“I am sorry,” Wolf said quietly, “I do not understand the burden you must carry and cannot and must not sit here and judge.”
Wolf stood abruptly, her face a blank mask, “Do you feel you can continue training?”
Wynn could not hide a small smile; Wolf was like Arabella in so many ways. What was it that drew Wynn to people that found it hard to show any kind of emotion? A flaw in her character perhaps, she did not dwell on it, and instead nodded solemnly, standing up and following Wolf outside into the crisp air of morning.
Wynn stared at her attacker through the sweat that dripped down her forehead. He stared back, daggers raised in warning, waiting. Wynn knew she was at an advantage with the stream of emotions, urges and thoughts that ran from the man into her, but she was determined not to use her magic, even the ability that she could not control, so she focused entirely on the feeling of the daggers in her hands. The man shifted infinitesimally and Wynn smiled gloatingly at him. At Wynn’s expression he scowled furiously and lunged at her, the staring match over.
Wynn stepped to the side and he ran past her, missing her by inches. The leaves and the undergrowth crackled in protest under his feet. He spun round and lunged again, dagger pointed straight at her. Wynn felt her heart begin to flutter in panic, but pushed that panic down and became serene. As she did the man’s lunge seemed to slow and it seemed to Wynn as though she had all the time in the world to plan what to do about it. She decided quickly and waited for him to reach her. The dagger glinted in the light and she knew the attack was meant to strike her in the neck, a wound that would kill.
Undeterred she waited until he was close enough then struck his hand with her left palm, jolting it, then grabbed it, twisting his arm around so that his weapon was now in her hand. He howled in shock and pain, his emotions suddenly only focusing on the agony. Wynn forced herself not to feel pity for the man; she kicked him in back of the knee and wrapped her arms around his neck. He sank to the ground in defeat. Wynn had finally disarmed and stolen an opponent’s weapon.
Wolf stepped out from the trees clapping. Wynn felt her heart fill with the unspoken praise and the unspoken pride in Wolf’s emotions. Wolf clapped her on the back and walked off leaving Wynn and the young man she had fought. Wynn knelt down to help the man but he refused to give her his hand.
“You are feeling a dent in your pride?” Wynn asked him and he shot her a glance of distain. She smiled weakly and took his hand, pulling him up with a grunt.
“You are much better at fighting now,” he replied eventually.
“I owe it to Wolf.”
“You have that same look that Wolf has when she fights, a look of complete peace which completely contradicts the flush of excitement when fighting an enemy or the rush of blood lust. I do not understand it.”
Wynn nodded. It had been a week since she had been thrown into the world of the Dagger of Night. Wolf had sat her down after that and treated her with a newfound respect, a respect even greater than when she had heard her sing. This new respect was partly from fear of the destructible power of the dagger, but Wynn did not question or resent anything that made the strange and exotic leader of the tribe admire her. They had sat deep in the woods, away from the camp, away from the noise and daily bustle. Arabella was fighting once more and did not even notice they were missing.
“What do you know of fighting?” Wolf had asked. Wynn thought for a moment. Fighting was destructive, painful, a way to cause great bodily harm to an enemy. Her mind drifted to the acts of evil she had seen from Woodstone’s army. It seemed as though she had not seen it herself but had heard it from a stranger. Her life was infinitely different from the small, frail maid that had watched those acts with horror. What was she now? Afraid certainly, but not of murder. She had killed many. At the time it had been of pure fury or fear that she had struck out and ended the life of another. She had a dark side she was certain, and it was this dark side that took over when she killed.
She felt Wolf watch her thoughts and answered her only through habit, Wolf did not really need the spoken words, but Wynn had never liked only communicating through emotions and thoughts, “It is a necessity of life.”
At this, and the thoughts and memories she had seen, Wolf had smiled, “You are right, an inescapable fact of this life, there will always be war, always be conflict between the sides. It is our nature.”
Wynn smiled sadly, “I thank the heavens that we are not in a war now.”
Wolf looked at her pointedly, “You believe that?”
“Of course, we are not at war.”
“Surely you of all people can feel the pull the land. It is distorting under Her powers. War is imminent. I believe, with a warrior’s instinct that it has already begun. You have seen nothing of the other lands in this world, your life was only Inlo and there everything is censored, everything is a lie. War is coming whether you train hard or train fast, all we can do is hope to quell it.”
“Then you must teach me now,” Wynn said sternly.
Wolf smiled, “When you fight, you are fighting to defend yourself or those you love. When you fight for those you love you will find an inner peace. It cannot be taught, only discovered, I can point you in the right direction. I would not be teaching you this if I could not vouch for your goodness, despite the darkness that I sense inside you I know without doubt you fight for love and peace and happiness. Very few of my people can say that is all they fight for, you have seen the men, their tallies of fights won, it is an ancient tradition and through it my men fight for victory, and though all have the skills to fight for their homes they have forgotten what fighting truly means. To protect the ones you love.”
Wynn nodded and felt with surprise the small pressure on her temples that indicated Wolf had sent her conscious into her mind. Wynn waited for Wolf’s voice to ring through her thoughts.
“
Did you feel me?”
Wolf asked when it was clear Wynn was not surprised of Wolf’s presence in her mind. Wolf tried hide the shock in her voice but it was impossible to lie and hide your emotions when conversing mentally and Wynn felt it keenly.
“
Yes,
” Wynn replied, “
only slightly but I felt you.
”
“
I feel then you will not be controlled mentally, although Her forces are far more powerful than I. I was using all my stealth to enter your head and you felt me anyway. I cannot teach you anything that you do not know, only to be wary.
”
“
I will be ready.
”
“
Hmm, we will see and pray. Now close your eyes and think of nothing.
”
Wynn obeyed, feeling slightly foolish, as if Wolf was in front of her pulling a face whilst she concentrated. With an effort she pushed those thoughts away and concentrated on nothing, but a thought niggled at her like an itch, how can I think of nothing, surely I am trying so hard to think of nothing that I am thinking? Wynn thought exasperatedly. Wolf’s emotions had regained their calm flow, like a river and she thought of nothing and felt only peace. Wynn wondered how she achieved such a state, through years of practise Wynn decided, and with a jolt realised she was thinking once more. Internally slapping herself she tried to think of a lake, inspired by Wolf, reasoning that thinking of the expanse of calm water would prompt her body into the tranquil state Wolf had mentioned; but then her mind would drift and she would imagine she could see a fish darting beneath the surface. She tried again and this time thought of the open sky. It worked for a while and she felt a kind of sereneness pass through her but suddenly an image of Byron flashed through her and her illusion was destroyed.
“
You will never find peace if you are battling yourself
,” Wolf said inside her head after watching her failed attempts to think of nothing.
“
I am not battling myself
.”
“
I am no great Magus, but I am a warrior and I can see a battle when it is before my eyes. Your mind is always wandering and you cannot be still. Have you ever just sat and watched the world go by? I doubt it, you blame yourself for the deaths of those that you loved and that is your greatest sadness. That man that passed before your eyes, a lover?
”
Wynn could not stop her mind thinking back to every sparse conversation she had had with Byron, “
No, my brother, my half brother. He is on his way to The Rune, a prisoner because of me. He sacrificed himself to save me and now I do not know if he is alive or well.
”
Wolf laughed but it was a sad sound and Wynn felt it resonate through her head, the strange mixture of laughter and sadness. “
My little Wynn,
” Wolf said through the mental link, “
I have in some ways overestimated you, I thought you past self pity and despair, past things you cannot change.
”
“
You laugh at my pain?
” Wynn shouted into Wolf’s head, her voice high and angry and full of agony. She did not pause to understand exactly what Wolf was saying, that she pitied her. It did not matter, Wolf had laughed and Wynn was furious. The flux of emotions was a confusing one and Wynn held her head in her hands, feeling her rage and sadness and Wolf’s shock and pain. Wynn wished furiously she did not have to feel others emotions, at this moment it did nothing but make her ill and befuddle her senses.
“
You are too emotional, and it is this that will be your downfall,
” Wolf whispered harshly into Wynn’s mind. Angry, Wynn pushed Wolf out of her head and sat there glowering at her. Wolf had regained her peacefulness and it made Wynn ever angrier. How could she be so calm? How could she sit there and laugh at her pain? She sat steaming for a long while, able to think of nothing else but rage. Eventually Wolf smiled a half smile.
“Think of nothing,” she commanded.
Wynn, who had long since calmed down and begun to feel quite foolish, especially since Wolf had been proved right about her being too emotional, closed her eyes. In her desolation and embarrassment she thought of a wasteland, completely dead, grey against the sunlight, hot and merciless. She could feel Wolf’s surprise that she had chosen such a place, but she ignored it and thought of nothing save the wasteland. Suddenly her breath became still and her heart ceased to beat. Instead of the plains there was nothing but darkness. She heard Wolf call her from far away but she could not escape the blackness. She felt rage build inside her, the same rage she had felt when she killed the Master, when she killed Procel, the burning in her heart and fire in her soul. She wanted to strike out and kill something, and slowly the wasteland morphed into a sea of black. Creatures blinked at her and roared and Wynn welcomed their attack.
She could feel Wolf trying to call her back, Wolf’s emotions slipping from the sereneness to pure blind terror, but Wynn did not want to leave, these creatures
deserved
to die, creatures of evil and shadows. She went deep inside herself, and threw herself into the pool of magic. She wrapped the magic around her like a shield and beckoned the creatures. They snarled and pawed the ground ready to attack. Wynn called her magic to her fingertips and prepared to strike.
“Wynn!” Wolf cried and slapped her hard around the face. Wynn opened her eyes and gulped at the air. Her eyes streamed and she clutched the dirt to reassure her that she was alive. Deep inside her she could feel the anger and darkness bubbling.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“You have a dark side,” Wolf said sadly, “if you do not control it you will become uncontrollable. That place you were in, it is bad. I have never encountered the like and you would do well never to return. A world of shadows, where it is forever night and the light never shines, is an ominous place indeed. I do not even think that it is like the place you visited when you entered the Dagger of Night, that was dark but this place – what I could gather from the thoughts I heard – was
your
own personal darkness,
your
anger,
your
chance to strike out and kill.”
Wynn spluttered in shock and buried her head in her hands, “The darkness... it is something I cannot control, it wraps itself around me and I am loathed to admit that I enjoy its embrace, and... and yet I have not always felt like this. I must stress it enough because it is only recently that I felt this way.”