Sharing Our Stories of Survival: Native Women Surviving Violence (33 page)

Partner abuse/domestic violence/abuse occurs in same-sex couples in much the same way as it does male-female couples. However, in LGBTTQQ relationships, the abusive partner will often threaten to “out” their partner if they aren’t already out to friends, family, and co-workers. If you come from a small community, it is hard to find support, especially if you share mutual friends. If the nonabusive partner has children, there is fear that Children’s Protective Services will take them away because of not only of being LGBTTQQ, but also because of the violence.

Although the majority of LGBTTQQ relationships are healthy, safe, and nurturing, it is important for the LGBTTQQ communities to accept the reality that abuse does occur in same-sex relationships as it does in heterosexual relationships. We need to overcome our denial in order to help people in need.

What can be done to provide outreach and advocacy? The following suggestions may be helpful:

• Each community, city, reservation, pueblo, village, and county needs to provide community outreach, advocacy, and awareness, through newspapers, media, and trainings on intimate partner violence in same-sex relationships.
  
• Provide training on the various types of oppression—racism, homo/bi/trans-phobia, anti-Semitism, ageism, misogyny, and intimate partner violence—and how they are connected and affect us all. We cannot end oppression without making the connection between violence and attitudes about different groups of people.
  
• Provide oppression training in battered women’s shelters and safe homes. In addition, provide outreach to the queer communities, letting them know which shelter programs and safe homes are LGBTTQQ inclusive and sensitive.
  
• Establish support groups for LGBTTQQ communities. It is also important to provide counseling and outreach to our queer Native youth. Today there are thousands of our Native youth living on the streets who are rejected from family because of their queer status or because of violence in the home. We are taught that Native youth are our future, yet many of these youth are treated as “throw-away” kids.
  
• It is not uncommon for children to witness violence. We need to provide advocacy and counseling for them in order to hopefully stop the vicious cycle. State agencies, tribes, and tribal courts need to understand how violence affects the kids.
  
• In various Native cultures, family/extended family/clan members/elders/ youth are an important part of us and our survival as First Nations/ Native Americans/Alaska Natives. It is imperative for us not to exclude our LGBTTQQ folks. We as Native people understand how it is to be oppressed through racism, classism, and ageism. Why should we turn around and oppress a tribal member because of their sexual orientation/lifestyle?
  
• Tribal courts need extensive training on violence in same-sex relationships and how to hold the batterer accountable. In addition, rural and urban legal systems need extensive training programs.
  
• Crisis intervention and advocacy for the victim of abuse/violence is needed. This may include taking the victim to another reservation, pueblo, village, or to an urban location to provide safety.
  
• Often in abusive relationships, the abuser has control of finances. It is important to provide emergency funds for the nonabusive partner to relocate and/or start over.
  
• Included in outreach and advocacy, it is necessary to provide assessments for those who may be at risk, to find out who is the primary aggressor and for whom to provide safety.
  
• Hate crimes, which include gay bashing, threats of violence or actual violence, and murder of LGBTTQQs, continue to rise at an alarming rate. It is so important for us to provide community education and awareness about these acts of terror/hate and how they affect us all as Native people.
  

Often we may be asked why we need to be inclusive of the LGBTTQQ community. The most obvious reason is because those of us in the LGBTTQQ community are someone’s mother, father, daughter, son, and friend. It is hard enough to survive in a world that is hateful and racist. We need our allies, our tribal nations. We should not stand alone.

My healing journey has been a struggle and often painful; however, I am seventeen years clean and sober. I have regained my sense of pride as a Tlingit and two-spirited woman. I’ve regained the inherent belief that women are sacred to our First Nations/Native American/Alaska Native people. My journey includes working for social change through training and activism on the different types of oppression, sharing my experiences, and ensuring that the voices of LGBTTQQ aren’t silenced.

As mentioned in the beginning of this article, writing this is terrifying for me because I am outing myself. I know I will be faced with rejection and hostility, but I am hoping I will also gain allies and friendships will become stronger. It is important for me to be true to myself. And even though this is terrifying for me to share about being two-spirited, I feel an overwhelming sense of freedom.

Questions

1. What issues do two-spirited women have to deal with surrounding a violent relationship that may not be issues for heterosexual women?
   
2. How is intimate partner violence in same-sex partnerships similar to heterosexual relationships? Are the feelings that the victim experiences the same?
   
3. Do you agree with Karlene’s suggestions regarding outreach and advocacy for the LGBTTQQ community? Which one do you think is the most important to address or the most needed?
   
4. Why is it important to include children and youth in LGBTTQQ training, education, and outreach?
   

In Your Community

1. How would you implement one of Karlene’s strategies in your community? How do you think your community would respond to it?
   
2. How are two-spirited women treated within your community? Do oral stories or written documents reveal how they were treated historically? Did they hold any special status within your community?
   

Suggested Further Reading

Balsam, Kimberly F., et al. “Culture, Trauma, and Wellness: A Comparison of Heterosexual and Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Two-Spirit Native Americans.”
Cultural Diversity & Ethnic Minority Psychology
10 (2004): 287.

Brown, Lester B., ed.
Two Spirit People: American Indian Lesbian Women and Gay Men.
New York: Haworth Press, 1997.

Jacobs, Sue-Ellen, et al., eds.
Two-Spirit People: Native American Gender Identity, Sexuality and Spirituality.
Urbana: University of Illinois Press, 1997.

Wolf

Naked, lying in the snow waiting to die
Not a book beginning
A moment exhaustion lets her believe
This is enough
Here is where she will die

As she waits and fades
Mind wandering
Body cold, stiff
Exhaling her dreams
Seeing them float away with her breath

She hears a voice
“Come on sister, get up”
“Now is not the time, get up”
Eyes shifting, pupils narrowing
Searching for unseen voices

There stands a wolf
looking at her, yellow eyes peering
“Come on sister, get up”
“Let’s walk”
“Come on, I’ll walk with you”

Cold joints protest movement
white snow cuts dry brown skin
slowly rising against a winter sky
not believing what she is seeing/hearing
but she knows
mitakuye oyasin

Her relative has come for her
To take her to the other side
“Come on sister, come with me”
She follows, she’s going to go home
Ready for the journey that hasn’t come

“Come on sister, walk with me”
Three steps behind she stumbles
Walking is not helping
The cold added to the pain
Already embedded between her legs

She wanted sleep
Allow darkness to surround her
Let herself drown in the sea of stars above
To erase everything she remembers
About how she got here

How she came to be naked in the snow
Her cousin tricked her
Stuck in a truck moving too fast to jump
Taken to a remote area too far too scream
Abused and raped amid fresh snow

That is when she ran
He got up for just a second
It was all she needed
Bare feet running through crunching snow

That is how this wolf found her
A tired escapee
She falters again
“Come on sister, come with me”
Wolf knows she is not done

“Come on sister, run with me”
“I’ll stay with you, run with me”
Legs moving faster
Lungs expand and oxygen breathes new life
And she wants to live

Then it was enough,
Too tired to continue
She laid down again
“Sister, I’ll stay with you”
Wolf stayed until the lights hit their bodies

Last seen standing near her
“I am with you” as wolf backs away
A forest ranger has found her on a road they never use
Running towards her with a blanket
Thankful,
mitakuye oyasin,
for his decision to check this road, this night

Coya Hope White Hat-Artichoker (Lakota)

III

ADVOCACY

How Madwomen Survive

I come from a long line of madwomen and of this, I am proud.

Strong women
with determined resiliency,
open minds, and hands that knew no idleness.

A great grandmother who became accustomed
to the whiskey-colored breath of strangers
in order that her children be fed.

A grandmother who captured and killed
the white chickens of neighbors
for the same reason.

And a mother who tried and failed
and tried and failed
and tried and failed

and tried and failed to understand the reasoning
behind the lies of men
who said they were her lovers.

I come from a long line of madwomen and of this, I am proud.

There is a difference in madness and craziness:
Craziness causes one to twirl and twirl until a great breath sucks
her spirit home leaving her mind and body to laugh on their own.

Madness allows the mind and body to function
while the spirit dances
to the heartbeat of the stars.

I come from a long line of madwomen and of this, I am proud.

Women who folded their shame
into the gathers of their pride
wrapped them both around their ankles

and continued to dance, letting everyone know
they were not afraid to dance backward
if it meant survival.

I come from a long line of madwomen and of this, I am proud.

MariJo Moore (Cherokee)

Chapter 11

Introduction to Advocacy for Native Women Who Have Been Raped

BONNIE CLAIRMONT AND SARAH DEER

T
here is no single word for rape in any Native language. Many historians, elders, and researchers believe that rape was either nonexistent or very rare prior to colonization. For this reason, there has been no traditional response to rape within Native communities. Regardless, many Native traditions include values such as helping others through crisis situations and hard times in a good,
holistic
way. It is important to incorporate these traditional beliefs and inborn intuitions into the response to contemporary sexual violence. However, working as a sexual assault advocate is not something one is merely born into—it takes study, practice, and prayer to become an effective advocate. This article is not a substitute for training (in some locations, persons working as sexual assault advocates must participate in at least forty hours of training), but provides an overview of some of the basic skills that are helpful in responding to Native women who have been raped.