Shifting Gears: The Complete Series (Sports Bad Boy Romance) (68 page)

“I’m good, Marie. How are you?”

“I’m doing well, thank you. If I could get
these two to settle down for five minutes. It’s like living with two five year
olds. Did you get the egg-foo-yung?”

“Man, I want to be a woman when I grow
up,” Victor said.

We all looked at him in shock and Paul
said, “Why would you say that?”

“Because when you’re a woman you get to
give all the orders and decide on the food and everything.” Marie gave him a
narrow eyed look and Paul laughed. I tried to keep a neutral expression but I
think the smile won out.

Marie set the food up for us on a table in
the back room. They had a little refrigerator and there were three air
mattresses. It looked like a pitiful place to have to live…especially with a
kid. They all seemed to be doing well with it though. Marie was pleasant and
Victor was funny and Paul seemed to still be riding some of his high from the
fight the night before. I’d like to think it was from me too.

After we ate and cleaned up, which pretty
much consisted of throwing the paper plates and chopsticks away, Paul took my
hand and said, “Come here, I want to show you something.” I followed him
through another small room and he stopped at a metal ladder attached to the
wall. “You’re not afraid of heights are you?”

“No,” I said, honestly. I wasn’t so sure
about a rusty old ladder connected to a wall though. I didn’t say that part out
loud though so he stepped back and waited for me to go up. I climbed the six or
seven rungs and rose up through an opening at the top. It was the roof and as I
suspected, it was aluminum. I stepped up onto it, hoping that it would hold up
and a few seconds later Paul stepped out next to me. Between us now we were
putting about three hundred pounds of pressure on it. It didn’t seem to be
sagging or anything, but I was still a little freaked out. He took my hand
again and led me over to a part that had a little partition from the rest.

We sat down and Paul looked up at the sky
and said, “It’s pretty, huh?”

He put his arm around me and I looked up
at the obsidian sky dotted here and there with the twinkling of the stars.
“It’s beautiful,” I said. When I was a little girl I used to think if I could
get up high enough, I could touch one. Tonight they looked really far away. I
looked to the right of us, out across the rooftops of the rest of the abandoned
buildings and saw the distant flash of a shooting star, or maybe it was just
the lights of a car reflected just right. I made a wish anyways, just to be
sure.

I felt Paul’s lips against the side of my
head and I was surprised when he said, “One of these days, Jessie…I’m not going
to have to live like this. I’m going to be a champion and I’ll have all kinds
of money and I’ll be able to pay people to watch my family around the clock and
keep them safe.”

I leaned my head back into his shoulder
and said, “I believe you will.”

“Good,”
he said, “Because when that future happens for me, I’d really like you to be a
part of it.” I didn’t say anything to that. I didn’t have to. I’m sure like me,
he could feel it. I would live with

him in this abandoned building if I had
to. I definitely wanted to be a part of his future, whatever that future might
hold.

CHAPTER
SIX

I woke up to the sound of rain. I forgot
where I had fallen asleep until my hearing wasn’t the only sense assaulted by
it. I suddenly realized that I could feel it as it dropped onto my face and
rolled off me, dripping onto the heavy aluminum roof that Paul and I had fallen
asleep on the night before. I opened my eyes, unable to really tell what time
it was because the cloud cover caused everything around us to remain dark. The
rain was only a light drizzle right now, but a large black cloud was looming
nearby and I knew we’d be drenched if we didn’t get back inside.

“Hey sleepyhead, wake up. We’re getting
rained on.”

Paul turned over onto his back and then
groaned when he felt the harsh metal underneath him.

Opening one eye he said, “It’s raining?”
Before I answered him a big drop landed right on his cheek. He sat up and
laughed. “Yeah, I guess it is. Come on, let’s go inside.”

I followed him back down the ladder into
the old gym. I could hear Victor’s voice as we dropped to the floor. “Uncle
Paul! Did you guys sleep on the roof?”

He looked towards the other room where his
sister was and put his finger to his lips. Marie must be one of those mother’s
with x-ray vision because she said, “It’s too late now, Paul. Now what are you
going to tell him next time he wants to sleep up there?” Paul rolled his eyes
and Victor snickered.

“You got me in trouble again you little
creep,” he said. He pushed Victor playfully and Victor pushed him back. I had
to step out of the way to keep from getting in the middle of their pretend
tussle.

“Boys!” Marie called again from the other
room.

“We weren’t doing anything,” Victor
hollered back.

“Yeah, it was Jessie,” Paul said with a
grin.

I popped him on the back of the head which
thoroughly amused Victor. Paul picked him back up and carried him upside down
into the other room. Marie sighed and shook her head, but I could tell she
wasn’t really mad at them. Paul was so good with him and Victor so obviously
loved him that she couldn’t be.

I was surprised to see eggs and bacon and
hash browns on the table. I hadn’t noticed the cook-stove top the night before
or the microwave. I wondered how you got electricity to an abandoned building.
I was going to ask but then I remembered the gentle humming I’d heard the night
before when we were on the roof. It must be run on a generator, probably gas-powered.

Breakfast was surprisingly good and while
I watched Paul and Victor play and tease back and forth, I let myself
fleetingly fantasize about our future kids and what a great father he would be.
I smiled to myself when I thought about how good-looking they would be too.

“Are you staying today, Jessie?” Victor
asked me while we were cleaning up. “Mom and I are going for a walk down by the
old lake. It’s really cool down there. Nobody ever goes there so there are all
kinds of neat old junk to find.”

Marie smiled at him and said, “Yes, we
have boxes of it in the next room.”

“I’d like to, Victor but I have to work
this afternoon. Maybe another time?”

“Okay,” he said. He started to leave the
room and Paul grabbed his sister around the neck with his arm playfully and
said, “Quick Victor…get a box! I found some neat, old junk!”

Marie casually elbowed him in the ribs.
Paul doubled over and Victor laughed. It was cute how they all are with each
other. Being with them really made me wish I had a sibling or two.

“I’ll take you back to town today, if
that’s okay. I wanted to hit the gym for a while.”

“Sure, you think it’s safe?”

“I’ll be careful,” he said. Looking at
Marie he asked, “You don’t mind do you?”

“Nope. Me and the boy are going
junk-collecting. We’ll be fine.”

After I said good-bye to Marie and Victor
Paul and I started our walk back to the Chinese Restaurant. I was completely
shocked when we got there and his pick-up was gone and a small white two-door
Ford car was in its place. I could actually feel the panic in my chest before
he noticed the look on my face and said, “It’s okay. My Sensei trades my car
every few days. That way if Mitch does try following me, we’ve mixed it up a
little.”

“That’s really nice of him.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what we would have
done without him,” he said, unlocking the car and opening the door for me.
After I got in he went around to the other side.

When he got in and started up the car I
said, “Thank you for letting me come out. I had fun.”

He smiled and said, “I meant what I said
last night, it won’t always be like this.”

“I know,” I told him again. “I like seeing
you with Marie and Victor. I always wished I had a brother. You’re so good with
your nephew too. One of these days you’re going to be a really good father.” Paul
slammed on the brakes. If I hadn’t had my seatbelt on my head would have gone
right through the windshield. “What the hell was that?” I said.

He looked mad as he said, “Sorry, touchy
brakes. I’m not used to this car.” We drove on for a while in silence. He
seemed like he was brooding over something all of a sudden.

“Paul…did I say something to piss you off
or what?”

“No.”

We drove along again in silence for
another ten minutes before I said, “Obviously I did. Why not just tell me…”

He hit the brakes again, this time pulling
off the side of the road. He put the car in park and said, “It’s not your
fault, but I don’t like it when people tell me I’m going to be a good father.”

“Why?” I couldn’t fathom how that could be
anything but a compliment. He acted like he didn’t hear me at first. He put the
car back in gear and pulled back out onto the road. After a bit I said, “Paul?
Why?”

“Because I was a father. A horrible one.
The worst kind. My son died on my watch.” He said that all through gritted
teeth. I felt like I had walked into a nightmare. What the hell? He had a son?

“You were a father? When did this happen?
Where is his mother?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Jessie.”

“But…”

“God damn it, Jessie! Are you fucking hard
of hearing? I don’t want to fucking talk about it!”

I wasn’t hard of hearing. I sat there
quietly in shock wondering if I had a sign carved into my forehead that said,
“Messed up guys wanted,” or “The more screwed up the better.” I was in a big
enough mess trying to have a relationship with a guy who followed his sister
around to keep her safe and lived in an abandoned gym. Now I find out he had a
son…who died? What the hell is wrong with me? How is it possible that I attract
nothing but men with demons and souls that need to be mended? I couldn’t fix
the last one…chances are that I can’t fix this one either.

When we got to my apartment, I got out of
the car thinking he was just going to leave. I was wrong. He followed me in,
neither one of us talking still. It was like déjà vu when I stepped in the
door. I knew something was wrong.

Paul was looking around at the walls as I
called out, “Mom?” I was met with nothing but silence.

“What happened to your walls?”

“My mother painted them,” I said, simply.
I was still mad at him for yelling at me. I think if he wants to talk about
having any kind of future with me, finding out what happened to his kid and the
kid’s mother were legitimate questions. I started going room to room, calling
out for her. It was ridiculous; the whole place was only twelve-hundred square
feet. If she was there, she would have answered me. The problem was my worst
nightmare since I’d been a teenager was finding her dead from an overdose…or
worse.

“You can get back to Marie and Victor,” I
told Paul. “I have to find my mother.”

“No, they’re okay. I’ll go with you. Do
you know where to look?”

“I left her at the Baptist Church on
Seventh Street last night before I came to see you. It doesn’t look like she’s
been home all night.”

“Okay, let’s start there.” I was grateful
to him for volunteering and I was really too panicked to drive right then. I
followed him back out to the car and we rode in silence again. I felt sick to
my stomach. What if something happened to her while she tried to make her way
home last night? I should have waited for her. Why was I so selfish?

When we got to the church I jumped out and
went straight to the place where the meeting had been the night before. The
door was locked.

“Jessie, the office is over here.” I
followed Paul over to another door and he knocked on it. Mike, the guy who had
led the group the night before answered the door. I thought I’d been shocked
all I could be lately. But when Mike pulled open the door and saw Paul his face
lit up and he said, “Hey Paul! How are you?”

“Hi Mike. I’m okay. Jessie here is looking
for her mom.”

Once again…What the hell? I didn’t have
time to worry about it right now though so I tucked it away for later. “My mom
came to the NA meeting last night. She’s about forty, looks a lot like me. Her
name is Lynn…” Mike was still looking at me with a neutral expression. “Listen,
I’m not trying to make you break any kind of confidentiality. I’m just really
worried about her. I dropped her off last night and she never made it home.”

“I remember Lynn,” he said. “She was here,
for the entire meeting. She even participated a little. She left when it was
over though, Jessie. I haven’t seen her since.”

“Shit! Damn! I’m sorry. I forgot this was
a church.”

“It’s okay. Do you have any other ideas
where to look for her? Did you call her friends?” I felt tears stinging the
corners of my eyes. She doesn’t have any friends, at least none that I knew. If
I could find them, I doubt they would be in the condition to tell me anything.

“I’ll call around,” I told him. “Thank
you.” I heard my voice crack and I got out of there. I didn’t want to cry in
front of a stranger. I didn’t want to cry in front of Paul for that matter.

“Maybe she went to stay with a friend?”
Paul said as we walked out to the car.

“You don’t understand. If that’s the case,
she’s still not in a good place. I made her feel bad about herself yesterday
and then I abandoned her here. I should have stayed and taken her home. What if
something happened to her? What if she’s not in a safe place? It’s going to be
my fault.” Paul didn’t say anything else as we got back into the car. I took
out my phone and started looking up and calling homeless shelters. There were
only three in the city that were staffed during the day. They all told me that
they didn’t take names on the people that stayed there, but when I described
her they said her description didn’t sound familiar.

I started calling all the crappy motels
close by next. Paul just sat there watching me. His eyes looked sad and
concerned.

He waited for me to exhaust myself with
phone calls that led nowhere before starting the car and saying, “I’m going to
drop you at home.”

I just looked at him. That was fine. He
couldn’t be bothered to stick by me when it was my family in trouble then that
was just fine.

When we got to my apartment he said, “I
want you to stay here where you’re safe. Make some more phone calls. Maybe
she’ll come home while you’re here. I know some places in the city where the
druggies hang out. I’m going to check them out and I’ll be back.”

The only part of that sentence I actually
heard was “druggie.” Did he actually just call my mother a “druggie?” What the
fuck? I didn’t say a word. I just got out of the car and slammed the door. This
was too much for me right now. I needed to find my mother.

CHAPTER
SEVEN

I unlocked the door, slammed into my
apartment and threw my purse and keys across the room as I did. How dare Paul
call my mother a druggie? He didn’t know her. Hell…he barely knew me. We barely
knew each other. I had told him just a little bit about Mom the night he had
dinner here, but I never used that word… “Druggie.” To me it would have been
comparable to him calling her a bitch. It’s a derogatory term and not one I
want to be banded about when someone’s talking about my mother. You just don’t
go around calling people’s mothers names. Why doesn’t he know that? Besides, he
heard me say she went to an NA meeting, so obviously he was trying. Was he one
of those kinds of guys who couldn’t give a person a break? No second chances
for anyone unless they were in his family and then the second chances ran amok.
How dare he come from where he does and judge my mother! He was so obviously
not perfect…so obviously not raised in a perfect home to begin with. Damn him!

I walked over to pick up my keys and
caught sight of the wall out of the corner of my eye. I sat down on the couch
and looked at it. It was a forest. The leaves were both light and dark green
like shadows were being cast across them and the little stream that ran through
them looked real enough to take a drink out of. The rocks were tan and gray and
the water formed bubbles around them. The path through the trees looked like it
led into a place where there was light. The sky wasn’t visible because the
umbrella of trees blocked it out. It looked peaceful and I’d be willing to bet
that my mother had painted it because it was a place she wanted to be…at peace
for a change. I know she doesn’t want to live like this…she just doesn’t know
how to live any other way. When we find her I’m going to make sure she knows I
will be here to help her, always. She doesn’t have to live like this. I can
help her get better.

I couldn’t sit still. I got up and paced
and then I decided to make some more phone calls. I looked up the number for
the guy “Tyler” that she’d been living with before she came to live with me and
I called him.

When he answered I said, “Hi Tyler. This
is Jessie, I’m Lynn’s daughter.”

For a second, I thought he’d hung up.
Finally, he said, “Yeah, um…Lynn’s not here…”

“I know. She was here, staying with me…I
think she’s using again and she’s gone off missing and I’m worried. Would you
have any idea where I might look for her?”

“Not really. The bar I used to play music
at was one of her favorite places. It’s called “Sequoia Club.” You might want
to call there and see if anyone has seen her.”

“Okay, I’ll try that. Hey Tyler…”

“Yeah?”

“Was she using drugs, when she was with
you?”

“No. She went to that rehab over in
Whittier. She was clean after that as far as I knew…at least six months,” he
said.

That was what she had told me. She had
been clean for over half a year. This was just a slip-up, not even enough to be
classified as a relapse. We could get her back on the right track again.

“Thank you, Tyler.”

“Sure.” He hung up. Whatever my mother had
done to him, she’d burnt her bridge. It was obvious in his voice. I couldn’t
hold that against him though, I’m her daughter and look at the things she’d
done to me. Rationally I know I should walk away. Emotionally, I can’t.

I looked up the number for that bar he
told me about and I called it. A woman named Wanda answered. I told her who I
was and said, “I’m looking for my mother Lynn. She used to come in with Tyler
Grant…a red-haired lady, green eyes…”

“I know Lynn. She ain’t been here in about
a week though, honey.”

“Okay, thanks. Wouldn’t you have any idea
where else I might look?”

“I really don’t, sweetie. But I have your
number on caller ID here. If I see her or hear anything I’ll call you. Is she
okay?”

“I’m sure she is,” I lied. In my head I
was thinking of all kinds of horrifying scenarios. “Thank you,” I said. I
called a couple more motels. They all claimed to not see her. But they were
cheap, creepy motels and the type of clientele that frequented it liked to keep
a low profile. I was even more frustrated when I hung up. I didn’t want to, but
I finally decided I was going to bite the big bullet and call Justin. If
someone was selling her drugs, I was pretty sure it was him. I’d rather pull
out my own molars with a pair of rusty pliers than talk to him, but I had to
find her. I was pacing the floor as I made my phone calls and as I was about to
punch in Justin’s number I walked past the window. There was a police car out
in front. Shit! I put the phone down and trying not to stand right in the
window where he could see me I took another look. There was a man in it…a big
man. It was Mitch, I was sure of it. Fuck! What does he want from me now?

While I was pondering that, Mitch was
apparently getting out of the car and coming up to my door. I heard him
knocking. I should have been afraid, but I wasn’t. I was too pissed at the
world. Mom for disappearing and making me worry…Paul for…a lot of things…and
Mitch for just basically being an asshole.

I pulled the door open and said, “What?”
Then, without giving him a chance to answer I said, “I don’t have time for your
shit today. I don’t know when the hell you ever have time for real police work.
You’re always so busy stalking people you big freak! Leave me alone. I have my
own problems.”

Mitch just stood there and looked at me
while I ranted and when I finally took a breath he said, “Can I come in?”

“No! Jeez! You’re a lunatic! Go away!”

“Jessie, it’s about your mother. Do you
want me to discuss it out here where just anyone can hear?”

Oh shit! Son of a bitch! I stepped back
from the door and let him in. I didn’t really have a choice, as was becoming
the norm lately. Once he was in I closed the door and said, “What do you know
about my mother?” Mitch was looking at the artwork on my walls with an amused
expression on his face. I really wasn’t in the mood. “Hey! What do you know
about my mother?” I repeated it, this time annunciating each syllable.

“She’s down at the station,” he said,
still in that calm voice with that dead-eyed expression. What Marie ever saw in
him was completely beyond me. “Nice art on the walls by the way.”

“She’s where? Why is she at the station?
The police station?”

Mitch chuckled and said, “No, I just came
by to let you know she was at the gas station.”

“Cut the crap Mitch! What have you done to
my mother?”

“I didn’t do anything to her. Your mother
was picked up for buying drugs from an undercover cop. I’m here as a concerned
friend….”

“Friend? Are you freaking kidding me? We
are so far from friends that we may as well be on separate continents. You are
not now and will never be my friend. Get that straight.” I grabbed my purse and
keys and now wearing an amused expression as if my tirade was funny he said,
“Are you leaving?”

“I’m going to get my mother. Excuse me.”
He was standing between me and the door. I was an idiot for ever letting him
back in here.

“You can’t just “go get her,” Jessie.
That’s not how this works.” I was afraid I already knew how this was going to
work, but again, I had to ask.

Dropping my purse and slumping down in a
chair because my legs were shaking so badly they would hardly hold me up, I
said, “Tell me, Mitch. How does this work?”

He sat down on my couch and seemed to be
making himself comfortable as he said, “I can bring mom home…without a single
blemish on her pristine record….”