Shiver Trilogy (Shiver, Linger, Forever) (6 page)

It’s rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don’t know you’re doing it. And the truth was, I couldn’t stop staring at Sam. If he’d gone to my school, he probably would’ve been dismissed as an emo kid or maybe a long-lost member of the Beatles. He had that sort of mop-top black hair and interestingly shaped nose that a girl could never get away with. He looked nothing like a wolf, but everything like my wolf. Even now, without his familiar eyes open, a little part of me kept jumping with irrational glee, reminding myself —
it’s him
.

“Oh, honey, are you still here? I thought you’d left.”

I turned as the green curtains parted to admit a broad-shouldered nurse. Her name tag read
SUNNY
.

“I’m staying until he wakes up.” I held on to the side of the hospital bed as if to prove how difficult it would be to remove me.

Sunny smiled pityingly at me. “He’s been heavily sedated, hon. He won’t wake up until the morning.”

I smiled back at her, my voice firm. “Then that’s how long I’m staying.” I’d already waited hours while they removed the bullet and stitched the wound; it had to be after midnight by now. I kept waiting to feel sleepy, but I was wired. Every time I saw him it was like another jolt. It occurred to me, belatedly, that my parents hadn’t bothered to call my cell phone when they got back from Mom’s gallery opening. They probably hadn’t even noticed the bloody towel I’d used to hurriedly wipe up the floor, or the fact that Dad’s car was missing. Or maybe they just hadn’t gotten home yet. Midnight was early for them.

Sunny’s smile stayed in place. “Okay, then,” she said. “You know, he’s awfully lucky. For the bullet to just graze him?” Her eyes glittered. “Do you know why he did it?”

I frowned at her, nerves prickling. “I don’t follow. Why he was in the woods?”

“Hon, you and I both know he wasn’t in the woods.”

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to say something else, but she didn’t. I said, “Uh, yeah. He was. A hunter accidentally shot him.” It wasn’t a lie. Well, all but the “accidentally” part. I was pretty confident it was no accident.

Sunny clucked. “Look — Grace, isn’t it? Grace, are you his girlfriend?”

I grunted in a way that could be interpreted as either yes or no, depending on how the listener was leaning.

Sunny took it as a yes. “I know you’re really close to the situation, but he does need help.”

Realization dawned on me. I almost laughed. “You think he shot himself. Look — Sunny, isn’t it? Sunny, you’re wrong.”

The nurse glared at me. “Do you think we’re stupid? That we wouldn’t notice this?” On the other side of the bed, she took Sam’s limp arms and turned them so his palms faced toward the ceiling in a silent entreaty. She gestured at the scars on his wrists, memories of deep, purposeful wounds that should’ve been lethal.

I stared at them, but they were like words in a foreign language. They meant nothing to me. I shrugged. “Those are from before I knew him. I’m just telling you he didn’t try and shoot himself tonight. It was some insane hunter.”

“Sure, hon. Fine. Let me know if you need anything.” Sunny glared at me before backing out of the curtain and leaving me alone with Sam.

Face flushed, I shook my head and stared at my white-knuckled grip on the bed. Of all my pet peeves, condescending adults were probably at the top of the list.

A second after Sunny was gone, Sam’s eyes flicked open, and I jumped out of my skin, heart pounding in my ears. It took a long moment of staring at him for my pulse to return to normal. Logic told me to read his eyes as hazel, but really, they were still yellow, and they were definitely fixed on me.

My voice came out a lot quieter than I meant it to. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“Who are you?” His voice had the same complicated, mournful tone I remembered from his howl. He narrowed his eyes. “Your voice seems so familiar.”

Pain flickered through me. It hadn’t occurred to me that he might not remember his time as a wolf. I didn’t know what the rules were for this. Sam reached his hand toward mine, and
I automatically put my fingers in his. With a guilty little smile, he pulled my hand toward his nose and took a sniff, and then another one. His smile widened, though it was still shy. It was absolutely adorable, and my breath got caught somewhere in my throat. “I know that smell. I didn’t recognize you; you look different. I’m sorry. I feel stupid for not remembering. It takes a couple hours for me — for my brain — to come back.”

He didn’t release my fingers, and I didn’t take them away, even though it was hard to concentrate with his skin against mine. “Come back from what?”

“Come back from
when
,” he corrected. “Come back from when I was …”

Sam waited. He wanted me to say it. It was harder than I thought it would be, to admit it out loud, even though it shouldn’t have been.

“When you were a wolf,” I whispered. “Why are you here?”

“Because I was shot,” he said pleasantly.

“I meant like
this
.” I gestured toward his body, so clearly human underneath the silly hospital gown.

He blinked. “Oh. Because it’s spring. Because it’s warm. Warm makes me
me
. Makes me Sam.”

I finally pulled my hand away and closed my eyes, trying to gather what was left of my sanity for a moment. When I opened my eyes and spoke, I said the most mundane thing possible. “It’s not spring. It’s September.”

I’m not the best at reading people, but I thought I saw a glimmer of anxiety behind his eyes before they cleared. “That’s not good,” he remarked. “Can I ask you a favor?”

I had to close my eyes again at the sound of his voice, because it shouldn’t have been familiar, but it was, speaking to me on some deep level just like his eyes always had as a wolf. It was turning out to be more difficult to accept this than I’d thought. I opened my eyes. He was still there. I tried again, closing and then opening them once more. But he was still there.

He laughed. “Are you having an epileptic fit? Maybe
you
should be in this bed.”

I glared at him, and he turned bright red as he realized another meaning for his words. I spared him from his mortification by answering his question. “What’s the favor?”

“I, uh, need some clothing. I need to get out of here before they figure out I’m a freak.”

“How do you mean? I didn’t see a tail.”

Sam reached up and began to pry at the edge of the dressings on his neck.

“Are you crazy?” I reached forward and grabbed at his hand, too late. He peeled away the gauze to reveal four new stitches dotting a short line through old scar tissue. There was no fresh wound still oozing blood, no evidence of the gunshot except for the pink, shiny scar. My jaw dropped.

Sam smiled, clearly pleased by my reaction. “See, don’t you think they’d suspect something?”

“But there was so much blood —”

“Yeah. My skin just couldn’t heal when it was bleeding so much. Once they stitched me up —” He shrugged and made a little gesture with his hands, like he was opening a small book. “Abracadabra. There are some perks to being me.” His words
were light, but his expression was anxious, watching me, seeing how I was taking all this. How I was taking the fact of his existence.

“Okay, I just have to see something here,” I told him. “I just —” I stepped forward and touched the end of my fingers to the scar tissue on his neck. Somehow feeling the smooth, firm skin convinced me in a way that his words couldn’t. Sam’s eyes slid to my face and away again, unsure of where to look while I felt the lump of old scar beneath the prickling black sutures. I let my hand linger on his neck for slightly longer than necessary, not on the scar, but on the smooth, wolf-scented skin beside it. “Okay. So obviously you need to leave before they look at it. But if you sign out against medical advice or just take off, they’ll try to track you down.”

He made a face. “No, they won’t. They’ll just figure I’m some derelict without insurance. Which is true. Well, the insurance part.”

So much for being subtle. “No, they’ll think you left to avoid counseling. They think you shot yourself because of —”

Sam’s face was puzzled.

I pointed to his wrists.

“Oh, that. I didn’t do that.”

I frowned at him again. I didn’t want to say something like, “It’s okay, you have an excuse” or “You can tell me, I won’t judge,” because, really, that’d be just as bad as Sunny, assuming that he’d tried to kill himself. But it wasn’t as though he could’ve gotten those scars tripping on the stairs.

He rubbed a thumb over one of his wrists, thoughtful. “My mom did this one. Dad did the other one. I remember they
counted backward so they’d do it at the same time. I still can’t stand to look at a bathtub.”

It took me a moment to process what he meant. I don’t know what did it — the flat, emotionless way he said it, the image of the scene that swam in my head, or just the shock of the evening in general, but I suddenly felt dizzy. My head whirled, my heartbeat crashed in my ears, and I hit the sticky linoleum floor hard.

I don’t know how many seconds I was out, but I saw the curtain slide open at the same time that Sam thumped back down on the bed, slapping the bandage back over his neck. Then a male nurse was kneeling beside me, helping me sit up.

“Are you okay?”

I’d fainted. I’d never fainted in my life. I closed my eyes and opened them again, until the nurse had one head instead of three heads floating side by side. Then I began to lie. “I just thought about all the blood when I found him …
ohhhh
…” I still felt woozy, so the
ohhhh
sounded very convincing.

“Don’t think about it,” suggested the nurse, smiling in a very friendly way. I thought his hand was slightly too close to my boob for casual contact, and that fact steeled my resolve to follow through with the humiliating plan that had just popped into my head.

“I think — I need to ask an embarrassing question,” I muttered, feeling my cheeks heat. This was almost as bad as if I was telling the truth. “Do you think I could borrow a pair of scrubs? I — uh — my pants —”

“Oh!” cried the poor nurse. His embarrassment at my condition was probably sharpened by his earlier flirtatious smile. “Yes. Absolutely. I’ll be right back.”

Good as his word, he returned in a few minutes, holding a folded pair of sick-green scrubs in his hands. “They might be a little big, but they have strings that you can — you know.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled. “Uh, do you mind? I’ll just change here. He’s not looking at anything at the moment.” I gestured toward Sam, who was looking convincingly sedated.

The nurse vanished behind the curtains. Sam’s eyes flashed open again, distinctly amused.

He whispered, “Did you tell that man you went potty on yourself?”

“You. Shut. Up,” I hissed back furiously and chucked the scrubs at his head. “Hurry up before they find out I didn’t wet myself. You seriously owe me.”

He grinned and slid the scrubs beneath the thin hospital sheet, wrestling them on, then tugged the dressing from his neck and the blood pressure cuff from his arm. As the cuff dropped to the bed, he ripped off his gown and replaced it with the scrubs top. The monitor squealed in protest, flatlining and announcing his death to the staff.

“Time to go,” he said, and led the way out behind the curtains. As he paused, quickly taking in the room around us, I heard nurses rustling into his curtained area behind us.

“He was
sedated
.” Sunny’s voice rose above the others.

Sam reached out and grabbed my hand, the most natural thing in the world, and pulled me into the bright light of the
hall. Now that he was clothed — in scrubs, no less — and not drowning in blood, nobody blinked an eye as he wended his way past the nurses’ station and on toward the exit. All the while, I could see his wolf’s mind analyzing the situation. The tilt of his head told me what he was listening to, and the lift of his chin hinted of the scents he was gathering. Agile despite his lanky, loose-jointed build, he cut a deft path through the clutter until we were crossing the general lobby.

A syrupy country song was playing over the speaker system as my sneakers scrubbed across the ugly dark-blue tartan carpet; Sam’s bare feet made no sound. At this time of night, the lobby was empty, without even a receptionist at the desk. I felt so high on adrenaline I thought I could probably fly to Dad’s car. The eternally pragmatic corner of my mind reminded me that I needed to call the tow company to get my own car off the side of the road. But I couldn’t really work up proper annoyance about it, because all I could think about was Sam. My wolf was a cute guy and he was holding my hand. I could die happy.

Then I felt Sam’s hesitation. He held back, eyes fixed on the darkness that pressed against the glass door. “How cold is it out there?”

“Probably not too much colder than it was when I brought you. Why — will it make that much of a difference?”

Sam’s face darkened. “It’s right on the edge. I hate this time of year. I could be either.”

I heard the pain in his voice. “Does it hurt to change?”

He looked away from me. “I want to be human right now.”

I wanted him to be human, too. “I’ll go start the car and get the heater going. That way you’ll only be in the cold for a second.”

He looked a little helpless. “But I don’t know where to go.”

“Where do you normally live?” I was afraid he’d say something pitiful, like the homeless shelter downtown. I assumed he didn’t live with the parents who had cut his wrists.

“Beck — one of the wolves — once he changes, a lot of us stay at his house, but if he’s not changed, the heat might not be turned up. I could —”

I shook my head and let go of his hand. “No. I’m getting the car and you’re coming home with me.”

His eyes widened. “Your parents —?”

“What they don’t know won’t kill them,” I said, pushing open the door. Wincing at the blast of cold night air, Sam backed away from the door, wrapping his arms around himself. But even as he shuddered with the cold, he bit his lip and gave me a hesitant smile.