Shifters of Grrr 2 (24 page)

"...do not be afraid or discouraged...for the battle is not yours,

but God's..."
                           
2 Chronicles
 
20:15

~CEC

Chapter Nine - Without Love Nor Child

...How lonely she must be without love nor child...

The phrase hit Gabby like an early morning freight train. Years ago, at her last IVF session with Tim at the fertility clinic, she brought up that very thought. Nurse Carter had come into the stark, sterile room and had "the look." Gabby saw this look many times over those five years; she knew that look better than she cared to. It was the face of another failed attempt.

"Gabby, we need to talk about when we may need to start thinking about other options for you." She spoke slowly, as if to a child, and not at Gabby but at her bulging file folder of medical records.

"So you are giving up on me?" She couldn't believe that at $10,000 a pop the clinic would give up on her, but perhaps she was beginning to drag their success rate to new lows. That didn't get the new, younger patients in the door. It had been only eight attempts, spread out evenly over the half decade. Perhaps there were other clinics to try, or a new technology in experimental stages.

"No, we're not giving up. We just want to discuss more viable options that are available to you."

"Nurse Carter, Stacy, unless your options have the ability to make me pregnant, it's not viable to me."

Gabby had been tired. Tired of everyone giving their half-smiles and their pseudo-condolences. Tired of hearing about adoption and surrogate mothers. Surrogacy. It was incredibe to her that some surely well-meaning people actually had suggested that to her.

"It's still genetically your child. Think of it. Your egg. Tim's sperm. Your actual baby."

"Yes, but..."

"Wouldn't it be great Gabby? Your actual child."

"Yes, but..." How could she explain that the idea of watching another woman be pregnant, swollen with life –her and Tim's life-- repulsed her?

Everyone seemed to have their two cents to add. Each year, yet another holiday went by and countless "So when are you and Tim going to have kids?" were asked. One year she had told Tim, only partially kidding, that she was having shirts printed that read "When it happens, that's when" to wear to these events.
 

"That's not funny Gabby." He was right. She didn't laugh either.

Now so many years had passed from that time. Landon had taken Tim's place in her life. In some ways, he even surpassed the feelings she had for Tim. While she'd been with Tim well over a decade, in just under a year Landon had taken her heart and made it his own. Each beat was more in tune with his than the last, and here he was before her, patiently waiting for her to snap out of her daydream and listen.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" she asked.

"I was hoping that I could tell you one final thing. My last secret, if you will. I'm not quite sure how you'll take it, and it is why I have waited this long to tell you."

His head hung low, hoping that this would end up another pleasant surprise.

"Gabby, you know the whole shifter thing right?"

"Yes baby, you've already told me and shown me. I'm fine with that, sincerely."

"Good, good. Well, there is something else about that aspect of me that I've not told you about."

He waited only a moment before taking a leap of faith.
 

"As a shifter, I've known you were supposed to be mine since that first day at the party when I met you. All shifters can recognize their true love, their mate. While we can have sex like normal, we can also mate." Another pause, a deeper breath.

"What I'm trying to say is that I have the ability to give us children. I can get you pregnant if that is something you'd consider. You know, raising a family with me."

"I don't understand."

"If I want, I mean if we want, I can impregnate you."

"But we've had sex and still nothing. I am not understanding." Confusion showed on her face, and he tried to explain it as best it could.

"That was just sex. Shifters can have regular sex just like pure humans. As such, if you can't get pregnant, I couldn't get you pregnant. I can also 'mate' with you and then I'd have the ability to get you pregnant."

"So what is the difference between sex and mating?"

He smiled; he couldn't help it.

"Sex is a vanilla cone. Mating is the entire ice cream parlour."

She'd made peace with being childless only to find out that Landon had the ability to impregnate her. She was torn by this revelation to the point it felt like the entire world had been ripped out from under her feet.

Journal Entry -
June 4, 1993

Well, dear journal, sixty-five years show in every crevice of my face.
 
My step is slower, my mind less sharp, and my eyes fail. I'm an old woman. Seems like a lifetime ago that I began this simple account of my life. I've married a truly wonderful man and been blessed with 45 years with him. I've birthed twins and seen them through every tooth, scraped knee, and bruised ego. I've played with my children's children, advising them to take pity on their parents as their parents took pity on me. I've seen wonderful sights, read classic literature, and traveled well. I've lived a full life in these pages, and I embrace the end of it like a warm blanket surrounding me on a chilly eve. Death is not my enemy, but my final salvation.

Will I miss this rich land? Savannah has indeed been my home, warm and inviting she takes in every wanderer and rewards her brethren. I find solace in her moss draped trees and the fragrant foliage. The air stays thick with humidity, making my skin seem dewier than it truly is. Southern air, I believe, is the secret. It is the reason that women down here have such great looks. I'll even miss the sand gnats when I'm gone. Their bites are like being pinched to see if your life has been a dream. It's been a fine life, and I've made peace at leaving it behind.
 

Regrets? Of course. What life doesn't? I stayed in Savannah instead of moving to my beloved Florida where the water was green like a jewel. Marriage and family came and plans changed. So much has happened here, and I did get to visit the beach from time to time on vacations, both here in Savannah and in Florida where the tides call me like a lost lover. That was the reality of my life. Perhaps I may make it back to that gulf shore before death finally takes me.

I bet the emerald tides are beautiful now, hitting the dune with the seagulls scurrying. ~CEC

Chapter Ten - The Afterthought

A small piece of parchment fell from the journal as Gabby read the last entry. Written on the back of a trade agreement, Catherine had written this last passage:

This journal is the life I wish I'd had. I lay here in the hospital without much hope even though the doctors do their best to try to keep my spirits alive. They say I've a special kind of cancer, in my blood, and I'm holding on to a thread. If I were able to reach an age longer than my 16 years, this is what I hoped it would be like. I'm just holding on for the good Lord's miracle to find me.

Gabby realized it all at that moment. This wasn't a diary of a long and loving life. This was a journal written quickly by a dying girl during the Great Depression, finding a way to come to terms with never having a family just as Gabby was coming to terms with that same thing.

There were so many more keys. The journal was clearly written during a short period of time; the handwriting never faltered nor did the writing instrument change. Also, there were too many discoveries and major world events never commented on. There was never a mention of the NASA moon landing, segregation, JFK being shot, or mention of the tumbling down of the Berlin Wall. Gabby hadn't paid proper attention to the details; instead she got swept up trying to believe perfect lives did exist. In doing so, she nearly destroyed her own.

She sat there, brushing a tear from her eye and remembered how she met the loves of her life. With Tim, it was summer, and the heat wave was one of the worst on record. She had gone to a party with Alex.
 
Alex had not wanted to attend, so they agreed just to put in an appearance then head home. However, just as they began to make excuses to leave, Alex had spotted an old friend. It was Timothy. They reminisced about football skirmishes, old high school girlfriends and plans they had made for the future. Alex then had turned to Gabby and introduced her as "Gabriella". Gabby had only heard herself called "Gabby" once by him, he preferred to use her full name even though he knew she disliked it. Tim had grinned like he knew she disliked this formality.

"Nice to meet you, Gabby."

And she had smiled.
 

He made small talk asking about her job, hobbies, the usual, and in short conversation realized she liked many of the same things he did. He seemed like Alex's polar opposite. Over the coming months following the party, Gabby and Alex's relationship worsened. She couldn't do anything right, and he didn't think he ever did anything wrong. After losing the baby, the breakup was inevitable. Finally, Alex did move out citing a new girlfriend and a new start as the reason.
 

Gabby took it harder than she thought she would. She was happy that the fighting was over yet sad that the relationship failed, and he didn't even help her through their loss other than to yell at her for it. A week after leaving she had seen Alex and her replacement in a diner. It was then that the insult was added to injury; the woman was visibly pregnant, telling her that the affair had gone on longer than Alex had admitted.

Two months after the breakup, Tim came back to town after an extended family visit. Not knowing of the collapse of the relationship, he had paid a visit, only to find Alex had moved out. Not wanting to be rude, he stayed and chatted.
An hour won't hurt, and she'll not think I just came to see Alex,
he thought. Six hours later, it was nearly midnight. Neither had been aware of the time passing. As Tim walked down the steps to leave, Gabby handed him her cell phone number written on her new business cards. They met the following day at a local coffee shop for lunch. They shared casual conversation flavored with carrot cake and cappuccino.

The relationship took off from there. By the end of the month, Tim didn't need the card to remember her number. By the following month, he spent more time at her place than his. He was a good man, and she had been blessed to have spent as much time with him as she had been allowed before he slipped away.

And then she found herself thinking of Landon. The ease of her memory going to the party where she and Tim were, and him arriving brushed over her like a gentle wave of the ocean. He'd worn a blazer, and she remembered teasing him relentlessly over it, even though she didn't know him at all. She'd had a little more wine than she was used to back then, and Tim had gone to talk to someone else in the meantime.

From that simple encounter, one where she didn't even remember his name afterward, to randomly seeing him at a gas station two years later, and then him dropping his card at her table at the book signing. He always seemed to be there, in the shadows watching out for her. Just as he watched out for her now in his own simple way. He was quieter than Tim but just as strong. And in the early morning hours, he made her happy to wake up each day.

He'd been there with her family and friends and stood listening while those around him spoke badly about his kind. He didn't get angry, he didn't yell, he just stayed there with his arm around Gabby and smiled at her. Everything he did he seemed to do solely for her. She'd never felt more loved and that both thrilled her and made her feel guilty. She'd had so many years with Tim, how was it possible to be more in love with someone she hadn't had a year with yet?

And yet Landon had proposed when Tim never did. She had to question that, but no answers came. She shouldn't have turned him down over her own cold feet. She hoped that she'd have the chance to make it right.

She shut the pages of the tattered journal and realized there was still so much life left to live. Tim would have never wanted her to close herself off, and there was Landon, beautiful and sweet Landon. All he wanted was to love her, marry her, and raise a family with her. A family that she'd never have with anyone else. What she first thought of as a relationship going too fast now seemed like the perfect pace.

She called Landon and told him everything that she'd realized. That she wanted him, just as he was, shifter and all.
 
He left work early to be there by her side, racing in the door only an hour after she'd called. He didn't say hello, he didn't say anything as he went to her and pulled her into him. He held her for what felt like ages until his arms ached, and her cheeks were wet from his tears.

"I love you so much Gabby," he whispered in her ear.

"I'm ready Landon, for it all. You, forever, the baby, everything you've offered that I've been too bull-headed to accept. I'm ready for it all."

"Are you sure, love?" Landon was thrilled but cautious. Inside his leopard was already starting to roar to life, waiting for the chance to mate. He could smell her scent as it permeated the air, making him bone hard in want.