She flies with her own wings (24 page)

As he pulls out, he puts his arms around me and kisses me all over my body.

“Fuck, babe, you are so amazing.”

He sits back on a stool and pulls me onto his lap. I sit there, naked, my skirt bunched up around my waist and look into the faces of my men and am so unbelievably happy. Fresh tears well in my eyes.

“Babe, don’t cry.” Matt wipes my tears away.

“I’m…just…so happy,” I sob.

He grins. “Is that the kind of effect we have on you?”

I nod. “I’ve never been this happy.”

I snuggle against Matt, his arms around me and my head pressed into the crook of his neck.  He tells us about his business trip, the people he met. I listen to him. I don’t interrupt him. I am just glad that I have them all, that I am surrounded by love, that I am theirs and they are mine.

Matt is carrying me to bed when I wake up. I put my arms around his neck and kiss him there and wherever else I can reach.

“Hey, babe.” He smiles at me.

As he lays me on the bed, I pull him to me and on top of me. A week is definitely too long to be separated from him. His kisses are prolonged and demanding. He pushes his tongue deep into me, tastes me, discovers me again. His hands knead my breasts, firmly and possessively. His hard cock presses against my wet pussy.

“I’ve missed you, babe,” he murmurs into my neck.

He stops kissing me, turns onto his back and pulls me on top of him, so that my head rests against his chest. I’m surprised, annoyed even, that he doesn’t want me.

“Why are you stopping?” I ask, my voice a bit squeaky.

He presses a kiss on the top of my head. One arm is draped over my shoulder, his other one is behind his head. 

He laughs quietly. “I haven't just missed your body. I've missed you, too. I want to talk to you, laugh with you, find out what you've been up to. At some point, I'm going to fuck you good, but you're not just a fuck to me.”

I stroke his chest. He is fully-dressed while I am naked, my skirt still up around my waist. I unzip the skirt, pull it down, which is a little difficult, but I manage.

“What would you like to talk about?” I ask.

“You.”

I shake my head slightly. “There's not much to tell.”

“Why don't you talk to your parents?”

“How do you know I don't talk to them?” I ask him suspiciously.

“I didn't know for sure, but you just confirmed it.”

“Hmmm,” I say, non-commitedly.

“So?”

“They disappointed me.” I sigh. “They weren't there for me when I needed them. So I got out of there as soon as I could and haven't spoken to or seen them since.”

“What did they do, or not do?”

I trace a circle on his chest—or rather, on his shirt. “I don't want to talk about that now.”

“But will you tell me some time?”

I nod. “I will.” I look up at him. “Look, it's not something I'm trying to keep from you or something I can't deal with. I just need a bit of time before I open myself up. I know that sounds like it's something really bad, and it is bad, or rather, it was. But I've learned to live with it. I've been in therapy for ten years, and it no longer defines me. I just accept it as part of my life.”

I lay my hand on his cheek. “I trust you. Really. But I really need a little bit of time before I tell you.” I see worry in his eyes. “It's okay, really. I'm fine.”

He lays his hand over mine. “Okay, babe, I trust you, too. I want to know because I want to know everything about you, but I can wait until you're ready.”

I smile at him and press my lips softly against his. “Thank you.” I lay my head back down on his chest.

“So you're going to make my brother an underground star, I hear.”

I giggle. “Did you know it's his dream?”

“Yes.”

“Then why didn't you tell him that I took you along?”

A rumble sounds in his chest. “I didn't think it was fair to rub his nose in it.”

“Hmm, somebody already took care of that.”

I feel him grin. “Seems like. I've had some angry messages from him.”

“He can really dance, Matt.”

I feel his body stiffen. “Did you dance with him?”

I nod.

“Before or after you found out he's gay?”

I lift my head to look at him. “What difference would that make?”

“Do you think I'd want you dancing that way with other men?”

My brows knit. “It's got nothing to do with you, Matt, but I asked Tom for permission, and he said yes.”

“You did what?” he bursts out laughing. “How did that happen?”

I am embarrassed. “I don't know, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.”

He pulls me to him. “Sorry, babe. Sometimes the caveman comes out, and he doesn't like the little woman straying too far.”

“You said you didn't want to dominate me.”

“Nor do I and yet I'm pleased you asked for ‘permission’.”

“Matt!” I hit him playfully on the chest.

He laughs. “Hey, it makes me feel good, knowing I can trust you and that you won't do anything that would hurt my feelings.”

“Did you meet other women in New York?”

I feel his body stiffen again. “What?”

I look up at him. “Did you fuck other people in the last week?”

“No, of course not.”

“Good.” I snuggle up to him. “You should know that I did.”

I feel him grin. “I was permanently hard, thinking of you being fucked by Will. And then Tom. And then alternating between the two.”

“Really?”

He nods. “Yeah, I love it. I can't wait to see one of them take you hard.”

I shiver with anticipation. The thought of it is delicious.

“Matt?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Why are all of you so turned on by hard sex?”

I watch him thinking about it. “I think it has to do with possession. The harder I fuck you, the more you yield to me. And nothing makes me hornier than making you mine, every centimetre of you. When I take you hard, you don't just give me your body. You give me your soul and your heart.”

I play distractedly with a button on his shirt. What he is saying is turning me on. I want him to possess me, and it doesn't have anything to do with him owning me, it is about me wanting to belong to him. No longer being alone and having found someone who understands and who is there when I need them. I don't want to die alone in my apartment at some point in the future and only be discovered once my corpse has started to stink and the dog has eaten my face off. Okay, maybe I watch too many thrillers but it could happen.

I want people in my life who notice when I'm not around. For most people, that's family, but that's not an option in my case. I'd rather be alone than have them in my life. What a sad life.

“Why do you like being taken hard?” he asks me.

“For the same reason, or something similar, I suppose. I like that you claim me, but kind of your mark on me. I like the feeling of something binding us together. And I like that you own a little bit more of me every time.” I pick an imaginary piece of lint off his shirt, a little embarrassed.

He kisses my forehead. “This shouldn't make you uncomfortable.”

“I know but somehow it does.”

“How come?”

I fidget a little. “I know it's stupid, but I love giving you the control in bed. It really turns me on. I didn't know it would but it does. I've got this little voice in my head, telling me I'm not exactly projecting the image of a strong, independent woman with equal rights in the bedroom.”

He strokes down my arm. “Don't you feel like it's equal in bed?”

I laugh shortly. “Are you being serious?”

He turns us so that we're looking each other in the eye. His voice is completely serious as his chocolate-colored eyes bore into mine. “Do you really think we're not equal?”

“In our lives, sure, but definitely not in bed, no.”

“Wow, that's really...I don't know what to say to that.” He runs his hand through his hair, suddenly stands up and goes to the door.

“Matt...” I am confused. What is up with him?

“I can't do this now,” he says and leaves my room. I feel like I have been slapped across the face.

I jump up and run into the corridor. “Matt!”

He stops and turns to give me a strange look. “I'm going to be honest with you, Thea. I'm really not sure right now what I'm doing here with you.”

His words hit me like bullets. Matt.

“I don't understand, Matt. I...”

I hear steps behind me and know that Will and Tom have come to see what's going on.

“Really, Thea? This is so fucked up.”

I mentally replay our conversation, what the hell did I say to make him react this way? I can't find anything, and I'm confused. I can't work out what he's trying to tell me. Suddenly, I'm conscious of the fact that I'm naked and standing with three fully-clothed men in a corridor.

“Matt, I'm sorry, but I really don't know...”

He advances on me in a few quick steps and grabs my arms. His touch is like an electric shock, which races through me. “That is, by far, the worst thing you could say, oh what the hell, feel. If that's how you feel, after everything we've done, if that's what you think, then I really don't see a future for us.”

He lets me go. I stare at him, shocked. What? He goes to his room and I stand there, uncertain what to do. I feel a hand, pushing me towards Matt's room. “Don't just stand there, go,” whispers Tom.

I go to Matt's room. “How can you say something like that?”

He turns to face me. “When you really believe that the three of us are just taking what we want then I don't think there's a future for us. For any of us.”

I hear disbelieving noises from the corridor. Where did he get that from? I'm not sure how I'm supposed to deal with this and don't have any experience with angry men. Just one...I shake the images from my head. This is not the same thing. Matt likes me.

I walk up to him and lay my hand on his arm. He doesn't push it away so that's a start.

“Matt, I don't believe this. I think we...I think we must have misunderstood each other.”

He raises his eyebrows. “I definitely didn't misunderstand what you said.”

I think about what I said, and that I don't think we're equal in bed. “But that is the case. I mean, I give you guys the control. You have the control over me, that definitely is not equal.”

“Fuck, Thea. Is that what you really think?” It's Will who speaks from the doorway.

I turn and see that both Tom and Will are also angry. What the hell is wrong with them? Shouldn't these Alpha males be delighted to have a woman surrendering to them. Shouldn't they be beating their fists on their chests or something?

“You've misunderstood me. I willingly give up my equality in bed. That's no reason to get so angry.” I am totally confused.

“The key word here is ‘willingly.’ We haven't forced you to do anything.”

“I'm not saying you have but our sexual activities are led by you. You're the ones who want me in a particular position and put me where you want. You want me on the hood of Will's car?  Fine, let's do it.”

Will moves towards me and towers over me. “If we want that and you don't, it'd be rape.”

His words spear me and I stagger back, shocked. How could he say such a thing?

Anger begins to build up. “You are such an asshole, Will.”

I see shock in his face. He goes to grab me, and I jerk away. “Don't touch me!” I wrap my arms around me pushing my breasts together. Six eyes are drawn to my cleavage. Dammit.

Tom comes towards me. “Thea, would you perhaps like to put something on. You're kind of distracting in this state.”

I storm out of the room, run to my closet, and pull things out. Shit, how did such a wonderful evening turn so sour?

I put on leggings, a t-shirt, and a big woolly cardigan and scrape my hair into a messy bun. I pull on my Uggs for good measure and walk back out of my room. I bump into Tom who's on his way to the kitchen.

“Shit, Tom!” He catches me in his arms before I fall over.

I extricate myself from him and stomp into the kitchen. I tighten the belt around my waist and sit at the table. Will and Matt are already sitting there and seething. Tom leans against the table ledge.

“So?” Matt asks.

“What are you asking me for? You're the one who knows everything.” I hiss.

His eyes harden and I feel very small. No, this is not the way this is going to go. I sit up, pull back my shoulders and will not be intimidated. Something changes in his eyes. Pride?

“Everything you do with us is consensual, Thea. Have we done anything that you didn't want or didn't feel comfortable with?”

“No.”

“So what is this shit?”

“I really don't know what your problem is,” I bristle.