She Never Knew (27 page)

Laughing at the memory, Kat said, “I
never did that again!” She recalled how her bottom hurt for two weeks and vowed
never to pull a stunt like that ever again.

“It was hilarious!” Mary said, her cheeks
rosy from laughing so hard. “All I kept hearing was that
boing
!” She
slapped her knees and rocked back and forth, trying to contain herself.

Tyler was laughing too, trying to
imagine his mother flipping backwards. He climbed onto the couch and made
circular motions in the air with his hands.

 “Now you know why I tell you not to
jump on the couch!” Kat giggled, gently grabbing her son. She held him tightly
and planted kisses all over his little face.

After the squeals and laugher subsided,
Tyler went back to his solar system and the sisters cleaned up the kitchen. After
a quick tour of the house, Tyler joined Mary as she settled her bags in the
guest bedroom. He wanted her to read some of the new books she had brought for
him. Kat was delighted that her sister and son had hit it off so well, so she
gave them their privacy and headed back downstairs.

She decided she would call Daniel as she
was still perturbed by the way things ended between them at the park. His
friendship meant a great deal to her and she didn’t want to lose it. She wanted
to tell him how much he meant to her and Tyler.

Taking a deep breath, she dialed
Daniel’s number and waited with baited breath.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Daniel.”

“Kat?” His deep voice contained a
mixture of surprise and hesitation.

“How are you?” she said a little too
quickly. Suddenly feeling insecure, she remembered the way he had avoided her
eyes at the park. Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, she was
determined to remain positive.

“I’m doing okay. What’s up?”

“Not a whole lot, really.” Unsure of
where this conversation was headed, Kat struggled to find the right words. “I
just wanted to call and see how you were doing. I, uh—I haven’t heard from you
since the park.”

“I’ve been putting in a lot of overtime
at work. By the time I get home, it’s late. I’m headed over to the church in a
little bit to catch up on some repairs.” He wanted to work on the sound system.

There was an awkward pause as Kat
digested his words. He was polite but his voice lacked the warmth it once had
toward her. If she didn’t know better, she’d swear that he was trying to cut
their conversation short.

“My sister Mary arrived today.”

“Well, that’s good. I know you’ve been
looking forward to that.”

“Daniel?”

“Yeah?”

“You—you sound different. Have I done
something to offend you?”

“Uh, no—not really.”

“Why do I get the feeling that
something’s changed?”

“Look, Kat, I really don’t want to get
into this right now.”

“Does this have anything to do with what
we talked about? You know, about telling Tyler who his biological father is?”

“That’s part of it.” He sighed.

“What about us?” she prompted.

Daniel lowered his voice as he spoke. “There
is no
us
, Kat.”

“What do you mean, there’s no
us
?
I thought we were pretty close. I thought we had more than a typical
friendship. I confided in you.”

“You did and I’m glad I was able to help
you.”

“So what are you telling me? You don’t
want to see me anymore?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s what I’m saying.”
Daniel paused for a moment, then said, “I’m sorry, Kat, I’ve gotta go.” Then he
hung up.

Kat stared at the phone in disbelief. His
words stung like a bee sting. Why was he acting this way? Didn’t he care about
her anymore? Didn’t he enjoy spending time with Tyler? After all that she had
confided to him, didn’t he want to be a part of her life?
Maybe that’s the
problem,
she thought
. I scared him away. What man would want to be
around that kind of baggage, anyway?

Kat made herself a cup of hot tea and
sat in a chair by the living room windows. Her heart heavy, she watched the
moon cast its light on the water, revealing a stillness that briefly soothed
her. She replayed her conversation with Daniel in her head and tried to figure
out where things went wrong. She knew how much his childhood haunted him. Despite
what he told her previously, she knew he needed closure when it came to his own
family.

Reflecting on their exchange at the
park, she remembered the pain in Daniel’s eyes and the bitterness in his words when
he spoke of his mother.
The worst part was I never knew who my biological
father was. I still don’t.
Those words burned in her memory.

On the other hand, she also remembered
how much he enjoyed being around Tyler. His interest in her son had always been
sincere, which is probably why Tyler adored him.

A realization suddenly dawned on her.
Am
I a reminder of his mother, somehow? By not telling Tyler who his biological
father is? Is Tyler a reminder of when he was a little boy? Is that why he’s
taken a special interest in my son? Have I really been that insensitive? Are
those the reasons why Daniel doesn’t want to continue our friendship? What am I
missing here, God?

As Kat finished her tea, she had a
feeling there was more to this than Daniel let on.
Something is very wrong
,
she decided. Daniel wasn’t acting like himself and despite what he had said to
her, she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and
nearly jumped out of her skin. It was Mary.

“Kat, all you are right?” A look of
concern crossed over her sister’s face as she peered at Kat. “You were a
million miles away.”

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you come down.”
Kat shifted in her chair and looked at Mary. “How did it go?”

“He’s sleeping like a baby.” Mary
smiled. “And we read six books together!”

Kat tried to smile, but it was evident
from the look on her face that she was distracted.

“Oh honey, what’s wrong?” Mary pulled up
a chair and sat next to Kat, folding a hand over her sister’s.

“I called Daniel while you were upstairs
with Tyler.” She felt a lump form in her throat and swallowed hard. “It didn’t
go well.” Kat relayed the conversation to her sister.

“That doesn’t sound like the same man
you described in your emails, that’s for sure.” Mary said, squeezing Kat’s
hand.

“Mary, I think somehow I scared him
away.”

“Oh, I don’t think so, honey. From what
you’ve told me, it would seem that he still has some unresolved childhood
issues that he needs to deal with.”

“Maybe so. I do know that he was a
summer camp counselor during his teen years, so perhaps that was his way of
healing, his way of coping by helping other children.”

“And you think the reason for the drift
between the two of you is because of Tyler?”

“I think Tyler is part of it. Don’t get
me wrong, Daniel’s really good with him. He has a way of making him feel
special and grown up. He just doesn’t agree with the fact that I don’t plan on
telling Tyler that Michael is not his biological father.”

“Ah, now I understand.” Mary leaned back
in her chair and looked at Kat thoughtfully. She didn’t see how any of this was
Daniel’s business, but she made no mention of it to her sister.

“Believe me, I don’t like deceiving
Tyler, but wouldn’t it cause more damage to him to know the truth?”

“This is a tough one, Kat.” Mary chose
her words carefully. “A child Tyler’s age does not have any notion of the
biology of conception, so he would not understand what rape is. He would
understand that mommy and daddy were ‘together’ at one point before going
separate ways. As a child psychologist, I highly advise against trying to
explain this to him at his young age. He most likely would not understand why
daddy hurt mommy and develop mistrust toward any man who comes into your life.
Telling him now would only serve to confuse him and he may very well believe
he’s at fault. Am I making any sense?”

Kat nodded, letting her sister’s words
soak in and remembering Daniel’s words. “Should I tell him when he’s older?”

“You certainly can, sure. But your
timing will depend on several factors. He will need the maturity to understand that
he was not conceived out of love, but rather through an act of violence. He
will need to grasp that what happened to you is not his fault, nor yours. He
could very well blame himself for what happened to you, Kat.”

“I think that’s what worries me the most.
I hear stories of how divorce affects children, and I can’t even imagine how
this would affect him.” Kat frowned and bit her lip.

Mary nodded and continued. “The male
role models in his life are another factor to consider. If he grows up
surrounded by positive male influences, he will have a much better chance of
coping with what happened because he will have already learned that most men
are good people.”

“I think I’m beginning to see where
Daniel’s coming from.” Kat said. “I think he was just trying to tell me to keep
an open mind in telling Tyler the truth about his biological father someday
because he doesn’t know who his own father is. It could be why he doesn’t seem
to want to pursue a relationship with me because my silence will be a constant
reminder.”

“That’s very possible, but something
tells me that’s only part of the trouble between you two.”

“I need to find out what it is.”

“And you’re not going to be able to
sleep until you do, right?” Mary grinned.

“You got that right!” Kat returned the grin
and stood up. “Would you mind if I went to see Daniel?” It was just past nine
o’clock. Chances were good that he was still at the church.

“Not at all. This will give me a chance
to unpack and check my messages.” Mary had told her partner that she would be out
of commission for an entire week, but she still wanted to check in nonetheless.

“Thank you so much! If Tyler wakes up—”

“—Go!” Mary pretended to scold Kat.
“We’ll be fine. I have your cell number if we need you.” She hugged her sister
and wished her good luck.

After she watched her sister drive away
from the house, Mary went upstairs to check on Tyler. She found him sleeping peacefully,
still holding Froggy from when they had read bedtime stories earlier. So as to
not disturb him, she carefully leaned over and kissed his cheek. She smiled at
the sweetness of his little face and thought to herself what a lucky little boy
he was.

His car sat in the parking lot near the
entrance to the church. Daniel had been truthful to her when he told her he
needed to work on the sound system. Kat chided herself for entertaining the
idea that he would lie to her. She sat in her car for a long time, thinking
about the many conversations she had had with him and how he always managed to
lift her spirits. Perhaps this time she could return the favor and help him
deal with whatever was bothering him. As she dug through her purse for her lip
balm, she failed to notice the driver of a car had slowly weaved his way into
the parking lot with the headlights off.

After she freshened up, Kat stepped out
of her car. Immediately, she heard a sound behind her and when she turned
around, she gasped at the sight before her.

A man stood there, gaping at her.
Although it was pitch black outside, the parking lot was well lit. The man looked
to be homeless as his face was dirty and his pants hung loose from his body,
torn at the knees. He was tall and thin with a long beard that was matted. His
hair was greasy and unkempt, and overall, he appeared sickly and disoriented.

“You thought you could get away from me,
didn’t you?” The man sneered as he wagged his finger at her. “You thought you
could get away with it, didn’t you?”

As he lunged toward Kat, she tried to
scream but nothing came out. She stood there paralyzed, momentarily forgetting
the self-defense training she had learned earlier that summer. Instead, she
flashed back to that night six years ago, in her apartment. The man standing
before her seemed to resemble the man who raped her. It all had happened so
fast and she couldn’t be sure.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find you?” the
man continued his rant at Kat, slurring his words. “Well, I did!” He staggered
backwards a little and Kat realized from the putrid smell in the air, the man
was intoxicated. He was also irate.

Her heart hammering in her chest, Kat retreated
slowly, cursing herself for leaving her cell phone behind in the car. There was
no way she would be able to get to it from where she was standing. The man
blocked her path as she fished for her car keys in her pocket. If she could just
stop shaking, she might be able to activate the panic button. But as the man advanced
menacingly toward her, Kat threw both arms in the air, blocking her face. The
man jammed a hand in his pocket and fumbled around until it was obvious he had
a grip on what she assumed was a weapon. She didn’t know if he was holding a
knife or a gun but she wasn’t about to take a chance of finding out.