Shelter Me (27 page)

He slammed the door behind him, and I quickly threw the deadbolt before going to Marissa and folding her up in my arms. My hand was still throbbing, but she looked like she was about to collapse.

She started shivering uncontrollably, and I stroked her hair, making what I hoped were little soothing noises while she caught her breath.
 

"I'm...I'm...I don't..." she was barely able to speak. I just kept holding onto her tightly, trying not to think about what had just happened. Trying not to think about the fallout that was going to come.

"Thank you," she finally managed to say, her voice sounding a little steadier.

"I didn't really do anything," I said. "But you're welcome."

She laughed, still sounding shaky. "Didn't do anything? You scared the living daylights out of him."

"Really? Could have fooled me."

"He never would have backed off if he wasn't afraid of you." She pulled away a little, looking me in the eyes and managing a smile. "You don't know him as well as I do."

"Well, I certainly saw another side of him today." I hadn't doubted her story, certainly, but actually
seeing
Mark act like that was something else.
 

"You really think he won't show anyone the pictures?" she asked, suddenly looking anxious again. "I know I should be past worrying about that now, but..."

"I really doubt it," I said, hoping I was right. "They certainly don't make him look any better."

"I just wish I hadn't..." She hesitated. "I mean - I'm really, really glad you let me stay here. I don't know what else I would have done last night. But I wish I hadn't done something that looks bad, even if we know we didn't do anything wrong. At least if you vouch for me, people will probably believe my side of the story."
 

"Yeah, I guess I'm the respectable one." She was still standing very close, letting my arms continue to rest around her waist. Now that things had calmed down, it was starting to become downright distracting. The warmth of her body was seeping through both of our clothes, making me wish, more than anything, that she'd never been married to Mark at all. That she'd been married to me instead.

Not that that desire was anything new. But it was stronger now than it had ever been, and it was starting to head in a very dangerous direction. I swallowed hard, my throat starting to go dry.

"I guess so," said Mari. Her voice sounded a little husky. She was looking at me with eyes that said all sorts of things I didn't want to hear...except that I did, very much. More than anything.

"We're not doing anything wrong," I said, for some reason. My head was buzzing. "Right?"

She giggled a little. It was such a nice sound to hear, after everything. "Right," she said. Her eyes were shining.

I could feel my body starting to react to her closeness. By the time I realized I needed to pull away, it was too late. She must have noticed, but she just smiled.

"Jacob," she said, very softly.
 

I swallowed hard, but my head was swimming and I didn't know what I was supposed to say. It was hard enough to ignore these urges when I was alone, but now - pressed up against the only girl I'd ever loved, the softness of her body and that fresh sweet smell that seemed to follow her everywhere - I was lost. I'd happily trade ten lifetimes in hell for the chance to touch her, just once, the way I wanted to.

She leaned up on tiptoe and kissed me.

And that was it. From that moment, my lips pressed against hers and the electric shock jolting through my body at the feeling, there was no turning back. Her tongue pressed insistently into my mouth, and I could have died.

But I didn't.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Marissa

I kissed Jacob Warren in his parents' living room.

In the moment it didn't feel real, but that's not much of an excuse. I knew that it was. He'd fought Mark off for me, and now I could tell what he wanted - I'd known for a long time, but knowing and feeling were two different things - and I was going to give it to him.

I knew that it was "wrong" but it didn't
feel
wrong, and that was all that mattered. There was no guilt. Only his mouth, hot and sweet against mine, his body taut with pent-up desire, pressing against me with a growing heat. Mark could never kiss me for more than half a second without grabbing my wrist and pulling my hand down to cup the stiffness under his pants. But Jacob, frozen with shock, could only stand there and kiss me back with his hands resting chastely on my waist.

I'd made Jacob stumble and for once in my life, I didn't feel bad about it.
 

He finally pulled away, panting, his eyes wild with desire. I knew the feeling. His fingers dug into my waist. "Mari," he said, his voice wrecked. "Mari I...what are you..."

"Relax," I said. "This is happening."
 

It was a stupid thing to say, but it was the best thing I could think of at the moment.

A thousand different things flashed across his face - shock, hesitation, guilt, want,
need
. It was easy enough to see which would win out in the end. Finally his body sagged in defeat, and he wrapped his arms around me even more tightly, burying his face in my shoulder. He took in a long, deep breath.

"I want you so much," he whispered.

"I know," I whispered back. "I'm sorry you had to wait so long."

"Don't..." he pulled back, laughing a little. "Don't apologize. For crying out loud. You don't...you don't owe me anything."

"
Now
I do," I said. After it came out, I realized that it sounded like I was offering myself up to him like some kind of prize. But he somehow knew what I meant without my having to explain.

"All I ever wanted was to see you happy," he said softly, cupping my face in his hands. "If you can give me that, we'll call it even."

I smiled. "There's only one thing that would make me happy right now."

He kissed me again, until my knees trembled. Never, not once, had Mark been able to make me feel like this. I'd convinced myself that it was fine, that I even enjoyed it, but the truth was - all along, I'd known something was missing.

But not anymore.

We tumbled onto the sofa, with that sense of giddy abandon that swelled in my heart like a bubble about to pop. Every worry and every thought of past or future or consequences was erased from my mind. We were all that mattered. This was how it was supposed to be, I realized. Happy and without shame, every part of my body tingling from the roots of my hair down to the tips of my toes.

What if I'd never found out? What if I'd stayed with Mark forever, and I never got to feel this way?

I waited for the sense of crushing guilt, but it never came. In defiance of everything I'd been taught for as long as I could remember, my soul was clear.

How could this possibly be wrong?

I kissed him again and again, burying my hands in his hair, overwhelmed by finally,
finally
having him like this after wanting it for so long. Between my legs, the tender flesh was swelling and throbbing with some nameless need. I tilted my hips, and even through the thick denim of my jeans I could feel the answering heat in him. It pressed against me, firm and insistent, leaving no doubts in my mind that he wanted me just as much as I wanted him.

 
His fingers were rough and clumsy unbuttoning my shirt, but that just made me burn hotter. I squirmed, hungry for his touch on every inch of my body. He kissed me, hot and open-mouthed, on my shoulder, my chest, pushing my bra down and exposing my hard, puckered nipples to the air.

"Here, wait." I lifted myself up a little on my elbows and unhooked by bra with one hand, slipping it off and tossing it aside. The look of complete wonder and lust on his face was almost worth everything I'd been through these past few days. I wanted to cry. But I didn't.

He latched onto one breast and suckled gently. The warm, wet heat surrounding my sensitive flesh made me gasp and moan. I'd never felt anything like this, not even when I was alone.

He kissed down my body, slowly, and I felt goosebumps rise along the trail of his mouth. When he started unbuttoning my jeans I realized he wasn't going to stop, he was going to do
that thing
.

I knew about
that thing
. I'd had idle thoughts of asking Mark to do
that thing
, but had always laughed them off because let's be honest - there was no way Mark would consider doing
that thing
, even though I did
that thing
for him whenever he wanted.
 

I wanted it more than anything, but I was struck with a sudden self-consciousness. What if it was terrible for him? He didn't even know what he was getting into. Not in the least. A heavy blush crept across my face and chest. I didn't know what to do. If I stopped him, I'd never forgive myself. But if I didn't...

He pulled my jeans and underwear down in one smooth motion. And just like that, I was completely bared to him.

I held my breath. For a moment, it seemed like he held his, too.

He let it out a moment later, long a shaky, staring at the apex of my thighs.

"Can I..." he said, softly, his eyes flicking up to my face.

"Yes," I whispered, because what else could I possibly say?

At first, it just felt...strange. Such a foreign sensation, something soft and wet and warm slipping between my folds. It didn't feel anything like my own fingers, it didn't feel like anything at all that I could describe. But he wasn't stopping, and he wasn't pulling away, so it must not be too bad.

I tried to relax. I tried to remember what was happening. Who was doing this to me.

Jacob.

The sensations started to come to life, pleasure blooming and spreading up, up, through my stomach, into my chest, tingling all over. I moaned softly and tilted my hips to encourage him. He made a pleased sound, and began to lick me a little faster. Suddenly the pleasure was coming in waves, powerful and unstoppable, and all I could do was hold on. I groaned, feeling the muscles in my legs tighten and quiver, and then my mind went blank.

I couldn't even think of a word to describe it. No climax I'd had before ever came close. When I slowly returned to reality, I saw him wiping his mouth on his sleeve, smiling like anything.

"Wanted to do that forever," he said.
 

I pulled him down and kissed him, and tasted myself on his tongue.

There was no time for him to undress, I decided. Now, now, now was when I needed him inside me - sooner, if possible. I unzipped his pants and pulled him out, long and hot and thick in my hand. It pulsed when I stroked it, and his eyelids fluttered.

I guided him home.

The feeling of him, so close, filling me, stretching me open...it was nothing at all like how I'd imagined. It was a thousand times better. I clutched at his back as he thrust inside me, hitting so deep it made my eyes roll back in my head. It was all I could do to keep from screaming. I felt my inner muscles clench and shudder, and suddenly another tremor of pleasure was running through me. Less direct than the first, but deeper, and completely satisfying in a different way. I sighed, relaxing beneath him as his rhythm grew uneven and his breaths started coming short and harsh. I knew what that meant.

When I felt him swell and pulse inside of me, I watched his face transform. I wasn't naive enough to think he'd never felt it before, but not like this.
Never
like this. That, I could see in his expression. It was pure bliss.

"I love you," he whispered, his forehead resting against mine.

It took a moment for me to find my voice.

"I love you too."

I'd never seen him smile like that before.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Jacob

Things weren't as awkward as I thought they would be.

I don't know why, but after Marissa and I made love in my parents' living room, I thought maybe things would get weird for a while. But they didn't. I felt elated still, and she was smiling, and
she'd said that she loved me
. What else did I need? What else could I possibly ask for?

I knew my parents would probably be coming home later in the afternoon, so she'd have to leave. But right now, I didn't want to think about that. I didn't want to think about the fight that had brought her here, or the fact that Mark had used her, had taken such horrible advantage of her innocence. None of that was productive to think about now.

She loved me, and I loved her.
 

That was enough.

We sat and talked for a while, quietly, partially reclined on the sofa with her head resting on my chest. She talked about how much she'd missed me and how much it meant to her, just being able to talk to me for a few minutes. I knew exactly how she felt, and I told her so.

After a long pause, she sighed.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I can't go back there tonight," she said. "I'll have to...I guess I'll have to call my parents. Ask them if I can come back and live there for a while, until I figure out what I'm going to do."

"Sure," I said. "That sounds like a good idea."

"Might as well do it now," she said, sitting up. "If I think about it for too long, I'm going to chicken out completely."

She dug her phone out of her discarded jeans pocket, and frowned.

"What is it?"

"Mark called," she said. "Left a voicemail."

"Don't even listen to it," I said.
 

"I have to." She looked at me apologetically, getting up and walking to the kitchen. "Just...just give me a minute, okay? I want to hear it."

I sat there alone on the sofa in deafening silence, as the minutes ticked slowly by.

A sob echoed in the kitchen. I was jumping up from the sofa as she came running out, grabbing her clothes and throwing them on haphazardly.

"I'm sorry," she babbled, tears streaked down her face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I have to go. This is wrong. You know this is wrong. I can't...I have to...I'm still married to him, Jacob." She paused just long enough in her frantic scramble to give me a look that utterly broke my heart.