SHADOWS OF A WOLF MOON Book 5: RISE OF THE ARKANSAS WEREWOLVES (10 page)

Chapter Fifteen

“I won’t touch you. But I want you to touch me.” The words glided passed her lips, hovering and hanging in the thick air between them.

She’d never done this before. She didn’t know if she could do this now. All she knew was she wanted Lucien any way she could have him.

She lifted her gaze to his, refusing to look away. His eyes flickered and flashed with lust, turning her stomach to ache and need and desire.

“How many times have you done this with a male? Let yourself be vulnerable?”

“Never. I’ve never done this before.” She eased back on the floor, her gaze locked on his. Her face flushed and her chest fluttering, she slid her hands across her flat stomach up her ribcage. His eyes tracked her movements and his breathing grew ragged.

She tamped down the shyness tightening her chest.

She shouldn’t be embarrassed. She took her clothes off for a living. Why was she getting all nervous?

She stopped at her breasts and ran her thumbs across her nipples. Pleasure streaked through the sensitive flesh, and a moan escaped her lips.

He growled, low and lustful, and his nostrils flared.

Confidence seeped into her chest, drowning out insecurity. She would give herself to him, open, exposed and completely at his mercy.

She rested her arms above her head and looked up at him. “Lucien.”

“Mine. Tonight you are mine.” He let out a low growl and covered her body with his. Resting his weight on his elbows, he hovered above her as he reached down to position himself at her wet entrance.

She bit her lip, trying to resist the overwhelming need to wrap her arms and legs around him.

“Please, Lucien. I want you in me now.” She arched toward him.

“Easy, love,” he whispered against her cheek before covering her mouth in a blistering kiss.

He thrust into her, stretching and filling her. He was big and she hadn’t been with a male in a while. The brief sting of pain was soon replaced with a sweet streak of pleasure.

“Oh, god.” She moaned. She lifted her hips, trying to rub against him.

“Fuck, Catty. Am I hurting you?” He groaned against her neck. “You’re really tight.”

“It’s been a while.” She wrapped her legs around his, trapping him inside her body. “Don’t you dare think about stopping. Not now.”

“I want this. I want you.” He kissed her. She opened her mouth under his, tasting his hot mouth and memorizing his scent.

He began a slow, methodical movement in and out of her body, the rhythm so delicious she almost forgot to breathe. She’d never had two orgasms so close together, but Lucien was about to change that.

He pistoned his hips faster, sliding in and out of her wet heat.

He grabbed her hands, laced his fingers through hers, and stretched them over her head.

She tightened her grip and held his gaze as he moved in and out, setting every inch of her skin on fire.

Her body tightened. She was close, the pleasure pressing in on her.

“Lucien.” She tightened around his shaft and came hard.

He bent his head and sucked her nipple in his mouth as he pumped hard and fast. Pleasure arced through her system.

He held her tight until she rode out her orgasm and then gathered her in his strong arms. He growled, buried his face in her neck, and bit down. He bucked against her, spilling his seed deep inside.

When he was finished, he collapsed on her, their bodies slick with sweat, their breathing laced with pleasure.

She slipped her hand down his sides.

He stiffened.

“It’s okay. I wasn’t going to touch your back. I just want to touch your ass.” She grabbed his butt and kissed the side of his neck.

He laughed as he lifted himself off her.

“You’re not like most women, Catty.”

“Damn straight I’m not.” She nipped his shoulder.

He cradled her against his chest. She closed her eyes, savoring the feel of him all around her.

“Lucien?”

“Yeah?” he murmured as his fingers made small caressing circles on her back. She snuggled in deeper.

“What happened to your back?”

He stilled, and she could feel the invisible barriers edging their way between them.

“I don’t judge people. You don’t have to be afraid to trust me, Lucien.” She hugged him tighter.

“I’m not afraid,” he said stiffly.

“You can’t see my scars. But I carry them around every day of my life.” She squeezed her eyes shut and grimaced. “I can’t go home. Not after what I’ve done.”

“What do you mean?” He lifted her chin with his finger.

She opened her eyes and met his serious stare. “How can I shame my family by going home? If I go home, they will find out I’ve been stripping in New Orleans. It’s not something I can hide.” She shook her head. “I wish I’d never left Arkansas. Now I can’t ever go back.”

“You can always go back.” His fingertips brushed her cheek.

“My father is a well-respected Were. I know the choices I’ve made have consequences. Right now, they don’t know where I am or what I’ve become. They are free from the shame of having me as a daughter, or a sister.” She glanced away and sat up.

“You don’t know your family at all.” Easing up to a sitting position, he placed his hands on either side of her and looked down into her eyes.

“Believe me, I know my family.”

“So do I.”

She blinked in surprise. “You know my father?”

“Yes. And your mother. But I know Zane better.”

“It would kill him to find out what I’ve been doing. I think it would hurt him the most. Guardians have a reputation to protect, you know.” She swallowed hard and looked away. She couldn’t take the pity in his eyes.

“And I think Zane would understand. He knows everyone makes mistakes.”

“You don’t understand. I made the decision to strip. Not out of desperation but for the attention. To be seen.” Her stomach twisted and she fought back the urge to throw up. “But I was so wrong. When I’m up on stage taking my clothes off, those men don’t see me, they don’t love me, they don’t even lust after me. They want to possess me. To take something and use it and then throw it away.”

“He’s still your brother. He still loves you.”

“You must not know him well. Zane is as straightlaced as they come. There is no room for messing up.” She drew her legs up to her chin and dropped her head. “Even if I went back home, there wouldn’t be any forgiveness. Not for me.”

He scooped her up in his arms and settled her into his naked lap. “You are too hard on yourself.”

“No, I’m realistic.” She laid her head on his shoulder and snuggled into his warmth. Despite the heat of the night, she felt cold to her marrow.

“People change. Zane might have been a hardass once, but he’s been through some stuff and he’s… changed.”

She jerked her head up. “What stuff? Is he okay?”

He grinned. “He’s fine. He has Skylar to take care of him.”

“Skylar? They are together? But she’s a red wolf.” She’d known Skylar had been crushing on her brother when she was younger, but Zane had never really paid any attention to her friend.

He cocked his head. “Yeah, Skylar. You have a problem with them being together?”

“No, of course not. I didn’t mean it like it sounded. Skylar was my best friend. I figured Zane would mate with someone of his equal…” She bit her lip and groaned. “I didn’t mean that. God, I sound like an idiot.” She rested her head on his shoulder and wished she could stop talking.

He laughed.

She looked up. “I think it’s great Zane and Skylar are together. She deserves someone who will treat her like a queen.”

“And what about you?”

“No male is going to want to mate with me. So it’s not something I think about.” She swallowed the bitterness in her mouth.

“Is that what you want? To be mated?”

She stared at him for a long moment, putting her thoughts into words.

“I want a do-over, to escape and build a new future. Maybe find out what I’m good at.” She shook her head. “More than anything, I want a different life.”

“Why not start over at home?”

She sighed. “Because I can’t. That door is closed. Growing up, it was always about Zane. He was the golden child. The superstar of the family. He could do no wrong.” She idly ran her fingers through his dark hair as she talked. “Hell, even Skylar got more attention than me.”

“Wasn’t Skylar’s home situation bad? Like abusive?”

If he knew this much about Skylar, then he was closer to Zane than he was letting on.

“I think her dad neglected her a lot. I’m not sure. She didn’t talk about it. He always gave me the creeps though.”

“No doubt.” He held her closer. “Are you curious to know how your parents reacted to Skylar when Zane mated with her?”

“No. I don’t need to know.”

“But…”

“But nothing.” She shook her head. “Look, they may have accepted her into the family fold, but with me it’s different. I’m held to a different standard.” She looked away. “Always have been.”

Silence stretched between them. She wanted to get up and leave before anything else was said about her past.

“I was burned.” His voice sliced through the silence.

“What?” She jerked her head back at him.

“You asked what happened to my back. I was burned when I was younger.” He glanced away. She knew how hard it was to share his past.

“Oh my god, Lucien.” She touched his cheek. “That must have been horrific for you.”

“It wasn’t exactly a picnic.” He snorted.

Her heart broke for him. “What happened?”

“You and I are more alike than you think.” He gave her a thoughtful look. “We were both born into families of high ranking. I’m from Louisiana.”

“Really?”

“My family, the Sauvages, came here from France many generations ago. My great-grandparents became wealthy when they started their own shipping company. Soon they were one of the wealthiest families in New Orleans.”

“I had no idea. I thought you were just a hot biker.”

His expression softened, and he grinned before leaning in to kiss her. Her body heated at his touch. As much as she wanted him again, she also wanted to hear his story.

“So what happened?”

“I was eighteen and I wanted to be a Guardian. My brother tried to gain acceptance into the Louisiana Pack but didn’t make it. When he found out I had applied, he got angry. Angrier than I’d ever seen him. It was winter and there was a bonfire in our backyard. I had some friends over and we were drinking beer and we got into a fight.” Lucien’s eyes glazed over as if he were seeing it play out in front of him. “My brother ended up knocking me back into the fire.”

“But why didn’t it heal?” Werewolves had properties in their blood that made them heal at an incredible rate.

“Because after I was pulled out of the fire by my friends, my brother threw salt at my back. He wanted to scar me for life so they wouldn’t accept me into the Guardians.”

“What an asshole.” Catty’s gut twisted in anger. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight, wanting to take away his pain. “Did he say why he did that?”

“He didn’t have to. He was jealous. If he couldn’t get into the Guardians then he sure as hell didn’t want me to get it. He left that night. After a while I moved out of the state of Louisiana and into Arkansas.”

He lifted her off his lap. He stood and pulled her up with him. “I’ve never showed anyone my back before.” He released her hands and backed up. He swiped his hand across his forehead and then lifted his unsure gaze to hers.

He turned, revealing his back to her.

Her breath caught in her throat as she took in the discolored, mottled flesh that once was smooth flesh. She stepped closer and placed her palm on in the middle of the scarred expanse.

He hissed.

She jerked her hand back. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” He shook his head and then looked at the floor. “It’s just… No one has ever touched my back before. Not even my mother.”

Her heart cracked like glass for all he’d endured. Anger, sadness, revenge all poured out at once through the tiny fissures. She stepped closer, wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips to his angry flesh.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t pity me. I’ve never done well with pity.” His hardness in his voice made her flinch.

“I don’t pity you, Lucien. I’m sorry for all the pain it caused you. I’m sorry your brother did this to you.”

He grabbed her arms and tightened them around his waist. She smiled and laid her head against his uneven skin. She swallowed back the angry tears bubbling up in her eyes. She knew how he felt.

He felt less than worthy.

She felt the same.

“So since we are sharing, there is something you need to know about me.” She cleared her throat.