Shadows from the Grave (18 page)

Chase smiled back but didn’t make the comment he wanted to, that she could share it with him if she wanted. “Thank you. So, I have a picnic downstairs. You hungry?”

“I’m starving, silly man. Like you haven’t heard my stomach growling for the past twenty minutes.” She followed him back downstairs.

“That was you?” he said, feigning surprise. “I thought we had a thunderstorm moving in.” When an actual clap of thunder sounded, she burst out laughing.

Chase rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen where he had stashed a large cooler. “I thought we could eat on the porch,” he said. “But as it seems to be raining cats and dogs out there, it might be a good idea to stay indoors. Where would you like to eat?”

“The living room is fine,” Annie said.

“View’s not as good as from the porch, though. Is that okay?”

She shrugged. “The view’s great from the bedroom. If you don’t mind toting that humongous cooler up the stairs, we could eat up there.”

“Bedroom it is, then,” he agreed. “So do you think Murphy will like the house?”

“Are you kidding? Murphy will love the house. All this room, with windows and birds, instead of the postage stamp at the condo. No offense.”

“None taken.” Once up the stairs, he set the cooler down in the back of the room near the wall.

Annie watched as he started unpacking the food. “Can I help?” She smiled as the stacks of containers grew.

He chuckled self-consciously. “I was hungry when I packed it.” He handed her the baggie that contained utensils and napkins, and after she distributed them, he handed her a plate.

As they started eating, Annie casually asked, “I’ve been wondering about this since we pulled into the driveway. Please don’t take this as a criticism, but what made you buy this house?”

He didn’t answer right away. Finally, he sighed. “If I said it was because of Murphy, would you believe me?”

Annie considered his answer. “I would accept that Murphy was part of your reasoning,” she said. “He’s a small cat, but he needs a lot of room to run. But that’s not all of it.”

“It’s hard to explain, Annie. When the Roots told me about this house, I just knew I needed to buy it. Especially after I came out here and walked around. I want a real home, not some stupid condo that feels like a nice apartment. It’s not enough anymore.”

“I can understand that,” she said, trying to hide her unease. “Are you starting to think about settling down, starting a family?”

Chase snorted. “I’ve already started one.” When Annie’s eyes grew round with shock, Chase burst out laughing. “Not like that! I meant Murphy.”

He caught the grape Annie tossed at him easily and popped it in his mouth, still smiling. “To be honest, I don’t particularly want kids.” He waited in tense silence for her reaction.

Annie couldn’t hide her surprise. “You don’t want kids? Since when?”

“Since forever.” He sighed. He hadn’t meant to make the revelation quite that bluntly. “Even when I was younger, the thought just didn’t appeal. Don’t get me wrong; kids are nice enough when they’re someone else’s. I’m definitely looking forward to being an uncle, so I can spoil my siblings’ kids rotten and send them home to torment their parents.” He paused. “I’ve shocked you, huh?”

“You have,” she confirmed quietly. “I just never expected you to not want kids.”

Chase set his plate down and straightened his legs out in front of him as he searched for the words to respond. “You probably think that’s a very callous, self-centered attitude, I imagine.”

He was relieved when she shook her head. “No, it just surprises me that you feel that way,”

“Why?” he asked, puzzled.

She thought about her answer before giving it. “I guess because of your family. You all are so close, so much a unit. Do they know you don’t want kids?”

“It’s never really come up,” he said. “What about you? Being an only child, do you want a houseful of your own?”

Annie frowned. “We’ve never talked about this before. Why are we talking about it now, Chase?” Before he could answer, she stood and walked to the French doors. She watched the raindrops pound the floor of the balcony for a long time with her arms crossed over her chest. Chase waited for her to speak, his instincts telling him to hold back from rushing her. After three minutes had passed, he gave in.

“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to, Annie.” He stood and walked to stand beside her. “But I think you know as well as I do that we’ve been circling around things for some time now.”

Annie looked at him and smiled. It was a sad smile, and something about it broke Chase’s heart a little.

“I know,” she relented. “And I guess time’s up, huh? Might as well get this over with. As to your question, actually, no. Being an only child, being raised the way I was? I just never wanted kids.”

Chase decided to follow the conversation, wherever it led. “I thought you had a relatively happy childhood.”

Annie smiled. “Look,” she said. “I love my mom, and Ralph is wonderful. They’re great parents, and they’re two of the kindest people I’ve ever met. But growing up, it was common knowledge that Ralph wasn’t my real father. You were a geeky kid; you know how cruel kids can be. I was prime fodder, and even if I managed to have a normal life at home, the moment I got on the school bus in the mornings, that normalcy ended.” She moved back to the cooler and sat down. There was a bottle of champagne sitting in the bottom of the cooler, and she pulled it out. “Do you mind if we open this?”

“Not at all.” He sat back down as well and quickly removed the cork from the champagne. Annie held up two plastic cups to catch the bubbling liquid and managed to keep most of the champagne in them.

When Chase finished pouring, she handed him a cup and raised her own in a toast. “To the future, whatever the hell it is.” She took a deep swallow and continued her story. “So I’m a pretty happy kid, moving along, blissfully ignorant to pretty much everything around me. Then one day in first grade, my best friend came to school and told everyone in our class that I was a bastard. I didn’t even know what the word meant, just that it wasn’t good.”

“First grade?” he asked.

She nodded. “First grade. I don’t know if the teacher knew what my friend was saying or not. But what I do know is that when I went home that afternoon, I felt pretty lousy. I asked my mom what a bastard was. Chase, I can still see the look on her face. It hurt her so much, and she knew instantly what had happened. She just didn’t know who had let it slip.” A single tear slid down her cheek. He handed her a napkin and put his arm around her. She let him pull her close without protest.

“How did your mom handle it?”

“The same way Carly Tucker faces everything—head on,” she said. “She sat me down and explained what the word meant. I knew I was adopted, so it wasn’t a huge surprise. I honestly don’t think that little first grader that I was had a clue of what the implications of being illegitimate were. It took me a while to understand that I had been conceived in the midst of an alcohol and drug-fueled adulterous affair.”

Chase tightened his arm around her and rested his cheek on her hair with a sigh. “I’m so sorry, Annie. How in the world did your friend find out, though?”

Annie snorted derisively. “She overheard her parents discussing my ‘situation,’ and she carried the tale to school. She didn’t know what it meant any more than I did.” She turned her face to his. “My mother never let me go back to that girl’s house again. My best friend, Chase. All I knew was that I’d lost something important, and it hurt.”

Chase saw the sadness and hurt that still lingered in her face. He raised his free hand and touched her cheek with a feather-light touch. Annie closed her eyes and turned her face toward his caress. She nuzzled his hand and placed her own over it to hold it more firmly in place.

Chase slowly drew her face to his and, giving her time to draw back, he carefully brushed his lips over her temple. “Annie,” he breathed, “you are so much more than you even know.” She shook her head in denial.

“You are,” he insisted. “Annie, I—”

“No, Chase,” she said, her voice tight with emotion. Another tear rolled down her cheek, and he wiped it away with his thumb. “Just stop. I’m not finished. There’s more.” She placed two fingers across his lips, stopping the words she couldn’t let him say. Not until he’d heard it all.

“Please, just let me finish. This is hard enough as it is,” she begged. Chase moved his hand to hers and placed a soft kiss in the palm. He sat back against the wall and drew her with him, keeping her in his arms.

“Go ahead,” he urged. “I’m listening.”

Annie took a deep, shuddering breath. “By the time I was a teenager, I’d pretty much heard all the comments, the jokes, the sly little remarks. I blamed my mom so much for that. Being a teenager is a rocky enough proposition, but add in the kind of pressure I had on me? I was not a nice person when I was younger.” She leaned her head into his shoulder. “I was so cruel to Carly. I sometimes wonder how she ever forgave me.”

“Sweetheart, I hate to break it to you, but teenagers are put on this earth to torment their parents. Just ask my mom if you don’t believe me,” he said. “You just had a little more angst than most.”

“I had ammunition most kids don’t have,” she said. “I knew by then about Ransom, about the whole sordid mess. I used that information to hurt Mom, and to some degree, Ralph. We didn’t argue, not too much really, but I let her know in subtle ways that I thought I was better than her. All through high school, I did everything I could not to be like her, which wasn’t a bad thing, in a way. Mom had a pretty rough childhood, and she’s often said she would have gotten further in life if she had been more like me as a child.”

“How so?”

Annie smiled, but it was a sad one. “I got straight A’s, I was on the honor roll, and I worked after school as soon as I legally could. I also never let a boy do more than kiss me. I was determined I wasn’t going to be weak like my mother. I certainly wasn’t going to wind up pregnant by a married man and be at the mercy of strangers the way she had been.”

Chase was suddenly afraid he knew what Annie was going to say next. He didn’t know if he could handle hearing the words, but regardless, he had to ask. “What happened?”

“Oh, it was incredibly simple,” she said. “I met Rafe.” She shook her head, remembering. “I had my plans laid out so carefully. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life—own a flower shop. I’ve never doubted that. All the turmoil through those years, I was always able to find solace in the flowers. I didn’t even bother taking a summer off after high school to enjoy it, even though Mom and Ralph wanted me to. I went straight from high school to Madison and Ivy Tech.” She stopped to get a bottle of water and took a long drink from it.

“College was Ralph’s idea, for the most part. He promised me he would back me in my own shop, but I had to get at least an associate’s degree first.”

“Smart,” Chase remarked.

She nodded. “Ralph is a very smart man. I learned so much from him over the years, and even now, if I have a problem with the business that I just can’t get my head around, he’s my go-to guy.” She took another drink and replaced the cap on the bottle. “In any event, I was sailing through my courses, and it didn’t take the instructors long to notice. By the third semester, the spring I turned nineteen, I was tutoring in what little spare time I had. That’s how I met Rafe; he needed help with algebra.” Chase’s arms tightened around her, and she paused. She drew back and looked at him, and he shrugged.

“What do you want me to say? I don’t like the guy,” he said. Annie slid her arms around him and squeezed him tight. She rested her head on his shoulder again and kept it there.

“I was green as grass, Chase, and full of my own importance. I was begging Fate for a comeuppance, and I got it. I thought I knew so much, and it turns out I didn’t know anything.”

“Were you still living at home then?”

“Yes. Mom and Ralph had moved to Hanover, and it just made sense for me to stay there. I helped with the bills, the chores, that sort of thing.”

When she fell silent, Chase nudged her. “You know you don’t have to tell me any of this if you don’t want to.”

She shifted in his arms so that she could see his face. “Yes, I do, Chase. You know I do. I had hoped I wouldn’t have to, but things are changing between us, whether I like it or not. Telling you this… it’s part of the package.”

Chase couldn’t speak for a minute, but he finally found his voice. “Okay. So, you meet Mr. Hot Shit. Then what?” When Annie gave a startled laugh, Chase smiled. “I’m going to be in hock to Mom’s Swear Jar, and I know I shouldn’t make that kind of comment about someone I met briefly on the street. He’s probably a really nice guy,” he said dryly. When he rolled his eyes, Annie laughed again.

“Actually, he’s an unmitigated ass.” Her smile faded, and she looked across the room as memories rolled across her face. From the clouds, Chase assumed they weren’t good ones.

“Rafe was my first. My first real boyfriend, my first lover. I suppose he was even my first love, as misguided as I was. I know you don’t like hearing that, but it doesn’t change the truth.”

“I can handle it,” he assured her.

“I started out as his algebra tutor and, within a month, we were dating. Within three months, I was pregnant.” She closed her eyes and, unable to face him any longer, turned her face into his shoulder. His arms came around her and pulled her even closer. He had absolutely no idea what to say, but fortunately, Annie kept talking.