Shameless (12 page)

She ignored the innuendo and did her best not to stare. His was the most beautiful body she’d ever seen. His chest was broad and looked chiseled from stone, not an ounce of fat on it or his six-pack of abs. Dark blond hair fuzzed his pecs and tapered into a V that disappeared like a path into the waistband of his towel. Her mouth grew parched.

How could she be this attracted to someone she really didn’t like all that much?

She forced her mind to her purpose for being here. She glanced around, seeing no one was close enough to overhear their conversation if she kept her voice low. The sight of other men in various state of undress didn’t phase her. The sight of John Everest half-naked, however, did.

She clenched her hands into fists to still their trembling, then cleared her throat. “Look, Everest. I’ll make this brief. I thought about your, uh, suggestion. And… okay.”
Good Lord, she’d really done it now
.

A corner of John’s mouth twitched and his smile faltered a bit, or was it her imagination? Before he could say something and turn this thing around to suit his purposes, she added, “You’ll need to fill out a questionnaire I’ve prepared — you know, your sexual history, your medical history, and your family’s. Stuff like that. I’ll bring it by tomorrow. And you’ll need to get some blood tests.”

“Whoa there a minute!” He held up a hand.

“I know it’s a lot of work, but I need to be sure you’re healthy.”

“I understand, but I… don’t know that I’ll help you.”

“What? I thought you said—”

“I said if you agreed to doing it my way, I’d agree to
think
about it.”

Sam felt a big thud in the pit of her stomach. Was he just playing word games with her? She thought this would be a slam dunk, that a man of his caliber would have no problem with her proposal, especially since she was willing to —
gulp
— sleep with him. But he was going to turn her down. After all this. “You have to think about it,” she repeated almost dazedly.

“Samantha, you’re asking me to father a child. That’s not something to take lightly or to make a split decision about.”

“But I’ve already told you you’d have no responsibility for the baby—”

“Yes. I know. But I still need to think about it, okay? To tell you the truth, I didn’t expect you to go along with my, uh, suggestion, so I’m not prepared to make a decision about this right now.”

“You’re not going to help me, are you?” she asked in a flat voice.

He glanced away a moment. “I told you, I’ll think about it.” But his equally flat tone told Sam everything. His answer would be no.

Chapter 6

“Shit,” Alex said, scratching his chin.

“Yeah,” John said.

“I guess she hasn’t connected you to that night yet, then.” Alex propped his foot on the wooden bench between the rows of lockers and rested a forearm on his knee. He’d come into the locker room after seeing Sam leave.

“Apparently not.”

“You going to clue her in?”

“She already dislikes me. Why add fuel to the flame?”

“She can’t dislike you too much if she asked you to help her have a kid.”

John shrugged.

“Why is she so desperate for a baby?”

John tied his shoes. “I didn’t ask — she caught me a bit off guard, you know? But if I had to wager a guess, I’d imagine it has something to do with the proverbial biological clock.”

“But why go it alone?”

“Beats me. She obviously has it in for men.”

“One of those, huh? You should hook her up with Margo.”

“Wise-ass.” John shoved his sweaty gym clothes into his bag. He stood and adjusted the long strap over his shoulder. “She told me she doesn’t want to marry again.”

“And neither do you. It’s a match made in heaven.”

John made a face at him. “Sure, except for two things: she’s Sammy Jo
and
she wants a kid. You know how I feel about that, Drake.”

A look passed between the longtime friends. “Yeah, I know how you feel about that,” Alex said quietly. He cleared his throat. “So, how’d you tell her you won’t help her?”

John leaned back against his locker. “I haven’t.”

“What? You’re not actually considering this, are you?” Alex’s expression had disbelief written all over it. “John-Boy, that goes against everything you—”

John held up a hand. “You don’t have to tell me that. If she were anyone else, I would have definitely said ‘no’ on the spot. But… I feel I at least owe her some time to think about it.”

“Do you really have to think about it?”

John let out a loud breath and met his friend’s eyes. “No.”

A few minutes later they headed out of the locker room. “What’s with women these days?” Alex asked. “Aren’t there any old-fashioned ones left who want to get married and have families?”

John patted his broad back. “There’s someone out there for you, Alex. Mark my words.” They stopped at the front desk to check their messages.

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think you just get one shot at it and I blew mine.”

“You’re talking about Lori?” John asked, flipping through the short stack of papers in his slot.

“She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I screwed it up.”

“You were just a kid. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Alex shrugged. “Yeah, I probably would’ve just messed up her life, too.”

John didn’t say anything, but he worried not for the first time his friend was setting himself up to fail with other women based on a teenage relationship. He compared everyone he went out with to this Lori person, a woman he hadn’t seen in nearly eighteen years.

One of these days Alex would be swept off his feet and then he’d forget about that silly high school crush.

“He hasn’t said ‘no’ yet,” Nina remarked.

With the hand not holding the phone, Sam removed the whistling tea kettle from the burner. “You weren’t there, Nina. He’s not going to help me.” She picked up the tea bag from the counter and tore open the package with her teeth, then dropped the bag into the waiting cup.

“Well, maybe he’ll change his mind once he thinks about it.” Nina, forever the optimist.

“I doubt it,” Sam said, pouring boiling water into the mug. “He acted so weird about the whole thing. One minute he was all cocky and a smartass, the next minute he was looking at me like I’d sprouted horns.”

Nina cleared her throat delicately. “You have to admit, it
is
a rather unconventional request.”

“I know, I know. It’s just that I figured he’d—” She didn’t finish the thought.

“You thought he’d be glad to help, since most men will do just about anything for you.” Nina said it without a trace of judgment or censure in her voice.

“Well, men like
him
.”

“Maybe he’s different than you thought.”

“Doubtful.” Then, on the same breath, “Did I tell you he kissed me?” She kept her voice light.

“What? When?”

“On his yacht.”

“That was last week. How come you didn’t tell me?”

Sam shrugged, though her friend couldn’t see the gesture over the wires. “I’m telling you now.” She picked up her tea and headed for the breakfast table.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“You know exactly what. Was it awful?” When Sam didn’t immediately answer, Nina blurted, “Oh, my God. You liked it, didn’t you?”

“It was okay.”
Now there’s an understatement
.

“Liar.” Nina giggled.

Sam felt the need to explain herself. “Well, I had to know if there was any chemistry there. I mean, he said the only way he’d consider helping me is by sleeping with me, so—”

“You are so full of it, Sam Rossi. You kissed him days
before
he’d ever suggested that. I know for a fact you hadn’t considered that route. You specifically told me and Zach you were looking for a donor, as in getting a
specimen
. Remember how you embarrassed Zach when you started to explain about the syringe?”

“Yeah, yeah. I remember.”

“So admit it. You’re full of crap.”

“Shut up, Nina.” Sometimes having a best friend was a real pain in the ass.

Late Wednesday night, John sat in a first-class seat on a flight from Chicago to Seattle, after a whirlwind trip opening two gyms in the Windy City. There’d been photo shoots with fitness celebrities, speeches, parties, and last minute legalities. The week had been tiring but exhilarating. He figured one of these days he’d slow his pace, but for now he saw no end in sight. He loved the travel, the excitement, the women…

Women
. That got the wheels in his mind turning in the direction they’d been going to all weekend — Sam and her proposition.
Her
of all people, to ask
him
of all people. Wow.

The idea just seemed a bit shameful, to put a child into the world and not take responsibility for it — even though Sam didn’t
want
the donor father to have any responsibility after conception. Besides all that, he didn’t want children and didn’t want to help anyone else have children.

Time was a big issue. His career had been going full steam ahead since graduating from UCLA at twenty-three. Resigning from the corporate world six years ago certainly hadn’t slowed him down. If anything, he was even busier. Next week alone, he’d be in three different cities in three different states promoting his gyms. He spent half his life on the road. He didn’t have time for kids. Children deserved at least one parent around on more than a part-time basis. And since he didn’t plan to marry again, or give up his hectic and time-consuming career which he loved…

He was full of dog shit. Those reasons were superficial. They were true, but just the tip of the iceberg. They were excuses he gave to anyone who dared get personal. His jaw clenched until his teeth hurt. Excuses to keep the guilt at bay.

As a kid, he’d envisioned himself as a dad, wanting to give his own kids everything his parents never could — unconditional love and support. But ever since that tragic night twenty years ago, the thought of children in his future had disappeared.

For the second time in a few days, the nightmarish images knocked at his mind’s door. Usually, he was able to keep the door safely closed or ajar. Last week with Sam, he’d slammed it shut by playing along with her game. Now, however, he was vulnerable to the memories. He was tired and alone, and Sam’s proposal lay heavy on his mind. The door swung wide.

The twisted metal that used to be a car. The small, lifeless faces. The blood. The sobbing mother. The hatred in her eyes when she’d looked at him. The dead bodies of his so-called friends strewn across the field. The medics tending to Sammy Jo.

John would live with those images and his father’s warning for the rest of his life. He accepted that. It was how it should be.

He ordered a Bloody Mary with an extra shot of vodka from the passing flight attendant. He needed something to lull him to sleep during this long flight. He hadn’t slept well since Sam’s proposition. Her request had triggered the nightmares to return, nightmares he’d had for months after the accident. Now the nightmares were back. And so was the guilt. It pressed like an iron fist against his chest.