Shadowed (4 page)

“When do you leave?” The mood immediately changed in the warming air.

He kissed her forehead, smoothing her damp hair from her face. “Tomorrow.”

She turned her face to meet his, and he sensed the growing unease as her bright green
eyes darkened a shade. “And when will you be back?”

“Kaylan, you know I don't know that.”

She nodded, turning away from his gaze, but not before he saw tears. He shifted on
the seat. “Babe, look at me.”

Her eyes met his again, and she blinked away the moisture, swallowing hard. He silently
willed her through it.
Attagirl.

“I'll miss you,” she whispered.

He ran his fingers through her hair, down her cheek, over her lips. His eyes never
left hers, memorizing every feature. He knew this would never get easier, but he
knew he would feel more confident knowing that he didn't have to leave her side
when he came home. He was ready to share a home and a life with this woman.
He tilted
her chin up and met her lips with his, hungry to hang on to this moment.

Every nerve came alive as his hand drifted to her neck, pulling her face closer to
his, deepening his kiss. He didn't want to stop, wanted to stay like this forever.
He tasted the vanilla coffee creamer on her lips, and his senses swam with the smell
of her flowery shampoo. His grip tightened just as Kaylan pulled away.

“Slow down there, surfer boy.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, not quite
meeting his gaze.

He ran a hand over his face, a nervous laugh matching her own. “Sorry. Not sure where
that came from.” His breathing came heavy, and his heart sank as he realized old
patterns died hard. He grabbed her hand and pulled her from the seat. “Let's walk
to the park.”

“Nick, it's Sunday.”

“Kayles, it's not even six yet. We'll be back in plenty of time. Besides, I can't
stay long anyway.”

The walk took several minutes, and Nick's desire cooled in the morning air. They
walked hand in hand, and he enjoyed the simple pleasure of her fingers threaded through
his. She trusted him. After his past abandonment, her struggle to let go of Sarah
Beth, the renewal of their relationship, and her move to California, she trusted
him fully. He treasured that confidence.

“Want to know a secret?” Her smile made the morning light shine brighter.

“I'm always up for a juicy secret.”

“As a little girl, I always had this picture in my head of finding my guy and just
fitting like lock and key. Maybe that's dumb. I'm not into the idea that there is
only one person in the whole world for me. But I liked the idea that I would know
because we would just fit together.”

He smiled to himself. He loved when she broke down the remaining walls with him to
share the romantic, vulnerable pieces
of her heart. That still came as a challenge
to her. He squeezed her fingers.

“I think it's a perfect fit.” Truthfully, her hand fit his like it was made for him.
He kissed her fingers. “You know, if my team ever sees how sappy I am with you, they
might lock me in an institution somewhere.”

She paused as they stepped onto the playground. Plastic jungle gyms and a swing set
surrounded them. She sidled up to his side and placed a kiss on his cheek, her breath
caressing his face. “I won't tell,” she whispered. She laughed and pulled back. “But
don't go getting all macho around me just to save face. You're soft as a gummy bear
when you finally let that thick armor down.”

He winced. “A gummy bear?”

“Would you prefer teddy bear? Those are soft and cuddly and . . . ”

“Nope. I think gummy bear is slightly more masculine than the other option. But we
still need to come up with something else.”

She used his arm for balance as she slipped her shoes off and wiggled her toes in
the sand. He led her to the swing and sat down in the one next to her. Quiet fell
as they propelled themselves into the air.

She broke the silence. “You know Sarah Beth and I loved to swing when we were little.
We used to see how high we could go, and we sang this song about a rainbow as we
flew back and forth.” She went quiet a moment, and for the first time he noticed
the faint dark circles under her eyes and the almost wild sadness that she seemed
to hold at bay. “It's crazy how quickly it ended, how one day she was there, and
the next day gone. There aren't any guarantees.” She dragged her feet in the sand,
bringing her swing to a stop. “I mean, what happens if you don't come back, Nick?”

A hint of the old bitterness crept into her voice. He jumped from his swing in midair,
landed, and turned to stand in front of her. “You knew that was the risk you took
dating me. I've never lied about it, Kayles.” He ran his fingers down her cheek.
“I love
you. I want to build a life with you. Wake up every day together, have a
family, grow old and fat and gray.” He shrugged. “Okay, maybe not fat.” Her gentle
smile encouraged him. He loved that she still blushed.

“But you will have to decide if you can handle this. Kaylan, I believe with all my
heart this is what God's called me to do. I want to protect those I love, this place
that I love.” Passion filled his heart as he thought about his team, and he felt
proud to be a SEAL to serve his country, his state. To serve her.

He linked their fingers. “I want to protect you. But that involves sacrifice on my
part and on yours if you choose to embrace our journey. It means partnering in something
bigger than ourselves.” He bent down in front of her. “Are you willing to do that?”

The blue sky hung like a canopy over them as he kept his gaze locked on hers. She
leaned forward and rested her forehead on his. “I would do anything for you,” she
whispered and cradled his face. His breath caught at her gentle touch. “You are more
than worth it. Just be patient with me. It's hard.” She leaned back to meet his eyes.
Determination colored her tone, and her gentle hold on his face firmed. “But I can
do this.”

He pulled her out of the swing and into his arms, kissing her again until they needed
to draw back for breath. Reality rushed back in with his ringing phone.

“What's up, Bulldog?”

“Time's up. Need you back, ASAP. We may be able to see Kaylan one more time before
we fly out.”

“I'll be there in half an hour.” If traffic wasn't bad and he sped the whole way.

“I've gotta go.” He and Kaylan hurried back to his Jeep, the air now stuffy and the
neighbors waking for church or yard work. He pulled his keys out and leaned in to
kiss her cheek. “Come by tonight? It may be late. I've gotta throw some things in
a bag before we head out.”

“I'll let myself in and wait.”

He climbed in the car and started the engine. Kaylan leaned into the window. “Hey.”
Her green eyes pulled him out of work mode for a moment. “Go save the world.”

He grinned and backed out of the driveway, his nose toward his next mission.

Chapter 4

K
AYLAN CHANGED INTO
a sea green top and flowing beige skirt for church, snatching
clothes off her floor as she went. She wished Megan would go with her. After such
a short time in California, Kaylan still hadn't made many friends. Truth be told,
she struggled with the idea. She knew to love meant risking her heart, exposing vulnerable
places she only allowed the Lord and her family to touch. Despite everything, she
wanted a life in California, especially if she and Nick moved forward in their relationship
as she hoped.

Still, no one could ever replace Sarah Beth. Kaylan still remembered her bubbly laugh
and all the late-night movies and study nights in college. She remembered ballet
recitals and their first *NSYNC concert in seventh grade where they'd screamed and
cheered until the final note. A small smile tugged at her lips accompanied by the
sting of tears.

“No.” She shook her head and blinked back the tears. “No more.” She tossed a pile
of laundry in the hamper and then turned to her dresser, intent on finding the necklace
Nick had given her. The story behind the lily medallion set her heart racing. His
words from the dance studio still reverberated in her mind: “The lily symbolizes
everything beautiful and pure. It embodies you.”

“Where is it?” She sighed in frustration and ran her fingers through her hair, turning
in a slow circle. She wasn't exactly neat, but she wasn't a slob either, and she
took care of her things. She fumbled through the jewelry on her dresser again, matching
earrings as she went. No sign of the lily.

Her eyes darted to the clock, and she groaned. Even if she left now, she would be
five minutes late. She snatched her purse from the floor, bumping into the dresser
in her haste. A frame fell and landed with a soft thud face down on the floor.

“You can wait,” Kaylan huffed as she hurried from the room and out to her car, making
plans to search for the necklace as soon as she got home. She wouldn't tolerate losing
one of her most precious possessions because of messiness.

After a couple hours searching off and on, Kaylan finally admitted defeat. Her necklace
had disappeared, but she would find it after Nick left. Instead of going crazy searching,
she went over to Nick and Micah's house and began to clean. She vacuumed and dusted,
washed their laundry, and emptied the refrigerator of perishables. She even watched
a movie before turning out the lights.

Now, Kaylan lay curled on the brown leather couch in Micah and Nick's living room,
the night hours stirring nostalgia and dreams. The digital clock on the end table
read a little after two in the morning. As she burrowed further into the couch, she
thought back to their time on the beach only two nights before. She still couldn't
believe that Nick had whispered those three little words beneath the California moon.
Goose bumps trickled down her arms as she remembered his gentle touch and the love
in his blue eyes. His laughter as he dunked her in the ocean still set butterflies
to flight in her stomach.

He loved her. That knowledge drew her toward him more than
she thought possible.
In that moment on the beach it was as if a thousand invisible threads stretched between
them, binding them. No matter the distance, she could feel their tug and knew it
would take an act of God to slice through them. But she couldn't say it back, and
she wasn't sure why. Something restrained her, and until she identified that thing,
she would remain silent.

She curled tighter beneath the blanket and wondered when they would be home. She'd
given up on the idea of packing for them. Since she had no idea where they were headed,
she wasn't sure what clothes to pack or how many. Maybe watching the clothes selected
would at least tell her the climate. She planned to spend time watching the news
for anything weird while they were away, guessing and wondering where they might
be.

The key scratched in the lock and Kaylan bolted upright. She squinted toward the
door, her sleep-laden eyes adjusting to the light.

“Hurry, Hawk. We've got to be back in an hour. Time to roll.”

“Just got to toss some things in my bag. I'm ready to catch this . . . ”

Kaylan cleared her throat, and Nick and Micah whirled, fists clenched.

“Whoa. It's me.” She chuckled and turned on the lamp. “Y'all are not instilling confidence
in me. If I can catch you off guard that easily, what about the bad guys? There's
only one solution.”

Nick leaned over the couch, his smile adding to the light. “And what's that, gorgeous?”

Kaylan sighed and shook her head, the butterflies in her stomach taking flight again.
“Take me with you. Clearly I'm the only professional here. How will you survive?”

A storm rolled over his blue eyes, and she sensed a thousand thoughts jockeyed for
prominence in the stretching silence. Behind Nick, Micah crossed his arms with a
smirk. It spoke volumes that he accepted their relationship as he watched their
battle of wills play out. Nick beckoned her closer as he leaned toward
her, his warm
breath tickling her ear and sending shivers down her spine. “Not a chance,” he whispered
with a quick peck on her cheek. “Come sit with me while I pack. You can drop us off.”

Kaylan forced her body to rise from the couch, her early morning catching up with
her. Her rotation with her dietetic internship had the potential to be brutal the
next couple of days as she caught up on sleep. But she wouldn't trade this time as
she saw her heroes off.

She stifled a yawn as she entered Nick's room and plopped down on the edge of his
bed, her back finding the wall.

“First things first,” Nick said as he tossed his bag on the bed. He leaned down and
tipped Kaylan's chin up, his lips meeting her own with a passion and determination
that both scared and thrilled Kaylan. She wondered if deployments might possibly
keep things fresh in their relationship. She would always miss him, but his homecomings
would be even sweeter.