SHELBY (Second Chance Novels Book 4) (24 page)

He sighs and shakes his head before he speaks with total compassion. "I've seen a lot of witnesses go through exactly what you're experiencing," he says. "This will ease, and your new life will become natural to you."

I doubt it,
I don't bother saying out loud.

Prentis leaves and I'm by myself again…completely and utterly alone.
 

When I walk to my room, I head straight for the shower like I do every time Prentis leaves. I need to wash away the conversation and the tears which always follow. Also like every time I shower, I fantasize about Dade. I miss him desperately. I miss his caring, I miss his humor, and I miss his touch. My God, how I miss his touch.
 

Only the steamy spray of the water reminds me of his warmth. As I work the body wash into my skin, I remember Dade's hands washing me tenderly. His intimate touch excited every nerve in my body in a slow frenzy of sensation and passion, and I stroke my own breasts to remind myself. I tug at my piercings the same way Dade did, and I trace the ink at my ribs in the same loving manner. My own touch is merely a shadow of the pleasure his hands brought me, but the fantasy behind my eyes brings an intensity I've never been able to offer myself before now.
 

Touching my body in Dade's absence is the only way I have to connect with him. Every single time I shower, I play out our love making in my mind as I allow my hands to mimic his. At times I warm the water to the exact temperature of the stormy rain which whipped around our bodies in the most explosively-beautiful physical connection of my life.
 

I stroke myself passionately during those fantasies, and then soft and sweetly when I think of making love by the fire. Sometimes I imagine him here, and my autoerotic experience has a warmth lingering within. Even my body dreams of my future with Dade.
 

Another week passes and clinging to my hope is difficult. No Dade, no nothing. I work. I eat. I sleep. People at the office have convinced me to go to lunch with the group, but I make no connections with these people. I'm hanging onto my past too strongly…something Prentis continues to urge me away from. He's taken to calling me every few days again. He worries about me, and it's pissing me off. A surprise visit from him on a Tuesday pisses me off, too.
 

"Lauren," he greets.

"Prentis," I answer. I have yet to use his first name.
 

"There has been a development in your case," he says somberly.

Oh, shit.

"We may need to give you another new name and another fresh start."

I sink to my beige couch, devastated and scared. How can I do this again? How often will I have to reinvent myself? How acute are the threats?

He hands me a padded envelope and tells me he'll wait on my porch while I go through the details. At least he's smart enough to leave me alone for the moment. Four full minutes pass before I bring myself to look at my next new life.
 

With shaking hands, I open the envelope.

DADE

I reread the letter over and over, hoping to find some guarantee I've expressed myself well. Shelby…or whatever her name is now…is an intelligent, emotional woman. She'll understand.
 

Shelby,

It has taken me weeks of searching, pleading, and calling in every favor I could to get to you. They won't let me near you, but I finally learned who is assigned your case and I reached out to Prentis. He's a good man, and I'm glad he's been the one watching over you.

What he may not have told you is that immediate family members are relocated together. I may not be your husband, but I can be. I want you to marry me. I've wanted to be with you since the first time you spoke to me at the bar when you dropped all your attitude and showed me your true self. We've only grown stronger.

I'm not asking because I feel I need to in order to see you. I'm asking because I LOVE YOU, and I can't imagine another day of my life without you.
 

Missing you has been torture, Shelby, absolute torture. I miss your sass and your strength, and I miss your intelligence and your reliance on me. I miss your body desperately. Marry me, Shelby. I need you with me, and I'll give up my life to have you. You're the only life I want…you're the only life worth having. We can start over together.

I love you,

Dade

Making her my wife is my only course, regardless of the circumstance. The truth is I like the idea of a clean slate for both of us. We can let go of past burdens and move forward
together
. I can help her grieve her old life while hanging on to
us.
I've kept my job in her absence, simply to keep access to the network of marshals I need to get to her. I'll find a job in my future in whatever life the service gives me.

As for my old job, I don't mind leaving. Keeping Shelby safe through the worst of circumstances has assuaged my guilt over failing my sister all those years ago, and the rest will fall in line. I've trained my men well, and any one of them will be a good replacement for me. If Shelby's case was the litmus test, each remained unaffected by her drama and advances. I leave future witnesses in good hands.

The only question now is how to convince Prentis to give her the letter. I send it to him along with an explanation of the entire story, knowing he'll consider all details thoroughly before making a decision. He's as particular and vehement about his job as I am, from what I've learned.

I use phrases in the letter to Prentis like,
protecting Shelby became a part of myself rather than the job,
and
I'm sure you already know what a stubborn, intense woman she is…I see her has passionate.
 

I try to explain in any way I can to make sure he understands this isn't some crush or a chase after a hot piece of ass.
She stands out in every way, and she let me see past her bravado to the woman inside. She's extraordinary.
 

I close the letter with,
personal feelings pushed me past the line, but made me stronger for her. I couldn't separate my job from her, and I still can't, which has now forced me to choose. Without hesitation, I choose Shelby.

I place a simple diamond engagement ring in the padded envelope and hire a courier to deliver the package to Prentis's office in Nevada. For now,
again
, all I can do is wait.
 

I spend the next twenty four hours in the same routine I've lived for the past two months away from Shelby: I put on my game-face at work and pretend like I give a damn. They won't let me near
any
witness right now, understandably, so I push paper around all day.
 

I sleep, and I dream of Shelby. I take showers, and I fantasize. The only activity different is my lack of looking for her. I've found her as closely as I possibly can, and only through painstaking favors throughout my network. I'm impressed with how secure she is, no matter how much I hate being away from her.
 

I check every hour for delivery of the envelope I overnighted to Nevada. When the online tracking software pings that the letter has been signed for, I close my eyes and hope Prentis will give Shelby the letter.

Two days pass before I hear from him, and I use every ounce of my restraint not to pester him. Pressure may cause him to avoid the situation.

When I finally receive his call on my personal cell, my entire body tenses.

"Roarke," he says efficiently. "I considered your letter for a long time."

"And?" is the only word I can muster.

"I know your reputation. Are you sure you want to go through with this? You'll be giving up a stellar career."

"Like I said in my explanation: no hesitation."

"I hope to God I don't get fired over this."

Words fail me for a long moment before I can choke out a "Thank you" to the man who holds my future.

He speaks once more. "I'm going to deliver your proposal this afternoon. I'm sure you'll hear from me soon after. Shelby…
Lauren
…misses you desperately."

"Lauren," I repeat quietly. My heart aches acutely for Shelby and how difficult hearing that new name must be for her. I've never dealt with relocation of witnesses, and I can only imagine the absolute devastation of killing oneself only to have to survive as someone else.
Shelby Keene
finally had hope for a future. I wonder if Lauren has any.

"You'll get my call either way," he says.

"Work on my new identity," I instruct, confident in Shelby's answer. "I'll talk to West."
 

I grip my phone in my hand, unable to let go of the closest connection I've had to Shelby in months.
Lauren.
I wonder what my new name will be. I couldn't care less.
 

Too many hours pass before I get a call from Prentis's number.
 

"Hello?" I speak quickly after one ring.

"Dade?" a sweet, feminine, emotional voice comes to me from across the country.
 

"Shelby…" I say, barely able to contain my own emotion.

"I've missed…" her emotion chokes her voice before she can answer.

"I've missed you, too," I say quietly, intensely.

"God…" she says through tears.
 

"It's ok, Shel. I got you, and I want you to hear it from my voice," I sooth. "Shh…listen, please. I love you, I
need
you. You are the only thing important to me. Will you spend your life with me? Will you marry me? I don't care what our names are as long as you're with me."

I hear the choking emotion in her barely-a-whisper. "Yes…I love you…."

I close my eyes at the sweet sound of those words. "Then I'll see you in only hours. I love you. I'm going to hang up so I can get to you as fast as possible."

Thank God I know how to navigate my way across the country quickly and without detection. Only hours pass before I see Prentis waiting for me at a private air strip.
 

"Let's go," is all he says. I nod and grab my bag and all the cash I could pull together before I left. I didn't bring a single possession with me beyond what I could fit in a duffle. I don't give a damn about anything I own. Only Shelby…
Lauren
.

Prentis speaks in the car, going over safety protocols and offering me my new identity. He pulled all this together quickly, apparently using the emergency id he has on hand for quick relocations. I scan the papers in front of me.
 

"Bradley Michael Zeller," I read aloud. "I can live with that."

I find myself not grieving for my old life. My entire future rests only another hour away. My new birthday, social security number, and back story occupy my attention as we drive, as does the marriage license at the back of the folder. I glance up.
 

"How'd you do that so quickly?"

"I have connections," is all he would say. "Lauren insisted. There's a minister waiting at your new house."

Lauren and Bradley, I smile to myself. Mr. And Mrs. Zeller. We don't have to look backward anymore, and moving forward with a clean slate as the Zellers fills me with hope.
The minister is waiting,
I smirk to myself.
Way to own it, Lauren
.

By the time we pull up to the house, I'm shaking with the anticipation of holding her again. Shelby,
Lauren
, is on the front porch waiting for me, and sprints to the car as soon as she sees me. The moment I stand on the curb, she's in my arms and wrapped around my body completely. I pick her up and hold her tightly against me as she buries her face in my neck, her emotional tears warm against me.
 

"I love you," I murmur tightly through my own emotion. "My God, I've missed you."

The sensation of having her in my arms again is a privilege I can't describe, even to myself. Neither of us can let go, so I simply walk her into our house, carrying her the whole way. I see Prentis smile in amusement, and also the minister.

Finally able to set her down, I pull her chin to me and kiss her with the need building in me for week upon week of being apart. My arms hold her against me and I revel in the touch of our bodies pressed together. Keeping myself from dragging her to the bedroom is made easy only by the wedding about to happen.