tell them, it’s you. If you’re struggling along with Catherine, and things don’t feel right with her, wake up and smell the fucking decaff coffee. It’s because they
aren’t
all right and never will be. Stop lying to yourself. Get a grip and bloody do something about…about
everything
.”

“But Catherine—”

“What about her? Even I can see she isn’t right for you. And maybe Zara might not be the right one at the moment either, but given the chance, she is. Get her emotions smoothed out, get her to know she can trust you no matter what—and I mean
no matter what
—and things will be fine between you. You’ve got a big job on your hands with Zara, granted, but despite her being a hard-nosed, manipulative little bitch… She’s yours, Vic. Seriously, she’s made for you.”

Ollie clicked off, leaving me stunned by what he’d said. He’d basically reeled off everything I already knew but hadn’t admitted to. But…

No, there were no more buts about it.

I went back in the room, thinking of getting Zara onto her feet and returning to the villa. I’d have a chat with Catherine, then bugger off home. If Catherine wanted to stay here, that was her choice. I needed London, I needed my world. I needed—

Zara was standing on the pink rug, hands on hips, her usual demeanour firmly back in place. “You took your time, Virgin.”

I stared at him. He had that determined look on his face that told me he had something in mind and he was damned if anyone would stop him doing it. I had to play him carefully. From what I could see he was either about to explode on me or ignore me totally. Whatever Ollie had said to him had sparked a massive reaction. I swallowed the pinch of fear trying to expand into a ball in my throat, shoved the alleyway rubbish into the refuse bin, and steeled myself for whatever he was about to do next.

“You,” he said, closing the door then striding towards me, “have some explaining to do.”

“Do I really. How…droll.” I had my armour back on, well and truly in place. I’d nearly told him things he was better off not knowing before he’d left to phone Ollie. That could have been disastrous.

“Stop acting so damned bolshy,” he said. “Give a bit—it wouldn’t hurt, you know.”

Oh, he didn’t know the half of it. Of course it would hurt.

“I’ll act any bloody way I please,” I said, feeling so much better now I was being my usual self. Or the self I’d become since… “And you know me better than anyone, Victor, know that this is the way I operate.”

“Know you?” he said, gripping the tops of my arms and shaking me a bit. “I don’t know you at all. Not the Zara inside, not the soft version, without the serrated edges and prickly, ugly thorns. Oh, I saw a bit of it when we were together, you let your guard down at times, but you soon brought the wall back up between us. But not before I’d spotted that there’s more to you than you like people to know. What the fuck
is
in there?”

He let go of my arms and gripped my hair. Fisted it until the roots were screaming, then tugged my head backwards.

“What’s in there, eh? In that pretty little head of yours? And in there?” Still holding my hair, he roughly grabbed one of my breasts with his other hand. “What’s in there, behind this tit, Zara? What’s in that brittle heart of yours? There’s softness somewhere, I know there is.”