Sheila’s face scrunched in protest. “It’s hard to find him masculine and adorable when he won’t see Dr. Rattigan.”
“You aren’t hearing me.” Paige didn’t usually come down so hard on patients, especially with advice that wasn’t strictly medical, but Sheila had crossed a line. She’d taken advantage of an innocent disclosure to barge into today’s gathering. If Sheila could push boundaries, so could Paige. “Do you want children?”
“You know I do!”
“Then follow this prescription.” Angled away from the others, Paige hoped they weren’t picking up her stern demeanor. She had a feeling Mike would, though. Mr. Detective was too darn observant. “Take your husband somewhere private and apologize to him. Tell him that seeing Mike reminded you of how glad you are that you left him.”
“I don’t see how that will help.”
“A man’s ego is fragile, no matter how tough he acts. When you diminish your husband’s pride, you drive him away.” Inspiration hit. “Pick up a fistful of sand.”
“What?” Sheila blinked.
“Just do it.”
Dubiously, the woman scooped a handful of sand.
“Now squeeze!” Paige ordered.
With an uncertain air, Sheila obeyed. A trickle of sand ran out both sides of her fist.
“Harder!”
More sand fell to the beach.
“Open your hand.” Paige indicated the thin wedge of remaining sand. “Not much left, is there?”
Sheila shook her head.
“Pick up another handful.” After the woman complied, Paige said, “Hold your hand open. What happens to the sand?”
“Nothing.” Sheila sounded puzzled.
“That’s right. Love is like that. The harder you squeeze, the faster it runs out on you. When you hold it gently, it stays,” Paige told her. “Now go home and hold Gil in the palm of your hand, and stop squeezing him out.”
When Sheila didn’t react, Paige feared her words had been wasted. Then the woman took a deep breath. “You really think he feels threatened?”
“Yes.”
Dropping the sand, she brushed off her palm. “You’re the doctor. I’ll give it a try.”
Paige remained in place as Sheila trudged back to the Aarons. She watched the woman take her leave in a friendly manner, and then help Gil collect their gear. Off they went.
Across the sand, Nina Aaron circled her thumb and forefinger at Paige, giving her the “okay” sign of approval. As for Mike, he stared at her in amazement. Then cut over to Paige, meeting her halfway back to the group.
“That was incredible.” He looped an arm around her waist. “What did you say to her?”
“Doctor-patient privilege,” she replied lightly.
“Whatever you did, I wish I’d had that secret years ago. Nobody’s ever been able to make Sheila shut up and behave.”
Paige started to laugh. Quickly, she checked on Sheila’s whereabouts, and was glad to see her and Gil disappearing toward the beach parking lot. “I didn’t think of it in those terms.”
When they reached the group, Paige found herself surrounded. “That was incredible. What did you do?” Marianne asked, sounding just like her brother.
“Doctor-patient privilege,” Mike responded, saving her the need to reply.
“Do you treat men?” his father asked. “Because if you’re that much of a miracle worker in the clinic, I’m switching doctors.”
“Until men can get pregnant, I’m afraid not.” But she relished the lighthearted compliment. “Now, how about a sandwich?”
With Sheila’s departure, a new spirit of enthusiasm animated the group. Laughter echoed, and Paige basked in the sense of acceptance. Oddly, she realized she’d never been this at ease with her own family, perhaps because they’d cast her in the outgrown, chafing role of the youngest.
Along with a few of the Aarons and some other beachgoers, Paige and Mike started a game of volleyball. For the first few exchanges, Mike and Lock—on opposite sides of the net—pounded each other hard. Then a couple of children joined in, and everyone had to be careful not to hurt or scare them. Mike dropped his sibling rivalry to coach a boy of about ten, showing him how to serve the ball and cheering when it arced over the net.
He was good at this, a natural father. But Paige knew better than to mention that touchy subject.
After the game, Lock took Erica home for a nap and Lourdes and Sam bundled up their two exhausted children. “We’d love to stay for the fireworks, but that’ll have to wait till they’re older,” Lourdes said wistfully.
In the past, Paige had learned, the family often met at a park inland or at the Aarons’ home. So there might not be fireworks next year, although they could come to this public beach even if she weren’t part of the picture. Still, having the use of her kitchen to store things had been an obvious plus.
Why was she worrying about this? She’d known all along that what she and Mike had couldn’t last. But no one else knew it yet.
Paige longed to hold on to this day forever. When Mike applied more sunscreen, tracing her nose with his thumb and brushing a kiss across her mouth, Paige didn’t fuss. Next year, where would she be? Next year, who would Mike bring to the picnic? Her heart clenched at the thought of him with someone else.
As the afternoon stretched into evening, more family members arrived, including a foster brother, Denzel, with a new girlfriend, and another foster sister, Fatima, with her husband and baby. People took walks to the harbor, and others played a round of Monopoly on an iPad. Twilight fell, and then darkness.
From a barge towed offshore, fireworks lit the sky. Like fairy lights from another world, red, white and blue burst across the night sky. As the breeze cooled, Paige pulled on a jacket and rested in Mike’s arms, lying back to gaze up at the starry brilliance.
His warmth flowed around her, and she got lost in the musky scent of sun-touched skin and masculine longing. The joy of the day outshone the questions that kept trying to surface until they finally gave up the battle. For now.
Overhead, fountains of color gushed and snapped, transforming the world. No matter what happened tomorrow, this moment would remain burned into Paige’s memory with all its splendor and happiness.
In a little while, she and Mike would go home together. Selfishly, she was going to enjoy him one more time.
Then she could no longer delay telling him the truth. Or as much of it as she dared.
Chapter Fourteen
Tonight, making love with Paige surpassed anything Mike had experienced before. She gripped him with renewed fervor, and he felt himself opening up to her in a new way. Needing her, merging with her, trusting her.
In the tiny rear courtyard, they’d rinsed off the sand, shivering in the cold water from the hose, then adjourned to the bathroom to strip off their swimsuits and plunge into the heat of the shower. The droplets had steamed off their bodies as they stroked each other.
Now, in her bed, he hardly knew where he ended and she began. Nor did it matter. He admired her, belonged with her and…
A great shuddering climax wiped away thought. Sensations rocketed through him fiercer and brighter than fireworks. He cried out, and heard Paige moan deliriously as she clutched him.
He didn’t want to release her. Only the slow fading of ecstasy allowed him finally to relax beside the woman he…
Loved.
Where was the terror? The instinctive withdrawal? How strange to recall that, all week, he’d attributed her preoccupation to some sort of trick. She hadn’t been pushing him away. She’d just been trying to balance her feelings for him with her care, as a doctor, for his ex-wife.
The way she’d handled Sheila had been masterful. Seeing his new lady vanquish the old dragon had symbolically cleared the field, Mike supposed, and smiled at the image.
“That was unforgettable,” he said.
“This whole day was unforgettable.” Page released a sigh.
“My family adores you.” No exaggeration. As they were taking down the canopy this evening, Mike’s father had advised him quietly, “Don’t let this one get away.”
“I feel the same way about them.”
The plaintive note in her voice struck him. “You make it sound as if you’re never going to see them again.”
“I told you about Nora’s offer. That I have to decide whether to buy into the practice or relocate to be near my family.”
He didn’t recall that last part. It made no sense. “You weren’t sure about taking on such a big financial commitment, but I can’t believe you’d consider for one minute moving back to Texas. What’s going on, Paige?”
An uneasy sensation twisted inside him as, in the glow of the bedside lamp, he studied her face. The winged eyebrows, the expressive mouth, the sweet sprinkling of freckles across her cheeks. He’d never felt this close to anyone before. Had his emotions blinded him? He’d certainly misjudged Sheila when he fell for her, but their courtship had never been like this. Never this open or honest.
At least, he assumed they were both being honest. Yet she hadn’t told him she was considering moving away.
Paige sat up, stretching her legs. “I don’t know any easy way to say this, so here goes. I’m pregnant.”
The last word echoed inside Mike like the vibrations of a huge gong. Pregnant. Starts with a
p,
ends with a baby. Oh, hell. He didn’t see how this could have happened. “I’m sorry. I was careful to use protection.”
“What?” She gave a start. “Oh, no. It’s not your…I mean…I was pregnant before you moved in. I’m two months along.”
“There’s some other guy you never told me about?” Mike felt sucker punched. How could she have withheld so much information from him? “Here I believed you were being up front with me all along.”
He shook his head in disgust, almost as much with himself as with her. He’d begun to hope that their growing intimacy meant she might be reconsidering her desire to have children. That would have meant a lot. Instead, she’d been deceiving him their entire time together.
Paige wrapped her arms around her chest. “Our relationship was only supposed to be for the summer. You don’t want kids, and I wouldn’t expect a guy to raise someone else’s child.”
“So you figured no harm, no foul?” That hurt. But tempted as he was to lash out, Mike had to acknowledge a certain cosmic irony. If anyone had asked him at the start how he saw this affair ending, he’d have agreed with her assessment, more or less.
“Something like that.”
She hadn’t deliberately tricked him, Mike conceded. But he felt blindsided, and she was still holding out. “What about this guy?”
“What guy? Oh.” In the dim light, her pupils widened.
“Like, the father.” He made no attempt to hide his sarcasm.
“Well, um.”
What was the big deal? Mike took a guess. “He’s married.”
“No!”
Frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair. “It’s like I don’t know you at all. You’ve been lying to me for weeks and now…”
“I have not!”
“Lying by omission,” he countered. “And you’re still playing games.” He wanted the truth about this other man, the one she’d been sleeping with only a few weeks before she got together with him.
“This is complicated.” Paige pulled the quilt to her chin. Then doubled up and slid down until it covered her face.
For a guy who prided himself on his insights, Mike was having a hard time putting the clues together. That might be because he wasn’t examining them logically.
His mind sorted over the past few weeks and landed squarely on Tuesday. Her reaction to learning he was a sperm donor had been out of proportion. And he recalled her question about when he’d started, as if that made any difference.
April. The month that comes before May.
And sometime in there, Paige had conceived a child.
Once, while chasing a suspect, Mike had leaped a vine-draped fence onto what he assumed was level ground, only to hit a steep downward slope and have his feet shoot out from under him. He got the same sensation now. Big thud, uncontrolled fall.
“You had artificial insemination.” Pressure built at the base of his throat. “It’s mine. That’s what you’re not telling me?”
The covers nodded.
“And you figured this out Tuesday.” Must have been almost as big a shock to her as it was to him.
Paige propelled herself into view. “Mike, I had no intention of putting you in this position.”
“You’re pregnant with my baby.” Although they’d already covered that point, he struggled to grasp the reality.
“I could run a DNA test.” She spoke apologetically. “But I reviewed the descriptions of all the sperm donors and compared them to the one I chose, and no one else comes close. You’re firing on all cylinders, so to speak.”
That sounded convincing. As a detective, he’d go for the DNA test if she were making demands, but apparently she wasn’t.
Walk away. She has no right to stop you.
That was his gut instinct shouting, loud and clear. Yet, unbidden, a picture unscrolled of Lourdes’s little girl running across the sand, dark hair bouncing, face bright with happiness. Like it or not, Mike was going to be a father. Damn, he couldn’t begin to sort this out.
“You thought it was fair to conceive a kid with no father involved?” He hadn’t meant to speak harshly, but the more he thought about it, the more selfish the idea struck him.
“I’d given up on meeting the right guy.” Paige choked a little, and coughed. “Rotten timing.”
“I’d have been the wrong guy, by definition.”
“Yeah. I probably wouldn’t have gone to bed with you if I’d been looking for the father type.” She smiled wanly. “Strange but true.”
“Now I get to be a father whether I like it or not.”
“Oh, come on!” Her sharp tone signaled that she was done taking the blame. “What did you think was going to happen when you became a sperm donor? That the only women who’d use your studly services would be married ladies with infertile husbands?”
“I didn’t… Actually, yes.”
“You were wrong.”
“I see that.”
Despite the defiant lift of her chin, tears formed a sheen in her eyes. “You can move out now if you want. Or stay till September. I hope your family won’t hold this against me.”
“Are you kidding? They’ll hold it against
me
.” He had no intention of telling them—but there’d be no way to keep it a secret once her pregnancy began to show. After all, she was Erica’s doctor.
As well as Sheila’s. Oh, crap.
And in the end, there was going to be a child. Whether it grew up in California or Texas, whether he claimed it or not, he’d never be able to forget that Paige was raising his son or daughter.
Going through it alone. Or not. Plenty of guys would be glad to step in. Men raised other men’s children all the time, and Paige was a damn attractive woman.
“I can’t make a decision right now.” Mike swung out of bed. “What a mess.”
“I didn’t do this on purpose, and I’m not asking you to decide anything,” she reminded him. “Did you have to be such a desirable sperm donor?”
“It’s all my fault?”
“That was a joke.”
Mike’s brother had once accused him of having a capricious sense of humor. Well, it had deserted him now. “Not in a funny mood.” He grabbed his damp towel off the carpet, where he’d dropped it when they careered into the bedroom.
Her arms circling her raised knees, Paige resembled an Irish angel haloed in lamplight. “I’ll miss you.”
Mike stalked out without responding. Because if he did, he’d have to admit he was going to miss her, too. And that hurt like hell.
* * *
O
N
S
UNDAY
MORNING
,
BENEATH
a typically gray sky that would yield to brilliant blue by midday, Paige sat on the patio drinking tea and wishing Mike were beside her instead of hidden behind his closed door. Across the street, Willy and the new guy at the halfway house shuffled by, casting irritated glances in Paige’s direction as if her presence interfered with their activities. If so, good, because even with her watching they kept peering into the cars parked along the curb.
It was comforting to know Mike was inside. And after he left? Well, with luck, these particular guys might be gone, as well. They weren’t permanent residents, after all.
I might not be here then, either.
Paige’s stomach churned. The orderly future she’d planned had come crashing in on her. Go to Texas? Stay in Safe Harbor alone?
She’d missed waking up with Mike this morning. Missed him with a deep, powerful ache that refused to go away. While he’d given no indication that he planned to move out immediately, it appeared their affair was at an end.
How did they go on from here until summer’s end? Acting civil but keeping apart? If only they could find their way back to each other, even for a while. But after that…
Her eyes burned. Stupid, stupid heart. Why did it have to love a man she couldn’t have? She’d known they weren’t compatible, but she’d fooled herself into believing it was safe to indulge for a few months.
As for last night, he’d reacted about the way she’d expected. He hadn’t stooped to groundless accusations, but he’d taken no interest in the baby, either.
Paige’s hand dropped to her abdomen as she recalled his words.
You thought it was fair to conceive a kid with no father involved?
He had a point. But the alternative was no child at all. And she loved this one with a ferocity that burned right through the cloud cover to rival the sun hidden overhead.
Now she had to put her baby’s best interests first. And much as it hurt to think of leaving this beloved place, her child deserved more than a single mom raising it alone.
Taking out her cell phone, Paige wondered which of her siblings to call. Now that the moment had arrived to inform them of her pregnancy, she realized this was going to be a challenge.
Six months ago, she’d informed her oldest sister Juno of Aunt Bree’s death and invited her to the memorial service. After asking a few pointed questions, Juno had turned up her nose on learning that instead of a funeral, Bree had requested an informal service on the beach at which Paige and a few longtime friends would give testimony to her life and read from inspirational texts. As for the plan to scatter Bree’s ashes at sea rather than bury them in a cemetery, that had apparently been the last straw.
“I’m sorry she’s dead. I know how close you were,” Paige’s older sister had told her briskly. “But my family needs me here.”
Their middle sister, Maeve, had claimed she wasn’t feeling well enough to travel. To Paige’s concerned inquiry, she’d responded with vague generalities. Maeve had always been something of a hypochondriac, dosing herself with vitamin concoctions and claiming that, as a nurse, she knew best.
The only member of the Brennan clan to make the trip had been the middle brother, Dermot, an obstetrician in Austin who’d planned to attend a medical conference in Los Angeles the following week. He’d delivered a few words about what a colorful person Bree had been in their otherwise conservative family, and added that he had no doubt she and their dad had already resumed their political debates in the next life. Regardless of the fact that flying west more or less fit into his schedule, Paige had appreciated his participation.
They’d exchanged a few emails since then, a mix of family news, jokes and inspirational quotes. She’d better phone now, before she lost her nerve, and besides, she went on call at the hospital soon. It was two hours later in Texas, so her brother should be home from church.