Shameless (44 page)

“Tired. Scared.”

“Is— is everything okay? I mean, with the baby being early?”

“They don’t seem too worried at this point. I’ll go with that unless they tell me different.” She squeezed his fingers. “Thanks for coming. I had no one else to call.” Her gaze shifted to a space behind his head.

He glanced away, too, uncomfortable. He was trying to figure out something to say when her face scrunched into a grimace and she applied a vice-like squeeze on his hand. “Oh, no. Here comes another one.”

“A-a contraction?” John looked from Sam to Cindy and back again.

“Sam, open your eyes and find something to focus on,” Cindy said. “Come on, deep breath in, deep breath out. That’s a girl. Slow breaths. Concentrate on your breathing. That will help manage the pain.”

“It’s! Not! Helping!” Sam mumbled between clenched teeth. Her grip remained so tight on John’s hand, the tips of his fingers tingled.

At a loss for words and actions, he focused on her pain. “You’re doing great.” What else could he say? “Just a little longer.” Or so he assumed. For all he knew, it could take another ten hours. He felt helpless, knowing there was nothing he could do for her. He also felt an irrational guilt that it was him who got her into this condition.

Finally, the contraction was over and Sam relaxed back into the pillows with a loud sigh. She pressed his hand gently this time. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

He forced a grin as he pulled his hand from her grip. “I think I have the better end of this deal.”

When Cindy left them alone, Sam said quietly, “Thanks again for coming.” She lowered her gaze. “I’m sure this is the last place you want to be.” A tear dripped onto her cheek.

He felt about two inches tall. She shouldn’t be concerned about him while going through labor. “I just hope I can be of some help to you since I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.”

“Just your being here makes it better.”

Her comment shrunk him to one inch. Glancing away in shame, he noticed the fetal monitor doing weird things. He cleared his throat. “I think you might have another contraction coming, if the zig zag line is any indication.”

Sam’s teeth clenched in preparation for the pain. He didn’t have the slightest clue about labor, but he figured it wasn’t too different from a hard workout. In essence, that’s what her body was doing — a workout of marathon proportions. He may not have known labor, but he knew exercise. Since Cindy wasn’t here to guide him, he went on gut instinct.

“Try to relax, Sam,” he said, forgetting for the moment his need to stay away from her. “Open your eyes and focus on something.”

“No!” she screamed through gritted teeth.

“Then focus on your breathing. Feel it in the back of your throat as you inhale. Come on. That’s a girl.” He gave her his hand to squeeze. “Okay now let it out slowly. Good.” He glanced at the monitor. After what seemed an eternity, the line leveled off. “Okay, the contraction is ending.”

Her grip on his hand waned and finally loosened all together. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillows to rest.

Tanya looked up from her magazine when something large and dark burst out of the elevators and into the waiting area. Her stomach did a major roller-coaster dive and she nudged her mom in the arm.

“Hmm?” Delores muttered, following Tanya’s gaze. “Oh, my God. It’s him.”

Alex turned at that moment and spotted Tanya. His eyes didn’t even go to Delores. His face was tense, his brows furrowed. “How’s Sam doing? Has she had her baby yet?”

Tanya shook her head and stood. Her legs felt like rubber. Any moment now he would notice her mom, and then… She couldn’t swallow the giant lump in her throat. “We haven’t heard anything since Mr. E went in.”

Alex must have picked up on the “we” as he turned his gaze toward Delores, whose head was down. Her hands were clenched and quivering in her lap. “Is this your mom?” At Tanya’s nod, he said, “Well, it’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Smith. I’ve been wanting to—”

Delores lifted her head. If it were possible for a black man’s face to pale, Alex’s did. He froze, except for his trembling hands. “Lori.”

“Hello, Alex,” Delores said. “It’s been a long time.”

“Seventeen years.” Alex blinked a few times, as if trying to see more clearly. “You’re Tanya’s mom?”

She nodded.

Tanya watched the awkward exchange with growing anxiety. Was he happy to see her mom, or was that just surprise on his face, nothing else? It was only a matter of time before—

Alex spun slowly toward Tanya, his eyes narrowing. “Oh, my God.” He turned back to Delores. “Lori?” The simple question asked it all.

Tanya held her breath as she waited for her mom to answer. Finally, Delores whispered, “Yes.”

Tanya was afraid to look at his face, afraid of what she might see, but she had to. Lifting her gaze, she saw confusion and surprise in his eyes.

He stepped toward her and lifted his hand to her cheek, brushing away a narrow braid. “You’re my daughter?” he asked. His voice, which was usually so strong and forceful, sounded raspy and tentative.

She nodded, still holding her breath. What was probably only a millisecond seemed to go on forever as he stared at her. Finally, he reached for her and wrapped her into a bear-like embrace. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God,” he muttered, rubbing his cheek against the top of her head. “I’m a dad.”

“Okay, push, Sam. Push,” Dr. Westmore commanded. “That’s a girl. Keep going, bear down. Okay, take a deep breath and push again.”

John’s outer movements were normal. He dutifully leveraged Sam’s leg when told to, massaged her back and neck between contractions, and smiled encouragingly when necessary. But inside, he prayed like a crazy man.
Please let this baby be okay. Please, please, please let this baby be all right
.

After two more contractions of pushing, Dr. Westmore said, “There’s the crown. There’s your baby.”

John looked at the mirror and saw a little diamond of matted black hair. “Oh, God. Sam,” he said in amazement, his fear receding to the back of his mind for a moment. “It’s the baby. Open your eyes, do you see it?”

She looked. “That’s it? That’s really it?” She met John’s eyes in the reflection. He wanted to hold her gaze, he really did, but he couldn’t. He didn’t need to have her look at him like that. The love of his life, the woman who loved him, was about to have a baby he’d fathered, yet this was probably the worst day of his life. He squeezed his eyes shut.
Please let it be okay
, he prayed again.

After the next contraction, Dr. Westmore said, “Okay, mama. If you can give me a monster push this next time, we should be able to deliver the head.”

John had a momentary vision of just a head being born, and had he not been so worried he might’ve smirked. He looked in the mirror where everyone’s attention was focused. There was no way a head could fit through there.

Oh. My. God
. He was wrong.

“Oh, John. Look. Look,” Sam said, reaching for his hand.

The doctor and nurses rushed about to suction the throat. The baby’s face was blue-tinged and lifeless. It looked dead. John glanced around, near panicked, but none of the medical staff seemed concerned.

“Okay, Sam. One more big push and you’ll have yourself a baby,” Doctor Westmore said.

Sam gave it everything she had, bearing down as hard as she could. She wanted this baby
out
! Then the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard reached her ears. A baby crying.
Her
baby.

Dr. Westmore held up a squirmy, red infant for her to see. “You folks have yourself a daughter.”

Tears fell down Sam’s face. She had a daughter. A little girl. She’d been expecting a boy all these months for some reason, and had been thrilled with that. But a daughter… it just seemed more perfect. She grabbed John’s hand and peered up at him. “Thank you,” she choked out, hardly able to speak.

His eyes welled and he blinked fast a few times. Clearing his throat, he finally glanced away. She didn’t have time to analyze his reaction because Dr. Westmore laid the baby on her stomach. Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes. And a shock of black hair on the perfect tiny head. “Oh, she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” she whispered, gently caressing the little head. The baby’s face puckered and she gave a meek wail.

“Dad, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?” Dr. Westmore asked John.

He shook his head and took a step backward. Sam’s encouraging smile faltered.

After the doctor cut the cord, a woman in mint green scrubs approached the bed. “Sorry, Mom and Dad,” she drawled, “but I need to take your little darlin’ over yonder and check her out.” She moved the baby to a table across the room. The rest of the high-risk team joined her.

Sam’s gaze didn’t leave her baby. “How is she?” she asked, a ball of fear in her gut.

One of the team working on the baby came over to the bed. She squeezed Sam’s hand reassuringly then addressed both her and John. “I’m Dr. Roblinski. We’re going to take your daughter to the NICU and run a few tests. She’s having a little trouble breathing on her own, but that’s really common for a baby born at thirty-six weeks’ gestation. Her lungs probably have a bit more developing to do.”

Sam reached for John’s hand. “But— but that’s normal? She’ll be okay?”

Dr. Roblinski smiled. “Why don’t you and Dad come down to the NICU just as soon as you’re able.” The high-risk team whisked the baby out of the room.

“Have you guys picked out a name?” Dr. Westmore asked as he finished tending to Sam, obviously trying to distract her.

Sam bit her lip, unable to look at John as she said, “Danielle.”

When he didn’t say anything, she glanced up at him. His face was stoic, but the corner of his mouth trembled ever so slightly. “Sam, that-that’s—” he stammered and cleared his throat. “Daniel is my middle name.”

“I know,” she whispered.

John pushed through the doors of the waiting area. Alex, Tanya and a woman he didn’t recognize jumped to their feet at the sight of him. Alex and Tanya spoke in unison. “So? Has she had the baby?” That from Alex. And from Tanya, “Is it a boy or a girl?”

John held up his hand and forced a grin. “Yes,” he said to Alex and “Girl,” he told Tanya. “Sam’s doing fine, and the baby — Danielle — is in the intensive care unit for newborns.”

Alex took a step forward. “Intensive care? What’s—?”

“She’s having a hard time breathing on her own. Apparently this is normal for babies born early.”

“It is,” said the woman standing behind Alex.

John turned to her, wondering who she was and what her interest was in the baby. “Have we met?”

She stepped between Alex and Tanya and put out her hand. “I’m Delores Smith. Tanya’s mom.” She smiled shyly. “Tanya was an early baby. She spent several weeks in the hospital, but that was sixteen-odd years ago. Had she been born today, she probably would’ve gone home much earlier.”

John shook her hand. He turned as Alex clapped him on the shoulder. “John-boy, I’d like to introduce you to my daughter.” He put his arms around Tanya and gave her a big hug.

John looked back and forth between the two, and narrowed his eyes. “Daughter? What are you talking about?”