Shooting Stars 01 Cinnamon (15 page)

"Sorry," he said.
I
couldn't help but wonder what his apology included.

Daddy didn't die, but he was diagnosed with a heart problem serious enough to require a pacemaker. Grandmother Beverly blamed his condition on Mommy, of course. She didn't come right out and say it, but she dropped her hints around the house like rat poison.

"It's no surprise," she remarked when the diagnosis was made. "Not with all he's had on his mind these days."

"Any man who carried his burdens would have dropped dead long ago."
"He was always a healthy man, but ever since I moved in here. I've seen him dwindling, eaten away."
Finally, one night before Daddy came home. Mommy was the one who dropped her fork on the plate and turned to Grandmother Beverly with critical eyes after she made another one of these remarks.
"Beverly," she said. I knew something hard was going to follow because she rarely called her Beverly. "I think you should seriously consider moving out of here, finding your own little place."
"What? You can't be serious," Grandmother Beverly said smiling. "Why, you need me more than ever around here now."
"I need you less than ever," Mommy retorted. "We need our own lives, without any interference and certainly without any static. You don't like this house and you are not happy living here. Because you're not happy, you do everything to make everyone else miserable.
"Maybe if you're living somewhere more to your liking, you'll be more satisfied. We'll have you for dinner often, of course, and you can visit whenever you like,"
Grandmother Beverly nodded.
"I should go. I really should teach you a lesson and leave."
"Please, teach me," Mommy replied softly.
Grandmother Beverly looked at me and I looked down.
"Very well. I'll take one of those garden apartments where Mrs. Sakslives."
"Good choice," Mommy said and picked up her fork without skipping a beat.
"Taylor will be upset," Grandmother warned.
"Well, we'll tell him it's what you wanted, won't we?" Mommy asked her with a smile. "That way, we won't risk his being too upset, okay, Beverly? I know that's what you want too.
^-
'
Grandmother Beverly pressed her lips together and nodded slowly. "He married you against my wishes; he should suffer the consequences of his actions."
"We all do. Beverly," Mommy said. "We all suffer the consequences of our actions in the end."
I held my breath,
Grandmother Beverly rose, looked at us, and went to her room.
Two days later, she was moved out of the house, and a day after that. Daddy came home.
Despite all that had happened and all the commotion and tension. Mammy had remembered to sign and send in the letter of acceptance to Madame Senetsky. I was surprised when she told me.
I was worried, too. because Daddy had revealed the financial burden was his main concern. Madame Senetskys school was twice as expensive as a private college and there would be other associated expenses as well.
One afternoon, almost a week after Daddy was home. I came home from school and saw he was sitting on a chaise longue out back, getting some sun. Mommy was still at the supermarket. I wandered out and sat across from him. He looked like he was sleeping, but he opened his eyes immediately.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey."
"How's it going? School's coming to an end."
"Uh-huh."
"Graduation is always an exciting time," he said. He stared ahead for a moment and then he looked at me. "I've got to tell you something, Cinnamon, When I was being taken into the operating room for the pacemaker. I had one great fear.'"
"What, Daddy?"
"That I would die without telling you something, something I had to tell and something I couldn't tell your mother. I was afraid of what it might do to her. I'm still afraid."
I held my breath.
"I did something wrong a while back and I had to work my way out of it, I'm ashamed of it. but I realize you're old enough to know that your father's not perfect. No one's perfect. When you're young, you can believe the people you love are perfect and that's fine. It makes the world seem safer, but you're about to go out into the real world, the competitive cold world and you'd better know it's not a walk in the sun."
"I know it isn't, Daddy."
"Yes, I think you're a much smarter, more mature young lady than most your age, and I've got to credit your mother for that. She's done a great job with you while I had my face buried in stocks and bonds."
He paused, looked away and then spoke softly.
"Some time ago, I used a client's investment money to speculate on a stock I was sure would have a very big return. It would have, if something hadn't come up that caused the Food and Drug
Administration to call back the company's product. I lost most of the money and I had to confront the client and tell her."
"Her?"
"Yes. She's a wealthy woman, a widow. The reaction she had and what she wanted was quite unexpected. I was prepared to borrow on life insurance policies, the house, everything and anything, but she knew she had me in a box. What I did would cause me to lose my license and be thrown out on the street."
"What did she want. Daddy?"
"She wanted me to pretend... to pretend she was someone I admired... loved," he said. "She had a fantasy and I had to be part of it for a while. Finally, I was able to restore her funds and break loose of her hold on me." He shook his head. "Crazy thing is, she wasn't upset. She was satisfied and has gone on to another fantasy. She even still invests with my firm."
"Why did you tell me this. Daddy?"
"When I was faced with the possible end of my life. I felt I had to get it off my conscience. The other day when Grandmother Beverly visited me, she told me about an accusation you had made and that got me thinking. Why did you tell her that. Cinnamon?"
Now it was my turn to look away. He waited. Tears were building under my lids.
"One day I cut school..."
"Yes. I remember that."
"And Clarence Baron and I went to the city to spy on you. I thought you were trying to get another job or that you were in some financial trouble."
"I was."
"But that's not what I thought it was," I said. "I followed you to a coffee shop and saw you kiss a woman on the lips."
"Ah," he said. "You're not going to believe it. but I had the feeling I was being watched. Your mother's and your spirits," he muttered. "This house..." he said looking up. "So that was it."
"Yes, Daddy."
"Well, I'm glad we had this talk," he said. "I hate secrets between me and the people I love. I can only imagine how terrible you must have felt and how angry, but you couldn't have hated me more than I hated myself."
"I never hated you. Daddy," I said. "But I was angry."
"Sure. You should have been. I would have been. too. I say I hate secrets. but I don't see any good in telling your mother about this."
"That's up to you. Daddy, you and Mommy."
He nodded and smiled.
"You are very mature and very perceptive. I'm glad you're going to that school. Cinnamon."
"What about the cost?"
"Well," he said. "I had a good talk with your Grandmother Beverly and she agreed to free up your trust."
"She did?"
"Yes," he said laughing. "Your mother was right about her. She's happier living somewhere else, anywhere else but in this house," he said.
"Do you hate our house?"
"Hate it?" He thought a moment. "No. I used to be afraid of it, afraid those spirits of yours would get me. Maybe they did. I deserved it if they did. But, the place kind of grows on you," he said.
He rose.
"I'd better go in. Your mother will be home any moment and I want to help her."
"I'll be there. too.
^-
"Naw, don't worry. We can handle it." he said. He stood there looking at me.
And I ran into his arms and we held each other for a long, precious moment.
"I love you, baby," he said. "And you make me proud, very, very proud."
He kissed my forehead and walked into the house.
I sucked in my breath and started for the hill. When I got there. I looked at the tombstones and then I rushed forward and pulled the stick out of the ground. I dug like a mad dog until I found my charm necklace, the one Daddy had given me. I brushed it off and put it back on quickly.
Then I looked at the stones once more, turned and walked back toward the house.
Toward the future.
Toward tomorrow when I would be on another stage in front of another audience.
Under the spotlight.