Her brother was so close now. She could see the fatigue filling his face as he swam against the current to reach her. Her strength waned. It took everything she had to cling to the piling, to concentrate on staying calm. Riley would be there soon, he would save her. She couldn’t let go. If she did, she’d be swept downstream and lost forever.
Her eyes widened as John closed the distance separating them. Before she could think of what she could do to fight him, he wrapped his arms around her in a fierce hold. She didn’t have the strength to struggle. Instead, she focused on keeping her legs wrapped around the piling, refusing to let him pull her free.
Cold determination entered his eyes. She wasn’t sure
where she got the strength to hold on to the piling, and on to him. Suddenly, it was so easy. He struggled against her, but she held tight thinking of all the lost years, all because of her brother who loved her too much. She could have laughed at the irony. She’d always thought she was alone and unloved, but he had been there, watching, waiting, playing his sick games the whole time.
Her limbs began to grow weak and her mind started to drift as the burn increased, then dissipated, in her chest. Suddenly, she realized she wasn’t cold anymore as languid warmth moved through her. She saw something coming toward her—a bright, golden light moving steadily through the dark haze.
Mama?
Joy filled every part of her and she realized she’d never felt this happy before, this complete. She looked into John’s eyes to see if he saw her, too. But his dark gaze had lost its sheen and seemed to be focused on nothing at all.
You were right, John. Mama is here! She is waiting for me.
She opened her arms to embrace her mother and barely noticed as John drifted away.
Mama, I’m home.
“NO!” RILEY’S HEART screamed as he watched the man throw Devra over the side of the bridge. He wouldn’t let her leave him. He couldn’t. He loved her, dammit.
He hurried to the shore, all the while watching for her to surface, but she didn’t. A second later, the man followed her. Fear clutched Riley’s heart, but he
wouldn’t succumb to it. He wouldn’t let evil win, not this time. He kicked off his shoes and scanned the river for any sign of them. Where were they? Unable to wait a second longer, he dove into the water.
The first thing to hit him was the numbing cold that froze his limbs and stung his skin, the second was the murky darkness. He couldn’t see two feet in front of him. Hopeless despair seized him. He surfaced.
“Anything?” the chief yelled.
“I can’t see a thing!” Riley called, then dove back under and let the current take him down toward the bridge, to the last place he saw her. His heart plummeted as he searched the murky water. The current was so strong she could be a mile downstream by now. Despair clutched him and he tried to fight it. He wouldn’t let another person he cared about die, especially not her—not his Devra. He loved her and he refused to live without her.
Coming up for a deep breath, he dove under again and this time, he saw something. Suddenly, the silt in the water cleared and there she was in front of him, clinging to her brother, each holding on to one another in an awkward embrace. Devra’s hair billowed around them in the icy water. He wanted to yell, to scream, to breathe. His lungs ached with the effort to swim toward them.
As he approached, Devra raised her arms and let go of her brother. He drifted away, his eyes opened wide in a stupefied, blank stare. Riley reached toward her. She was looking past him and smiling. He grabbed hold of her by the waist and hauled her toward the surface.
As they broke free, he gasped a huge breath of air, but Devra didn’t. She was unconscious. As fast as he was able, he swam downstream toward shore.
“She’s not breathing!” he yelled to the chief as he carried her onto shore. He bent over her, grasped both arms around her waist and lifted her up, over and over, squeezing the water from her lungs. Once the water was clear, he laid her on the ground and started CPR. “Come on, Devra. Breathe,” he demanded in between breaths.
“The paramedics will be here in a few minutes,” the chief said and looked anxiously behind him toward the road.
Devra coughed and water came pouring out of her mouth.
Riley helped her clear the water then continued CPR until she started to cough again. “Breathe for me, baby,” Riley pleaded. “Come on and breathe.”
Tears streamed from her eyes as she turned to look at him. Relief overwhelmed him at the sight of her vivid blue gaze fixated on him.
“The paramedics are here,” the chief said as the truck pulled near.
“You’re going to be okay,” Riley said.
“My mom?” She looked around, confusion filling her eyes and wrinkling her brow. “John?”
“Gone. He can’t hurt you anymore. He can’t hurt anyone.” A shadow fell over her eyes, stealing their brightness and replacing it with a dull gleam. Riley didn’t like the look of her cold, distant stare. It was almost as if the Devra he knew, the Devra inside, just disappeared. “Devra?”
“Excuse me, sir,” one of the paramedics said and bent over her. “We need to check her.”
Reluctantly, Riley moved out of the way as the team checked her vitals, put an oxygen mask over her face, then loaded her into the ambulance.
“Ride with them to the hospital,” the chief said and nudged Riley toward their van.
“What about you?”
“I’m not leaving until I find the man who killed my boy.”
“He was drifting downstream,” Riley said. Then he climbed into the back of the ambulance and took Devra’s hand. “It’s going to be all right now. The nightmare is over,” he whispered, trying to assure her that everything was okay. But he didn’t like the dark cast to her gaze nor the way he couldn’t get her to focus on him. It made him edgy, it gave him the feeling that everything wasn’t okay, and if he weren’t careful, it would never be okay again.
DARKNESS SWIRLED around her. She waited patiently for the light, for her mama to come back to her. She was cold and alone, but she wasn’t scared. Somehow, it was comforting here. There was no fear, no running; she’d finally found someplace to hide where no one could find her. No one could hurt her.
She thought she felt someone touching her face, her hair.
Mama? Are you here? I’m so tired, Mama.
The shadows drifted away and she fell back to sleep.
“Devra, can you hear me?”
She stirred.
Who was that?
A voice reached for her.
She retreated back farther from the voice. She wasn’t ready.
Not yet, please.
“What’s wrong with her?” the voice asked. “Why won’t she wake up?”
She heard something far from her; it sounded like the rattling of papers. Then a bright light shone in her eyes. Panic tripped her heart. Stay away from me, she begged. But no one seemed to hear her. She retreated and all was black again. All was safe.
RILEY WATCHED Devra grow paler and more withdrawn with each passing hour. She was leaving him. He could feel it. Despair racked his body. This was his fault. She’d needed him, depended on him, and he’d let her down. He’d failed.
“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. He squeezed her hand and pushed her wild hair back from her head. “Don’t leave me, Devra. Please, come back to me.”
No sound, no movement. She just lay there motionless, like a lost princess from a fairy tale. Only he wasn’t her Prince Charming. Far from it. But he did love her with all his heart.
“I love you. You can’t leave me. I don’t want to go through this life without you. I don’t want to be alone. Not anymore.”
She didn’t respond. He rose and stared out the window. A storm had moved in and rain was falling in sheets onto the hospital parking lot. He turned back to her. “Your mom and dad are here. They’ve been here all night, taking turns talking to you, holding your hand. They love you, baby, and so do I. We all love you.”
He stared at the monitor that measured her heartbeat. Steady rhythms, no change, no stress, no sign that would tell him she was fighting to find her way back to him.
“I’m sorry I doubted you,” he said, hoping that somehow, somewhere, she could hear him. “It was only for an instant, but it was enough to send you chasing off after that monster alone. I’ll never forgive myself for that, for letting you down.”
He sat back down and took her hand into both of his. “I should have trusted my instincts. I’ve made so many mistakes and I haven’t allowed myself to learn from them and let them go. I haven’t allowed myself to leave the past in the past. If I had, maybe I would have been able to trust you, your instincts, your decisions.”
He dropped his forehead onto her hand. “I didn’t believe in you. I gave you no choice but to fight your battle alone. That wasn’t right. You shouldn’t have had to face him alone.”
Her hand moved.
He looked up. Was it possible? She looked the same as before; had he imagined it? “Devra? Can you hear me? Come on, sweetie. Come back to me.” He stared at her hand, willing it to move again.
“No,” she said, her voice a hoarse whisper that could barely be heard.
He looked up, his heart soaring as she opened her eyes.
“Not your fault,” she said as tears and pain filled her eyes.
“Shh. Save your strength.” Emotion overwhelmed him as he stared at her. He knew he should call a doc
tor, but he didn’t want to let her out of his sight. “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”
“My fault. I held on. I… I didn’t want to go with him.” She closed her eyes and turned away.
He didn’t understand. “No,” he said suddenly afraid she would leave him again. “I’m going to get a doctor.” He stood.
She turned back to him. “No, don’t leave me. Not yet.”
Hesitantly, he turned from the door then sat back down. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
She stared at him for a long minute, her liquid blue eyes melting with pain. “No, I’m not okay. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. I’m damaged, much more than I ever thought.”
Fear clutched his heart. “What are you saying?” You’re fine. There was no damage.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “That’s not what I mean.”
Understanding dawned. “It wasn’t your fault. He was a monster, yes, but it had nothing to do with you.”
“It had everything to do with me. Everything he did was for me. Because of me.”
“I’m sorry you had to fight him alone.”
She let out a harsh sound that almost sounded like a laugh. “I didn’t fight him. I ran.”
“You didn’t have a choice.”
“Didn’t I?” She sighed. “We all have choices, Riley. All these years…” Something broke in her throat. “I was loved,” she whispered.
“You still are,” he said softly.
She looked at him, a flicker of fear shining in her gaze.
“I love you, Devra.”
“You can’t,” she whispered.
“I do.”
“It’s not safe to love me. Bad things happen to people who love me.”
“Not anymore.” He stood up, bent over the bed and took her face in his hands, then pressed his lips to hers. It was a frenzied kiss, desperate and unrelenting. He wouldn’t let her go. Not now, not ever. “All these years, I’ve been afraid to love, afraid to live. Afraid if I did, life would steal it away and I wouldn’t be able to live with that. But I wasn’t living, any more than you were.”
He sat back down and took her hand, then leaned close so she could see the sincerity in his eyes, so she could see how much this meant to him. How much she meant to him. “We were both running and hiding, not only from monsters but from love. Don’t run anymore, Devra. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye. She shook her head. “I don’t know how.”
“We’ll figure it out together. Let go of the shame and the guilt. I have, and you can, too. But most of all, let go of the fear.”
Uncertainty filled her eyes.
“Do you love me?” he asked. Anxiety pricked him as he waited for her answer. She had his heart in her hands, and he prayed she would keep it.
She nodded, slowly at first, then a small smile trembled at the corners of her lips.
He took a deep breath and a giant leap of faith. “Will
you marry me, Devra Morgan Miller? Will you stay by my side always and never let me give up fighting for you, for us, for our family?”
Tears pooled in her eyes and ran down her cheeks. “On one condition.”
He had her, he could tell by the color filling her cheeks. He flashed his famous MacIntyre grin, known to melt hearts all over the South. “And what would that be, sugar?”
“That we don’t fight any more monsters alone. Real, imagined or otherwise.”
He leaned over the bed and pulled her into his arms, then held tight to the rest of his life. “You’re on, baby.”
ISBN: 978-1-4592-3263-1
SHIVER
Copyright © 2005 by Cynthia D. Cooke
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