Shatter Me Complete Collection (90 page)

The room is quiet for a long time. I’ve dropped my eyes, too afraid to see the looks on their faces.

Alia is the first to speak.

“I’ll fight with you,” she says, her soft voice ringing strong and confident in the silence. I look up to meet her eyes and she smiles, her cheeks flushed with color and determination.

But before I even have a chance to respond, Winston jumps in.

“Me too,” he says. “As soon as my head stops hurting, but yeah, me too. I’ve got nothing left to lose,” he says with a shrug. “And I’ll kick some ass just to get the girls back, even if we can’t save the rest of the world.”

“Same,” Brendan says, nodding at me. “I’m in, too.”

Ian is shaking his head. “How the hell can we trust this guy?” he asks. “How do we know he’s not full of shit?”

“Yeah,” Lily pipes up. “This doesn’t feel right.” She focuses her eyes on Warner. “Why would you want to help any of us?” she asks him. “Since when have you ever been trustworthy?”

Warner runs a hand through his hair. Smiles unkindly. Glances at me.

He’s not amused.

“I am
not
trustworthy,” Warner finally says, looking up to meet Lily’s eyes. “And I have no interest in helping you,” he says. “In fact, I think I was very clear just a moment ago when I said that I was here for Juliette. I did not sign up to help her friends, and I will make zero guarantees for your survival or your safety. So if you’re seeking reassurance,” he says, “I can, and will, offer you none.”

Ian is actually smiling.

Lily looks a little mollified.

Kenji is shaking his head.

“All right.” Ian nods. “That’s cool.” He rubs his forehead. “So what’s the game plan?”

“Have you all lost your
minds
?” Adam explodes. “Are you forgetting who you’re talking to? He just busts down our door and demands to take Juliette away and you want to stand by his side and fight with him? The same guy who’s responsible for destroying Omega Point?” he says. “Everyone is dead because of him!”

“I am not responsible for that,” Warner says sharply, his expression darkening. “That was not my call, nor did I have any idea it was happening. By the time I broke out of Omega Point and found my way back to base, my father’s plans were already under way. I was not a part of the battle, nor was I a part of the assault on Omega Point.”

“It’s true,” Lily says. “The supreme is the one who ordered the air strike against Omega Point.”

“Yeah, and as much as I hate this guy by default,” Winston adds, jerking a thumb at Warner, “I hate his father a whole hell of a lot more. He’s the one who kidnapped us. It
was his men who held us captive; not the soldiers of Sector 45. So yeah,” Winston says, stretching back on the couch, “I’d love to watch the supreme die a slow, miserable death.”

“I have to admit,” Brendan says, “I’m not often keen on revenge, but it does sound very sweet right now.”

“I want to watch that bastard bleed,” Ian says.

“How nice that we all have something in common,” Warner mutters, irritated. He sighs. Looks at me. “Juliette, a word, please?”

“This is bullshit!” Adam shouts. He looks around. “How can you all so easily forget yourselves? How can you forget what he’s done—what he did to me—what he did to Kenji?” Adam pivots to face me then. “How can you even look at him,” he says to me, “knowing how he treated us? He nearly murdered me—leaving me to bleed out slowly so he could take his time torturing me to death—”

“Kent, man, please—you need to calm down, okay?” Kenji steps forward. “I understand that you’re pissed—I’m not happy about this either—but things get crazy in the aftermath of war. Alliances form in unlikely ways.” He shrugs. “If this is the only way to take Anderson out, maybe we should consider—”

“I can’t believe this.” Adam cuts him off, looking around. “I can’t believe this is happening. You’ve all lost your minds. You’re all
insane
,” he says, gripping the back of his head. “This guy is a psycho—he’s a
murderer
—”

“Adam,” I try to say. “Please—”

“What’s happened to you?” He turns on me. “I don’t
even know who you are anymore. I thought you were dead—I thought
he’d
killed you,” he says, pointing at Warner. “And now you’re standing here, teaming up with the guy who tried to ruin your life? Talking about fighting back because you have nothing left to live for? What about
me
?” he demands. “What about our relationship? When did that stop being enough for you?”

“This isn’t about us,” I try to tell him. “Please, Adam—let me explain—”

“I have to get out of here,” he says abruptly, moving toward the door. “I can’t be here right now—I can’t process all of this in one day. It’s too much,” he says. “It’s too much for me—”

“Adam—” I catch his arm in one last attempt, one last effort to try and talk to him, but he breaks away.

“All of this,” he says, meeting my eyes, his voice quieting to a raw, aching whisper, “was for you. I left everything I knew because I thought we were in this together. I thought it was going to be me and you.” His eyes are so dark, so deep, so hurt. Looking at him makes me want to curl up and die. “What are you doing?” he says, desperate now. “What are you
thinking
?”

And I realize he actually wants an answer.

Because he waits.

He stands there, and he waits. Waits to hear my response while everyone watches us, likely entertained by the spectacle we’ve made. I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. Here. Right now. In front of everyone.

In front of
Warner
.

I try to meet Adam’s eyes, but find I can’t hold his gaze for very long.

“I don’t want to live in fear anymore,” I say, hoping I sound stronger than I feel. “I have to fight back,” I tell him. “I thought we wanted the same things.”

“No—I wanted
you
,” he says, struggling to keep his voice steady. “That’s all I wanted. From the very beginning, Juliette. You were it. You were all I wanted.”

And I can’t speak.

I can’t speak

I can’t cough up the words because I can’t break his heart like this but he’s waiting, he’s waiting and he’s looking at me and “I need more,” I choke out. “I wanted you, too, Adam, but I need more than that. I need to be free. Please, try to understand—”

“STOP!” Adam explodes. “Stop trying to get me to understand a bunch of
bullshit
! I can’t deal with you anymore.” And then he grabs the jacket sitting on the sofa, hauls the door open, and slams it shut behind him.

There’s a moment of absolute silence.

I try to run after him.

Kenji catches me around the waist, yanks me backward. Gives me a hard, knowing look. “I’ll take care of Kent. You stay here and clean up the mess you made,” he says, cocking his head at Warner.

I swallow, hard. Don’t say a word.

It’s only after Kenji has disappeared that I turn around
to face the remaining members of our audience, and I’m still searching for the right thing to say when I hear the one voice I least expected.

“Ah, Ms. Ferrars,” Castle says. “It’s so good to have you back. Things are always so much more entertaining when you’re around.”

Ian bursts into tears.

Everyone crowds around Castle at once; James practically tackles him. Ian shoves everyone else out of the way in his attempt to get closer. Castle is smiling, laughing a little. He finally looks more like the man I remember.

“I’m all right,” he’s saying. He sounds exhausted, as if the words are costing him a great deal to get out. “Thank you so much for your concern. But I’ll be all right. I just need a little more time, that’s all.”

I meet his eyes. I’m afraid to approach him.

“Please,” Castle says to Alia and Winston—the two standing closest on either side of him—“help me up. I’d like to greet our newest visitor.”

He’s not talking about me.

Castle gets to his feet with some difficulty, even with everyone scrambling to help him. The entire room suddenly feels different: lighter; happier, somehow. I hadn’t realized how much of everyone’s grief was tied up in Castle’s well-being.

“Mr. Warner,” Castle says, locking eyes with him from across the room. “How very nice of you to join us.”

“I’m not joining anyth—”

“I always knew you would,” Castle says. He smiles a little. “And I am pleased.”

Warner seems to be trying not to roll his eyes.

“You may let the guns down now,” Castle says to him. “I promise I will watch them closely in your absence.”

We all glance up at the ceiling. I hear Warner sigh. All at once, the guns float to the floor, settling gently onto the carpet.

“Very good,” Castle says. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m in desperate need of a long shower. I hope you won’t mistake my early exit for rudeness,” he adds. “It’s only that I feel quite certain we’ll be seeing a lot of each other in these next weeks.”

Warner’s jaw tenses by way of response.

Castle smiles.

Winston and Brendan help Castle to the bathroom, while Ian shouts eagerly about grabbing him a change of clothes. Me, Warner, James, Alia, and Lily are the only ones left in the room.

“Juliette?” Warner says.

I glance in his direction.

“A moment of your time, please? In private?”

I hesitate.

“You can use my room,” James interjects. “I don’t mind.”

I look at him, shocked he’d offer up his personal space so freely to the likes of me and Warner; especially after having seen his brother’s outburst just now.

“Adam will be okay,” James says to me, as if reading my mind. “He’s just really stressed out. He’s worried about a lot of things. He thinks we’re going to run out of food and stuff.”

“James—”

“It’s really okay,” James says. “I’ll hang out with Alia and Lily.”

I glance at the two girls, but their faces reveal nothing. Alia offers me only the slightest of sympathetic smiles. Lily is staring at Warner, sizing him up.

I finally sigh, relenting.

I follow Warner into the small storage closet, closing the door behind me.

He doesn’t waste any time.

“Why are you inviting your friends to join us? I told you I didn’t want to work with them.”

“How did you find me?” I counter. “I never pressed the button on that pager you gave me.”

Warner studies my eyes, his sharp green gaze locked on to mine as if trying to read me for clues. But the intensity of his gaze is always too much for me; I break the connection too soon, feeling untethered, somehow.

“It was simple deductive reasoning,” he finally says. “Kent was the only member of your group with a life outside of Omega Point; his old home was the only place they’d have been able to retreat to without causing a disturbance. And, as such,” Warner says, “it was the first place I checked.” A slight shake of his head. “Contrary to what you might believe, love, I am not an idiot.”

“I never thought you were an idiot,” I say, surprised. “I thought you were crazy,” I tell him, “but not an idiot.” I hesitate. “I actually think you’re brilliant,” I confess. “I wish
I could think like you.” I look away and look back at him too quickly, feeling a lot like I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

Warner’s face clears. His eyes crinkle in amusement as he smiles. “I don’t want your friends on my team,” he says. “I don’t like them.”

“I don’t care.”

“They will only slow us down.”

“They will give us an advantage,” I insist. “I know you don’t think they did things the right way at Omega Point, but they did know how to survive. They all have important strengths.”

“They’re completely broken.”

“They’re grieving,” I tell him, annoyed. “Don’t underestimate them. Castle is a natural leader,” I say. “Kenji is a genius and an excellent fighter. He acts like an idiot sometimes, but you know better than anyone else that it’s just a show. He’s smarter than all of us. Plus, Winston and Alia can design anything we need as long as they have the materials; Lily has an incredible photographic memory; Brendan can handle electricity and Winston can stretch his limbs into just about anything. And Ian . . .” I falter. “Well, Ian is . . . good for something, I’m sure.”

Warner laughs a little, his smile softening until it disappears altogether. His features settle into an uncertain expression. “And Kent?” Warner finally asks.

I feel my face pale. “What about him?”

“What is he good for?”

I hesitate before answering. “Adam is a great soldier.”

“Is that all?”

My heart is pounding so hard. Too hard.

Warner looks away, carefully neutralizes his expression, his tone. “You care for him.”

It’s not a question.

“Yes,” I manage to say. “Of course I do.”

“And what does that entail, exactly?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I lie.

Warner is staring at the wall, holding himself very still, his eyes revealing nothing of what he’s really thinking, what he’s feeling. “Do you love him?”

I’m stunned.

I can’t even imagine what it must cost him to ask this question so directly. I almost admire him for being brave enough to do it.

But for the first time, I’m not really sure what to say. If this were one week ago, two weeks ago, I would’ve answered without hesitation. I would’ve known, definitively, that I loved Adam, and I wouldn’t have been afraid to say so. But now I can’t help but wonder if I even know what love is; if what I felt for Adam was love or just a mix of deep affection and physical attraction. Because if I loved him—if I really, truly loved him—would I hesitate now? Would I so easily be able to detach myself from his life? His pain?

I’ve worried so much about Adam these past weeks—the effects of his training, the news of his father—but I don’t know if it’s been out of love, or if it’s been out of guilt. He
left everything for me; because he wanted to be with me. But as much as it pains me to admit it, I know I didn’t run away to be with him. Adam wasn’t my main reason; he wasn’t the driving force.

I ran away for me. Because I wanted to be free.

“Juliette?”

Warner’s soft whisper brings me back to the present, hauls me up and into myself, jarring my consciousness back to reality. I’m afraid to dwell on the truths I’ve just uncovered.

I meet Warner’s eyes. “Yes?”

“Do you love him?” he asks again, more quietly this time.

And I suddenly have to force myself to say three words I never, ever thought I’d say. “I don’t know.”

Warner closes his eyes.

He exhales, the tension clear in his shoulders and in the line of his jaw and when he finally looks at me again there are stories in his eyes, thoughts and feelings and whispers of things I’ve never even seen before. Truths he might never bring himself to say; impossible things and unbelievable things and an abundance of feeling I’ve never thought him capable of. His whole body seems to relax in relief.

I don’t know this boy standing before me. He’s a perfect stranger, an entirely different being; the type of person I might never have known if my parents hadn’t tossed me away.

“Juliette,” he whispers.

I’m only now realizing just how close he is. I could press my face against his neck if I wanted to. Could place my hands on his chest if I wanted to.

If I wanted to.

“I’d really love for you to come back with me,” he says.

“I can’t,” I say to him, heart racing suddenly. “I have to stay here.”

“But it’s not practical,” he says. “We need to plan. We need to talk strategy—it could take days—”

“I already have a plan.”

His eyebrows fly up and I tilt my head, fixing him with a hard look before I reach for the door.