“That’s the best I can do,” Emma said, “We should try to get him to drink a bit more of the calmative and then move him somewhere safe.”
Simon looked exhausted, and bloodied, but he nodded. “We can bring him inside the cabin,” Simon said, “he’ll be safe enough here. Someone will need to be with him when he changes back. That wrapping is good for a narrow wolf’s leg but I’m guessing it won’t feel too comfortable on a man’s arm.”
Oh crap
. I hadn’t thought of that. What if we had left him and the wrappings had cut into his arm?
“I’ll stay,” I said. “We can take turns watching him.”
I imagined Calvin’s arm changing back to its human shape and the tattoo of a wolf chasing a scarab across his bicep. Seeing Cal’s tattoo usually filled me warmth, a physical reminder of the bond we shared, but at the moment the image was making me feel sick. I was supposed to be Calvin’s anchor to the human world. I was supposed to help ground him here, not call his wolf spirit when he was defenseless.
This was all my fault
.
“No Yuki, as much as the prospect of you spending the night is tempting, you girls need to run home before your parents come looking for you,” Simon said.
I wanted to argue with Simon, but I realized that he was right. “I’ll be back then in the morning,” I said.
“I’ll hold you to it Kitten,” Simon said playfully.
Emma looked uncomfortable. “Make sure to keep icing that leg,” Emma said, “and keep him off it. If he wakes up again before he changes back, then give him two drops of this tincture. Once he’s in human form you can give him these herbs. Steep the herbs in one quart of water and give him a cup every two hours for pain.” Emma handed Simon a tincture bottle and a packet of herbs.
Knowing we had to go I gave Calvin a hug, careful not to touch his injured leg, and turned to leave. I started crying again as I stepped into Emma’s car. I prayed that Calvin would make it through the night.
Chapter 43
At some point during the night’s chaos Emma had thought to text Gordy and let him know we were alright. I had forgotten all about Emma’s date, and my friend, in the rush to save Cal. Emma texted Gordy that Cal had gotten sick at the dance and that the two of us had helped him to her car to take him home. Emma had gone on to tell him that we tripped while lifting him out of the car and that Cal had fractured his arm. Gordy had wanted to rush off to help us, but Emma had fibbed that we were with his parents and uncle and that as soon as Calvin was settled we’d be heading home for the night. Making sure Gordy could catch a ride with one of the other students at the dance, Emma had promised to talk to him more the next day.
As she told me all this, I wondered again at Emma’s clear mindedness. Where was the bookish girl who cried whenever we found a dead bird or squirrel as kids? I had always been the tough one, but suddenly Emma was this calm cool combat medic and I was a gibbering mess. When did things change so drastically?
Emma, still thinking more clearly than me, suggested we stop at an all night convenience store and use their bathroom to freshen up before taking me home. I’m surprised the clerk didn’t call the police. Maybe he thought we were practicing for Halloween. We were still in our formal dresses which were covered in dirt and blood. I had twigs and leaves in my hair which was sticking out in every direction. My mascara had run in rivers down my face and my eyes were swollen from crying. But at least I was wearing black. Emma’s white dress was ruined. She was covered in blood, dirt, and dribbled medicine that left red and brown blotches all over her dress. What were those patterns called in psychology class? Rorschach ink blotches? I wondered what someone could tell about my current state of mind if they knew what I saw in them.
After we left the convenience store, Emma drove me home. I had so much to say to her, but I couldn’t form words. I just cried quietly in the passenger seat.
Pulling into my driveway Emma turned to face me. “He’ll be alright Yuki. We have to believe that.” Then she was gone.
Somehow I made it up to my room and changed out of the soiled dress. I held one of the beetle plushies that Cal had given me and prayed for him to make it safely through the night. I would visit him first thing in the morning.
But would he want to see me
? I fell to sleep thinking about love, pain, and regret and hoping against hope for forgiveness.
Chapter 44
I walked to the workshop, deep in thought. As I approached the cabin I was surprised to see Cal’s dad come through the front door. He waved me over and I quickened my pace.
“Yuki, I’m glad you’re here,” he said, “Calvin is sleeping, but he’s doing fine. His arm is broken, but Simon was able to rewrap the splint you kids made.”
So he must have changed back. I nearly fainted with relief. I had been so worried that something would go wrong with the change in his injured state or that he wouldn’t be able to shift back at all.
“What you three did was very brave,” Cal’s dad said. “Thank you.”
I didn’t think I could handle Cal’s dad thanking me right now. I had put his son in danger and risked having their secret revealed. My irresponsible actions had caused this and it was likely that I had lost my friend in the process. When Cal wakes up he wasn’t going to want his dad thanking me, he was probably going to hate me forever.
“Don’t thank me,” I said. “It was my fault.”
My fault, my fault, my fault
.
“Yuki, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Cal’s dad said looking concerned.
I couldn’t quite meet his gaze. His eyes looked so much like Calvin’s that I ached to turn back time so that I could see love in Cal’s eyes again.
“When you have time could you have your friend Emma call me?” he asked. “I’m not sure how serious she is about studying medicine, but if she’s willing I have a proposition for her. I’ve made some calls and many of us have agreed to help with tuition if she chooses to study locally. There’s a good veterinary medicine program a few hours away at Tufts University.”
His words weren’t quite sinking in. Did they want Emma to study to be a vet?
Why
?
In answer to my unspoken question he said, “We could use someone who can help us in our wolf form when emergencies come up and not many know about our condition. If Emma’s interested have her call me.”
Then he was gone.
With no more reason to delay I walked towards the cabin.
As I lifted my hand to knock, Simon opened the door. He looked tired, with dark circles ringing his eyes, but he greeted me with his scar tilted smile. “Why hello Kitten,” Simon said slyly, “you’re here bright and early. Couldn’t stay away from my irresistible charm?”
He opened the door wider as he said the last and I pushed my way inside. I had to see Calvin. I needed to see with my own eyes that he was alright. Against the far wall was a cot piled high with blankets. Walking closer I could see Cal’s head asleep on the pillow and his injured arm propped on a cushion beside him.
“He’s alright love,” Simon said moving to the hotplate beside the old kiln. “Let’s make him some of that tea for when he wakes up.”
Tea
? Oh yeah, the herbal stuff Emma handed Simon last night.
“You’ll want sugar for that,” I said automatically.
Emma’s teas were often bitter.
More like disgusting
. If it could help ease Calvin’s pain though, I would make sure he drank the entire cup.
I stepped away from the cot letting Calvin sleep.
“You want to tell me what happened?” Simon asked.
Oh god, I had been dreading this. Last night I had told Simon it was my fault but I hadn’t been specific. How could I tell him that I had nearly killed Calvin and put them all in danger because I was
dancing
? To my surprise the words flew from my mouth.
“We went to the school dance and I was stupid,” I said, “I was feeling so happy about being there and about not being haunted anymore. I went on the dance floor with Emma and we danced. I felt so free.” I was shaking so hard I had to set the mug down that I had picked up from the counter. “I didn’t know what would happen,” I added.
There. It felt better to tell someone.
“If I had known,” I said, “then I never would have done it.”
I looked up at Simon to see a momentary flash of panic and then it was gone replaced by his usual flirtatious grin.
“In that case Love,” Simon said, “the fault is all mine.”
What
?
He wasn’t making any sense. Simon hadn’t even been there. How could this be his fault?
“I was teaching you both about control,” he said, “and I taught you how to call Calvin’s wolf spirit, but I never warned you against dancing for fun. How could you have known what would happen? I should have realized and warned you, but I didn’t. It’s not your fault Yuki, it’s mine.”
I felt relief wash through me and then guilt for letting Simon take the blame.
“Well then, we’re both at fault,” I said.
I looked over at the cot and hoped that Cal would be as understanding. He was alive but I still might lose him.
Please don’t hate me Calvin Miller
.
Chapter 45
Simon had left to buy groceries and I sat holding Calvin’s hand while watching the red and gold leaves fall outside the cabin window. Autumn had ever been my favorite time of year and the trees bursting with color had always seemed so beautiful. Today the leaves reminded me of all my bright hopes and dreams falling to the earth to shrivel and die and be covered in snow.
Yuki
. I looked back to Cal’s hand. Had he just squeezed my hand or did I imagine it?
“Yuki,” Calvin croaked.
His eyes slowly fluttered open and I was surprised that they didn’t immediately fill with hatred.
It’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s my fault
.
“Yuki?” Cal asked looking worried.
He probably couldn’t remember much from the night before. I was going to have to fill him in on what he had missed.
On how I had ruined things
.
“I’m here,” I said. “You should rest. Your arm is broken.”
Remembering the tea I began to stand. Calvin held on to my hand more tightly.
“Don’t go,” he said, “we need to talk.”
This was it. He was going to break up with me. It was over. A tear slipped past my defenses and ran down my cheek.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “I’m so sorry.” I started to cry.
“Yuki,” Cal said squeezing my hand. “It’s o.k. I remember what happened and it wasn’t your fault.”
Had he hit his head? Of course it was my fault.
“I was stupid,” I said. “I never should have stepped foot on that dance floor. I was being selfish and you paid the price.” A price that could have been so much higher.
“Yuki, you were just having fun,” Calvin said incredulously, “which is what we were there for. You didn’t know that dancing would call my wolf spirit to the surface.”
Was he forgiving me? If so, I was the luckiest girl in the world.
“If anyone is to blame it’s me,” Calvin said firmly. He looked away for a moment but when he looked back his eyes were earnest. “Yuki, the dance was too close to the full moon,” Calvin said, “but I was stubborn. I thought I could control the change. I wanted to go to the dance with you so badly that I ignored the risk.”
Why was everyone blaming themselves? Could it be true that none of us were solely to blame for what happened?
“So you’re not mad at me?” I asked, wiping tears from my face.
“Yuki, I’m not mad at you,” Cal said trying to sit up. “I love you.”
Then he reached out and pulled me to him. We sat there holding each other and alternating between laughter and tears. I had been so worried, but Calvin still loved me. We were going to be o.k.
“Uh Yuki,” Cal said, “I think I’m going to be sick.”
I pulled away to see that Calvin had gone deathly pale and his face was covered in sweat.
Oh crap
. So much for our romantic moment.
I helped Calvin lay back on the pillows and placed a cool cloth on his forehead. I set a large pottery bowl beside the bed.
Just in case
.
“Emma left us herbs for tea,” I said grabbing the mug and handing it to him. “She said it would help with the pain.”
He was obviously in tremendous pain and hugging me with a broken arm hadn’t helped the situation. Sipping the foul smelling tea he grimaced. “Oh god, this stuff is horrible,” Calvin moaned. “I didn’t think I could feel any worse.” Taking a deep breath he drank a bit more. “I was wrong,” Cal said, “this is much worse.”
He probably wasn’t kidding. I had been Emma’s victim more than once and her remedies came with a price.
“More sugar?” I asked.
“Please,” Calvin said and laughed.
Even ashen, slick with sweat, and lined with pain, his face smiling at me was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I love you so much Calvin Miller
.
Chapter 46
An hour after drinking Emma’s tea, Calvin was feeling better. Color had returned to his face and he seemed to be in less pain. We had been talking about the dance, before things had turned crazy, and were laughing.
“I was really surprised when Emma showed up with Gordy,” Calvin was saying, “but they looked good together.”
“If we had all stayed at the dance, we probably would have been competing for homecoming King and Queen,” I joked.
“You’ll always be my dung beetle princess,” Cal said lovingly.
How many guys could make a girl weak in the knees calling her
that
? Leaning in I gave him a kiss as keys jingled in the door and it opened to reveal Simon carrying bags of groceries.
“Ah, young love,” Simon sighed dramatically, “so pure and innocent…and boring.” Simon rolled his eyes at us and headed for the corner that doubled as the cabin’s kitchen. “If you ever tire of the cub, I could teach you a thing or two,” Simon added slyly.
I could feel my face blushing and Cal suddenly had a lot of color back in his face. Calvin usually let Simon’s flirtatious comments slide, but I didn’t think he was in the mood for this today.
“Simon, did you buy any more sugar?” I asked trying to change the subject.