Shameless (6 page)

Sam punched Zach in the arm. “Shut up. It’s not like that at all.”

“Uh, huh.”

“Seriously. It’s just a bunch of women in like situations offering encouragement and information.”

“Uh, huh.”

She punched him again. “Anyway, it’s possible to find a donor through Craigslist or a personal ad. Two women in the group did it that way.”

“It all sounds pretty impersonal,” Nina said, taking Emily from her husband and handing him a dishtowel to wipe baby drool from his shoulder.

“It is, but less so than going through a sperm bank. All the catalog tells you is vital statistics. There’s no picture or anything. At least with an ad I could meet the guy face to face, make sure he’s not a psycho or anything.”

She knew her friends thought she was nuts for considering this. When she’d first broached the subject with them last year, Nina tried to talk her out of it, saying how hard it would be to raise a child alone. She’d also given her the lecture on how a child should have two parents, and in a perfect world Sam would agree. But this
wasn’t
a perfect world and Mr. Right was nowhere in sight. She was thirty-eight years old. Approaching  forty without a husband was okay. She didn’t particularly want a man in her life right now, if ever. But she did have an incredible yearning for a baby. Turning forty without a child would be emotionally devastating.

Nina adjusted Emily on her hip and pulled the baby’s hands away from her pearl necklace. “The women in your group who didn’t take out an ad or use the Internet, how did they find someone?”

“A few asked close friends, but I don’t want to bump into the guy on a regular basis since he won’t have anything to do with raising the child. That would just complicate matters. Sorry, Zach. I know you were hoping I’d ask you.”

He pressed a fist to his heart. “I’ll survive,” he sighed. “Seriously, Sam. What are your chances of finding someone? Because I certainly wouldn’t want to have a child out there who wasn’t my responsibility.” He scrubbed the spot on his shirt and tossed the wadded towel onto the counter.

“A lot of guys don’t think in those terms. They see sperm as a bodily fluid that would otherwise go to waste. I mean, look at all the men who donate to sperm banks.”

“But—” Nina’s brows furrowed. “What’s in it for them?”

“Yeah,” Zach said. “There’s not much reward in jacking off into a cup. It’s not like the guy is getting laid as part of the deal.”

“Honey, the kids.” Nina shot him a dirty look.

Sam sighed. “Some of the donors feel privileged to be asked for their genes. It’s an ego boost, if you really look at it.” Her friends still looked unconvinced. “Besides, I’d pay the guy.”

“You’d
pay
him?” Nina narrowed her eyes.

Sam nodded. “The payment is what makes it legal. If you’re paid, even if it’s only a dollar, then you’re a donor. Otherwise you’re a father. And I’m looking for a donor,
not
a father.”

Zach whistled. “Boy, there’s a lot to think about, isn’t there?”

“That’s why I’m so glad to have found my support group. I’d be lost without them.”

Zach rolled his eyes and Sam slapped his arm.

“So you need to find a donor,” Nina said, crinkling her brows and staring off into space. She untangled her necklace from Emily’s fingers again. “Make a list of every man you know. Then do a pros and cons thing with each.” She handed Emily back to Zach. “In fact,” she said, grabbing a pen and paper from a drawer, “let’s write down a few right now.”

“That’s a good idea. About the list, I mean,” Sam said. “It would give me a place to start. But you guys need to get going. You can help me brainstorm later.”

“What about what’s-his-name? The guy you just told me about?” Nina asked, not easily deterred.

Sam made a face. “John Everest? You’ve got to be kidding. I’d rather be barren.”

“Who’s John Everest?” Zach asked.

“Nobody,” Sam said.

“She’s going out on a date with him.” Nina grinned.

“It’s not a date. It’s an obligation.”

“If you don’t want to go out with the guy, call him and cancel,” he said. “You’d be doing him a favor. Trust me. There’s nothing worse than spending time and money on a woman who would rather be someplace else.”

Sam shook her head. “I’m stuck with it, I’m afraid.”

“Maybe you’ll have a good time. Nina hated me on sight. Remember, honey?” He grinned at his wife.

Nina nodded. “I reminded her.”

Sam stuck her tongue out at them. Zachary Jr. did the same.

“Okay, so Mr. Everest is out,” Nina said, but Sam noticed his name remained on the list. “What about what’s-his-face, the crime reporter? You know, the one who wrote that true crime book? He’s nice-looking.”

Sam frowned. “Jamie Breslin?” She shook her head. “He’s asked me out a couple of times. I think he’d get the wrong idea if I asked him to father my child. Besides, he kinda gives me the creeps.”

Nina pursed her lips. “What about the guy who writes the gardening column?”

Sam shook her head again. “He’s super religious. I hardly think he’d be willing to sign away his parental rights.” She crinkled her nose. “Besides, I see him every day at work. That would be awkward.”

“Then what about that guy who lives upstairs from you?” Nina asked, opening the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle for Emily. “He’s cute and has a great body.” Seeing the scowl on her husband’s face, she stammered with a giggle, “I mean, I remember you
telling
me he had a great body.” She blushed and popped the bottle in the microwave.

Sam gave a wistful sigh. “Yeah, his body is yummy, isn’t it? But I think half the female population of Seattle has seen it.”

“Male slut?”

“Something like that.”

Zach shook his head. “Women,” he muttered under his breath.

“Let’s say you did find someone suitable,” Nina said. “How in the world would you go about asking him for his, um… how would you ask?”

Sam shrugged. “I’d just ask.”

Nina’s delicate brows lifted, as if she didn’t think it would be that simple. “You know, Sam, it would be so much easier, and so much more romantic, to fall in love and—”

“I’ve tried that route, remember?” She glanced at the clock. “Hey, you two’d better scoot or you’ll be late.”

Zach put Emily in her playpen, where she immediately wailed. Little Zachary then put in his two cents’ worth.

Nina grimaced. “I hate to leave you with the kids like this,” she said over the ruckus. “I’m sure they’ll be okay as soon as we’re out the door, but—”

“We’ll be fine.” Sam bent over the playpen and scooped Emily into her arms.

Nina accepted Zach’s help in putting on her coat, then touched Sam on the arm. “Why don’t you come over tomorrow for lunch? We can work on your list.”

“Thanks. Maybe I’ll do that.”

An hour later, Sam rocked both sleeping kids in the La-Z-Boy. The only light in the room came from the Sesame Street DVD. When she realized she’d watched almost the entire show alone, she smiled. Then, almost immediately, tears stung her eyes. She peered at the angelic faces of the children in her arms. God, she wanted kids of her own. She wanted a baby so badly it hurt.

Nina was right. It would be easier and much more natural to find a man, fall in love and go about getting pregnant the old-fashioned way. But at thirty-eight years old, her time was running out. She didn’t have time to wait around for Mr. Right — who most likely existed only in the romance novels adorning her bookshelves. It was this way or no way.

Tuesday afternoon, rain pounded the roof of the SCHS weight room in tinny staccato as the adults led the teenagers through a series of cool-down stretches.

“Hey, kids,” Alex said from his place on the mats, meeting John’s eyes in the mirror. “Did you know you’re working out with two of Seattle’s Hottest Bachelors?” A few of the kids snickered.

John shot his friend a dirty look. But before he could say anything, LaMarcus asked, “What’s he talkin’ about, Mr. E?”

“It was a charity function we attended.”

Alex chuckled. “Don’t be so modest.” He directed everyone to the floor to stretch their hamstrings. “Mr. Everest and Yours Truly were two of the bachelors at the Northwest Women’s Extravaganza.” He said it with an uppity flourish to his voice, then gave the kids a quick run-down of the show, adding, “The only reason
I
did it was because John-boy here’s dream was to be a Hot Bachelor, kind of like how some girls dream of being Miss America. But he’s kind of shy, see, so I graciously volunteered to do the show with him, keep him company.”

John rolled his eyes at the bullshit.

“Jeez, Mr. E. That’s pretty lame,” Tanya said. John and Alex turned to her in surprise. She usually kept her opinions to herself. The pretty seventeen-year-old looked over at him with light blue eyes against her dark skin.

“Yeah, talk about sexist,” chimed in Robyn, the one other girl there today.

Tanya nodded, stretching forward and giving everyone a view of her impressive cleavage. John made a mental note to talk to her about wearing a bit less revealing clothing.

“Tell that to all the women at the show, the ones who paid good money for a ticket,” Alex said.

“How much?” asked LaMarcus.

“A hundred big ones.” Alex blew on his curled knuckles, then rubbed them against his chest in an cocky gesture.

Kevin’s jaw dropped as they switched legs. “A hundred bucks? No shit?” At John’s warning cough, he amended, “I mean, no kiddn’? Chicks paid that kind of cash for a chance to go out with you guys? Way to go, Mr. E and Mr. D.” He and LaMarcus high-fived. Even Brian smirked.

“So, did you get a couple of hot babes or did you end up with dogs?” Kevin wanted to know.

“God, you guys are pigs, you know that?” Tanya sneered. She quickly glanced at Alex. “Not you. I mean, you were just helping Mr. E, and—” She dropped her gaze. This was unusual for her, to become involved in any conversation. Maybe she was starting to come around. “So, Mr. Drake. Did you like your, um, date?”

The men exchanged looks. This had the signs of a major teenage crush. Alex cleared his throat. “Ah, she was a nice lady, but… well, we didn’t really click.”

Tanya dropped her head and John saw the corners of her red-painted mouth turn up in a smile.

“What about you, Mr. E? What’s your lady like?” LaMarcus persisted. “Is she a babe, or what?”

Alex piped in before John could even open his mouth. “I’ll answer for him. She is one hot mama. Mm, mm.”

The boys whooped and LaMarcus and Kevin high-fived again. Damian thrust his hips and pumped his arms. John shook his head. Teenage boys had just one thing on their mind every waking moment.

Alex led them through the rest of the stretches, periodically chuckling at John’s expense. After the kids left, the adults put the place back in order.

John punched his friend in the arm. “Thanks, buddy.”

Alex laughed. “What are friends for? Somebody’s gotta keep you in line.”

“Well, you’ll be in line at the unemployment office if you pull that shit again. Don’t forget I can still fire your ass.”

Alex blew a raspberry. “You’d never fire me. You’d miss me too much.” They pulled the collars off the weight bars and stacked the iron plates against the wall. “So when’s the hot date?”

“Next weekend.”

“Why the wait?”

“Conflicting schedules.”

“Ah. Good things come to those who wait.”

Sammy Jo a.k.a. Samantha Rossi’s image washed over John and his breathing shallowed. “Actually… I think I’m going to cancel.” He grabbed a towel and wiped the benches.

“Really? Why?”

John shrugged. “Like you said. She’s Sammy Jo and I don’t need to mess with that.”

“This isn’t like you to change your mind, John-boy. Once you get something in your head, it’s there until hell freezes over.”

“Not this time.” As much as he would like to get to know Samantha better, it wasn’t smart. She was a tiny but vital link to his past, a past he didn’t like to think about. Having her in his life in
any
context would only serve to open doors better left closed. He’d seen her, seen she was alive and well. Done.

Rain splattered against the window behind Sam’s desk as she stared at her computer screen, her fingers idle on the keyboard. The muted tap, tap, tapping of other keyboards throughout the newsroom of the
Seattle Statesman
fuzzed the air with white noise. She pulled the yellow pencil from behind her right ear and nibbled on it, hoping to get her mind on work.