Shades of Gray (36 page)

Caleb smirked. “Will do. Caleb out.” With slow and deliberate movements, he turned the radio off, tucked it back into his pocket, and continued his crawl toward the ruined car.

“You don’t have to Rambo your way in, Dad. They won’t bother you.”

My back was to him, but I knew it was my father that had been sent to find me. I spoke in a casual tone, keeping my eyes on the crowd across the street gathered in front of the CVS Jake and I had raided over a year and a half before. The thing that had tipped me off to having company was a slight shift in the wind and the distinct smell of Old Spice it carried past my nose.

“You don’t know that for sure,” he answered, raising halfway to his feet and jogging the last few yards to my position. “We need to stay cautious, not take anything for granted.” His eyes strayed to the scar on my neck.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before.” I flicked my hand up in a dismissive wave. “The two of you sound exactly alike.”

“He’s right to worry, you know.” Dad scooted close to my back and peered over my shoulder. “You shouldn’t give Michael such a hard time.”

I sighed loudly enough to be heard over the wind, turning my head to catch him staring at me instead of the Zombie Slayers across the street. “Not now, please.”

“Alright, alright,” he grumbled. “So what’s going on over there?”

“Just watch.”

For months after the Pency Incident, as we were calling it, I’d been obsessing more and more over the Terminators. No, that’s not entirely true. I didn’t give a damn about the Terminators. I was gripped with an all-consuming need to find my family. I had a mother, brother, and a sister out there somewhere, mindless, organic killing machines, and I wouldn’t rest until I knew where they were.

Until I knew they were okay.

After several weeks of heated debate, what was left of the Winchester gang had picked up and moved east. I had finally come back home. Michael and Jonah got to see some new sights, since neither had ever been to this part of the state before. None of the Guard members came along. This would be a permanent move and they were needed in Blueville. They did put us in touch with the Guard in this district, and so far it had been a very prosperous relationship. They helped us scavenge lumber and supplies for rebuilding my home on the mountain, while we set up temporary residence in Crousley’s house down the road, just like we had before.

Life had, yet again, taken another drastic turn on its head, except this time it wasn’t necessarily for the worst. We could move around more freely than before, sleep a little more easily at night. Things were beginning to settle down. Living was still hard, don’t get me wrong. Each day was a struggle, but it still beat the hell out of running for your life and trying to keep your innards intact all the livelong day.

I should have been content. Happy, even. I was home, mostly safe, surrounded by people I cared about and who cared about me. I had made it through the Zombie Apocalypse mostly intact.

Except I wasn’t.

I was the opposite of content. I was a woman possessed. It hadn’t been that bad at first, just an occasional, fleeting thought. As time went on, however, it was the only thing I could think about.

Mom, Sophy, Ryan, Mom, Sophy, Ryan
.

Dad did what he could to ease my mind, and having him around did help. For a while. Then, not even he could temper my crazed fixation. In the end I did the only thing I could do: go to the place I knew my family would eventually wind up. Gibson. Chances were good Sophy wouldn’t be with them. She had moved up north some time before Z-Day. But Mom and Ryan would be here. I didn’t know when, or how long I’d have to wait, but I knew that sooner or later, they would come.

After four weeks of coming to Gibson the others gave up trying to stop me. Instead, Michael would send someone to tail me, then accompany me home at the end of each day. The next morning, same routine. Lather, rinse, repeat as needed. Two weeks later, I finally put the shampoo away.

They had come.

I’m glad Dad’s my shadow today. He’ll get to see them too
.

Mom was standing outside the pharmacy with about seven others, their backs to the glass storefront. It almost looked as though they were standing guard, being the lookouts for their fellow z-killers, who were inside taking care of a larger group of runners. I’d bet money it was the same group that had broken in after Jake and I made our escape that night onto the roof, too stupid to open the door and go back out the way they came in. I’d been watching Mom’s group for the past three days, working their way through town, finally sweeping the outskirts where the CVS was located. I’d never thought to check the place out beforehand, but it’s not like I would have recognized the runners anyway; it had been too long ago for me to really remember. Besides, I’d been too busy keeping Jake alive at the time and trying to get back to Mia.

“Is that…?” Dad breathed. It sounded like he was talking on an inhale.

“It is.”

I rose to my feet and shrugged the pack off my shoulders. Mom knew I was here; I hadn’t tried to hide myself from her. So far neither she nor her teammates had made a move against me. Dad hissed something at my feet and pulled on my arm. I stepped away and dropped my backpack onto the hood of the Focus.

“I told you, they won’t bother us.”

“Goddamnit, kid. It’s not them I’m worried about.” His eyes darted all around as he straightened and practically stood on top of me.

I pushed him back and held my hand up. “Just trust me, okay?” After a moment of no reply, I turned back to my pack and rummaged through it.

“I don’t see Ryan.”

“He’s probably inside with the others.” I found what I’d been looking for, balled it up, stuffed it under my armpit, and headed off toward the pharmacy.

“Hey,” Dad whispered. “Hey!” His pleading was lost to the wind.

I ducked down and hurried across the street. Even though I was fairly certain there were no other runners in the immediate area, old habits never die. I could hear my dad’s heavy footfalls behind me. No doubt he was cussing under his breath with each clap of his boots against pavement. The seven Terminators flanking Mom snapped their heads around and fixed their eyes on us. It probably scared the hell out of Dad, this being his first time, but I was used to it by now. Ignoring them, knowing they would remain still and simply watch me, I came to a stop an arm’s length from her.

“Hey, Mom.” I pulled the ball of cloth from under my arm and twisted it nervously in my hands. “How’ve you been?”

“Kasey,” Dad inhaled again. He had stopped several feet behind me. Rookie.

Of course Mom didn’t answer me. She never did. She didn’t even recognize me, but that didn’t matter. She reacted as she had the previous visits: feet spreading, eyes narrowing, and knees bending. Preparing for an attack, most likely.

“Kasey, step back,” Dad cautioned.

I ignored him. “Brought you something this time.” I unfolded the cardigan in my hands and held it out to her. “It’s getting colder. Thought you might need this.”

Her eyes flicked down to the garment a second before returning to mine.

“It’s okay. I know you don’t understand.”

I inched closer to her, holding the sweater out, moving so slowly Jake would have been exploding with impatience had he been there. Of course, if he
had
been there, I’d be on the receiving end of a vulgar tirade right about now. Her eyes shifted, watching my movements with the sharpness of a skilled hunter.

“Kasey…please,” Dad pleaded, his hushed voice rising in pitch.

I eased her hand into the first sleeve. “It’s okay, I’ll do it for you.” Slowly,
slowly
, I stepped behind her and pulled that half of the cardigan up.

Mom didn’t move.

It was rose colored. I remember it being her favorite. During one of my early trips back into Gibson the first thing I did was go to my parents’ house. Seemed logical. If the Terminators were “programmed” to return home, why not check out the house she’d lived in? Eventually I began poking around, looking through things to kill the time, and ended up finding that sweater. There were four buttons on the front and two pockets. It really was very pretty.

If you could overlook the gore splashed and stained all over her dirty clothes, in her hair, and crusted on her mouth, she looked nice wearing it.

Little by little, I moved around to her other side, snaking her hand into the other sleeve, until I stood facing her. I adjusted and pulled the sweater snug, making sure it was presentable. Her companions continued monitoring me and Dad, who had fallen silent, but otherwise paid me no mind.

I took a deep breath, met her gaze, and nodded. “Alright. Be safe out there.” Then I turned my back on them and walked away.

“Kasey—” Dad began, cut off when I brushed his arm in my hurry to get away. He hung back a moment, most likely saying whatever sort of silent goodbye to his wife he thought appropriate, then hurried to catch up.

“I just don’t want to watch the next part, that’s all.” I rubbed my cheeks, harder than what was needed, before he could see the tears.

Dad kept pace next to me through the high grass. It whipped and scratched at my hands. I wasn’t running away. I knew Mom and the others weren’t pursuing. But I wasn’t lollygagging around either. I knew what my brother would look like when he came out of the store. Mostly I didn’t want Dad to see it. The wind picked up as we were leaving the field and climbing the hill leading into the woods.

“Kasey,” Dad panted. I didn’t slow down. “Kasey, stop.” He grabbed at my arm and caught my jacket sleeve. I jerked away. He didn’t bother repeating himself.

I kneeled down on one knee between a pair of rocks once we crested the top of the low ridge. I hadn’t brought binoculars on this trip. I knew it would be my last and I didn’t want my final memory of them to be tainted with blood. Dad squatted down nearby, giving me a bit of space. He understood. I kept quiet until I could see their small forms moving away, back toward the center of town.

“You think she’ll be okay?” I asked.

Dad sighed and wiped one large hand over his mouth. “Yeah, they’ll both be okay.”

“How do you know?”

His silence prompted me to turn, placing my back to the rock and my eyes away from town.

“Dad, how do you know they’ll be okay?”

He seemed at a loss for words. He stared at me a long time, his face unreadable but his eyes searching. He settled into a weak smile and stood, reaching his hand down to me. I took it.

“Let’s go home.”